Would asking for a 50/50 split not keep things amicable?
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
Would asking for a 50/50 split not keep things amicable?
If its amicable and that's what you've agreed, get those terms 'legalised' by a solicitor and signed by both of you. Get access for your kids sorted asap whatever you do. It's only a matter of time until she decides she wants more and then you're screwed.
Yup - once she starts seeing a new guy, in your house, in your bed etc. What if she wants to up and move later? Or sell to buy a new home and a fresh start? She wants more money, pension?
How amicable is she going to be when her friends and family get in her head? Or when you start seeing someone else and moving on with your life?
Personally, i think you need a solicitor to get this all legalised - finances and kids.
Do you enjoy being taken advantage of? There are plenty of cheaper ways to satisfy such a fetish. Plus you always try to low-ball to be in a better position for when she asks for more.
We've agreed on child arrangements verbally so getting this in writing is my key goal.
I don't pay into a pension. Her buying me out has been discussed. I don't want to rent so her buying me out is the only option.
I enjoy the fact I know my children have our family home. I have done everything in my power to fix the relationship and as she's inevitably get custody then I don't want her to be struggling so our children suffer.
Soldato
- Joined
- 11 Sep 2009
- Posts
- 14,064
- Location
- France, Alsace
How come? How old are you?
Ouch, I would definitely sort that out going forward. I left it a bit late to look into seriously and have been putting a putting a large chunk of my income into private pension and other investments since.
It sucks and I wish I had been a bit more savvy in my 20's rather than spunking so much money up the wall. I'm quite lucky in that I do have company pensions too. At least anything you accumulate now can be kept out of the frame!
Only if there's a legally binding financial consent order in place otherwise a claim could be made years later. All the more reason for @joelk2 to get this sorted by a professional.
Yes, I believe it's called a "full and final settlement". Someone more versed on these things might be able to confirm but I know someone who got shafted by not doing exactly this.
Good call. It may not be what she wants to hear and things may get ugly, but it is for the best for all concerned. Maybe bring it up in conversation and see how she feels/reacts?
"full and final settlement" - this is what you want your solicitors to draw up.
@joelk2 I think the important thing is to make it clear that getting agreements drawn up legally in this fashion provides certainty, protection and peace of mind for both parties. No challenges to house equity outside agreement from you, no challenges on pension or whatever from her. Everyone knows where they stand, job done.
Last edited:
Soldato
- Joined
- 11 Sep 2009
- Posts
- 14,064
- Location
- France, Alsace
I'd definitely look to sorting this out. You're about the same age as me so you have time, but with a split and you then looking after yourself and starting again, you have to look out for your future interests.
@joelk2 I think the important thing is to make it clear that getting agreements drawn up legally in this fashion provides certainty, protection and peace of mind for both parties. No challenges to house equity outside agreement from you, no challenges on pension or whatever from her. Everyone knows where they stand, job done.
Have asked the question to a few solicitors. Ie if we agree using our own separation agreement could it then be signed off through the solicitors.
I agree. The issue I'm facing is that I'm struggling to find places to rent which are in ok areas that are within my price range.
I'm quite picky about where I want to live as at the end of the day I've got to be happy with it.
How you doing?
Soldato
- Joined
- 5 Jul 2007
- Posts
- 5,505
- Location
- London
Hope this is an appropriate thread for this, interested in what you guys would think about this?
My partner was offered a trip to Turkey by her sister for her birthday just recently, I thought lovely, great gift, they're close and so this was a nice opportunity to spend some time together. The elder sister has already been to turkey for a nose job, you can probably see where this is going but stupidly I thought this was just a nice holiday nothing more. My partner has often talked of having liposuction done, she's in no way overweight, but she feels conscious about her legs and arms.
So fast forward a couple of days of them being there, and everything goes quiet, which is strange as we talk most days. I try to get in touch to no avail and so get a bit worried. The next day I hear from them, but am told they're just in the hotel because it's raining. I looked at the weather, it's not...
That evening I get a call, with her telling me not to be mad, she has something to tell me, and out it comes, they had both gone in to have lipo operations done. I was super upset, not so much the fact she had it done, at the end of the day it's her choice, just the fact she knowingly lied to me as to why they went away, they didn't tell anyone about it and so god forbid if anything had gone wrong nobody would have known, thankfully all seems to be ok. She claims it was a last-minute choice to have it done and wasn't planned, but at this point, I'm not sure what to believe. She would have known this was why the sister wanted to go, and purposefully didn't tell me the true reason for the trip at the least.
Just wondering how you guys would handle this, as to me this is a huge violation of trust and it has really upset me to think she has gone behind my back to do this and taken the risk. I'm also massively ****** at her sister who has essentially put her up to this, all she seems to care about is how she looks, not realizing it comes across as fairly grotesque being quite that vain. She's now also very upset, as she has seen how upset I was and didn't want to see me this way.
Anyway, am I overreacting here? How would you guys react to this?
Further, we're supposed to be moving house in a few weeks, she is not going to be able to lift a finger now, so that'll be all on me. Pretty selfish imo?
My partner was offered a trip to Turkey by her sister for her birthday just recently, I thought lovely, great gift, they're close and so this was a nice opportunity to spend some time together. The elder sister has already been to turkey for a nose job, you can probably see where this is going but stupidly I thought this was just a nice holiday nothing more. My partner has often talked of having liposuction done, she's in no way overweight, but she feels conscious about her legs and arms.
So fast forward a couple of days of them being there, and everything goes quiet, which is strange as we talk most days. I try to get in touch to no avail and so get a bit worried. The next day I hear from them, but am told they're just in the hotel because it's raining. I looked at the weather, it's not...
That evening I get a call, with her telling me not to be mad, she has something to tell me, and out it comes, they had both gone in to have lipo operations done. I was super upset, not so much the fact she had it done, at the end of the day it's her choice, just the fact she knowingly lied to me as to why they went away, they didn't tell anyone about it and so god forbid if anything had gone wrong nobody would have known, thankfully all seems to be ok. She claims it was a last-minute choice to have it done and wasn't planned, but at this point, I'm not sure what to believe. She would have known this was why the sister wanted to go, and purposefully didn't tell me the true reason for the trip at the least.
Just wondering how you guys would handle this, as to me this is a huge violation of trust and it has really upset me to think she has gone behind my back to do this and taken the risk. I'm also massively ****** at her sister who has essentially put her up to this, all she seems to care about is how she looks, not realizing it comes across as fairly grotesque being quite that vain. She's now also very upset, as she has seen how upset I was and didn't want to see me this way.
Anyway, am I overreacting here? How would you guys react to this?
Further, we're supposed to be moving house in a few weeks, she is not going to be able to lift a finger now, so that'll be all on me. Pretty selfish imo?
Associate
- Joined
- 9 Aug 2009
- Posts
- 1,517
- Location
- Internet
First of all if shes willing to go aboard in a pandemic to have liposuction just to feel good about herself what as has she done or willing to do without you finding out.
Man of Honour
- Joined
- 21 Nov 2004
- Posts
- 46,365
She had that done on Turkey? That’s brave/reckless. A huge violation of trust and an equally huge red flag.