The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

cymatty · 22 May 2012 at 21:24

Single after a great 6 months with my ex, only reason we have separated is her moving and being at a different point in her life now.

I am kinda happy that we separated as friends rather than falling out trying to make it work.

Just cant help but think it was the last chance I had to have something.

Captain · 22 May 2012 at 21:26

Does anyone find there appetite is pretty much non existant when going through a break up?

When me n my girlfriend ended 2 months ago i didnt eat a single thing for the first 2 weeks, only drinking spirits on a completely empty stomach :/

alexakasloth · 22 May 2012 at 21:29

You're in your 20's, you'll get under someone else soon enough

cymatty · 22 May 2012 at 21:34

$loth said:
You're in your 20's, you'll get under someone else soon enough

Maybe, it took 2 years to get from my previous to my now ex. I dont hold out much hope.

iamtheoneneo · 22 May 2012 at 21:37

Clov!s said:
Does anyone find there appetite is pretty much non existant when going through a break up?

When me n my girlfriend ended 2 months ago i didnt eat a single thing for the first 2 weeks, only drinking spirits on a completely empty stomach :/

Malteasers seriously the best post breakup food source.

rpg · 22 May 2012 at 22:32

Clov!s said:
Does anyone find there appetite is pretty much non existant when going through a break up?

When me n my girlfriend ended 2 months ago i didnt eat a single thing for the first 2 weeks, only drinking spirits on a completely empty stomach :/

Not a good thing to do. Your mental state is going through enough (which can be close on impossible to change straight away) but neglecting your physical state also will turn into a double whammy. Your physical well being is something you can work on straight away, which will benefit you.

Eat well and get small amounts of exercise regularly throughout the week. Remember exercise can increase serotonin levels in the brain and can help to better your mood. I wasn't in the mood for eating either but I went to the trouble of buying good food/cooking good meals and so, felt it would be a shame to throw it away. I didn't force it down, I just knew I'd be better off if I ate it.

The worst thing I tackled was not being able to go to sleep. Nothing worse. Mind going non-stop, couldn't stop thinking. Had a few weeks of that, until I nearly wore myself out going to the gym on a daily basis and became exhausted. Got back into a normal sleeping pattern and haven't had any problems since.

Captain · 22 May 2012 at 22:53

rpg said:
Not a good thing to do. Your mental state is going through enough (which can be close on impossible to change straight away) but neglecting your physical state also will turn into a double whammy. Your physical well being is something you can work on straight away, which will benefit you.

Eat well and get small amounts of exercise regularly throughout the week. Remember exercise can increase serotonin levels in the brain and can help to better your mood. I wasn't in the mood for eating either but I went to the trouble of buying good food/cooking good meals and so, felt it would be a shame to throw it away. I didn't force it down, I just knew I'd be better off if I ate it.

The worst thing I tackled was not being able to go to sleep. Nothing worse. Mind going non-stop, couldn't stop thinking. Had a few weeks of that, until I nearly wore myself out going to the gym on a daily basis and became exhausted. Got back into a normal sleeping pattern and haven't had any problems since.

Ive tried eating small amounts of food throughout the day, but i literally have one bite and im full because my mind is working overtime it has killed me wanting to eat.

Before we broke up, i was 11st exactly and im 5ft 11, 2months later and i now weight 9st 8, so something drastic needs to happen i think.

Zefan · 22 May 2012 at 22:55

Clov!s said:
Ive tried eating small amounts of food throughout the day, but i literally have one bite and im full because my mind is working overtime it has killed me wanting to eat.

Before we broke up, i was 11st exactly and im 5ft 11, 2months later and i now weight 9st 8, so something drastic needs to happen i think.

Go down the gym and take your bottled up aggression out on some weight lifting, while eyeing up pretty gym bunnies.

2 birds, one stone.

Thank me later.

Captain · 22 May 2012 at 22:59

Zefan said:
Go down the gym and take your bottled up aggression out on some weight lifting, while eyeing up pretty gym bunnies.

2 birds, one stone.

Thank me later.

Its a vicious circle, I have been going to the gym a few times a week, but not eating is giving me no energy to work out with, and once ive worked out im shattered still with no appetite so end up going the rest of the night on an empty stomach, and start all over the next day.

But i do look at the fit girls in the gym

that is a perk

Frozennova · 22 May 2012 at 23:08

That is very unhealthy, my last break up didn't affect me in the slightest. Even after two and a half years, 24 hours later I had already started talking to someone new and 3 months down the road and I'm happier with her than I had been for a long time with my ex

It gets easier, your just need to find something to get your mind away from it.

Zefan · 22 May 2012 at 23:10

ManLoveRulesOK said:
That is very unhealthy, my last break up didn't affect me in the slightest. Even after two and a half years, 24 hours later I had already started talking to someone new

I don't want to be "that guy", but you're either a robot, weren't really that in to her, or were/are in massive denial.

