I went to see my Doctor and have been prescribed Citalopram 10mg per day for the moment. Been experiencing depression and anxiety for around two years now I think maybe a little more. I feel like a waste of space at times and give myself a hard time quite often, feel empty and numb most days and honestly don't know why I continue sometimes. I exercise regularly though and find that helps most of the time but it's not quite enough. Hoping the medication helps and I can work on my problems and start to feel somewhat normal again at some point.
**The Mental Health Thread**
- Thread starter Gabbatek
- Start date
To be honest I know I would be denied it, you have people who are physically disabled in bad ways deemed fit work work. A 28 year old who trains at gym regularly and physically healthy they would think I am just making it up.
I would need to break down and end up sectioned before I could even entertain the idea of claiming any form of support.
Yeah, you're totally right. The current system is a disgrace.
When i apply, i know i'll have to appeal it.
Soldato
- Joined
- 17 Jun 2012
- Posts
- 5,951
Having a bad time of things recently, mine tends to come for periods of a few weeks, probably been about 3 weeks at the minute.
Just can't get motivated to take interest in anything at all, just had the past week off on holiday and done absolutely nothing, completely wasted it. I wish I knew the key.
Just can't get motivated to take interest in anything at all, just had the past week off on holiday and done absolutely nothing, completely wasted it. I wish I knew the key.
I was on Citalopram 20mg for a while when I was at my lowest. I think for about two years, then I was able to ween myself off it.
It gets better
.I'm being released from the hospital on Friday, and I'm so thankful. This has easily been the worst month of my life. I get to stay at home on Wednesday and Thursday, so all I need to cope with is Monday, Tuesday and Thursday night.
I'm so sick of being bored all of the bloody time. I hope something exciting happens on Monday and Tuesday so that I won't be stuck in my room with nothing to do for the last two days.
I'm so sick of being bored all of the bloody time. I hope something exciting happens on Monday and Tuesday so that I won't be stuck in my room with nothing to do for the last two days.
Do you think about it because it gives a sense of peace knowing that you can end all your troubles? I ask because whilst I don't think I'd go through with it, it's a comforting thought to know it's always an option. Especially during a hard time .
Man of Honour
- Joined
- 29 Mar 2003
- Posts
- 57,330
- Location
- Stoke on Trent
I suppose yes but I don't really have any major troubles - that's the problem.
I have had a very stressful year that caused me to have a breakdown at work around last September and then again in January caused by a colleague who didn't even know he was doing anything. He is the most useless specimen I have ever come across in my life and I'm 100% sure he has Aspergers or is definitely on the autistic scale.
My last breakdown triggered the Managers to put him on a capability study which proved to them how useless he is, he doesn't even come under the banner of incompetence (in most tasks he is 10x slower) however next Friday is his last day.
I'm 60 soon and I've asked to go on a shorter working week so that's something to look forward to.
Interesting, thanks for the detailed response. I find it helps to have little things, be it a goal or an event to look forward to can help me persevere.
Soldato
- Joined
- 17 Jan 2006
- Posts
- 4,288
I wasn't really ever expecting to post in this thread if I'm honest but here I am. Just over four years ago my relationship broke down for various reasons, mainly due to me though which left me feeling a lot of guilt and shame. My ex and son still live in the same house as me as for various other reasons (wow I'm super sketchy here) which at times can be tricky but generally isn't too bad as we don't actually hate each other (mainly) and it means I get to see my little boy everyday at the moment.
Over the last four years I've changed quite a lot, firstly I did a lot of comfort eating and put on a shed load of weight, then two years ago I started to eat better and took up running, since then I have lost (at present) five stone, though at one point before an injury I was at the point of having lost 6 stone, all of which I definitely needed to lose! Before my foot injury I was on course for being able to run a half-marathon this year but that was not to be (well so far anyway) but on the recovery trail and this coming weekend I will be taking part in my first actual timed 10k event which I'm looking forward to.
