**The Mental Health Thread**

[JonnyT]

Feeling very low right now. I've been riding a downer for a few weeks but tonight feels like the bottom of a low. I guess to any 'normal' person I should get the whole 'thankful' speech, as there's nothing (much) currently wrong with me physically. I do feel a bit ashamed for whining given my issues are nowhere near as bad as some of those I've read in this thread (you have my sincere sympathy and empathy in your struggle).

The short of it is:

• On holiday on my own, because I'm single, almost 40, and no-one wants to go away with me
• Was going to try and 'do something different' and go to Italy, but my anxiety/depression kicked in and it was too much, so ended up in Cornwall
• Every day is a struggle to get up and motivate myself to do something. When I eventually do though, I generally enjoy it.
• Feel like a leper every time I go out on my own to eat or to the pub. I have social anxiety amongst everything else, so talking to people (especially women) whilst out is hard to initiate
• I was staying in a busy place for the first 4 days (Falmouth), so being around people to eventually get talking to was decent. Now I'm in a much smaller place for a week, and there are a few locals with their cliques and that's about it
• Women seem to find me utterly repulsive. I was seeing someone (nice) up until the end of April, when it went south for reasons I'm not even sure of now. Now, women would rather do almost anything rather than look at me or talk to me

I'm not sure what I'm fighting for anymore

 

[On Holiday]

 

[valve90210]

Feeling very low right now. I've been riding a downer for a few weeks but tonight feels like the bottom of a low. I guess to any 'normal' person I should get the whole 'thankful' speech, as there's nothing (much) currently wrong with me physically. I do feel a bit ashamed for whining given my issues are nowhere near as bad as some of those I've read in this thread (you have my sincere sympathy and empathy in your struggle).

Something I'm slowly learning is that it doesn't matter what it is that's causing these feelings and you really do not need to compare your issues with other people's. Yes some people will be going through awful things that are much 'worse' than what you're going through, but that's not important, all that's important is how you are feeling and if you're feeling down that's absolutely fine not matter what the cause is and you really don't need to feel any shame for that at all.

If you've been feeling this way for a while, I would really suggest getting along to your gp and asking for help! I did it a few months ago and I'm so glad I did!

One thing I hear a lot is that people think they should man up and get on with things but you know what, that's nonsense, there's nothing manly about burying things and not dealing with them, it's so much braver to stand up and ask for help!! Talking to people about how you are feeling really can help hugely, so feel free to vent in here or message in trust, sometimes unloading on a stranger can be easier than talking to people you know, and people who understand what you're going through will know where you're coming from and be a sympathetic and non-judgemental ear.

Remember, things and will improve but it will take some action on your part, and even the smallest step forward is a step forward and is progress.

 

[Gabbatek]

To all, things can and will get better.

I've just been put back on my adhd medication that i stopped 15 years ago due to being unable to maintain work or relationships. They tried to put me on antidepressants but my up and down mood is situational depression, meaning i'm only low due to my circumstances and environment (I deeply want to move out of the city to the countryside). They also suspect ptsd and aspergers but yeah, not keen on the 3 year nhs waiting lists.

 

[Slam62]

Feeling very low right now. I've been riding a downer for a few weeks but tonight feels like the bottom of a low. I guess to any 'normal' person I should get the whole 'thankful' speech, as there's nothing (much) currently wrong with me physically. I do feel a bit ashamed for whining given my issues are nowhere near as bad as some of those I've read in this thread (you have my sincere sympathy and empathy in your struggle).

The short of it is:

• On holiday on my own, because I'm single, almost 40, and no-one wants to go away with me
• Was going to try and 'do something different' and go to Italy, but my anxiety/depression kicked in and it was too much, so ended up in Cornwall
• Every day is a struggle to get up and motivate myself to do something. When I eventually do though, I generally enjoy it.
• Feel like a leper every time I go out on my own to eat or to the pub. I have social anxiety amongst everything else, so talking to people (especially women) whilst out is hard to initiate
• I was staying in a busy place for the first 4 days (Falmouth), so being around people to eventually get talking to was decent. Now I'm in a much smaller place for a week, and there are a few locals with their cliques and that's about it
• Women seem to find me utterly repulsive. I was seeing someone (nice) up until the end of April, when it went south for reasons I'm not even sure of now. Now, women would rather do almost anything rather than look at me or talk to me

I'm not sure what I'm fighting for anymore

really sorry to read all this mate, the only thing I can say is that there will be thousands of people in the same boat.
I suppose try and remember that the world as presented to you even by observations is not what it appears to be.

