The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

joelk2 · 18 Aug 2020 at 21:58

Newbie007 said:
Seems a massive over reaction on her part for something so small, do you have previous for infidelity? Why was she snooping through work emails/your phone?

Sorry for the blunt question.

nope never, never cheated and was certainly no plans too.

she was using my phone to take some pictures of the garden as it was close and hers was the other side of the house.

she knows my password as i do hers.

Chojin said:
This plus the silent treatment makes me think borderline personality disorder. I would look into this to see if some of the behaviours match up. I wouldn't write it off just yet.

will look into it. im not writing it off. family = everything to me.

NVP · 18 Aug 2020 at 22:05

joelk2 said:
i made a mistake during lockdown which is where this all kicked off.

short story...

Ooooh, minor. If that's it then you should be fine with counselling unless there are deeper resentments held on either side, to be fair you should be fine with an explanation (not apology if you've done nothing wrong) but hey ho, women b women. Y u b so stupid man? Was she pretty?

Newbie007 · 18 Aug 2020 at 22:05

Chojin said:
This plus the silent treatment makes me think borderline personality disorder. I would look into this to see if some of the behaviours match up. I wouldn't write it off just yet.

I dated a woman with bpd a few years back, silent treatment was never one of her behaviors - the overreaction to something so negligible, most definitely.

Jonnybmac · 18 Aug 2020 at 22:08

You only really have yourself to blame for that one then I can understand her reasoning's.

Trust is a massive thing and you've just blew that right out. If my partner was sending another person messages calling them pretty, especially work colleagues that can raise all sorts of questioning in ones head about what has or could have gone on then there is no chance I'd continue the relationship - those types of things can screw with your head as a deep thinker, questioning all sorts of scenarios it just isn't worth it and years down the line you'll still have doubts in your head.

Not sure why you failed to say this at the beginning and played a sort of victim making your wife out to be nuts and unloving for no reason :confused:

joelk2 · 18 Aug 2020 at 22:09

NVP said:
Ooooh, minor. If that's it then you should be fine with counselling unless there are deeper resentments held on either side, to be fair you should be fine with an explanation (not apology if you've done nothing wrong) but hey ho, women b women. Y u b so stupid man? Was she pretty?

i think its minor, albeit wrong at the same time.
not pretty no. i was genuinely just being friendly we share a common loathing to the way the company micro manage us and how they installed 30+ cctv cameras around the upper floor (desk areas) of the office. anywhere you stand you are visible from at least 9 cameras.

joelk2 · 18 Aug 2020 at 22:13

Jonnybmac said:
Not sure why you failed to say this at the beginning and played a sort of victim making your wife out to be nuts and unloving for no reason

not playing a victim. she messages male work colleagues and adds x's to the end of the messages, i havent once done that.

i do have myself to blame for the loss of trust though

NVP · 18 Aug 2020 at 22:16

joelk2 said:
not playing a victim. she messages male work colleagues and adds x's to the end of the messages, i havent once done that.

Hold the phone. She what now? And she's fussing over pretty? Nothing wrong with sending x's to close friends etc but to be so hypocritical I'd be telling her to stfu and sit down or do one and leave the kids if she wants out.

joelk2 · 18 Aug 2020 at 22:18

NVP said:
Hold the phone. She what now? And she's fussing over pretty? Nothing wrong with sending x's to close friends etc but to be so hypocritical I'd be telling her to stfu and sit down or do one and leave the kids if she wants out.

it doesnt bother me. i trust her.

NVP · 18 Aug 2020 at 22:22

joelk2 said:
it doesnt bother me. i trust her.

This bullspit, hypocritical, nonsensical, life affecting, mentally demolishing drama of a lie doesn't bother you?

I'm out. Wish you all the best my friend. Good luck x

Roar87 · 18 Aug 2020 at 22:28

x's at the end of messages don't mean anything, some people just do that

NVP · 18 Aug 2020 at 22:36

Exactly, and neither does pretty (context depending of course)

Theophany · 18 Aug 2020 at 23:03

NVP said:
Exactly, and neither does pretty (context depending of course)

Never call a colleague pretty. I know a person who was subject to a workplace harrassment suit because they said their smile lit up the room. Absolutely bananas.

Ayahuasca · 18 Aug 2020 at 23:17

It’s well and truly ovah with that new piece of information, sorry bro.

Junglist · 18 Aug 2020 at 23:35

So a bit of a different post.

a friend of mine that my girlfriend and I were renting with went through a breakup last year.