In addition to the running I've also taken up dancing, something I've always wanted to do but never done before and I'm loving it. Through this I have made some friends and even been away on a weekender which was literally three days of dance lessons and three nights of non-stop dancing, one of the best weekends I've ever had!
I've also started to work on some of my issues which led to the breakup of my relationship, it's hard going as it involves a lot of dredging up the past which stirs up a lot of emotions that are hard to take at times but I know it's worth it in the long run.
However, the reason I'm in this thread? Having not been feeling full of the joys of spring for quite some time, a couple of weeks ago I was really anxious about going out with some friends for my birthday and struggled to actually go despite it all being my idea and really wanting to spend time with them.
Then last week I started to feel crippling anxiety. On my way to my regular dancing last Monday, I turned my car around halfway there and went home and went to bed, it was only 7.45pm but I just felt I couldn't face the world and I was feeling so full of emotion I just could not process it all. As the week progressed I was more and more of a mess, I managed to scupper a good and important friendship due to my own insecurities and fears - I hope to be able to save it at some point - and spent most of Thursday at work quietly in tears at my desk. Friday morning I went to the doctor's and was a complete mess again. He couldn't get a great deal of sense out of me because I couldn't get many words out but he's put me on some beta blockers and I'm going for blood tests this week and have another appointment to see him next week to see if things are any better.
Today I'm feeling a bit better but in truth I'm not sure if it's me actually feeling better or if it's just the affect of the tablets calming me, stopping me trembling and crying so much and that in turn is making me feel a bit better. Some of the feelings that were causing me great sadness and despair last week are still there in my head but I'm just not 'feeling' as much which is a little odd and disturbing.
When I really think about it I'm sure it's the culmination of a wider set of factors that have gradually been wearing me down for a long while, combined with stirring up old emotions that I've not dealt with over the years and my birthday serving as a checkpoint in life which on the surface looked to me as though I've been stood still for the last four years and It all got too much for me to cope with.
Not really sure what I'm hoping to achieve by posting in here but I just sort of wanted to get some of it off my chest I guess.
Over the last four years I've changed quite a lot, firstly I did a lot of comfort eating and put on a shed load of weight, then two years ago I started to eat better and took up running, since then I have lost (at present) five stone, though at one point before an injury I was at the point of having lost 6 stone, all of which I definitely needed to lose! Before my foot injury I was on course for being able to run a half-marathon this year but that was not to be (well so far anyway) but on the recovery trail and this coming weekend I will be taking part in my first actual timed 10k event which I'm looking forward to.
In addition to the running I've also taken up dancing, something I've always wanted to do but never done before and I'm loving it. Through this I have made some friends and even been away on a weekender which was literally three days of dance lessons and three nights of non-stop dancing, one of the best weekends I've ever had!
I've also started to work on some of my issues which led to the breakup of my relationship, it's hard going as it involves a lot of dredging up the past which stirs up a lot of emotions that are hard to take at times but I know it's worth it in the long run.
However, the reason I'm in this thread? Having not been feeling full of the joys of spring for quite some time, a couple of weeks ago I was really anxious about going out with some friends for my birthday and struggled to actually go despite it all being my idea and really wanting to spend time with them.
Then last week I started to feel crippling anxiety. On my way to my regular dancing last Monday, I turned my car around halfway there and went home and went to bed, it was only 7.45pm but I just felt I couldn't face the world and I was feeling so full of emotion I just could not process it all. As the week progressed I was more and more of a mess, I managed to scupper a good and important friendship due to my own insecurities and fears - I hope to be able to save it at some point - and spent most of Thursday at work quietly in tears at my desk. Friday morning I went to the doctor's and was a complete mess again. He couldn't get a great deal of sense out of me because I couldn't get many words out but he's put me on some beta blockers and I'm going for blood tests this week and have another appointment to see him next week to see if things are any better.