In ways, most people put up a front, don't want to show any weakness, when in reality things are far from perfect.

I could change most to all, I myself like to be honest and open, but a few things have happened in my life recently that I just can't cope with when mixing with work colleagues and casual acquaintances.
I would on the other hand be quite happy to boast about anything positive I can cling to.
The world is in a sad place because people can not be honest with themselves let alone everyone else.

 

[Xclockerx]

Feeling very low right now. I've been riding a downer for a few weeks but tonight feels like the bottom of a low. I guess to any 'normal' person I should get the whole 'thankful' speech, as there's nothing (much) currently wrong with me physically. I do feel a bit ashamed for whining given my issues are nowhere near as bad as some of those I've read in this thread (you have my sincere sympathy and empathy in your struggle).

The short of it is:

• On holiday on my own, because I'm single, almost 40, and no-one wants to go away with me
• Was going to try and 'do something different' and go to Italy, but my anxiety/depression kicked in and it was too much, so ended up in Cornwall
• Every day is a struggle to get up and motivate myself to do something. When I eventually do though, I generally enjoy it.
• Feel like a leper every time I go out on my own to eat or to the pub. I have social anxiety amongst everything else, so talking to people (especially women) whilst out is hard to initiate
• I was staying in a busy place for the first 4 days (Falmouth), so being around people to eventually get talking to was decent. Now I'm in a much smaller place for a week, and there are a few locals with their cliques and that's about it
• Women seem to find me utterly repulsive. I was seeing someone (nice) up until the end of April, when it went south for reasons I'm not even sure of now. Now, women would rather do almost anything rather than look at me or talk to me

I'm not sure what I'm fighting for anymore

I’m pretty much in the same boat bro

 

[Hellsmk2]

Well, I didn't expect to be posting in a thread like this at my age.

I've just split up with my wife. I have two young kids and a mortgage to pay. I've had to move back in with my parents short term... which is humiliating in itself.

I have absolutely zero idea where to start unpicking this mess, or how to hold it together whilst that happens.

I've been depressed for some time watching the wife become more and more distant. It's safe to say that right now I feel at the lowest point in that process so far.

I'm already missing my kids, and I'm struggling to see how the hell I'm going to cope with work over the next few weeks. This pretty much sucks.

 

[arc@css]

Well, I didn't expect to be posting in a thread like this at my age.

I've just split up with my wife. I have two young kids and a mortgage to pay. I've had to move back in with my parents short term... which is humiliating in itself.

I have absolutely zero idea where to start unpicking this mess, or how to hold it together whilst that happens.

I've been depressed for some time watching the wife become more and more distant. It's safe to say that right now I feel at the lowest point in that process so far.

I'm already missing my kids, and I'm struggling to see how the hell I'm going to cope with work over the next few weeks. This pretty much sucks.

Sorry if this comes across as too personal or abrupt, but why did you have to move out of the home?

 

[Hellsmk2]

Sorry if this comes across as too personal or abrupt, but why did you have to move out of the home?

For the kids. I work away from home a lot, so the wife is the one who has the daily routine with them.

 

[arc@css]

For the kids. I work away from home a lot, so the wife is the one who has the daily routine with them.

Fair point. It's just a pattern I've noticed a lot over the years, hence my curiosity.

 

[LuckyBenski]

Well, I didn't expect to be posting in a thread like this at my age.

I've just split up with my wife. I have two young kids and a mortgage to pay. I've had to move back in with my parents short term... which is humiliating in itself.

I have absolutely zero idea where to start unpicking this mess, or how to hold it together whilst that happens.

