The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[Raymond Lin]

Just to add to this thread, following what has recently happened to me. After 5 years of being in a relationship now it's over I find I don't really have that many friends.

How depressing is it when you try getting in contact with some friends you have not seen for a while and every single darn one is in a relationship, even all the nerds that don't even know what women are.

One of my old friends from college who used to live on his computer, not come out of his room at home and painted models when he wasn't on his computer is now married!! WTF

Have I been a bad person, someone really want's me to be alone in the world

Well, weren't you one of these people?

Some of my friends are like that and I think it is human nature. You end up spending more time with your partner than your friends and people drift apart. It seems you did it too as you found out that you don't really have that many friends.

I too have friends like that, it is abundantly clear as my friends is English and his misses is Brazilian and they have this current arrangement where she comes over for 6 months and then 6 months in Brazil (he visits twice in that time).

His behaviour when she is here and when she is not here could not be more different.

When she is away he is like a single guy, pub, club, beer and all that (short of cheating).

When she is here he is a total hermit. I can go 6 months without seeing him once and he lives 5 min drive away.

 

[Vidar]

Women just confuse my brain....

Seriously dude I feel you.... my nut job seems to have a minor bipolar disorder, though it isn't minor to me, asked me to marry her last week after months of abuse, then today she is telling me she hates me and I should pack my bags! I would if it wasn't for the fact she blows all the money we have on stuff we don't need!

I'm trapped!

 

[Megahurtz400]

Seriously dude I feel you.... my nut job seems to have a minor bipolar disorder, though it isn't minor to me, asked me to marry her last week after months of abuse, then today she is telling me she hates me and I should pack my bags! I would if it wasn't for the fact she blows all the money we have on stuff we don't need!

I'm trapped!

Man up and get out of there, sounds a hellish place to be!

If the past 3 years of being in 2 different relationships has taught me anything, it's to man up and do what needs to be done!

 

[Vidar]

Don't worry mate I'm planning on it... saving money and biding my time as I need to make it as amicable as I can for the sake of the kids, I believe she would use them against me as so many mothers would do! If I believed for one minute that she was that type of person back then I'd never have had kids with her!

 

[paradisiac]

Don't worry mate I'm planning on it... saving money and biding my time as I need to make it as amicable as I can for the sake of the kids, I believe she would use them against me as so many mothers would do! If I believed for one minute that she was that type of person back then I'd never have had kids with her!

100% agree with this. since my split, i feel i have to go out of my way to do stuff and help my ex out, coz if i dont, she will stop me seeing the kids.
they have so much power over you when kids are involved its unbelievable.
the worst part is she i taking my kids out with this other guy (who she claims is 'just a friend') but i can already see they are being brainwashed into thinking he is better than me coz he takes them to mcdonalds, burger king etc whereas i got screwed over so cant afford to. women are evil and manipulative creatures.

 

[Megahurtz400]

Don't worry mate I'm planning on it... saving money and biding my time as I need to make it as amicable as I can for the sake of the kids, I believe she would use them against me as so many mothers would do! If I believed for one minute that she was that type of person back then I'd never have had kids with her!

Ah didn't realise there were kids involved

Best of luck mate, sure it'll all turn out alright!

 

[vail3r]

Well, weren't you one of these people?

Some of my friends are like that and I think it is human nature. You end up spending more time with your partner than your friends and people drift apart. It seems you did it too as you found out that you don't really have that many friends.

I too have friends like that, it is abundantly clear as my friends is English and his misses is Brazilian and they have this current arrangement where she comes over for 6 months and then 6 months in Brazil (he visits twice in that time).

His behaviour when she is here and when she is not here could not be more different.

When she is away he is like a single guy, pub, club, beer and all that (short of cheating).

When she is here he is a total hermit. I can go 6 months without seeing him once and he lives 5 min drive away.

I'll admit I am one of those people, I used to see my friends once a week etc but now I'm single I can't find anyone that is not in a relationship so that few hours in the pub on a Friday night just does not fill the big empty hole that's left in my life now.