Today I'm feeling a bit better but in truth I'm not sure if it's me actually feeling better or if it's just the affect of the tablets calming me, stopping me trembling and crying so much and that in turn is making me feel a bit better. Some of the feelings that were causing me great sadness and despair last week are still there in my head but I'm just not 'feeling' as much which is a little odd and disturbing.
When I really think about it I'm sure it's the culmination of a wider set of factors that have gradually been wearing me down for a long while, combined with stirring up old emotions that I've not dealt with over the years and my birthday serving as a checkpoint in life which on the surface looked to me as though I've been stood still for the last four years and It all got too much for me to cope with.
Not really sure what I'm hoping to achieve by posting in here but I just sort of wanted to get some of it off my chest I guess.
Has anyone had experience with what I think is called Harm OCD?
The worry that you will hurt yourself or those around you?
On and off over the last couple of years or so, every now and again when talking to someone I'll notice I have a worry that I'll suddenly flip out and attack them. It's been very low level and I've just ignored it but having recently come back from a short break away it's become very persistent.
I've also had an issue with high places in that I have the worry I'll jump or lose my senses and jump. I had it quite badly on a recent weekend away with my GF and had it most days whilst in the hotel room. My GF noticed I was struggling with something so we had to go outside before I could admit it to her. Obviously she found it quite concerning. It's also odd that when I go exploring - I particularly go to Chernobyl - I will climb buildings and although there is fear, I have no or very little of those very same feelings. I've had a quick look into high place phenomena which seems to fit. I'm high up and feel unsafe so if I feel unsafe it must be because I want to jump.
Coming back to the Harm OCD. I have thoughts that I'll suddenly flip out or do something horrible to those around me. I'm a single father of two girls 5 and 16 and I have a fear of harming them that won't go away. I also admitted this to my GF and when she asked me are you going to hurt me, my initial reaction was of course not, don't be silly. This kind of helped me realise these are just unwanted thoughts rather than urges or compulsions. I know I'm not going to act on these thoughts but they have become quite persistent. Sometimes it disappears altogether and it's such a relief and then it will start to creep up on me again.
What's even more frustrating is that I don't actually feel depressed or violent or suicidal. I've got a decent job which admittedly is quite stressful but nothing I can't usually cope with. Nice house, nice kids, nice GF no money worries to speak of. I'm not unhappy with my life and aware I'm quite lucky so it's very annoying that there isn't anything in my life that warrants these thoughts. I do tend to be quite obsessive about things, hobbies etc. and I am a habitual worrier and will even worry if I don't have anything to worry about - this can lead me to invent things to worry about. Previous highlights have been a worry of swallowing my own tongue so no apparent reason and spontaneous human combustion. I know, how ridiculous? Neither of which affect me now but neither of which were as persistent as this.
I have had anti-depressants in the past to cope with sleeping issues - citalopram and mirtazapine which I took briefly but made me feel very lethargic and moody and occasionally quite depressed. I've struggled with sleep for a years and it got quite bad after the death of my kids mother - it was a very traumatic time for me. I didn't actually break down until a year after she passed. My GF suspects I've never really come to terms with it.
I haven't been to the doctors yet. I don't want more meds and I'm very concerned they'll over react and get social services involved (being a single father) I couldn't bear having my kids taken off me or the upheaval it will cause if I get sectioned or freak out over my thoughts so much I admit myself.
I have arranged to meet a therapist for tomorrow evening and explained my situation a bit. I tried counseling twice following the death of my kids mother but didn't really think I needed it. I've arranged this myself as this time, I think I do need some kind of help.
It's like an overwhelming fear of completely flidding out and turning into some deranged psycho - which even just writing it makes me smile at the absurdity of it all.
The worry that you will hurt yourself or those around you?
On and off over the last couple of years or so, every now and again when talking to someone I'll notice I have a worry that I'll suddenly flip out and attack them. It's been very low level and I've just ignored it but having recently come back from a short break away it's become very persistent.