I'm not massively intune with personal feelings etc. Conversations around such make me feel a bit awkward and I tend to not entertain them and pass them off to my girlfriends or my female friends.

when he went through the breakup i asked if he was ok, he said yes so I left it at that and presumed if he wanted to talk about it, he'd bring it up. During our last few months living together I noticed he was behaving very weird towards me often giving me closed answers to questions and giving the impression he didn't want to talk.

fast forward a few months and I find out he's annoyed with me for not doing more during his time despite him not making it it very welcoming in the house or not ever making conversation with me.

I'm now annoyed as I feel just being myself wasn't enough but what else could I have done in the situation? If someone says there ok I'm not a mind reader to know they're ok.

I'm now stuck. Do i apologise in order to get this friend back or should I wait for them to come to their own senses?

Newbie007 · 19 Aug 2020 at 01:12

I wouldn't apologise, don't see you have anything to say sorry for? You reached out to him when he was going through the initial breakup and he didn't reply with anything, nor try to talk to you.

Seems he wants someone to 'blame' and you are an easy target.

!bluetonic! · 19 Aug 2020 at 06:45

Don't be his scapegoat. Ditch him and find a new friend that looks like him, but has a better attitude.

placeholder · 19 Aug 2020 at 07:37

Junglist said:
So a bit of a different post.

a friend of mine that my girlfriend and I were renting with went through a breakup last year.

I'm not massively intune with personal feelings etc. Conversations around such make me feel a bit awkward and I tend to not entertain them and pass them off to my girlfriends or my female friends.

when he went through the breakup i asked if he was ok, he said yes so I left it at that and presumed if he wanted to talk about it, he'd bring it up. During our last few months living together I noticed he was behaving very weird towards me often giving me closed answers to questions and giving the impression he didn't want to talk.

fast forward a few months and I find out he's annoyed with me for not doing more during his time despite him not making it it very welcoming in the house or not ever making conversation with me.

I'm now annoyed as I feel just being myself wasn't enough but what else could I have done in the situation? If someone says there ok I'm not a mind reader to know they're ok.

I'm now stuck. Do i apologise in order to get this friend back or should I wait for them to come to their own senses?

If you felt awkward then you asking if he was ok may not have made him feel like he could talk to you so he just said yes to close the conversation. Did the rest of his behaviour suggest he was ok? Was he mooching around the house in a depression or did he actually seem to have got on with his life?

Bottom line if he is actually a good friend then mention it to him. Nothing wrong with saying "Sorry if I wasn't more help but Im crap at discussing feelings so anything past "are you ok?" will have to come from you, but don't mistake that for me not caring about your situation". If he isn't a good friend or he doesn't respond to the above then Id suggest the problem is more his than yours.

NVP · 19 Aug 2020 at 07:55

Junglist said:
I'm now stuck. Do i apologise in order to get this friend back or should I wait for them to come to their own senses?

I'd tell them to stop being a little bitch and come shoot some pool or something. Sounds like his mental is suffering, surround him with happy social and see wagwan.

malachi · 19 Aug 2020 at 08:07

Mushy Peas said:
Never call a colleague pretty. I know a person who was subject to a workplace harrassment suit because they said their smile lit up the room. Absolutely bananas.

Reminds me of this https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1663485-hello-human-resources

Junglist said:
So a bit of a different post.

a friend of mine that my girlfriend and I were renting with went through a breakup last year.

I'm not massively intune with personal feelings etc. Conversations around such make me feel a bit awkward and I tend to not entertain them and pass them off to my girlfriends or my female friends.

when he went through the breakup i asked if he was ok, he said yes so I left it at that and presumed if he wanted to talk about it, he'd bring it up. During our last few months living together I noticed he was behaving very weird towards me often giving me closed answers to questions and giving the impression he didn't want to talk.

fast forward a few months and I find out he's annoyed with me for not doing more during his time despite him not making it it very welcoming in the house or not ever making conversation with me.

I'm now annoyed as I feel just being myself wasn't enough but what else could I have done in the situation? If someone says there ok I'm not a mind reader to know they're ok.

I'm now stuck. Do i apologise in order to get this friend back or should I wait for them to come to their own senses?

Nothing to apologies for, sounds like they are being immature.

secretspy · 19 Aug 2020 at 08:10

Mushy Peas said:
Never call a colleague pretty. I know a person who was subject to a workplace harrassment suit because they said their smile lit up the room. Absolutely bananas.

I remember reading a story of a bank worker who sued for sexual harassment because a male colleague blew a raspberry at her :rolleyes:

@Junglist if it was me and a friendship i wanted to save, then i would be saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry if you feel I wasn't supportive enough but I did ask you if you were ok and you said yes. I didn't feel it appropriate to try to push you to say more if you don't want to talk about it"

You can only help someone so far and then the rest is up to them.