I've been depressed for some time watching the wife become more and more distant. It's safe to say that right now I feel at the lowest point in that process so far.

I'm already missing my kids, and I'm struggling to see how the hell I'm going to cope with work over the next few weeks. This pretty much sucks.

That's heavy news and it's understandable you feel that it will be hard to deal with. I would be concerned if you WEREN'T worried about how the coming weeks will be. That said, it's good to talk about it and shows you're hoping to work through this. There's nothing wrong with letting your family support you through a tough time, whether it's parents or otherwise.

It sounds like you would anyway, but try to keep in mind what's best for everyone and work towards progress - if you need change, or help, that's fair.

And keep talking here if that helps

 

[AHarvey]

Well, I didn't expect to be posting in a thread like this at my age.

I've just split up with my wife. I have two young kids and a mortgage to pay. I've had to move back in with my parents short term... which is humiliating in itself.

I have absolutely zero idea where to start unpicking this mess, or how to hold it together whilst that happens.

I've been depressed for some time watching the wife become more and more distant. It's safe to say that right now I feel at the lowest point in that process so far.

I'm already missing my kids, and I'm struggling to see how the hell I'm going to cope with work over the next few weeks. This pretty much sucks.

Really sorry to read that, it's not easy when there are kids involved.

Do you mind me asking but did you just grow apart or are there other factors with you working away a lot? Is there a chance this can be fixed?

Moving back home isn't humiliating, it happens more than people know and it's part of modern day life.

My advice is, keep things civil with the wife, it'll be very hard with the emotions running high but if you can't then I would suggest writing a letter or email. It's easier to redraft what you want to say instead of getting emotional, confused and saying the wrong thing. Keep talking to the kids as well, agree with the wife that for them, you need to keep things friendly. They aren't weapons to be used and trust me, as a kid who went through a bad break up, it can cause some serious issues if they are used as weapons.

As for work, speak to them, any decent employer will understand and give you time off to deal with this, it's no different than a bereavement. If they get funny, hit the doctors and get signed off for 2 weeks for stress. Work can't say anything then.

Your next steps really depend on why things went south. If it's just your job then change it and put the time in at home. Job and money should never come before family. My own parents split for the same reason. You can't be happy together if you're not together and most people would choose family and happiness over money.

Things can get better though even if you don't rebuild your marriage. You work on yourself, be friendly with the wife and do what is best for the kids. You can often have a better relationship with everyone when you've split up, as daft as that sounds. There is light at the end of the tunnel, trust me!

 

[Hellsmk2]

Snip

It's been a slow burner over the past three years... since my daughter was born. She was born with some extreme complications that meant her first year, and most of the second was spent in hospital. She's on the mend now after a couple of bouts of major surgery, but it span the wife off on a downward spiral which has never really got over. She totally withdrew from the relationship during that time which sent me on a downward spiral into depression too (ofc coupled with the immense stress of my daughters illness).

We've tried marriage counselling, but she wanted to stop after three sessions. I've had bouts on anti-depressants during that time too. She won't do the same and refuses to go to counselling on her own. I've booked myself into the docs this week to get back on the meds and start counselling for myself, as I hate to admit it, but I'm a complete mess. I'm having overwhelming thoughts of suicide at the moment which I just *cannot* shake.

The job can't change as my wage is 95% of the income. Even more so now I have to support her entirely as well as work out some way to get out of my parents. It's all completely overwhelming.

I've had the first message today stating exactly when I'm expected to "visit" my own children this week. My own ******* kids and I have to make an appointment like a stranger.

 

[EddScott]

Hi Eddscott,

Sorry to drag this up but managed to find the post after strolling though i think i am in the same boat , Did you manage to sort your problem out? and also i am worried about social services getting involved would be nice to get rid of some of the thoughts i get half these feeling you mention i thought it was just me, i dont get the suicidal thoughts just the evil thoughts.

