**The Mental Health Thread**

Not really sure what to write here because right now i'm not sure what to do.

So my other half, she has struggled with OCD (cleaning) for a very long time, along with anxiety about the 'what ifs'. Since we moved she has been a lot worse, and she is really trying to work on it. We sat down and had a talk, and it was really nice to have her get things off her chest. I can relate to some of the things she has said because I suffer with OCD and depression.
Right now she seems to think that i'm going to walk away - Which isn't going to happen, I love her with all my heart and all I want is the very best for her. Problem is, sometimes I really don't know what to do with her, I ask whats on her mind, how I can help, and sometimes if I see her freaking out i'll clean the house, or whatever else I know will trigger her on a bad day. I'll drive if I know she is really struggling, sometimes i'll fully cook dinner and look after the girls.

There have been quite a few instances where I haven't done something (Going in garage, building etc...) to check up on her and not leave her alone with her thoughts because I know what it is like. But as you can imagine having moved in recently there are still a few things to do too.
It's hard because i'm a manic depressive myself, so some days I can really help her, other days I just have brain heavyness overall - So me not being myself, even after saying I don't feel right fuels her worrys. B ut that in itself is a vicous cycle.

She won't go outside - I have to really force her because she's struggling with self image too - which we are working on together doing slimming world and its going really well. She doesn't feel good enough for anything, being a mother, being with me, or anything. So I know she is sad too, can't work out if its depression at the moment.

I'm really proud of some of the stuff she does on a day to day basis, and I always make sure she knows that. I just feel like i'm stood on one foot, not knowing where to place the next one somedays, this being one of them. Today I woke up, and I could just feel it in my chest that she wasn't right today - I don't know it it's an issue but because I know her so well I can tell when no words are even spoken.

Right now I have spoken about going to see someone, shes against it for now. Which is fine, but while she gathers her thoughts, i'd like to see if I can do anything more to help firefight it a little bit.
I don't know if any of you guys have been in this sort of situation before, but how would you deal with something manifesting itself like the above over the course of a month or two?
 
I had some of this, where I didn't feel like I could say anything because I was worried about my wife's spiral of thoughts that would come out of it. Which is ******, but then I can't bring that up, because again, it'd cause a knock on for her. It's hard then!

One thing that has a great impact on my wife, and myself, is exercise and being involved in a project/ work that keeps you focussed and busy. What does she do for work @russell664?
 
russell664 said:
Not really sure what to write here because right now i'm not sure what to do.

So my other half, she has struggled with OCD (cleaning) for a very long time, along with anxiety about the 'what ifs'. Since we moved she has been a lot worse, and she is really trying to work on it. We sat down and had a talk, and it was really nice to have her get things off her chest. I can relate to some of the things she has said because I suffer with OCD and depression.
Right now she seems to think that i'm going to walk away - Which isn't going to happen, I love her with all my heart and all I want is the very best for her. Problem is, sometimes I really don't know what to do with her, I ask whats on her mind, how I can help, and sometimes if I see her freaking out i'll clean the house, or whatever else I know will trigger her on a bad day. I'll drive if I know she is really struggling, sometimes i'll fully cook dinner and look after the girls.

There have been quite a few instances where I haven't done something (Going in garage, building etc...) to check up on her and not leave her alone with her thoughts because I know what it is like. But as you can imagine having moved in recently there are still a few things to do too.
It's hard because i'm a manic depressive myself, so some days I can really help her, other days I just have brain heavyness overall - So me not being myself, even after saying I don't feel right fuels her worrys. B ut that in itself is a vicous cycle.

She won't go outside - I have to really force her because she's struggling with self image too - which we are working on together doing slimming world and its going really well. She doesn't feel good enough for anything, being a mother, being with me, or anything. So I know she is sad too, can't work out if its depression at the moment.

I'm really proud of some of the stuff she does on a day to day basis, and I always make sure she knows that. I just feel like i'm stood on one foot, not knowing where to place the next one somedays, this being one of them. Today I woke up, and I could just feel it in my chest that she wasn't right today - I don't know it it's an issue but because I know her so well I can tell when no words are even spoken.