I suppose the logical answer is to find new friends, but when you feel so low it's pretty hard to find the confidence to get out there and meet people. I work self employed too so I don't have the luxury of work friends either.

Even worse it's not helped by the fact that I don't get on with my family so I can't even turn to them.

 

[TommyV]

OCUK Love Gurus, a scenario for you.

A guy turns up with his girlfriend of a year at the same place as you, purely by chance. This lad was at the same place as you and your misses on saturday at a sporting event.

You then proceed to find out, 2 days earlier he has been messaging your girlfriend inappropriate messages. Saying he is jealous of me, that she is looking hot etc etc. She then shows you the messages, by which she has done nothing wrong at all, and actually telling the lad to stop it and it's in appropriate.

Bear in mind here he has a girlfriend of over a year.

What would you do?

a. Let it slide cause she is with you.
b. Get ****y at your misses unintentionally.
c. have a chat with the lad on his own so he knows that you know.
d. have a chat with the lad infront of his misses to humiliate him.
e. punch the lad infront of his misses, spit on his limp body and walk away.

I can confirm that D was the option I went for.

I'm not going to be made to look like a mug. Plus he's half my size so

best bit is, I didn't raise my voice, get aggressive, threatening or even angry. Just said what was needed and left it at that. Actually shook his hand first introducing myself and who I am lol.

The misses let me know this morning said lad has blocked and deleted her on FB.

I wonder if his misses gave him a good spanking

 

[knip]

Meh, i'm so used to be single I don't think i'd know HOW to be in a relationship anymore.

3 years back living with the parents (paying off debt) hasn't helped. Fingers crossed my flat purchase is now all going through and I will be out shortly.

I tend to attract people who don't really have much of a backbone, the "i'll do whatever you want" type, rather than the "throw me over their shoulder and take me back to their cave type" (which i'd prefer)

I also have this tendency to fall for people I can't have.

I miss male company though, and I miss the "obvious" things a hell of a lot.

 

[Captain]

It's been 6 weeks since I split with my girlfriend, and I still think about her all day everyday.

We were together 1 year and 5 months and I know that might not seem a long time, but the feelings that I had for her, and still have are so strong I can't seem to get myself out of being miserable at some point during the day.

It wasn't just a childish relationship, we had our life planned, at one point we were expecting a child but we lost it, I invested so much into the relationship and into her and now I feel like the biggest part of my life has gone.

I found out last week that she is in a relationship already, but she's still texting me, keeping in contact.

We both have each others pictures on our phone and Facebook, and also each others numbers.

It's just I can't bring myself to remove them just yet, and it's clear she's not over me else she would have removed everything.

I'm just stuck and don't know what to do.

I've been keeping myself busy with work and friends, going out as much as possible and started at the gym again, but I find myself going back to thinking of her and how much I miss her.

I think the hardest thing im dealing with is wondering wether this guy is the one she will spend the rest of her life with, wondering how long it's going to last etc and that kills you inside

I know I've given advice in this thread but when it comes to doing it fo myself I'm completely lost

 

[SeraphX]

Any reason why you can't go out and talk to women?

Note: Hard to say that without sounding rude and blunt, but can't think of anyway else to say it, so please don't take offense

you ever tried, successfully, just walking upto a woman in town, a coffee shop, library, video game store or the like and managed to ask her out/get her number. etc etc? because 1 i've never tried it, 2 i always think, god they would think i'm some kind of weirdo/stalker/perve?
and 3 well, talking randomly to some random of the other sex is something that will probably never come naturally to me.

dating sites online is the quite possibly only safe and worthless option left, at best, yeah maybe you'll be lucky and find someone, but at worst, all your doing is wasting effort, you'll never have some woman smack ya one, or worse, her fella smacking you one.....

