This sounds like I know what i'm going on about, but women confuse the hell out of me like every other man and most of the time I just end up bumbling mess
Us women are meant to confuse you men, otherwise you'd just get bored!
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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Us women are meant to confuse you men, otherwise you'd just get bored!
Soldato
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Nooooo she'll possibly be too hungover to bother replying, i'd leave it till that evening, but only if it's not a Friday/Saturday, then she'll probably have her hands too full out in town to text back
Us women are meant to confuse you men, otherwise you'd just get bored!
Very good point!
My missus doesn't seem to get it into her thick skull that we have no money spare... She goes out for something small and spends £60 - £90 on clothes for the kids, and buys stuff for herself and never stops going on about things she wants or needs to get, yeah we get a little more money than we did but it doesn't go very far especially when its on stuff that should wait until we have caught up with everything we have paid out before....
Yet she leaves me to deal with the debtors, utilities and banks etc and then wonders why I lose my temper when she starts trying to convince me how I'm wrong etc and that its for the best.... sorry but you cant buy nappies, milk and all that other stuff on good intentions.... then its my fault for not making enough money.... I don't doubt we could win 100 million on the lottery and she'd burn through that in no time and still complain
Then has the cheek to make me sleep on the couch, well she has ****** it for herself this time!
She can deal with all the debtors, banks and other **** by herself from now on because I'm leaving her ass... I don't want to be a single dad but I don't want to feel like I should kill myself either right now the only thing keeping me going is the love I have for my kids!
I know my relationship with this nightmare has been discussed before I know people on here or my friends in the real world have told me to get out but she has me financially trapped etc and constantly messes with my head
I used to love her so much!
Yet she leaves me to deal with the debtors, utilities and banks etc and then wonders why I lose my temper when she starts trying to convince me how I'm wrong etc and that its for the best.... sorry but you cant buy nappies, milk and all that other stuff on good intentions.... then its my fault for not making enough money.... I don't doubt we could win 100 million on the lottery and she'd burn through that in no time and still complain
Then has the cheek to make me sleep on the couch, well she has ****** it for herself this time!
She can deal with all the debtors, banks and other **** by herself from now on because I'm leaving her ass... I don't want to be a single dad but I don't want to feel like I should kill myself either right now the only thing keeping me going is the love I have for my kids!
I know my relationship with this nightmare has been discussed before I know people on here or my friends in the real world have told me to get out but she has me financially trapped etc and constantly messes with my head
I used to love her so much!
Soldato
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Vidar, there is nothing more important than your children, and I'm sure you are aware what a terrible effect you not being there would have on their lives. But aside from them, there will always be positive things to look forward to, you just have to make your own opportunities and good things will happen 
I can't say I know much about being married, but your wife sounds difficult. I know you're at the end of your tether with her, but evidently you still love her. I used to just buy loads of stuff, and I've kind of managed to curb it now. I think what you could do (which is what I did) is firstly sit down with her and show her a breakdown of where your money goes...maybe a spreadsheet with some graphs and stuff. But more importantly, I think, is give her a fixed allowance, in cash.
I've no idea whether you feel you could ever feel the same way about her again, but maybe the hard road is the best road.
Just hang in there dude, things have a way of working themselves out, you just need to look for the positives.
I can't say I know much about being married, but your wife sounds difficult. I know you're at the end of your tether with her, but evidently you still love her. I used to just buy loads of stuff, and I've kind of managed to curb it now. I think what you could do (which is what I did) is firstly sit down with her and show her a breakdown of where your money goes...maybe a spreadsheet with some graphs and stuff. But more importantly, I think, is give her a fixed allowance, in cash.
I've no idea whether you feel you could ever feel the same way about her again, but maybe the hard road is the best road.
Just hang in there dude, things have a way of working themselves out, you just need to look for the positives.
I tend to attract people who don't really have much of a backbone, the "i'll do whatever you want" type, rather than the "throw me over their shoulder and take me back to their cave type" (which i'd prefer)
This is highly confusing.
It seems you can't win, because I hear so many women complaining saying that their bloke or ex doesn't/didn't do romantic and nice things for them etc.
Women like a bad boy but then moan when they get one!
/gives up
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If you can't give woman what they are looking for they just move on, vice versa.
Soldato
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I'd leave it until the end of the next day or the day after that
Don't want to seem too eager, the same night is a bit too soon for me really
I would say content, not timing is what really matters here. For example, if you were to text 'Hey, its Derp from the other night, just wondering how you are
' a couple of days after, is cutsey and a bit wet sop. Far better to lead with something teasy/flirting on the same night like 'Hey, so is this really your number or did i get duped? 'I only have a few things in my draw from my ex who I split with 2 months ago, baby scan photos and a few photos of us wich we printed out.