Right now I have spoken about going to see someone, shes against it for now. Which is fine, but while she gathers her thoughts, i'd like to see if I can do anything more to help firefight it a little bit.
I don't know if any of you guys have been in this sort of situation before, but how would you deal with something manifesting itself like the above over the course of a month or two?
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She has to speak to a professional, who will help her help herself. The only person who can really improve OCD is the person suffering themselves. A proper Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist (NOT a noddy Counselor) can give her the tools to manage and improve the condition. Although it may seem like the kind thing to do now, in the long run, you providing her with reassurance and engaging in her compulsions for her (cleaning), is actually reinforcing the obsessions and exacerbating the problem.

Unfortunately, the recovery can be harder than the disease for OCD, and the condition will very likely never go away 100%; however, people can get to a position where they have a completely normal life 98% of the time with the occasional wobble/relapse. Even though treatment can be difficult, it is an empowering achievement, and in my opinion (and personal experience), a relatively short time frame of increased discomfort is infinitely better than continuing the misery of OCD in-perpetuity.

SOURCE: Have OCD myself and have had 2 rounds of CBT, one NHS, one Private. I would say I am probably ~95% recovered, have a few brainfarts/mild relapses every year, but I am generally fine. You would not know I have OCD if I didn't mention it. The treatment is not much fun - it is called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Your wife is "lucky" in that cleanliness OCD is very treatable. It is one of the easiest to treat due to the simplicity of finding appropriate ERP exercises (i.e. graded exposure to touching dirty doorknobs, toilet seats, etc.). The "what-if" anxiety could be related to OCD. OCD sufferers, in general, tend to have an ingrained inability to accept any kind of risk or doubt (which can be unlearned). Treating OCD generally treats this.

Please do not waste your time going to see a Counselor, they can do more harm than good for complex issues like OCD. I know this from personal experience and I also have a family member who has been seeing one for years with no associated improvement in her condition AT ALL.

As for how to behave as her partner; once she starts treatment and you have a plan and things are under control, you need to be involved as well. This will eventually mean avoiding giving her the reassurance she will try to get from you. It sounds brutal, but it's the most constructive thing you can do for her, in the long run.

Read this for starters - amazing book (but she still needs to see a Psychotherapist as well)

https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Lock-Twentieth-Anniversary-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/006256143X

You should also be aware that there is evidence that OCD is genetic, so if both parents are sufferers, there is an increased likelihood of your children being affected. For this reason, you should probably learn how to manage OCD properly yourselves in the event that, god forbid, your children are affected in the future. This is something I am keeping an eye on for my own kids. I would not want them to suffer how I suffered for years without doing anything about it.

Good luck!
 
@AndyT What form of OCD do you have, if you don't mind me asking? I have checking (doors, locks, electrical items & appliances) OCD as well as general associated 'what if?' anxiety, and a certain amount of 'I don't care if the stats say xyz is safe, it will likely happen to me' (e.g. flying).

I've been through a couple of courses of CBT through my local NHS CPFT, without any real change to my symptoms. One thing I have noticed is that the extent to which I check depends greatly on my general mental state; If I'm tired, generally depressed etc then it is much worse...
 
JonnyT said:
@AndyT What form of OCD do you have, if you don't mind me asking? I have checking (doors, locks, electrical items & appliances) OCD as well as general associated 'what if?' anxiety, and a certain amount of 'I don't care if the stats say xyz is safe, it will likely happen to me' (e.g. flying).

I've been through a couple of courses of CBT through my local NHS CPFT, without any real change to my symptoms. One thing I have noticed is that the extent to which I check depends greatly on my general mental state; If I'm tired, generally depressed etc then it is much worse...
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For me, it has always been intrusive thoughts, or "purely obsessional" OCD, i.e. no outward compulsions such as counting, touching, cleaning etc, just inward anxiety and constant rumination in my own head, with some reassurance seeking and avoidance behaviours.

I'm not sure what kind of therapy you have had, but I had CBT with the NHS and also didn't get any lasting improvements. This was because the diagnosis of OCD came very late in my NHS-allotted number of sessions, so we didn't do the proper ERP therapy for OCD. We were doing the "thought challenging" exercises, or traditional CBT effective for e.g. depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), which is basically the exact opposite of what you want to do for OCD. Treatment of OCD is not about challenging unwanted thoughts, it is about accepting their presence and living with the risk that they may be real. This reduces their power until their frequency and intensity start to reduce. I went private with an OCD specialist and she got me sorted, and after a couple of sessions there were minimal niceties and reassurance after the real work started, it was quite jarring at first tbh, but was effective. The homework was most important though, as always.