I've also had an issue with high places in that I have the worry I'll jump or lose my senses and jump. I had it quite badly on a recent weekend away with my GF and had it most days whilst in the hotel room. My GF noticed I was struggling with something so we had to go outside before I could admit it to her. Obviously she found it quite concerning. It's also odd that when I go exploring - I particularly go to Chernobyl - I will climb buildings and although there is fear, I have no or very little of those very same feelings. I've had a quick look into high place phenomena which seems to fit. I'm high up and feel unsafe so if I feel unsafe it must be because I want to jump.
Coming back to the Harm OCD. I have thoughts that I'll suddenly flip out or do something horrible to those around me. I'm a single father of two girls 5 and 16 and I have a fear of harming them that won't go away. I also admitted this to my GF and when she asked me are you going to hurt me, my initial reaction was of course not, don't be silly. This kind of helped me realise these are just unwanted thoughts rather than urges or compulsions. I know I'm not going to act on these thoughts but they have become quite persistent. Sometimes it disappears altogether and it's such a relief and then it will start to creep up on me again.
What's even more frustrating is that I don't actually feel depressed or violent or suicidal. I've got a decent job which admittedly is quite stressful but nothing I can't usually cope with. Nice house, nice kids, nice GF no money worries to speak of. I'm not unhappy with my life and aware I'm quite lucky so it's very annoying that there isn't anything in my life that warrants these thoughts. I do tend to be quite obsessive about things, hobbies etc. and I am a habitual worrier and will even worry if I don't have anything to worry about - this can lead me to invent things to worry about. Previous highlights have been a worry of swallowing my own tongue so no apparent reason and spontaneous human combustion. I know, how ridiculous? Neither of which affect me now but neither of which were as persistent as this.
I have had anti-depressants in the past to cope with sleeping issues - citalopram and mirtazapine which I took briefly but made me feel very lethargic and moody and occasionally quite depressed. I've struggled with sleep for a years and it got quite bad after the death of my kids mother - it was a very traumatic time for me. I didn't actually break down until a year after she passed. My GF suspects I've never really come to terms with it.
I haven't been to the doctors yet. I don't want more meds and I'm very concerned they'll over react and get social services involved (being a single father) I couldn't bear having my kids taken off me or the upheaval it will cause if I get sectioned or freak out over my thoughts so much I admit myself.
I have arranged to meet a therapist for tomorrow evening and explained my situation a bit. I tried counseling twice following the death of my kids mother but didn't really think I needed it. I've arranged this myself as this time, I think I do need some kind of help.
It's like an overwhelming fear of completely flidding out and turning into some deranged psycho - which even just writing it makes me smile at the absurdity of it all.
Last edited:
Long read incoming but would appreciate some feedback.....
My partner's sister has mental health problems going back since she was young due to childhood problems. She is in her mid twenties living with her mum and stepdad. She has been seeing a psychiatrist for about 4-5 years twice a week. Her mum ever so often speaks to the psychiatrists every so often, as from our perspective we don't see much improvement, she takes a step forward and takes two steps back. Even the psychatrist is a bit stumped on how to move her forward. It's quite draining on the family and obviosouly for her as well to be like this. She has a job 1 afternoon a week volunteering for the past 6 months and that was cause her mum knows the owners else there would be no way she would have gone. She ain't ready for a real job, or a boyfriend and will live at home with her mum till she dies. Now that's the biggest issue she needs to move forward before that happens else she will kill herself as she has said she will as thats the only reason she hasn't done it yet, cause she doesn't want to make her mum sad. Due to her past I 100% believe along with her family that she will. I'm worried about my partner cause it will devistate her to lose her mum and then her sister shortly after. This may sound like we have given up on her, we haven't at all but it's frustrating and sad that is going to be her outcome. She is like a sister to me as well we're all close we even have the spare room made up for her to sleep over when she visits. Just not sure what to do really, her mum is 60 so hopefully got many years to go yet to get her daughter in a good frame of mind so she won't kill herself when her mum goes. But it's for her to change her own mind, but if she is that sad is it selfish for us to stop her?