Also have some of her underwear wich I took off her but never gave back
Ehhhhhhhhhh? Un-tuck your willy and just hoy it in the bin, you massive girl!
I still have a few bits and bobs that an old ex bought me on my desk. It was an amicable split though so no negative connotations. I did throw away the stuff the last ex gave me though (although maybe I shouldn't have deleted the videos off my phone...
)
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[FnG]magnolia;21752386 said:
I think this is the best swingers clip for helping people when someone has broken up with you and you want them back, I remember watching this in deep despair a few years ago after my marriage broke down.
Its all so true as well as this did happen to me, when I didnt want her anymore she then did want to come back and I had to turn her down.
Soldato
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You could have been describing me three years ago, everything is exactly the same. I was together for 17 years, we have two kids, nice house, we did break up a few years before for 6 weeks but she came back telling me she loved me and I thought we had sorted it out but obviously not.
I moved back to my parents immediately until she rented a place about 6 weeks later, it was horrible, I helped her pick it, I wanted to be friends with her and I still did things for her, worse still, she let me, she kept saying she needed space and couldnt think and I never really gave her that, I just wanted her back, I felt so weird its hard to explain, I felt like I had lost a limb or something like that, I had been with her since I was 19.
After about 6 weeks I found out she was dating and it was pretty much the hardest thing to deal with, it was horrible, I cried myself to sleep every night for months, I was constantly picturing in my head what she was doing and who she was doing it with and it drove me insane, I couldnt sleep without a tv on and started watching the same films over and over at bedtime as they somehow comforted me, I think because I by this time knew all the words, it was like having someone talk me to sleep (for the record, these were Superbad, Step Brothers, Zack and Miri make a porno and stuff like this, I could probably recite them all word for word now).
We had split in September, we had agreed to spend xmas together with the kids, it was horrible, in the end I couldnt wait for her to leave, the xmas holiday was horrible and when the bells went at new year, I spent it alone with my older daughter and cried like a baby, something that Im really ashamed off letting her see but I vowed after that I wouldnt give her another thought and would move on with my life.
It was tough for sometime after, I started dating a few months after that and met a nice girl but she wasnt my wife and we broke up, I wasnt ready and shouldnt have been dating but you do silly things to occupy your mind, it started being fun to go out and meet women though, something Id never really done before (my first girlfriend was my wife). Around March time, six months after I split up, I met a nice girl, the week after I met her my wife wanted to talk about getting back together and I thought about it for a few days and said it wasnt a good idea, it wasnt because of the new girl it was just because I new she wasnt right for me anymore and I couldnt let her do it to me a third time which inevitably would have happened.
About 6 weeks after she had spoke to me about this she had met a new guy and he moved into her house, she had been seeing him around the time that she wanted to talk about us so it was all a very quick thing and upset the kids, my eldest daughter stopped going to stay with her and now a few years on only see's her mum once a month if that which is a shame.
I dont blame my wife for leaving, Im glad that she did, Im happier now even though I dont have a house anymore and have to rent (we couldnt get it sold so i gave her it so the kids would have a home which didnt work out too well!), I still do love her and think of her as part of my family and we get on pretty well really, moreso than most couples I think, she has a new baby now who has just turned one, I dont know if that was part of the problem, she felt something was missing in her life as she turned 40.
Id say it took about 9 months to get back to normal, I started dating too soon, it is my one regret as I did hurt a girl who was lovely and it wasnt fair on her, as much as the temptation is there to fill the gap, Id leave some serious time between this especially after a long relationship, its quite easy to get dragged into something serious as you look to fill a void and its wrong, I learned the hard way and as a result I took things a lot slower with my current girlfriend to ensure that didnt happen.
Magnolia's Swingers clip is a great example, you just dont think when your going through a breakup that you will ever get over it, but you do, even the bit about missing the pain, I now look back at that point in my life and do miss it sometimes because time seemed to stop, a day felt like a month, a month a year, I threw myself into fitness and came out of it looking and feeling pretty good, and sometimes it feels like it would be nice to have the drive that I had during that period that i attempted to get her back as I had a goal and was focussed in trying to make it happen.
Not so much a box, few bits lying around the house. It's mostly stuff like hoodies and t-shirts. Still use some of them to lounge around the house in.
wow I really feel for you, that must have been the hardest thing you have ever had to do.
Seeing your ex start a new relationship with someone else is easily the hardest thing about moving on, I'm exactly the same as you, although we weren't together anywhere near as long as you, but our feelings were probably the same.