 

[paradisiac]

you ever tried, successfully, just walking upto a woman in town, a coffee shop, library, video game store or the like and managed to ask her out/get her number. etc etc? because 1 i've never tried it, 2 i always think, god they would think i'm some kind of weirdo/stalker/perve?
and 3 well, talking randomly to some random of the other sex is something that will probably never come naturally to me.

dating sites online is the quite possibly only safe and worthless option left, at best, yeah maybe you'll be lucky and find someone, but at worst, all your doing is wasting effort, you'll never have some woman smack ya one, or worse, her fella smacking you one.....

also, online dating you know they are single and looking. in the street they might have a boyfriend etc and like you say, you end up looking like a creep, or getting punched

 

[Megahurtz400]

you ever tried, successfully, just walking upto a woman in town, a coffee shop, library, video game store or the like and managed to ask her out/get her number. etc etc? because 1 i've never tried it, 2 i always think, god they would think i'm some kind of weirdo/stalker/perve?
and 3 well, talking randomly to some random of the other sex is something that will probably never come naturally to me.

dating sites online is the quite possibly only safe and worthless option left, at best, yeah maybe you'll be lucky and find someone, but at worst, all your doing is wasting effort, you'll never have some woman smack ya one, or worse, her fella smacking you one.....

Good points

Most the women I talk to are through a mutual friendships or going to a certain bar regularly and seeing them more than once.

I've never just gone up to a girl and asked for her number or anything, I always just try and start a conversation about something random (Friend we both know, where are you going tonight etc.) and see how it goes. Normally you can tell whether they are enjoying talking to you or they just want you to go away and so you take it from there

I have no problem just starting random conversations with people though, especially a few drinks. I really couldn't give two tosses what anything thinks of me so i've got nothing to lose really

Best of luck though, never know, I might use one one day

 

[alexakasloth]

Just a small question which might be of interest to those who are recently single... you meet a girl in a club and she gives you her phone number. How long do you wait before texting or calling? A friend (male) said a couple of days, another (female) said the following evening.

 

[SeraphX]

split the difference?

 

[Megahurtz400]

Just a small question which might be of interest to those who are recently single... you meet a girl in a club and she gives you her phone number. How long do you wait before texting or calling? A friend (male) said a couple of days, another (female) said the following evening.

I'd leave it until the end of the next day or the day after that

Don't want to seem too eager, the same night is a bit too soon for me really

 

[joxang]

Just a small question which might be of interest to those who are recently single... you meet a girl in a club and she gives you her phone number. How long do you wait before texting or calling? A friend (male) said a couple of days, another (female) said the following evening.

If she gave you her number she's going start thinking of you at greater length the afternoon/evening of the next day (after she recovers from the previous night ).

I'd text or call her then. A lot easier to say nice stuff about the previous night as well.

 

[knip]

See I hate all that game playing. If you like someone just get in bloody touch with them. Whats with all these rules!

Lifes too short.

 

[Megahurtz400]

See I hate all that game playing. If you like someone just get in bloody touch with them. Whats with all these rules!

Lifes too short.

I don't know really, I just see some people (Myself included a few years ago) being too eager and it back firing in one of two ways:

1. They think your weird and laugh you off
2. They also get very eager, then after the initial period dies out, ends up being awkward for either party one they realise that they don't like one or the other as much

I always make sure when I text someone i'm interested in, it will be a time where there will be something to talk about (Like on a Friday night where you can ask "Going out this weekend?") or something.

I also like to build up a bit of friendship before actually asking a woman out for a drink/date, that way on the drink/date you'll actually have something to talk about

This sounds like I know what i'm going on about, but women confuse the hell out of me like every other man and most of the time I just end up bumbling mess

 

[alexakasloth]

See I hate all that game playing. If you like someone just get in bloody touch with them. Whats with all these rules!

Lifes too short.

I agree with not playing games like this whole '3 day rule' but as Megahurtz400 has said we don't want to come across as eager beavers!

split the difference?

Early morning wake up call it is then.