My partner's sister has mental health problems going back since she was young due to childhood problems. She is in her mid twenties living with her mum and stepdad. She has been seeing a psychiatrist for about 4-5 years twice a week. Her mum ever so often speaks to the psychiatrists every so often, as from our perspective we don't see much improvement, she takes a step forward and takes two steps back. Even the psychatrist is a bit stumped on how to move her forward. It's quite draining on the family and obviosouly for her as well to be like this. She has a job 1 afternoon a week volunteering for the past 6 months and that was cause her mum knows the owners else there would be no way she would have gone. She ain't ready for a real job, or a boyfriend and will live at home with her mum till she dies. Now that's the biggest issue she needs to move forward before that happens else she will kill herself as she has said she will as thats the only reason she hasn't done it yet, cause she doesn't want to make her mum sad. Due to her past I 100% believe along with her family that she will. I'm worried about my partner cause it will devistate her to lose her mum and then her sister shortly after. This may sound like we have given up on her, we haven't at all but it's frustrating and sad that is going to be her outcome. She is like a sister to me as well we're all close we even have the spare room made up for her to sleep over when she visits. Just not sure what to do really, her mum is 60 so hopefully got many years to go yet to get her daughter in a good frame of mind so she won't kill herself when her mum goes. But it's for her to change her own mind, but if she is that sad is it selfish for us to stop her?
Soldato
- Joined
- 30 Sep 2005
- Posts
- 16,719
I've just started an NVQ Mental Health course at college.......really looking forward to it. Hopefully I'll have some words of wisdom soon!
So... at the risk of giving too much away on the internet, but in the hope that I can help someone else, I'll provide a response....
I can relate to a lot of these things from past experiences. Personally, I have OCD and have been takings meds long term for it. I've had the harm OCD in the past (not fun), but that went away and the OCD instead focused on other things (also not fun). I've had a couple of rounds of CBT, one on the NHS (not great) and one private (excellent). The OCD is 98% better / managed now, but unfortunately will probably always be there in the background. The vast majority of the time I am on form, feeling 100% "normal"; however I might have a couple of brief episodes in a year which knock me for six for a couple of days. Usually due to a heavy night on the booze or serious lack of sleep the previous night. I can usually get these under control quickly using techniques learnt through therapy.
In terms of the harm OCD (if you have OCD - please get a proper diagnosis, there's no way we can tell you either way) it's basically a specific manifestation of what is a very adaptable disease, OCD. You need to remember that OCD attacks whatever is most special to you. The thoughts are ego-dystonic - an OCD sufferer will never act them out, that's why they are so distressing (See - https://ocdla.com/harm-ocd-1-1982). I strongly suggest you seek the advice of a Doctor and ask for a referral to a proper psychotherapist for a definitive diagnosis. Self diagnosing is never a good thing. Counselling may help in the short term, but will do you no good in the long term if you do have a proper OCD diagnosis. OCD requires a fairly specific type of treatment called Exposure and Response Prevention, which is often combined with some form of mindfulness therapy. Counselling generally provides reassurance and a place to vent, which gives short term relief, but is pretty much the exact opposite of ERP and can actually be harmful if it feeds a cycle of reassurance and avoidance. Too tackle it properly, you need to speak to someone with the appropriate training / qualifications / experience.
I was diagnosed ~10 years ago and even since then there has been a huge increase in awareness of the condition and there is a load of info on line. It is estimated that ~2% of the population suffer from it to a clinically significant level. I wouldn't worry too much about the social getting involved if you visit the doctor as I'm sure they have heard it all before. It's probably best to get yourself in for a check up / referral sooner rather than later, so you can start tackling any issue you may have. In my humble opinion, if you can afford private, go for it - the waiting time for me on the NHS in ~2007 was >12months, so is probably even longer now. Treatment takes some time and you need to prepare for relapses, but it definitely does make you stronger in the long run in other aspects of life. My NHS treatment was not great, partly because the therapist was clueless on OCD and partly because I wasn't completely open with her as it was all a bit too disturbing / embarrassing. This led to me being given a generalised anxiety disorder diagnosis early on, which is treated in a slightly different way. I only got the OCD diagnosis very close to the end of exhausting all my NHS allotted sessions, at which point they said goodbye and good luck. The next time, a couple of years later I was completely open with the private therapist and she didn't even flinch. "Seen it all before and worse", she said.