Like yourself i have house, car, nice kids,

Clubb699

I responded to his post, but I don't think he's posted since. If you're interested, my response is at the link below:

**The Mental Health Thread**

You could be experiencing the symptoms of OCD, but please get a professional opinion first. If so, it's very treatable and more common than you'd think. In my post I reference a great book - I'd recommend it just to see if some of the stories resonate with your own experiences. The key thing to remember with OCD (if you have it - again please get a professional opinion first) is that the distress you feel for having these thoughts is because they go against every fibre of your physical and moral being. The thought of acting them out is utterly repellent to a sufferer, which is why they feel so awful. You wouldn't be feeling the distress if you were an evil psychopath.

Apologies for not replying sooner. I've been meaning to post a response but not had time of late.

AndyT - that is a very good summary of the feelings felt.

Clubb699 - I went to a therapist for about 4/6 weeks once a week. When I first attended I was struggling with the thoughts and feelings mentioned in my first post. I didn't really seem to do much more than chat whilst there but the action of talking to someone frankly about it seemed to relieve the issues quite a bit. She likened it to me off-loading the responsibility by sharing my thoughts as I subconsciously feel overwhelmed by responsibility - business, children, relationship etc etc. I did feel at times the therapist didn't really know what to say to me as I don't think I was what she expected - she started off with it being grief counselling. I was given Citalopram at the time which I think has helped but can't be sure. First I was given one drug that basically felt like I was off my face for 24 hours. Give it back to GP and got the Citalopram.

The thoughts and feelings seemed to mostly disappear. My sleeping which has always been a big issue went the opposite way and I was easily getting 7+ hours a night.

As soon as I noticed my sleep getting better it got worse and is now back to how it was before. With the added bonus of waking up in the early am, being wide awake for an hour then dozing if I have the chance for minutes before the alarm.

We also went away - only to Gloucester for the week renting a cottage - and I began to feel off again. Almost like it's tied to going on holiday! Or the added stress of being on holiday.

I was hoping it would disappear when I got home but it hasn't and is hanging around somewhat. I can't put my finger on what is wrong but I don't feel myself. Not unhappy with anything in particular. Worry about suicide then as soon as I think about how I realise what I'm doing and shrug it off. I don't want to hurt myself or anyone around me. Suicide seems to be in the media a lot recently which doesn't help but I know I don't have reason to feel suicidal. I actually quite enjoy life right now. I've less worry now than at any time in my recent adult life. It's almost like I haven't got anything to worry about so I have to find something to worry about.

I've started to tell myself that when I think about something I automatically see it as a worry. Every thought is a worry. I'm teaching myself that it's not worrying about something to think about it. It's just thinking about it - anything. Good or bad.

I do have this odd melancholy feeling though that I can't seem to shake. It comes and goes and I notice it when it does so. Often in and out of every day and no real outside influence as to why it feels worse some days than others. When I'm having a really busy day I don't have time to think about feeling off. It's pretty low key so not really that intrusive. I take the citalopram every other day just in case it is helping my moods. I have zopiclone sleeping medication that I take when I've had a run of bad nights which keeps me asleep without making me feel too bad the following day.

So in all honesty, I'm better in some ways but no different in others. The harming thoughts are there but nowhere near as intrusive or upsetting. I'm wondering if this semi-off feeling is just how I'll feel from now on. I'm due to go on holiday next month but with friends and not family so no responsibility there. It is back to Ukraine where it all started so bit nervous of how it will pan out but I'm looking forward to it and quite confident I'll face down whatever is bothering me. It may not go entirely but I'll prove to myself that I'm actually OK with myself and my life in general.

 

[inflames]

Well, I didn't expect to be posting in a thread like this at my age.

I've just split up with my wife. I have two young kids and a mortgage to pay. I've had to move back in with my parents short term... which is humiliating in itself.

I have absolutely zero idea where to start unpicking this mess, or how to hold it together whilst that happens.

I've been depressed for some time watching the wife become more and more distant. It's safe to say that right now I feel at the lowest point in that process so far.

I'm already missing my kids, and I'm struggling to see how the hell I'm going to cope with work over the next few weeks. This pretty much sucks.

First time visiting this thread board, i am in the same situation mate but i am currently staying at my brothers whilst he is on holiday and still haven't told my parents at the moment i plan to do that tonight. It was only Sunday it happened, i am currently a broken man. The only difference for me was i have been trying to open up to my wife and talk about my depression and i finally started to talk about it on Sunday then she dropped the bomb on me.

