The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Tosno said:
Beavers?
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CommonDefensiveIrukandjijellyfish-size_restricted.gif
 
Jean-F said:
Apparently they do, also penguins, puffins, coyotes, albatrosses, gibbons, barn owls, geese, pigeons, (yes really, pigeons), a few others, but the ones that surprised me, although I don’t know why they should, was America’s emblem, Bald Eagles.
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and that is also the argument for gays being the norm, if it happens naturally in the animal kingdom then it must be normal because they haven't been influenced by anything.
 
Been working out with my ex on skype for about a week after barely skyping her for over a year even though she has my child.

Started to remember how addictive her personality and looks are :( thankfully the feeling started to wear off after a few days

still love her but hope she finds someone better than I am.

I stupidly asked if she had sex since we split up and she said she boned her friend.... the guy who I told her was out for only one thing and probably the reason we split up because he would have been seeding the doubts.

the guy only wanted to be her friend, didn't want to meet me, didn't want to meet her kids.... suddenly hes around there all the time when we break up, she said he got her drunk and high and took advantage.
she kicked him out and apparently hasn't seem him since it seems.

cos he got a GF and moved in on the same street as her lol....


wait till I go back over there, the guy better start running as soon as he sees me. can't give consent when drunk or high right. so he's basically a rapist in my eyes :D

she never would have slept with him otherwise, the guys a loser on disability who can't even carry a shopping bag and likely will be in a wheelchair before hes 40
 
You never thought for a second she's told you that's how it played out just to soften the blow?

I mean if he genuinely did that to have sex with her then she probably wants to report it to the relevant authorities, rather than have her son's father charged for assault if you do bump into him on your next visit.
 
Ayahuasca said:
You never thought for a second she's told you that's how it played out just to soften the blow?

I mean if he genuinely did that to have sex with her then she probably wants to report it to the relevant authorities, rather than have her son's father charged for assault if you do bump into him on your next visit.
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she's ridiculously honest with me it was one of the reasons I liked her in the first place.

she doesn't really have a filter, if I ask she will just tell me the truth no matter what is it.

A few weeks ago she skyped me out of the blue upset, said one of her fiends had been over the previous night and they drank wine and smoked what she thought was CBD (legal over there)
she told me it obviously wasn't CBD because she felt ill and suspected he put something in the CBD packet ie real weed maybe even laced with someone.

she still has the CBD packet with half the contents inside.

at the time she didn't tell me who it was or they had sex.
I found out later.

there was no chance of us getting back together anyway and it happened long after we broke up so she doesn't need to soften the blow.

she had met the guy tons of times apparently since we broke up even though he tells her how beautiful she is etc... constantly and tries to smash her. (even when we were still together he would tell her the same crap, I told her she should consider his motives at the time)
but not my place to decide who her friends are so bleh

seems he needed wine and drugs to get his way.

I've actually met him in passing when we were together.

I think he suspects he would never see me in that country again, she has no friends, who can she turn too?

well he's in for a rude awakening in a few months when I sample the CBD and find out the truth.

if he did something to her :mad: I'ma break his legs
 
Jean-F said:
I’m trying to get my head around your thoughts that the woman involved may not be committing as she thinks that she can do better.
You’ll have to forgive me, all my relationships, affairs, liaisons, call them what you will, occurred way back in the mists of time.
I had my share of involvements with the opposite sex, but I never once thought, “I can do better than her, but she’ll do until I find someone better.”
If I was “with” someone, I was with her because I thought that she was the greatest thing since sliced bread, not the greatest thing until something better turns up.
My way of meeting women may sound off the wall to you guys that are “in the life” now, but it was the norm for me in the good old days.
If I saw someone that attracted me, I’d try to get closer to her without alarming her, or taking me for a weird stalker.
Open with something nice and easy to put her at ease, smile, say the right things, give her plenty of space, don’t crowd her, and within 5 minutes you’ll see if she’s warming to you, or if you should just back off gracefully.
Forgive me if I’m reading you wrong, but you give me the impression that after a 10 year relationship, you are anxious to become part of a loved up couple again, you’re coming off as appearing desperate.
Good luck though, I had some great single years, but a loving relationship is better.
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The fact we are going out and being intimate (which I think has clouded my mind) means that she obviously likes me to an extent.

The question is why it has not yet progressed to being a relationship. This is what is giving me cause for concern.
 
arknor said:
Been working out with my ex on skype for about a week after barely skyping her for over a year even though she has my child.

Started to remember how addictive her personality and looks are :( thankfully the feeling started to wear off after a few days

still love her but hope she finds someone better than I am.

