Is it just the job she is unhappy with? If she got the same job in your area would she still be happy to continue living there? Or does she miss her old area, friends and family too? Is she feeling out of her depth with a new baby and wants help? Would she be going back to work immediately if she returned home?
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Soldato
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@Arsonist is your role an on site 5 days a week jobby - or any remote work at all? How niche - would you be hard to replace? Might be worth explaining your dliema and see what they might be able to do (drop a day maybe?).
I take it living in between both locations isn't a goer - but this sounds like a situation where both of you might want to consider taking on a long drive to work each day? Any fast train lines go past near either of you work places?
Or could you get a small place near your job and do 4 nights a week there and then drive "home" to your other half?
I take it living in between both locations isn't a goer - but this sounds like a situation where both of you might want to consider taking on a long drive to work each day? Any fast train lines go past near either of you work places?
Or could you get a small place near your job and do 4 nights a week there and then drive "home" to your other half?
Making sweeping generalisations doesn't make you right. I used myself as an example and I'm sure many others on this very forum can speak from their own experiences. There's always many that look for shortcuts but there's also as many who don't.
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No you didn't, nor did you say otherwise. tbf.
Soldato
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@Thomas. PLease.
I wouldn't personally be happy with my wife sneaking off for surgery.
Sit her down and talk.
When you ask why she looks surprised, she'll then confess to having Botox injections in her forehead too.
I wouldn't personally be happy with my wife sneaking off for surgery.
Sit her down and talk.
When you ask why she looks surprised, she'll then confess to having Botox injections in her forehead too.
This seems like a no win.
If there truly is no way for you to move you have some difficult decisions.
It's good you haven't stopped her.
I guess it's up to her what she values most. You or the new job. She can't expect you to up and move and follow her.
Issue seems to be itdoesn't seem like temporary distance.
This is going to be a problem. I personally couldn't do it . Distance with no indication of when it won't be there. But this is a long term relationship.
Reall . I think the ball is in her court. It's basically up to her what she values most.
If she choses the job you will need to think about yourself and if the relationship is viable.
Tough one
My 2p on this.
The fact you checked the weather means you didn't/don't trust her. How often do you also doubt things she says and does or was this the first time? She blatantly lied about the weather and deceived you and from this point on you'll also doubt what else she can lie about, and I wouldn't trust that this was ever done on a whim it was always premeditated to the point the lie could have been expanded to be shown as a last minute thing.
Generally people who do these op's have really bad self-esteem and crave for attention to feel better, either from their partner or someone else who gives them it. Not saying your partner is the same but I had an ex who used to get botox despite not needing it; She was needy and no amount of love I gave her was good enough she always wanted more and was never satisfied.
The fact you checked the weather means you didn't/don't trust her. How often do you also doubt things she says and does or was this the first time? She blatantly lied about the weather and deceived you and from this point on you'll also doubt what else she can lie about, and I wouldn't trust that this was ever done on a whim it was always premeditated to the point the lie could have been expanded to be shown as a last minute thing.
Generally people who do these op's have really bad self-esteem and crave for attention to feel better, either from their partner or someone else who gives them it. Not saying your partner is the same but I had an ex who used to get botox despite not needing it; She was needy and no amount of love I gave her was good enough she always wanted more and was never satisfied.
@Arsonist if you don't want to move don't do it, it's not a given that she can just upsticks and take *your* son with her. If she plans it, you can cancel that pasty pass with a prohibited steps order stopping your son from being removed from the county.
Soldato
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Facepalm
Thankfully most people have more sense than this.
Associate
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the was a song around 20yrs ago by Brit band Mansun: 'The Chad who loved me' - guess they were avant garde or something?Nope but its catching on.
My younger brother is actually called Tyrone
Double facepalm - because one isn't enough - Oscar Wilde.
OP has expressed he is experiencing high anxiety, especially because "as she'll most certainly take our son" - this should never be a factor in his decision making, especially on something he clearly doesn't want to do. Thankfully there is procedures in place, to stop any possible leverage/manipulation.
Therefore let him who desires peace get ready for war.
Soldato
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Yeah but read the room. He loves his partner, loves his kid, they're all relatively happy but in a position where they have some tough decisions to work through. He wants the best for his partner but can't just push his current employment aside. If you think that means he should just stick at his current job and expect to sack off his missus and go to court over the kid, that's absurd. Enjoy your worldview though, sounds pleasant.
Edit: "take our son" doesn't mean "aggressively transport him away from me", it means logistically the kid will go where the mother does.
OP is asking for ideas and views on his particular issue, even listing it as a dad issue. I gave mine and a defence to his biggest anxiety "take our son" many men wrongly presume, a mother can just take and unsettle a child, naturally that would be a pressure to comply with her wishes and whims - wearing the trousers.