At least you can look forward now knowing that you have moved on with your life
the time you spent with her was special, you loved each other so that itself is something you will always remember Urgh, so glad this thread is here, just at the right time lol. I have managed to get my self into a right pickle, like a major pickle.
So, last year I split up with my ex, was heavily in love with her however we simply drifted apart from both having our own issues and not talking about them.
Anyway, fast foward to today, new girlfriend, been seeing each other officially and properly for like 4-5 months now. Lot's going on ect ect. However, she already asked me to move in after 1 month, now she talks about growing old together, kids ect ect.
Anyway, I feel nothing for this girl, yes it's fun, but it will never transpire from the current feelings.
"Get rid?" I hear you say, I can't, I find it so tough to do so, and here comes the catch, she works at the same company, her friend base and mine are the same pretty much.
Now, the reason why I am simply not putting in any effort is because my heart lies on a girl I have loved since 15 lol, we have always talked and it's only recently she opened up to me (wasn't aware I had split up, had a gf ect ect). I told her I had someone and she kind of accepted it. Now, this girl has always been a friend of mine, but I have always kept quite as I wanted to keep within the friend zone.
Normally, I would ditch the current gf and get onto where my heart is set. However, never been in this situation before. My current gf turns 30 in a couple of weeks, lots of plans been made with me involved. She was asked to move into my home by my mum! So thinks that is still on the cards even though I told her I would think about it. And obviously, she has much stronger feelings for me than I do for her. So it will break her if I do end it...
Thoughts?
So, last year I split up with my ex, was heavily in love with her however we simply drifted apart from both having our own issues and not talking about them.
Anyway, fast foward to today, new girlfriend, been seeing each other officially and properly for like 4-5 months now. Lot's going on ect ect. However, she already asked me to move in after 1 month, now she talks about growing old together, kids ect ect.
Anyway, I feel nothing for this girl, yes it's fun, but it will never transpire from the current feelings.
"Get rid?" I hear you say, I can't, I find it so tough to do so, and here comes the catch, she works at the same company, her friend base and mine are the same pretty much.
Now, the reason why I am simply not putting in any effort is because my heart lies on a girl I have loved since 15 lol, we have always talked and it's only recently she opened up to me (wasn't aware I had split up, had a gf ect ect). I told her I had someone and she kind of accepted it. Now, this girl has always been a friend of mine, but I have always kept quite as I wanted to keep within the friend zone.
Normally, I would ditch the current gf and get onto where my heart is set. However, never been in this situation before. My current gf turns 30 in a couple of weeks, lots of plans been made with me involved. She was asked to move into my home by my mum! So thinks that is still on the cards even though I told her I would think about it. And obviously, she has much stronger feelings for me than I do for her. So it will break her if I do end it...
Thoughts?
You have to be cruel to be kind. Keeping the relationship going when you know your hearts not in it, is only going to hurt her more in the long run.
You will both be much better off if you tell her what's goin on and how you feel.
Do the right thing and let her go. That way she can ond someone who will love her like she loves you.
Soldato
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To ond or not to ond...
Soldato
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wow I really feel for you, that must have been the hardest thing you have ever had to do.
Seeing your ex start a new relationship with someone else is easily the hardest thing about moving on, I'm exactly the same as you, although we weren't together anywhere near as long as you, but our feelings were probably the same.
At least you can look forward now knowing that you have moved on with your life
Yeah, it was hard at the time, the hardest thing I had to goto, things made it easier, like her moving in with a guy and then getting pregnant soon after.
Turned out well though, and I wouldnt have changed what happened even if i could now, its just hard to see when your going through it that you ever will come out the other side but you always do, i had never had a breakup before so i think that amplified things, the previous split was only 6 weeks and didnt affect me nearly as bad.
This is highly confusing.
It seems you can't win, because I hear so many women complaining saying that their bloke or ex doesn't/didn't do romantic and nice things for them etc.
Women like a bad boy but then moan when they get one!
/gives up
There's a difference though between men being romantic, and then becoming a complete doormat without a backbone or an opinion once they get in a relationship.
I'm all for a bit of romance, what i'm not attracted to though is men who lose sight of themselves.
At the same time I don't get this whole men not being "allowed" to do stuff. I have a lot of male friends, and i'm frequently hearing them say "I'll have to check i'm allowed" "I need to check if the missus will let me" grown men who can't do what they want. Fair enough if it was her birthday or you were out on the lash every night but not being "allowed" to do something, or having to do something to "earn brownie points" I don't get it? Where did that backbone go, you aren't owned by your other half, and should be able to do whatever you want! I'll get off my soap box now. Maybe its these views as to why i'm still single!