**The Mental Health Thread**

AHarvey said:
I've been with my wife since we were 15, we're now 37. I know how you feel and I recently lost her due to an ectopic pregnancy. having her say "if I don't make it, make sure the kids are happy!" will haunt me.

Sometimes people grow together, sometimes apart, regardless of how much effort you put in.

If you have a business together, it stays with you both. I know lots of separated couples that still run businesses together, it's not tied to your relationship.

Same with friends. Friends only take sides when they are made too. If they are your friends they'll stay your friends.

If you don't see it working out, why not? You need an honest conversation with her, if you can't do it face to face due to the emotions it's often better to do it via letter. You can more easily regulate what you're trying to say.

Without knowing your conditions or how much you put on each other it's hard to really give advice, but a break isn't always an end, sometimes it's a reminder to changing direction and start on another path that's more enjoyable for you both.
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Stunned by that, I’m really sorry mate. I’m shocked because I never realised an ectopic pregnancy could take your life. Really hope your holding up ok.
 
robfosters said:
Stunned by that, I’m really sorry mate. I’m shocked because I never realised an ectopic pregnancy could take your life. Really hope your holding up ok.
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Just tried to figure out what you meant and realised I'd missed 'nearly' out of the post, Freudian slip maybe? :D lol Yeah, it can take your life but thankfully North Staffs Hospital were absolutely amazing and rushed her into surgery, removed over 2 litres of blood and gave her 3 units as well. Went in Tuesday lunch and was out Thursday evening at 7pm. Longest few days of my life.
 
AHarvey said:
Just tried to figure out what you meant and realised I'd missed 'nearly' out of the post, Freudian slip maybe? :D lol Yeah, it can take your life but thankfully North Staffs Hospital were absolutely amazing and rushed her into surgery, removed over 2 litres of blood and gave her 3 units as well. Went in Tuesday lunch and was out Thursday evening at 7pm. Longest few days of my life.
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Phew!, that god for that. Glad to hear she’s well.
 
robfosters said:
Phew!, that god for that. Glad to hear she’s well.
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It affected her mentally though, guessing PTSD as she was fine in the hospital but as soon as we drove away she broke down in the car.

Her first drive on her own, she couldn't go into the supermarket and ended up taking our 6-year-old daughter. She's been overly protective of me going out etc and she was having some real issues before heading down to Cornwall last week.

Luckily with my experience, I was able to support her but took a slightly harder approach as in "I understand, it's ok and natural to feel like this, you nearly died and we've lost 2 pregnancies in 2 weeks but, you can't let your fear win. If you do, it becomes a thing, it becomes a habit. You must push through."

As we all know, it's a battle even with support dealing with mental health but she did amazingly well and our holiday did her wonders, she's back to her old self again.
 
ninjabib said:
What condition do you have if you dont mind me asking?
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They are working on the basis of Psychotic Depression rather than Schizophrenia now, because i'm a functional Schitzo. All started when I worked night shifts for a long while and stopped being able to sleep during the day. Was happening for months until I couldn't cope with it any more. Ended up having a breakdown and been gifted with this curse ever since. Just wish there were magic pills that got shot of it completely.
 
Arthur Hucksake said:
They are working on the basis of Psychotic Depression rather than Schizophrenia now, because i'm a functional Schitzo. All started when I worked night shifts for a long while and stopped being able to sleep during the day. Was happening for months until I couldn't cope with it any more. Ended up having a breakdown and been gifted with this curse ever since. Just wish there were magic pills that got shot of it completely.
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That sounds horrific mate. Hope you get the help you need. I work night shifts and they mess me up but not to the extent that has ahppened to you. Take it easy bud.
 
Arthur Hucksake said:
Keep thinking about that statistic of suicide being the biggest killer of men under 50. I just cannot get my head around it, although I had an uncle top himself.

Is it just in the UK?
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Yes just UK. Don't know about other countries specifically, but I'm fairly certain with the more developed ones, it's always up there near the top if you're male (and also white).
 
the key to many things is realize that not many things are really important.relax.modern life and how we live is stressful. the thing is what you getting stressed about really anything ?

why look at statistics ? look at yourself not others.
 