 

[clubb699]

Apologies for not replying sooner. I've been meaning to post a response but not had time of late.

AndyT - that is a very good summary of the feelings felt.

Clubb699 - I went to a therapist for about 4/6 weeks once a week. When I first attended I was struggling with the thoughts and feelings mentioned in my first post. I didn't really seem to do much more than chat whilst there but the action of talking to someone frankly about it seemed to relieve the issues quite a bit. She likened it to me off-loading the responsibility by sharing my thoughts as I subconsciously feel overwhelmed by responsibility - business, children, relationship etc etc. I did feel at times the therapist didn't really know what to say to me as I don't think I was what she expected - she started off with it being grief counselling. I was given Citalopram at the time which I think has helped but can't be sure. First I was given one drug that basically felt like I was off my face for 24 hours. Give it back to GP and got the Citalopram.

The thoughts and feelings seemed to mostly disappear. My sleeping which has always been a big issue went the opposite way and I was easily getting 7+ hours a night.

As soon as I noticed my sleep getting better it got worse and is now back to how it was before. With the added bonus of waking up in the early am, being wide awake for an hour then dozing if I have the chance for minutes before the alarm.

We also went away - only to Gloucester for the week renting a cottage - and I began to feel off again. Almost like it's tied to going on holiday! Or the added stress of being on holiday.

I was hoping it would disappear when I got home but it hasn't and is hanging around somewhat. I can't put my finger on what is wrong but I don't feel myself. Not unhappy with anything in particular. Worry about suicide then as soon as I think about how I realise what I'm doing and shrug it off. I don't want to hurt myself or anyone around me. Suicide seems to be in the media a lot recently which doesn't help but I know I don't have reason to feel suicidal. I actually quite enjoy life right now. I've less worry now than at any time in my recent adult life. It's almost like I haven't got anything to worry about so I have to find something to worry about.

I've started to tell myself that when I think about something I automatically see it as a worry. Every thought is a worry. I'm teaching myself that it's not worrying about something to think about it. It's just thinking about it - anything. Good or bad.

I do have this odd melancholy feeling though that I can't seem to shake. It comes and goes and I notice it when it does so. Often in and out of every day and no real outside influence as to why it feels worse some days than others. When I'm having a really busy day I don't have time to think about feeling off. It's pretty low key so not really that intrusive. I take the citalopram every other day just in case it is helping my moods. I have zopiclone sleeping medication that I take when I've had a run of bad nights which keeps me asleep without making me feel too bad the following day.

So in all honesty, I'm better in some ways but no different in others. The harming thoughts are there but nowhere near as intrusive or upsetting. I'm wondering if this semi-off feeling is just how I'll feel from now on. I'm due to go on holiday next month but with friends and not family so no responsibility there. It is back to Ukraine where it all started so bit nervous of how it will pan out but I'm looking forward to it and quite confident I'll face down whatever is bothering me. It may not go entirely but I'll prove to myself that I'm actually OK with myself and my life in general.

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply,

Cheers for explaining what you went through, it seems similar to how i felt with my first block session of counselling think i threw that much at her it was to much,i got the same feelings that you did, i still feel like i cant talk about this problem similar to yours at the moment for the fear of them thinking they label me of some friendly psychopath lol.

In the mean time i had a blast from the past on friday one of my feared feelings disengagement from reality, absolutely hate it really dunno why all these things are coming back but they are, going to work is absolutely killing me at the moment i am usually fine i walked in on monday had someone talking to me and it felt like i was in a dream state just seem to be blanking people out and not connecting, i went straight to the nurse and we had a good chat, all going well should have an appointment to see have a counselling session with a new person.

I need to find my inner happy this is not me but its hard at the moment.

Thanks again means a lot.

 

[Hellsmk2]

First time visiting this thread board, i am in the same situation mate but i am currently staying at my brothers whilst he is on holiday and still haven't told my parents at the moment i plan to do that tonight. It was only Sunday it happened, i am currently a broken man. The only difference for me was i have been trying to open up to my wife and talk about my depression and i finally started to talk about it on Sunday then she dropped the bomb on me.