Captain · 22 May 2012 at 23:13

ManLoveRulesOK said:
That is very unhealthy, my last break up didn't affect me in the slightest. Even after two and a half years, 24 hours later I had already started talking to someone new and 3 months down the road and I'm happier with her than I had been for a long time with my ex

It gets easier, your just need to find something to get your mind away from it.

What was your relationship like with her? Any commitments?

The thing that's causing me so much stress and what's making me really unhealthy, is the fact she has a new boyfriend, its seriously messing my head up.

Just cant stop thinking about her and her new bf, what are they doing, is it serious, could he be the one for her etc, driving me insane!

Frozennova · 22 May 2012 at 23:18

Zefan said:
I don't want to be "that guy", but you're either a robot, weren't really that in to her, or were/are in massive denial.

Clov!s said:
What was your relationship like with her? Any commitments?

The thing that's causing me so much stress and what's making me really unhealthy, is the fact she has a new boyfriend, its seriously messing my head up.

Just cant stop thinking about her and her new bf, what are they doing, is it serious, could he be the one for her etc, driving me insane!

The relationship had gone downhill hugely by the time we split. We had lived together for 18 months but began arguing all too frequently. I moved back into my parents to try and patch things up bit we had drifted too far apart and had feel out of love, we both knew that it was more or less an if than when we broke up once we stopped living together. tbh I wish we had broke up April last year when I found she had a one night stand with and ex.

J-FRO · 22 May 2012 at 23:18

Biggest problem for me after any break up is the fear that your ex will then find someone new before you do. And yet the more you look, the less success you seem to have.

I think it's important to just chill, be yourself, channel your aggression and anxiety through exercise and concentrate on your social life. The rest will all come naturally. After all, we probably all managed to get with out ex's by being ourselves anyway

Captain · 22 May 2012 at 23:26

J-FRO said:
Biggest problem for me after any break up is the fear that your ex will then find someone new before you do. And yet the more you look, the less success you seem to have.

I think it's important to just chill, be yourself, channel your aggression and anxiety through exercise and concentrate on your social life. The rest will all come naturally. After all, we probably all managed to get with out ex's by being ourselves anyway

9 times out of 10 the girl will always find someone quicker than the guy, which for guys who are madly in love with their girlfriends find it unbearable to deal with, just like i did and still am.

I met my current ex while shopping in my local shopping centre, spoke for about 6months via text and seeing each other when out up town, so maybe i should go prowl the centre again lol

Narj · 23 May 2012 at 07:46

knip said:
There's a difference though between men being romantic, and then becoming a complete doormat without a backbone or an opinion once they get in a relationship.

Fair enough. Plenty of women these days seem keen to turn their blokes into emasculated, subservient shadows of their former selves, though.

knip said:
At the same time I don't get this whole men not being "allowed" to do stuff. I have a lot of male friends, and i'm frequently hearing them say "I'll have to check i'm allowed" "I need to check if the missus will let me" grown men who can't do what they want. Fair enough if it was her birthday or you were out on the lash every night but not being "allowed" to do something, or having to do something to "earn brownie points" I don't get it? Where did that backbone go, you aren't owned by your other half, and should be able to do whatever you want! I'll get off my soap box now. Maybe its these views as to why i'm still single!

You just described most of my friends, well, at least the ones in long term relationships or who are married; I don't understand this either! Some of them even seem to like being kept under the thumb. Perhaps it assures them that they have finally "grown up", but I can't understand why anyone would ever want to be enslaved in such a fashion, but then I am fiercely independent.

ShortWarning · 23 May 2012 at 16:14

Clov!s said:
9 times out of 10 the girl will always find someone quicker than the guy, which for guys who are madly in love with their girlfriends find it unbearable to deal with, just like i did and still am.

This. Women move on ridiculously quickly.

Zefan · 23 May 2012 at 16:17

ShortWarning said:
This. Women move on ridiculously quickly.

It's often because a relationship will have been emotionally over for a long time before they actually split up with someone. This is why it can be super confusing for a guy, to have a girlfriend lacking affection/not wanting to be relationshippy at all for a couple of months and acting all odd, then suddenly splitting up and being a perfectly romantic partner with someone new within days.

But yeah when all's said and done, BISHES BE CRAZY.

Metalface Mark · 23 May 2012 at 16:23

Its not just that, a lot of people (women and men) cant really function not in a relationship, they need someone, so they wont take long to move on when the last thing they should be doing is that, they end up just going from one relationship to another without really getting over the last one.

Zefan · 23 May 2012 at 16:24

Oh yeah of course, but I was commenting specifically on the point that women tend to move on particularly fast.