Here goes, a heavily shortened version of the events of the past 10-11 weeks....
11 weeks ago my wife of 5 years (been together 16 years) tells me that she doesnt think she love's me anymore and she needs time to get her head together, this comes as a shock to me as there really wasnt any hints etc.
So i say we need to talk about it and sort it out, she is admamant that she needs to get her head together, and she promptly leaves the next day to stop with her "friend" in bolton (about 2.5hrs away from us).
she returns 3.5 days later after only 1 text on the 3rd morning she was away asking if the kids are ok, to say yep its over i dont feel that way about you anymore.
We argue a bit, then i pack some stuff and go to my parents where i have been ever since, luckily i have been able to have the kids or see them pretty much every day, and i have found a new house to rent which i move into on the 1st of June.
We dont talk as such at the minute, im still too bitter about the whole thing, but luckily it has all been pretty much as friendly as i can be solely for the kids sake.
I have begged her to go to the people at Relate, for us to get counselling but she just said no, and thats the hardest part in all of this to understand...how can anyone have a 16 year relationship and 2 amazing kids together and not even consider trying to save it?
If the shoe were on the other foot i would like to think that i did/thought of everything in my power to try and save it first, then at least i could say i tried.
Ever since the split she has been out drinking pretty much every weekend, she seems to have acquired new friends (she's always had loads of friends though, i knew pretty much most of them) where shes getting them from i dont know.
her attitude has changed massively towards myself, and members of her family, especially her mother who she was particularly close to before the split.....they hardly speak now.
Her going out excessively is some kind of strange knee jerk reaction to us not being together anymore it seems, although why i cannot say, i certainly didnt stop her doing anything she wanted to do when we were together.
On the odd occassion when dropping the kids off at her house she has been massively hungover and ive tempted to bring the kids back with me, but im so scared that she would start being awkward about how much i see the kids that im treating her and the whole situation with kid gloves.
I do know that she has met a couple of people, and that she's texting and chatting with them, personally i think that 11 weeks is too soon to be broadcasting that fact about, hell i think that 11 weeks after a 16 year relationship ended she is far too soon to be on the lookout for other blokes.
Everyone is telling me to do the same and get on with my life, but i really dont want to...i unfortunately still love her and theres not a lot i can do about that at the minute.
She seems to think that we can still be best friends because we have 2 kids together and doesnt understand why i feel so bitter towards her and seems to think that i dont want her to be happy.
my kids are my first priority and always have been, im not so sure that they are my wifes priority at the minute
this whole thing has certainly had an effect on our little boy who is 6, its almost as if he's lost his twinkle if that makes sense, he looks tired all of the time, our daughter who is 3 just acts the same as she did before.
Ive sat down with my son and explained whats happening, and that it has nothing at all to do with him...told him he can stop with me whenever he likes etc.
now its coming down to brass tacks...she works part time, and can claim all the benefits under the sun, she gets 80% of her rent paid and gets council tax reductions.
Obviously as she will be classed as the primary carer she gets all the help in the world whereas i got virtually none although i would be having the kids almost half of the time.
Yep, i could do with a hug
Edit: sorry for the wall of text, i didnt relaise how much i had wrote, i could have gone on for hours!
My word. That is horrible, man.
/hugs to you.
You'll get through it.
)
