Thank you for your kind words. I've been through a break up before but this is like nothing else I've ever experienced. I didn't know anything could feel quite as strong as this. I'm literally mindless right now. I can't focus on work and have zero appetite.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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Thank you for your kind words. I've been through a break up before but this is like nothing else I've ever experienced. I didn't know anything could feel quite as strong as this. I'm literally mindless right now. I can't focus on work and have zero appetite.
Why are you letting it affect you like this and control you?
Take some control back. Talk to her, tell her you want her to be your girlfriend. If you get anything but a clear yes, then you know you are not right for each other. Break up and find someone who makes you happy and is a match.
How do you know this is what happened? How do you know she didn't ask to have some, took/drunk too much and now regrets it or just gave you a story? Did she refuse to take drugs/drink and he coerced or forced her to take it? Has she reported it to the police and if not, why not? If she took it willingly then why is it only the guys fault? Or if she took it willingly then is she completely blame free because she can't be held responsible for her actions?
Maybe he did coerce her. Maybe he didn't. If he did then she should go to the police. But do you really know that?
wait till I go back over there, the guy better start running as soon as he sees me. can't give consent when drunk or high right. so he's basically a rapist in my eyes
she never would have slept with him otherwise, the guys a loser on disability who can't even carry a shopping bag and likely will be in a wheelchair before hes 40
Hearing a girls version of events and reacting like this
Find someone else and get over her, she's a grown adult that doesn't need you interfering.
If someone is not interest then hes waiting time. If she wanted to be his girlfriend then she would have asked him, not the other way round. Comes across as being needy.
Choose someone who chooses you. We all have to deal with rejection, you get over rejections by finding someone else.
Well it happened. Got a text saying we need to chat.
I met up with her and she said that she thought I was fantastic, loved our time, but that the butterflys in stomach feeling were not there enough????
Said she would like to carry on seeing each other but just wanted to point out that a relationship was unlikely.
I said Id have a think. Reality is that it's over I think. If you don't feel it after 2 months then either you want too much or it's just not special enough...
I met up with her and she said that she thought I was fantastic, loved our time, but that the butterflys in stomach feeling were not there enough????
Said she would like to carry on seeing each other but just wanted to point out that a relationship was unlikely.
I said Id have a think. Reality is that it's over I think. If you don't feel it after 2 months then either you want too much or it's just not special enough...
Time to move on.
Don't 'carry on as friends' people say that to soften the news and it does you no good.
Cut all contact, move on.
She meant as we were eg with intimacy etc. Which is a no man's land as I'm liable to get more attached (is this possible?) Whilst it is unlikely she will....
That's obviously going to be torture for you. You deserve better.
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100% carrying on will just make it harder for you to accept the reality and/or move on.
Let's stay friends is a lie people tell themselves and others fall for it too. I say this as a soft touch, anti-alpha-male-******** person. It's just not real. If you are really compatible to be friends with someone then walk away and in a year or two, the friendship will have endured despite moving on with your romantic life. Go away, if you come back later as friends, great.
Let's stay friends is a lie people tell themselves and others fall for it too. I say this as a soft touch, anti-alpha-male-******** person. It's just not real. If you are really compatible to be friends with someone then walk away and in a year or two, the friendship will have endured despite moving on with your romantic life. Go away, if you come back later as friends, great.
She fancies you but you're being too needy, this is obvious because you're saying things like the below after 2 months.
What you actually need to do is chill out, you're like falling in love with a girl which is fine, but showing her that and coming on too strong too soon is just a turn off massively for women. Just match her level of interest and relax, you can probably salvage this if you give her a bit of space.
Prob was a bit needy. But that doesn't change the fact that she can't see a relationship. If she has gotten to the point of saying that, it means she enjoys me but doesn't see me as marriage/serious. (Which is something we talked about early on).
Can't see what I can do to salvage that. If I carry on casually it'll stay like that.
Can't see what I can do to salvage that. If I carry on casually it'll stay like that.
She can't see a relationship *because* you were too needy. Does that make sense? She's gotten to the point of saying that because you're too available, there's no challenge, no mystery; she's bored and not overly attracted. She fancies you and enjoys your company, but she isn't feeling a spark because you've probably been messaging her a lot, pushing for more contact, speaking about marriage and a relationship. Like jesus, just tease her a bit, assume she wants those things because she probably does, but not if you're some guy trying to get married and move in together after one date. And two months isn't a very long time by the way. I am actually surprised she hasn't
FWB with you having increasing feelings will only hurt you more.
She can have a relationship but not with you and she will with another man.....which will leave you in what position then?!?!?! Because shes not going to be friends with you while in a relationship with another guy.
You got too needy, learn from this and move on, as many have said already.
Correction....
"Some" women might find a guy showing too much interest a turn off. Not all women. "Some" of us actually give the guy the benefit of the doubt. "Some" of us might even be honest with the guy and let him know we need a bit of space, or it's too soon to be discussing x, y and z.
There can be some guys who seem really keen, "needy" etc and then out of the blue they don't want to know you anymore. (After which, us women learn our lesson and take a blokes neediness with a pinch of salt) don't get me wrong there are some guys who are seriously needy to the point it goes way too far but I don't get that impression in this case
A bloke playing it too cool can also just as easily be a massive turn off for some women.
I think saying it's just his neediness and backing off to salvage things would give false hope.
No one can truly judge how "needy" @Orangeade has been because we are basing our thoughts on what he has told us. We don't have the woman's opinion. Sure, maybe she feels he was but I think if she was genuinely interested she would have given that indication already and he wouldn't have then become needy.
Either way, I had a sense this is what she would say when you first spoke with her @Orangeade and she said something about past relationships etc. (Based on the fact I know a few guys who have said the same)
I wouldn't personally stay as FWB. It Will just be torture for you and then imagine the heartache when she suddenly tells you one day that she's met someone else (sorry but it's bound to happen)
As others have said, cut contact. Have some time to yourself and move on. If it's meant to be, it will happen down the line.