Soldato
I know several people who have done the same and ended up as daddy!
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
Why do you want to meet your ex tomorrow night for a drink? Are you truly over it? I'd definitely avoid it.
Just a quick update on my situation, for anyone interested. My ex fiance cleared out her belongings last night. She was totally emotionally disengaged, although when I joked about how cold she was, she said she did feel upset. Anyway, the house now feels far more empty than I was expecting, which especially sucks because I hate my own company. I'll never know why or how this ever happened, but I do wish she talked to me about it, because I doubt any of this would have happened.
So, in the absence of highly advanced sex robots, can anyone recommend some good ways to meet women? I've been out of the loop for almost a decade, so I'm guessing a lot has changed.
So, in the absence of highly advanced sex robots, can anyone recommend some good ways to meet women? I've been out of the loop for almost a decade, so I'm guessing a lot has changed.
My motivation? Mixture of curiosity, concern, compassion and stupidity. Date last night went alright, enjoying getting to know someone and taking it slow, definitely some tension building up in that regard though.
She's pregnant and the baby is yours, she wants to discuss maintenance payments and access arrangements.
Associate
A further update to the ongoing saga that is the breakup of my 17-year marriage and 25+ year relationship.
My wife moved her furniture out of the house last weekend - fool that I am, I helped her do it. I won't refer to it as the marital home anymore, because it obviously isn't and it doesn't feel like 'home' to me anymore in any case. It's become just a building that I happen to currently live in. It lost a major part of its 'soul' when she moved out - now her possessions have gone as well, it just feels totally soul-less. Hope you can understand what I mean ...
The one positive point in the proceedings was that we sat and had a cuppa afterwards and the subject of our divorce came up in conversation. She, like me, has no wish to start fighting with each other through solicitors and trusts solicitors about as much as I do, namely not at all. Given how evasive she's been at times, I had expected to be on the receiving end of a petition for Unreasonable Behaviour. She dismissed that and said "Why would I do that? You haven't been unreasonable ..." and suggested we wait for the two-year separation, then just do it ultra-quickly and at very little legal hassle/cost to either of us. Makes sense to me - I want to use my share of the proceeds of the house sale to make my current and future situation comfortable, not devote a large chunk to paying off some bloodsucking solicitor. I said "Won't that make things awkward if one or other of us meets someone else?" and she said "Well, only if one or both of us wanted to get married again", to which I gave a derisive snort and said "That doesn't apply to me in any case - I told myself when I married you that I was only going to do this once and I'm sticking to it!", which I think hurt her a bit.
As for how I'm coping personally, it's great most of the time - it's not the happiest time of my life obviously, but friends and family are being fantastic and I'm seeing a lot of self-deprecating humour in my situation. My emotions are a lot better, but still a bit fragile for my liking - music particularly is having a profound effect sometimes and can tip me over the edge quite easily.
What is utterly screwing with my head is how I feel about her. One day I'll be as close to hating her as it's possible to be without actually 'hating' her, if you know what I mean ... I've loved her for over 25 years - I won't give her the satisfaction of actually hating her. Then, another day, I'll absolutely adore her and pray that she'll change her mind and wonder how I'll cope without her, when in reality I'm coping just fine. There's an old cliche about love and hate being very close, but in my current experience it's true. Quite by chance, I was getting some petrol on the way to work yesterday morning and she pulled up at the pump next to me. She smiled and said hello and we spoke - I remember being amused by other people thinking it was two friends talking, when in reality it was a separated husband and wife. Point being, all I thought about at work yesterday was her - part of me at least still really has it bad for her. I'm 48 years old and that part of me feels like a lovestruck teenager.
The only thing that will help me is getting away, both from this house and this immediate cluster of villages, which will happen when the house is sold and I can move away and truly make a new life for myself. My contact with her has to be minimal until we're divorced, at which point contact will end altogether. I have no wish to retain her as a friend - she's either my wife/girlfriend or she's nothing ... in my head it's that simple. As promised in an earlier post, I've defriended her sister and my nephew and niece on Facebook - I hated doing that to the kids as they're collatoral damage caught in the fallout from this, but the fact remains I'm only their uncle by marriage.
I know the only person who can change the situation is actually me and the time is coming when I will be able to do that - I just need to weather the intervening weeks/months. Thank you for listening and apologies for the wall of text - it's helpful just to have somewhere to let off steam, where people have experienced something similar.
My wife moved her furniture out of the house last weekend - fool that I am, I helped her do it. I won't refer to it as the marital home anymore, because it obviously isn't and it doesn't feel like 'home' to me anymore in any case. It's become just a building that I happen to currently live in. It lost a major part of its 'soul' when she moved out - now her possessions have gone as well, it just feels totally soul-less. Hope you can understand what I mean ...