I stupidly asked if she had sex since we split up and she said she boned her friend.... the guy who I told her was out for only one thing and probably the reason we split up because he would have been seeding the doubts.

the guy only wanted to be her friend, didn't want to meet me, didn't want to meet her kids.... suddenly hes around there all the time when we break up, she said he got her drunk and high and took advantage.
she kicked him out and apparently hasn't seem him since it seems.

cos he got a GF and moved in on the same street as her lol....


wait till I go back over there, the guy better start running as soon as he sees me. can't give consent when drunk or high right. so he's basically a rapist in my eyes :D

she never would have slept with him otherwise, the guys a loser on disability who can't even carry a shopping bag and likely will be in a wheelchair before hes 40
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Where are you based? Seems a strange split of locations. Is your ex also not from newcastle?
 
Orangeade said:
Where are you based? Seems a strange split of locations. Is your ex also not from newcastle?
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I was jumping between NCL and ZRH for my job.
1 month here, one there.
quickly became 1 here, 2 there etc

English woman don't even compare to Swiss.

even a poverty swiss person would pass as classy in this country
 
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arknor said:
Been working out with my ex on skype for about a week after barely skyping her for over a year even though she has my child.

Started to remember how addictive her personality and looks are :( thankfully the feeling started to wear off after a few days

still love her but hope she finds someone better than I am.

I stupidly asked if she had sex since we split up and she said she boned her friend.... the guy who I told her was out for only one thing and probably the reason we split up because he would have been seeding the doubts.

the guy only wanted to be her friend, didn't want to meet me, didn't want to meet her kids.... suddenly hes around there all the time when we break up, she said he got her drunk and high and took advantage.
she kicked him out and apparently hasn't seem him since it seems.

cos he got a GF and moved in on the same street as her lol....


wait till I go back over there, the guy better start running as soon as he sees me. can't give consent when drunk or high right. so he's basically a rapist in my eyes :D

she never would have slept with him otherwise, the guys a loser on disability who can't even carry a shopping bag and likely will be in a wheelchair before hes 40
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Just focus on yourself, if he's such a loser then make yourself such a catch that you can do better than her. And don't ask your ex gf who you're still in love with which guys shes slept with like wtf man
 
Ayahuasca said:
You never thought for a second she's told you that's how it played out just to soften the blow?

I mean if he genuinely did that to have sex with her then she probably wants to report it to the relevant authorities, rather than have her son's father charged for assault if you do bump into him on your next visit.
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He got trickle truthed. Now some poor guy is being called a rapist. Women's power over Bs
 
Never go back to an ex. Even though shes the mother of your child.

Be the better person and get with someone else because she definitely will in no time.

Orangeade said:
They certainly are very pretty.
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Go move to a country were there are better quality women :D Same way many American men move to places like the Thailand......never seen their obsession with Thai women, they are not my cup of tea as they age overnight soon as they hit 30. But I did have a thing for Japanese women at one stage :)
 
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malachi said:
Never go back to an ex. Even though shes the mother of your child.

Be the better person and get with someone else because she definitely will in no time.



Go move to a country were there are better quality women :D Same way many American men move to places like the Thailand......never seen their obsession with Thai women, they are not my cup of tea as they age overnight soon as they hit 30. But I did have a thing for Japanese women at one stage :)
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I already moved!
 
I'm not sure I can take the pressure this is putting on me. I don't think she is that into me and it's killing me.

I deal with seriously large stresses at work with complicated problems and it's nothing like this.

I think I would describe myself as deeply unhappy right now.

How irrational.
 
Orangeade said:
I'm not sure I can take the pressure this is putting on me. I don't think she is that into me and it's killing me.

I deal with seriously large stresses at work with complicated problems and it's nothing like this.

I think I would describe myself as deeply unhappy right now.

How irrational.
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Feeling "loved up" - especially in newer relationships changes your brain chemistry in a massive way, commonly described as a form of madness.

You have to be objective, step back, look at the situation from other perspectives - this is not your fault, evolution has wired us up this way. Take a few days off from everything - physical exersion is a great way to get a bit of balance back, find other distractions - films, games, DIY, art, music, anything really.

We've all been there, all you can do is try to take a bit of break or a gap from thinking about it. I'm sure many of us can look back at times like this in our lives and remember how much of a massive deal it felt like at the time - but it's nothing in the grand scheme of things and it passes. It's just not worth worrying about to this level.

Good luck matey, just rember it'll all pan out how's it meant to in the end
 
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