"take our son" doesn't mean "she has my blessing to take him, if I want to keep my job and not uproot"
Edit: However thanks I do enjoy, nice to be able to give a flip side view on things and I hope OP will feel a little less anxious knowing he has an ace up his sleeve after all
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Where do you work and where would you have to move to? are there good train links to make any commute doable?
You cant just expect your partner to carry on in a job she hates. I did it for 5 years recently and it made me so depressed to the point i was suicidal. There is more to life then a job so whilst I appreciate you job is quite unique, your family is far more important. She's supported you and the family doing a job she doesn't like so maybe its time for you to sacrifice something.
You cant just expect your partner to carry on in a job she hates. I did it for 5 years recently and it made me so depressed to the point i was suicidal. There is more to life then a job so whilst I appreciate you job is quite unique, your family is far more important. She's supported you and the family doing a job she doesn't like so maybe its time for you to sacrifice something.
Struggling here. I'm out of a very long relationship (nearly 10 years) my only serious one.
I met another girl who is stunningly beautiful, intelligent and who I really have become quite besotted on. Bit younger than me by a couple years (late 20s).
We see each other 1-2 a week and enjoy our company a lot. We have gotten intimate and I think we are quite similar in the important viewpoints.
We are not in a relationship though, I bought it up rather bluntly at one point about trying to gauge actual interest as I have no interest in casual dating.
She said that it had been 4 years since her last relationship and that it was a difficult one for her etc. I understand this (I feel conflicted myself!) But I'm not sure how to proceed? Don't get me wrong it's entirely possible it doesn't work out etc, but after two months of knowing each other (albeit away for Christmas etc) surely you'd have a gut instinct and would give it a go? What more could she possibly want to know about myself to make a decision?
Maybe I am massively overthinking it? I just get nagging point that maybe she enjoys my company a lot but doesn't see a future with me, either because of attraction, cultural difference, we expectations, or simply because she can do better?
Or am I moving too fast after a couple months? I believe in being sensible but surely if you like someone enough you'd take a jump?
I met another girl who is stunningly beautiful, intelligent and who I really have become quite besotted on. Bit younger than me by a couple years (late 20s).
We see each other 1-2 a week and enjoy our company a lot. We have gotten intimate and I think we are quite similar in the important viewpoints.
We are not in a relationship though, I bought it up rather bluntly at one point about trying to gauge actual interest as I have no interest in casual dating.
She said that it had been 4 years since her last relationship and that it was a difficult one for her etc. I understand this (I feel conflicted myself!) But I'm not sure how to proceed? Don't get me wrong it's entirely possible it doesn't work out etc, but after two months of knowing each other (albeit away for Christmas etc) surely you'd have a gut instinct and would give it a go? What more could she possibly want to know about myself to make a decision?
Maybe I am massively overthinking it? I just get nagging point that maybe she enjoys my company a lot but doesn't see a future with me, either because of attraction, cultural difference, we expectations, or simply because she can do better?
Or am I moving too fast after a couple months? I believe in being sensible but surely if you like someone enough you'd take a jump?
Sit down with her and state that you want a serious relationship, if that's not on her radar then it's up to you whether you want to keep seeing her casually.
She likely wants you to make the call rather than having to ask you if you want it to be official.
Two months isn't a long time but it's enough to know whether you want a casual or serious relationship with someone. Could potentially have trust issues from the previous relationship?
She likely wants you to make the call rather than having to ask you if you want it to be official.
Two months isn't a long time but it's enough to know whether you want a casual or serious relationship with someone. Could potentially have trust issues from the previous relationship?
Thanks.
We had a chat before, I think she is serious about wanting children etc in future, she def is looking for a serious relationship.......but the question is with me? That's what has me cautious, I'm open to family, I'm relatively conservative like herself. So it's not like I'm not aligned. But there is obviously trepidation about something. Maybe historically something burned her. Or maybe she doesn't see that person as me?
If that is the case I'd rather not have my heart broken as I definitely like her considerably and already would be open to taking it far more seriously.
3-6 months? Does it usually take that long? I certainly did not need 3 months to know that I liked her enormously. And I was assuming we were already exclusive, do people see more than one person at once? That's disgusting!
Yeah I guess my problem is that I want to be a "catch" for someone else as well. I'm pretty tall, getting more athletic, relatively conservative (def not woke!), have a pretty high powered job that pays well even by this countries high standard of living. I'm pro family, get on well with most people. Wouldn't say I'm the best looking person in the world but can't have everything...
I don't want it to be a 6 month trial period where perks outweigh the cons or something fully rational. I don't see the longevity in that. Hence why I'm confused. We kiss and share intimate times, we talk about serious topics. (We don't see each other as much as I'd like as she has a very busy schedule and to an extent so so I). I'm just trying to figure out when it will be "enough".
(Or if I'm the one in the wrong)