The one positive point in the proceedings was that we sat and had a cuppa afterwards and the subject of our divorce came up in conversation. She, like me, has no wish to start fighting with each other through solicitors and trusts solicitors about as much as I do, namely not at all. Given how evasive she's been at times, I had expected to be on the receiving end of a petition for Unreasonable Behaviour. She dismissed that and said "Why would I do that? You haven't been unreasonable ..." and suggested we wait for the two-year separation, then just do it ultra-quickly and at very little legal hassle/cost to either of us. Makes sense to me - I want to use my share of the proceeds of the house sale to make my current and future situation comfortable, not devote a large chunk to paying off some bloodsucking solicitor. I said "Won't that make things awkward if one or other of us meets someone else?" and she said "Well, only if one or both of us wanted to get married again", to which I gave a derisive snort and said "That doesn't apply to me in any case - I told myself when I married you that I was only going to do this once and I'm sticking to it!", which I think hurt her a bit.
As for how I'm coping personally, it's great most of the time - it's not the happiest time of my life obviously, but friends and family are being fantastic and I'm seeing a lot of self-deprecating humour in my situation. My emotions are a lot better, but still a bit fragile for my liking - music particularly is having a profound effect sometimes and can tip me over the edge quite easily.
What is utterly screwing with my head is how I feel about her. One day I'll be as close to hating her as it's possible to be without actually 'hating' her, if you know what I mean ... I've loved her for over 25 years - I won't give her the satisfaction of actually hating her. Then, another day, I'll absolutely adore her and pray that she'll change her mind and wonder how I'll cope without her, when in reality I'm coping just fine. There's an old cliche about love and hate being very close, but in my current experience it's true. Quite by chance, I was getting some petrol on the way to work yesterday morning and she pulled up at the pump next to me. She smiled and said hello and we spoke - I remember being amused by other people thinking it was two friends talking, when in reality it was a separated husband and wife. Point being, all I thought about at work yesterday was her - part of me at least still really has it bad for her. I'm 48 years old and that part of me feels like a lovestruck teenager.
The only thing that will help me is getting away, both from this house and this immediate cluster of villages, which will happen when the house is sold and I can move away and truly make a new life for myself. My contact with her has to be minimal until we're divorced, at which point contact will end altogether. I have no wish to retain her as a friend - she's either my wife/girlfriend or she's nothing ... in my head it's that simple. As promised in an earlier post, I've defriended her sister and my nephew and niece on Facebook - I hated doing that to the kids as they're collatoral damage caught in the fallout from this, but the fact remains I'm only their uncle by marriage.
I know the only person who can change the situation is actually me and the time is coming when I will be able to do that - I just need to weather the intervening weeks/months. Thank you for listening and apologies for the wall of text - it's helpful just to have somewhere to let off steam, where people have experienced something similar.
Although I was with my partner for less time than you were with yours and I was only engaged, I can understand where you are coming from. My ex moved her stuff out last night and the house feels souless.
I can't imagine how much more difficult it must be to part with someone after 25+ years though
Associate
It's horrible mate, absolutely horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anybody else. It's literally torn my world apart. She moved out at the end of July and confirmed we were over on the day after our 17th wedding anniversary. Never a good time, but that struck me as particularly insensitive, bordering on sick. Since then, I've been as low as I ever want to be and the climb back up again is a steep one, with a lot of deceptive drops along the way.I can't imagine how much more difficult it must be to part with someone after 25+ years though
Stupid thing is, we used to worship each other - we were so devoted it blew my mind ... I recently found a note she wrote me on our wedding day in which she said it was the proudest, happiest day of her life and she loved me with all her heart. Reading that absolutely destroyed me. Classic case of what happens in a marriage if one or both parties get complacent. Not a mistake I'll be making again.
I was on a date tonight through OkCupid and my date told me that the strangest message she'd received had told her that her elbows were too pointy. I immediately thought of this forum.
Are pointy elbows exclusive to OCUK or is this an Internet thing I'm not aware of. Anyone care to confess?
Are pointy elbows exclusive to OCUK or is this an Internet thing I'm not aware of. Anyone care to confess?
I've heard females use it in my work place about men they have seen or dated. It can't only be a internet thing... surely!?!???
Maybe it was originally stolen from female discussion because of how ridiculous it was. I've heard some crazy reasons from women as to why they won't date someone.
Look at that take me out show for example, they buzz someone out if they don't like his shoes.
Maybe it was originally stolen from female discussion because of how ridiculous it was. I've heard some crazy reasons from women as to why they won't date someone.
Look at that take me out show for example, they buzz someone out if they don't like his shoes.
Or because the man isn't taller than them with heels, they look like their dad, ex or they don't want to be second best against the mans dog!
These are the same women who will kick off if a men pays more attention to another women who is slimmer and younger than them. Even if they don't fancy him!
Associate
Christ gents, steady on! I’ve been out of the dating game nearly 30 years and getting back in it fills me with enough dread as it is! In the current climate, it already feels as if you need written consent before going to bed with a woman ...
Associate
You do! And for every part of the act.
Enjoy reading this: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...reasts-sex-philip-queree-jersey-a7996126.html
Associate
Men are not allowed to prefer thin women though
Yep. And you have no control over height whatsoever.
Everyone has preferences. Stop pretending that it makes your a bad person. I couldn't date a porker that's for sure