~>Dg<~ said:
the key to many things is realize that not many things are really important.relax.modern life and how we live is stressful. the thing is what you getting stressed about really anything ?

why look at statistics ? look at yourself not others.
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Nice idea but when suicide is killing more men than road accidents, cancer, alcoholism, etc... Something is systematically wrong and you and I are at risk. Feel free to put your head in the sand, but I'd rather not be a statistic.
 
Steedie said:
Anxiety is through the roof at the moment and I have no idea why.

On paper everything is better than it's ever been. Things are good at home, I'm in a new job earning more money than I ever thought I could earn, my own business is taking off with people interesting in hiring me for training/talks which is where I want to go with my career. Basically all the things that should make me extremely happy and excited.

But I'm just a wreck at the moment. I was in the fish and chip shop last night and I was starting to get anxious and worry about what I'll say when he hands me my food. How bloody ridiculous is that?

When I'm at home working on my site or at work, I can feel mini panic attacks starting to build up and I just have to get up and walk around until they pass.

For once I wasn't worrying about my health, but of course because of the effects of anxiety I am, so that's compounded that.

As usual, don't really have any one to talk to about it so it's good just to vent on here :p
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I certainly wish the internet was around when I was a kid this was me for 20 odd years, talking about it makes it all a lot easier also knowing other people are going through it makes you realise it's not just you,and makes it actually feel better.

I suffered panic attacks from 13 to 36 ish really really bad to the point I felt like I was detaching from the world, really scary looking back.

40 years old now what's improved I have had tightness in the anxiety chest tightness while driving , that happens now and again.

While at work if we have customers or an audit looking at the job I can feel myself sweating and feel like boiling up inside, usually someone takes over team leader as I have explained I feel awfull so they help.

I had a breakdown a year and half ago just burst out crying to manager it was a hard year that was.

I must say we are funny species when you think about it lol

Yeah I have always had depression by the looks of it I did not realise it , i have fought it off all these years by myself dunno how but I do, if you knew me or worked with me you would say wow his a happy chap mad hey keep smiling all
 
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Quite pertinent to recent discussions in this thread, but something I stumbled across recently was this: The CALM Zone (Campaign Against Living Miserably) (https://www.thecalmzone.net/) They have web chat and a confidential helpline between 5pm and midnight, and their site is also useful for finding resources for getting help.

I've not used them (yet) although I've been really struggling recently with anxiety and also a major kick of depression; just felt pretty low, aimless and unable to feel any kind of joy or excitement in almost everything.
 
~>Dg<~ said:
the key to many things is realize that not many things are really important.relax.modern life and how we live is stressful. the thing is what you getting stressed about really anything ?

why look at statistics ? look at yourself not others.
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That's the reason the statistic is increasing as people believe you can just switch off the pressures of modern life. If you want a good family life, a partner or even just a frequent sex life then men are now required to be the cream of the crop. It's not like 20-30 years ago where everyone would just find someone in their hometown and start a family with very little issues about affording a home. It's all just a race to the top now and for many men, they just check out of it and try and find pleasures from video games and what not, which they usually find after some years isn't a suitable replacement. You need real relationships and connections to function well mentally unless you're socio/psychopathic.
 
JonnyT said:
Quite pertinent to recent discussions in this thread, but something I stumbled across recently was this: The CALM Zone (Campaign Against Living Miserably) (https://www.thecalmzone.net/) They have web chat and a confidential helpline between 5pm and midnight, and their site is also useful for finding resources for getting help.

I've not used them (yet) although I've been really struggling recently with anxiety and also a major kick of depression; just felt pretty low, aimless and unable to feel any kind of joy or excitement in almost everything.
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That's how I can feel unable to feel any kind of joy or excitment I feel like I have to push and force the feeling to do anything .
 
Ayahuasca said:
That's the reason the statistic is increasing as people believe you can just switch off the pressures of modern life. If you want a good family life, a partner or even just a frequent sex life then men are now required to be the cream of the crop. It's not like 20-30 years ago where everyone would just find someone in their hometown and start a family with very little issues about affording a home. It's all just a race to the top now and for many men, they just check out of it and try and find pleasures from video games and what not, which they usually find after some years isn't a suitable replacement. You need real relationships and connections to function well mentally unless you're socio/psychopathic.
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from what you describing i think you playing the game of life wrong. do what you want to do dont feel pressured by it. dont let things of material bother you. you dont need a million pound house or a 100,000 pound car. that is society vision like what you just posted to make you self destruct. women dont care if you got 1 million or 50p if..you get the right one.
 