I have had many intrusive thought themes over the last 15 years, pick the best, most unpleasant from the list at this page https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-symptoms/

It has been a fun ride. Some themes have only stuck around for a very short time, others have lingered for longer.

The "theme" that has lasted the longest is Health anxiety, which seems very related to OCD - even just this Christmas, I had convinced myself I had both brain and pancreatic cancer and spent a lot of it being miserable and feeling sorry for myself. Although I have now got over that... However, the worst type/theme for me, which forced me to seek proper help, was Relationship OCD. It doesn't sound too bad on the face of it, but the anxiety was absolutely crippling and it nearly destroyed my relationship with my then long term GF, now wife. What I have recognised is that no matter what the theme is, the anxiety is still the same and it always feels completely real, until I eventually remember and implement the therapy and take a step back. In my worst times I fall back on the book I linked to above, to remind myself that it is a brain problem and nothing of my own doing. That generally gives me space in my mind to start to tackle it again.

I still have wobbles, particularly of health anxiety, but I am much better than I was back in 2009. I was a high-functioning wreck back then, living in total misery inside my own head. The only treatment with proven efficacy is CBT based on ERP, but it is hard. People hate to hear that the treatment is difficult and that their loved ones have to be cruel to be kind, but it's the only way forward. It often takes an absolute life crisis to push someone towards properly engaging in treatment. For me, it was an almost terminal breakdown in my relationship and a kick up the **** from several people close to me before I engaged in it properly.

I still engage in some avoidance behaviours, i.e. I hate anything to do with the creation/end of the universe or quantumn physics black holes etc. That stuff can create a big spike of OCD for me and I can do without thinking about all that for the time being... For example I definitely did not enjoy watching the movie Interstellar...

As a general rule, if I don't get enough sleep over a period of a few days to a week or have a heavy session on the booze I am going to get OCD symptoms to some degree or another. Similarly, they pop up at particularly stressful periods in life. During these times it's necessary to go back to the skills/techniques from the CBT.

DISCLAIMER: There is a spectrum of OCD and its debilitating effect on people, I am probably somewhere near right of middle. There are people who are way, way waaaaay worse off than me. I would see them in the waiting rooms.
 
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AndyT said:
I'm not sure what kind of therapy you have had, but I had CBT with the NHS and also didn't get any lasting improvements. This was because the diagnosis of OCD came very late in my NHS-allotted number of sessions, so we didn't do the proper ERP therapy for OCD. We were doing the "thought challenging" exercises, or traditional CBT effective for e.g. depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), which is basically the exact opposite of what you want to do for OCD. Treatment of OCD is not about challenging unwanted thoughts, it is about accepting their presence and living with the risk that they may be real. This reduces their power until their frequency and intensity start to reduce. I went private with an OCD specialist and she got me sorted, and after a couple of sessions there were minimal niceties and reassurance after the real work started, it was quite jarring at first tbh, but was effective. The homework was most important though, as always.
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Thanks for your reply. My treatment through the NHS CPFT was more around traditional 'therapy' based treatment; analysing why I was exhibiting these symptoms and my general past, and less about challenging the behaviour and accepting the thoughts. It didn't really work...

It is interesting what you say about accepting thoughts; I've been reading a self-help book for my general anxiety and depression, and one of the key messages so far is to not place too much credence on your thoughts. The book argues that you cannot feel a certain way without first having the associated thoughts, so by dwelling less on them, accepting them and attaching less credence to them you can feel better. I have to say the first time I read that passage it was a bit of a 'lightbulb' moment...