In terms of your partner - yeah I can vouch that it freaks them out at the start, but if you involve them (within reason) and help to educate them on what is a horrible and weird disease then they will likely become a huge help and you can become closer through it. It's a bit of a running joke for us - the partner shouldn't really provide reassurance at all, you're supposed to work it through yourself, so mine doesn't. She's pretty brutal about it sometimes.
If I can recommend a book to read to give you some insight, try this:
https://www.amazon.fr/Brain-Lock-Yourself-Obsessive-Compulsive-Behavior/dp/0060987111
I was in a very bad place at one point and when I read this book I almost felt instantly better as it gave me the hope and motivation to tackle the condition head on. It is a ******* ballache, but you can get through it.
EDIT: If I can provide one final piece of advice - stay off the specially made mental health forums. They don't help. They basically just provide a feedback loop for everyone's suffering and amplify the problems.
Last edited:
Currently weening myself off Citalopram after a mental episode that changed my whole life, ended up finishing things with my fiance in a manic period and feeling very suicidal over Christmas. Now down to 10mg every few days, still start to suffer if I don't have one after 3-4 days.
Hopefully one more pack should do the trick after this, it's been a long journey one that has changed my life and many others around me, part of the problem is the guilt it has caused and my struggles to come to terms with it.
I'd go back to my fiance in a heartbeat now I'm a lot sounder of mind and have tried to tell her this but I think it's done, she could never trust me again. It's left us both having to start again pretty much and I don't think she will ever understand when I've tried to explain it was like I was a different person trying anything to make myself feel better.
Hopefully one more pack should do the trick after this, it's been a long journey one that has changed my life and many others around me, part of the problem is the guilt it has caused and my struggles to come to terms with it.
I'd go back to my fiance in a heartbeat now I'm a lot sounder of mind and have tried to tell her this but I think it's done, she could never trust me again. It's left us both having to start again pretty much and I don't think she will ever understand when I've tried to explain it was like I was a different person trying anything to make myself feel better.
Last edited:
Sorry to hear that, I had something similar in which I ended a 6 year relationship and I think meds contributed to my state of mind at the time. I ended it in the worst possible way and caused her and others a lot of hurt. She is a much stronger person now which feeds into the flow I had in that people are better off without me.
Soldato
- Joined
- 25 Jun 2006
- Posts
- 4,363
Honestly, sometimes you just have to accept that is the way things are. You can hope things change, you can be there for support but ultimately, it's up to her.
I will say, in my experience, those that talk about it aren't the ones to watch. how many suicides do you read about where no one had a clue? Just last night I was at a wedding and was asked if I could photograph an upcoming charity event for MIND. Speaking to the woman they'd lost her brother just 2 weeks before to suicide. They had a lovely evening, laughing and joking, then 2 hours later he took his own life. None of them knew. This opinion has caused controversy in some social media groups full of self-pitying, woe is me types but for those that have experience with suicide they feel the same.
If her current shrink isn't helping, maybe consider a new one. It sounds like she really feels that she has nothing to live for, which for someone in their 20's is a real shame.
You could speak to her, go along the lines of, "I know you've said you don't want to live, which I don't understand but accept, however, lets go and do XX for now and make the most of the time you have!" You're telling her you accept her decision and won't mention it, but you'd still like her to take part in things. Then get her involved, walking dogs at the dogs home, out in the country, anything that she could find peace in and hopefully a reason to keep going