Soldato
- Joined
- 29 Sep 2010
- Posts
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The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
It sounds like, at the very least, she is enjoying the attention she is getting and is internally enjoying the relationship she has with this person. That doesn’t always translate into people choosing to live out their mental frolics, but when it’s starting to have an impact on her ‘real’ relationship she does need to decide whether it’s something to ‘put away’ or something more.
Life can be pretty boring, so I totally get the idea of having a ‘fancy’ whilst in a committed relationship / marriage, but you do have to embrace the realities or you won’t put the work in where it matters.
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You already know what is going on. Maybe it isn’t physical but it is certainly an emotional affair. She is enjoying the attention from someone else that she should only get from you. She would have told him no if she didn’t want it.
Sorry dude but it is what it is. Been there. Had the same thing last year. When I reflect back my ex also changed her times and habits. I never found out about someone before she told me she wanted a divorce but she did all the same things days after so it was already going on.
Time to do your research. Protect yourself and your kids and be honest with her what you feel and if you want it over then it is. It’s up to you if you want to try again after an honest talk but she will lie and gaslight as they always do.
2025 is going to suck. No way to sugar coat it but it will get better. From someone coming out the other end a year later I feel for you. Can also share experience if you need it. I managed to compete my full divorce process in 7 months. Feb 23rd to Sept 23rd. I’m free. Still dealing with emotional side but the practicals are done and I have my security.
Sorry dude but it is what it is. Been there. Had the same thing last year. When I reflect back my ex also changed her times and habits. I never found out about someone before she told me she wanted a divorce but she did all the same things days after so it was already going on.
Time to do your research. Protect yourself and your kids and be honest with her what you feel and if you want it over then it is. It’s up to you if you want to try again after an honest talk but she will lie and gaslight as they always do.
2025 is going to suck. No way to sugar coat it but it will get better. From someone coming out the other end a year later I feel for you. Can also share experience if you need it. I managed to compete my full divorce process in 7 months. Feb 23rd to Sept 23rd. I’m free. Still dealing with emotional side but the practicals are done and I have my security.
Soldato
Knows what exactly?
Soldato
- Joined
- 29 Sep 2010
- Posts
- 6,174
As if something is going on between them / who he is etc.
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It sounds like you are certainly well and truly done with it. Self preservation from here on out mate.I mean I'm fine with a message on Xmas day, whatever, but not all day.
No I shouldn't, but her behaviour led me to do it. I have never done it before when she's messaged other male friends, this is just 100% different.
All seems like good advice, thanks for the beer offer too
I literally opened the conversation with how I just want to her to be honest, with how bad the relationship is at the moment I don't really care about the response but I want to know.
Nail on the head, he is also married, funnily enough she mentioned that his marriage wasn't going all to well a couple of months ago too..
Even if it's an emotional affair I am done anyway, I'm not being taken for a mug.
Caporegime
You know the answer. It’s over, sorry.
To add, the main terms to look up and if you want to tell her are emotional affair and micro cheating.
She will deny that is what is going on but from experience it will be from trying to avoid accountability. She will claim to be the victim. Prepare for a lot of victimhood and her turning everything around.
She will deny that is what is going on but from experience it will be from trying to avoid accountability. She will claim to be the victim. Prepare for a lot of victimhood and her turning everything around.
Have to agree with the others.
I'd start moving things like finances.
Let's say you have a joint account in your names but it's all your money. Id be working on making what's mine, mine.
Sounds like you are both done and she is lilly padding
Maybe it's just for attention. But it still shows the relationship is in a bad place
Not sure where your head is. If you're not a emotional mess you are probably checked out as well.
Definitely protect yourself is what I'd say
I'd start moving things like finances.
Let's say you have a joint account in your names but it's all your money. Id be working on making what's mine, mine.
Sounds like you are both done and she is lilly padding
Maybe it's just for attention. But it still shows the relationship is in a bad place
Not sure where your head is. If you're not a emotional mess you are probably checked out as well.
Definitely protect yourself is what I'd say
You're fine with a bloke from work messaging your wife on Xmas Day and sending a love heart? One message is too many imo.
You've got through Xmas Day, try to get through Boxing Day for the sake of the kids, then it's time to think about the what you want to do next. Talking, therapy, further investigation, find scumbags wife and inform her, tell her to pack her bags and GTFO etc etc.
Heard of monkey branching, not lily padding!
Whatever happens, you and the kids are the priority.
I disagree with the sentiment of some of the above posts.
Why is she doing this? What needs of hers aren’t being fulfilled for her to act this way? If it is innocent from her end, she might not be clued into how hurtful she is seemingly being.
There’s potentially room to talk it out and for her to reflect on her behaviour. It’s not a good situation, but it doesn’t necessarily have only one conclusion.
I think it’s worth thrashing it out in a convo before doing anything drastic.
Why is she doing this? What needs of hers aren’t being fulfilled for her to act this way? If it is innocent from her end, she might not be clued into how hurtful she is seemingly being.
There’s potentially room to talk it out and for her to reflect on her behaviour. It’s not a good situation, but it doesn’t necessarily have only one conclusion.
I think it’s worth thrashing it out in a convo before doing anything drastic.
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Man of Honour
After working with 1000s of people for decades, the biggest red flag for any relationship is a wife's best male friend who isn't gay or your husbands best female friend who isn't gay.
It very rarely works and that's my opinion and you won't change it.
It very rarely works and that's my opinion and you won't change it.
To me it sounded like both parties have potentially checked out to me.
Joking about Dad/Dan confusion? Time for a paternity test...
Don't you need both parents consent for this now, or it's illegal?
That’s stupid if true, if the mother knows the kid isn’t the male partner’s then consent would never be given.
Edit - it’s true but you can apply to a court to get a test. https://www.gov.uk/get-a-dna-test/if-someone-refuses-a-dna-test
Edit 2 - it’s not true. A named father can still get a test: https://www.alphabiolabs.co.uk/lear...choose to,without the tested person's consent.
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No, not in the UK.
If you think she’s treating and you aren’t being paranoid, she’s cheating.
Protect yourself and treat her as the enemy, go to war, and hopefully start the ball rolling on the breakup without her finding out and getting her ball rolling.
Then hit the gym, become the best version of you, and get a better hotter partner.
Associate
I read this yesterday and am glad it isn't me.
One message to another bloke at any time isn't on one bit, same as any bloke doing the same isn't.
Low grade woman sorry
and has already likely played hide the sausage and the disrespect is ...
Be Methodical and Logical. Kids will be fine. Tougher than what you think.
Possession's except your own like PC etc. leave them. what use is arguing over things that are old like settee's and Microwaves that deprives young ens. Not their fault.
Its really easy for me to say do this and do that, but its not my life.
I think you know what needs doing, though. Self preservation.
One message to another bloke at any time isn't on one bit, same as any bloke doing the same isn't.
Low grade woman sorry
and has already likely played hide the sausage and the disrespect is ... Be Methodical and Logical. Kids will be fine. Tougher than what you think.
Possession's except your own like PC etc. leave them. what use is arguing over things that are old like settee's and Microwaves that deprives young ens. Not their fault.
Its really easy for me to say do this and do that, but its not my life.
I think you know what needs doing, though. Self preservation.
Soldato
Are you saying that a partner shouldn't message any humans of the opposite sex?One message to another bloke at any time isn't on one bit, same as any bloke doing the same isn't.
Low grade woman sorry