My OCD is generally born out of general anxiety, depression and quite severe shyness and low self-esteem. My checking of things (doors, plugs, lights etc) is a fear that I might have missed something or made a mistake, and it will be my fault; I tend to not have much confidence in my own ability, and this can extend to work situations or even social or romantic ones (or potential romantic ones...). I also have a fairly negative 'catastrophising' personality; I tend to think the worst of most situations, perhaps as some form of 'protection' against the outcome not being as good as it could potentially be. Finally, I do have a bit of a 'just my luck' type mentality; e.g. you can tell me that flying is 99.999% safe, but after a few bad experiences (I I have flown to a few places before I really got into these symptoms many years ago), I've been of the mindset that something would be bound to happen on the aircraft I happen to be on...
 
There’s so much focus on raising awareness in mental health, particularly in men but what are people’s opinions on the services available when actually speaking up?

I was referred to mindmatters, who in turn referred me to BigWhiteWall which was utter garbage (therapist cancelled on me last minute, no option of a new appointment or alternate method of appointment - say a phone call instead of Skype just a message saying “can’t make this is as my laptop is broken)

I was also referred to Haven, rocked up there yesterday for a second appointment and was told “sorry someone was supposed to call you, your therapist has gone home”. Not “sorry they can’t see you but “x” can” or “sorry they’ve gone home as they’re ill/whatever reason” just “they’ve gone home”

Feels to me everything is all about promotion of getting people to seek help but the service on hand to those who do is utter garbage. In fact, that’s twice now I’ve come away feeling mentally worse. Aren’t these services supposed to be improving my mental state not the other way around? I came away from that yesterday so irritated, stressed, angry etc.

It’s pointless trying to raise awareness if the help people need isn’t there. Thankfully I’m seeking assistance from a private therapist that has actually helped, £100 an hour mind.
 
My Anxiety is playing havoc again at the moment have the jitters and was up early this morning. I have just dropped 1/2mg of prednisolone and this might be some of the cause although I think I over worry about dropping the dose which causes the anxiety to be worse. I need to keep reducing the Pred but hate the way it makes me feel whether it’s actually the Pred or just my Anxiety flaring and grabbing onto something to focus on. Have not had the early wakings for a while and I’m now panicking I’m not going to sleep which fuels the fire. I hate the way Anxiety likes to just appear after you have been doing ok for a while. It’s definitely one step forward two back at times and I know I should expect setbacks but tbh they suck.....
 
Hey guys hope you're all well and good.

It's been ages since i've been on and i'm proud you lot kept this going and supporting each other!

While i've been away, i got diagnosed with emotionally unstable personality disorder and start therapy soon, here's hoping i can actually form a normal relationship sometime in my life.

MOOGLEYS said:
My Anxiety is playing havoc again at the moment have the jitters and was up early this morning. I have just dropped 1/2mg of prednisolone and this might be some of the cause although I think I over worry about dropping the dose which causes the anxiety to be worse. I need to keep reducing the Pred but hate the way it makes me feel whether it’s actually the Pred or just my Anxiety flaring and grabbing onto something to focus on. Have not had the early wakings for a while and I’m now panicking I’m not going to sleep which fuels the fire. I hate the way Anxiety likes to just appear after you have been doing ok for a while. It’s definitely one step forward two back at times and I know I should expect setbacks but tbh they suck.....
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That's the thing man, you're over thinking it all. BUT, trust your feelings and how you feel. You know yourself best and prednisolone can cause anxiety as a side effect so you are probably right but keep at it and keep strong, you're doing great!
 
I hate how this **** basically takes over your life, there's an annual get together at Cheltenham Races with 12 of us and I've had to drop out last minute after having a really bad "panic attack", in quotes because imo they're more like rage/anger attacks. All week it's been building and I have been able to feel it, all sorts going on in and out of work and I've been trying to keep off the Valium with the expectation I'll be drinking this weekend. Massive drop back down to earth, bad idea to be drinking in my current state, very bad idea so had to pull the plug :(

This is all off the back of feeling 'OK' for 2 weeks or so as well, amazing how it comes back to bite you when you think you're over the worst of it.

Embarrassed, feel like im letting people down, angry, upset, exhausted, hopeless are all feelings I've got right now. The worst thing is the doubt, could I have gone? Did I really need to jib? The answer is obviously yes, doesn't stop your mind casting that doubt though.
 
McBain said:
There’s so much focus on raising awareness in mental health, particularly in men but what are people’s opinions on the services available when actually speaking up?