~>Dg<~ said:
from what you describing i think you playing the game of life wrong. do what you want to do dont feel pressured by it. dont let things of material bother you. you dont need a million pound house or a 100,000 pound car. that is society vision like what you just posted to make you self destruct. women dont care if you got 1 million or 50p if..you get the right one.
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If that's what you got from my post then you've interpreted it incorrectly, there are elements of life where you have to play along unless you want to be an outcast or live in poverty.

"Just do what you want bro, everything will be fine" is just burying your head in the sand as someone else above stated.
 
so because someome suggested something different than what was being said its burying your head in the sand. if you cant even be open to any suggestions no wonder people suffer.
 
EddScott said:
Has anyone had experience with what I think is called Harm OCD?

The worry that you will hurt yourself or those around you?

On and off over the last couple of years or so, every now and again when talking to someone I'll notice I have a worry that I'll suddenly flip out and attack them. It's been very low level and I've just ignored it but having recently come back from a short break away it's become very persistent.

I've also had an issue with high places in that I have the worry I'll jump or lose my senses and jump. I had it quite badly on a recent weekend away with my GF and had it most days whilst in the hotel room. My GF noticed I was struggling with something so we had to go outside before I could admit it to her. Obviously she found it quite concerning. It's also odd that when I go exploring - I particularly go to Chernobyl - I will climb buildings and although there is fear, I have no or very little of those very same feelings. I've had a quick look into high place phenomena which seems to fit. I'm high up and feel unsafe so if I feel unsafe it must be because I want to jump.

Coming back to the Harm OCD. I have thoughts that I'll suddenly flip out or do something horrible to those around me. I'm a single father of two girls 5 and 16 and I have a fear of harming them that won't go away. I also admitted this to my GF and when she asked me are you going to hurt me, my initial reaction was of course not, don't be silly. This kind of helped me realise these are just unwanted thoughts rather than urges or compulsions. I know I'm not going to act on these thoughts but they have become quite persistent. Sometimes it disappears altogether and it's such a relief and then it will start to creep up on me again.

What's even more frustrating is that I don't actually feel depressed or violent or suicidal. I've got a decent job which admittedly is quite stressful but nothing I can't usually cope with. Nice house, nice kids, nice GF no money worries to speak of. I'm not unhappy with my life and aware I'm quite lucky so it's very annoying that there isn't anything in my life that warrants these thoughts. I do tend to be quite obsessive about things, hobbies etc. and I am a habitual worrier and will even worry if I don't have anything to worry about - this can lead me to invent things to worry about. Previous highlights have been a worry of swallowing my own tongue so no apparent reason and spontaneous human combustion. I know, how ridiculous? Neither of which affect me now but neither of which were as persistent as this.

I have had anti-depressants in the past to cope with sleeping issues - citalopram and mirtazapine which I took briefly but made me feel very lethargic and moody and occasionally quite depressed. I've struggled with sleep for a years and it got quite bad after the death of my kids mother - it was a very traumatic time for me. I didn't actually break down until a year after she passed. My GF suspects I've never really come to terms with it.

I haven't been to the doctors yet. I don't want more meds and I'm very concerned they'll over react and get social services involved (being a single father) I couldn't bear having my kids taken off me or the upheaval it will cause if I get sectioned or freak out over my thoughts so much I admit myself.

I have arranged to meet a therapist for tomorrow evening and explained my situation a bit. I tried counseling twice following the death of my kids mother but didn't really think I needed it. I've arranged this myself as this time, I think I do need some kind of help.

It's like an overwhelming fear of completely flidding out and turning into some deranged psycho - which even just writing it makes me smile at the absurdity of it all.
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Hi Eddscott,

Sorry to drag this up but managed to find the post after strolling though i think i am in the same boat , Did you manage to sort your problem out? and also i am worried about social services getting involved would be nice to get rid of some of the thoughts i get half these feeling you mention i thought it was just me, i dont get the suicidal thoughts just the evil thoughts.

Like yourself i have house, car, nice kids,

Clubb699
 
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