I feel your pain. I'm due at the doctors on Thursday to kick off the process of getting help. It all seems kind of pointless at the moment, but the common sense voice at the back of my mind tells me it's probably a sensible place to start...

I expect your folks will be pretty cool with it. Mine have been amazing, even though they've had a 37 year old teenager moping around for days.

I don't have any advice as it is quite clear I have sod all clue what to do too.

 

[inflames]

I feel your pain. I'm due at the doctors on Thursday to kick off the process of getting help. It all seems kind of pointless at the moment, but the common sense voice at the back of my mind tells me it's probably a sensible place to start...

I expect your folks will be pretty cool with it. Mine have been amazing, even though they've had a 37 year old teenager moping around for days.

I don't have any advice as it is quite clear I have sod all clue what to do too.

I went to doctors about a month ago, when she first told me she wasn't happy so i decided to seek help hoping that i could save us, but was clearly it was to late. I have found talking about it helps, found out my brother is in a similar position too, we have started talking a lot about each others issues.

My folks were great last night, its nice to know that i do have some where to go, to get my self back on my feet if it has truly ended. I honestly didn't think they would a 34 year old to be moving back home.

I am due to talk to my wife again on Friday, but i have decided to composs a letter instead, give her that to read and say we don't need to talk right now. I have found that the process, reflecting and putting my thoughts into words has helped. I actually managed to sleep last night. Also its stops me from saying anything wrong in a highly emotional state, like i did the last time we spoke. I regret that i said that to her. It doesn't help that i am dyslexic and that sometimes affects my ability to process information quick enough when having a conversation leading me to say something that i really shouldn't.

 

[clubb699]

Hi all,

Well yesterday i walked into work and had 3 uncontrollable crying breakdowns right in the middle of the shop floor, talk about feeling embarrassed is an understatement been awake since 4.45 thinking about yesterday.

Work sent me home and have been to docs so currently got time to sort my head out.

I need to get this of my chest maybe this is why i feel so low most of the time and worry about the kids in the future.

Parents split
My granddad died so moved in with my Nan to look after her at 13 years old.
Mom got another boyfriend who she later married, they drank a lot, argued, fought i remember seeing her get dragged with arm in car down the road trying to hold on to him.
Mom had a new boyfriend (He was an ex con) Raped my sister, turned my mom into a drug user and got sent down.
My Nan the actual person that directed me down the right path, died of cancer.
Lost contact with my mom when she finally hit the heroin, we had to split away to save my little family.
Got back in touch with my mom after hearing the news she made it clean, we seen each other for a few years, but she died last year to due to smoking and drinking to much over the years.
The wife was sexually abused by her dad from a young age, so she has to cope with this and can have very very bad days sometimes. ( She so strong its unreal, never goes out milking it just fights it herself)

Anyway sorry for posting all this, its a funny old world i think with holding all this issues in over the years and with being bored doing the same thing at work ,enough was enough and cracked, manage to talk to main bosses and explain they said i could move about if need be, they was amazing.

Dont be scared to let you emotions out lads it does you the world of good.

Clubb699

 

[Tek81]

@clubb699

Sorry to hear about what you've been through in the past and what you're presently going through. That's one heck of a ride that would test anyone's mental strength.

With regard to letting emotions out. I agree with you in principle. But speaking from my own experiences, in practice letting your raw emotions out as a man can (not always) result in a loss of respect from those around you. I've experienced anxiety on and off for over a decade and on the occasions when it has been overwhelming, and I've opened up to a partner, its resulted in the end of the realtionship. Ok, so perhaps I have a bad taste in women, bad luck or both. But still, even in today's supposedly more enlightened society, where more info exists pertaining specifically to male mental health, it's a shame that many people are still unable to get over the old belief that a man should always be strong and never succumb to his emotions.

Speaking personally, and this will likely be detrimental to me in the future, I never plan upon being as open about emotions as I have been in the past. Certainly in the context of relationships.