I was referred to mindmatters, who in turn referred me to BigWhiteWall which was utter garbage (therapist cancelled on me last minute, no option of a new appointment or alternate method of appointment - say a phone call instead of Skype just a message saying “can’t make this is as my laptop is broken)

I was also referred to Haven, rocked up there yesterday for a second appointment and was told “sorry someone was supposed to call you, your therapist has gone home”. Not “sorry they can’t see you but “x” can” or “sorry they’ve gone home as they’re ill/whatever reason” just “they’ve gone home”

Feels to me everything is all about promotion of getting people to seek help but the service on hand to those who do is utter garbage. In fact, that’s twice now I’ve come away feeling mentally worse. Aren’t these services supposed to be improving my mental state not the other way around? I came away from that yesterday so irritated, stressed, angry etc.

It’s pointless trying to raise awareness if the help people need isn’t there. Thankfully I’m seeking assistance from a private therapist that has actually helped, £100 an hour mind.
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The charities and what not are garbage, the only people who’ve helped people I know are private cognitive behavioural therapists and degree level psychotherapists.

The whole awareness thing is a load of ******** to try and make people feel better about themselves. In reality, people are far too busy or have their own demands to manage to be able to properly support those in need.
 
Gabbatek said:
Hey guys hope you're all well and good.

It's been ages since i've been on and i'm proud you lot kept this going and supporting each other!

While i've been away, i got diagnosed with emotionally unstable personality disorder and start therapy soon, here's hoping i can actually form a normal relationship sometime in my life.



That's the thing man, you're over thinking it all. BUT, trust your feelings and how you feel. You know yourself best and prednisolone can cause anxiety as a side effect so you are probably right but keep at it and keep strong, you're doing great!
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Yeah overthinking is my problem. This new Flu thing is driving my health anxiety badly. Lots of overthinking going on which is making me feel horrid. It’s hard to break the cycle especially when it’s something with uncertainty. The Prednisolone definitely does not help either it’s not a great combination......
 
I’ve just finished reading this book ...

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Para...NV2BGS7NHEC&psc=1&refRID=8SYTS4KSWNV2BGS7NHEC

It was recommended to me by my wife’s friend who works for the author.

Amazing book which I feel would likely help many of you who struggle with mental health issues.

I often suffered with anxiety mainly brought about by owning a business and management of staff and this book has really helped me put things into the correct perspective.
 
olanzapine is making me soo hungry. anyone else experienced this? any tips on not getting fat? demolished a 16 inch pizza yesterday man it was dangerously delicious
 
iBSOD said:
olanzapine is making me soo hungry. anyone else experienced this? any tips on not getting fat? demolished a 16 inch pizza yesterday man it was dangerously delicious
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Self control is the only real answer after a while you will get used to it. Try drinking a glass of water when hungry it might help. At times my appetite is almost limitless and the battle to not eat is almost as bad as the Anxiety/depression.....
 
I'm really not doing so great at the moment, I thought that after the court case was done I'd be feeling better. Even if it was just a sense of relief it was over and done with but I don't I feel worse and recent events keep compounding that for me. Aside from the two guys getting away with a slap on the wrists while I'm still suffering. My hospital appointment yesterday to discuss the results of the latest tests around the ongoing issues with my leg did not instil me thoughts of happiness. I've what appears to be a very small bone infection around the metal work in my leg that they're not sure what to do with as the usual treatment for dealing with these is as the consultant put it "very aggressive". Surgery to remove the metal work plus possibly the infected area and then weeks or more likely months of very powerful antibiotics. Though there may be alternatives this is now going to be discussed at panel in the next week or so and for me to come back and be told finally what my options are. Don't get me wrong I'm terrified of the thought of going back into hospital for any length of time but it's more the crushing feeling that I'm never going to fully recover from this.

I struggle with depression as it is, though before all this I was doing better than I had in a long time. Right now I'm really struggling to keep from sinking. I keep trying to make the most of my time with my little girl, keep gaming, keep fiddling around with my aquarium but it's through sheer force of will at the moment. I just keep asking myself what is the point of my life? I remind myself I'm a good Dad and a good partner to my fiancee but beyond that I can't seem to find anything in the way of self worth. Oh I know I'll start feeling okay again sooner or later but I just want to feel better now.
 
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