The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[Vidar]

Women and logic rarely go in the same sentence. Obviously something more to it but if she does tell you, well we aren't psychic are we?

Personally never seen any point to NY Eve as it's just another day/night but some people get excited by it

Thanks, personally I'm just not that fussed about it. After so many years on the doors before my injury, my interest in it was very much replaced with a desire to just chill at home. Which, I've gotten to do now, for the past several years. That said, I know it's the generally accepted thing for people so have always tried to make it nice, my fiancée has just never been one of those people.

Again, it doesn't bother me she wants to go and hang out with friends now she has some (she's struggled with that due to crippling anxiety). What bothers me is her reaction to my question. I don't think it was unreasonable of me.

 

[SexyGreyFox]

Mines started talking when she doesn't need to after 50 years.
eg
Are you building that shelf unit tomorrow?
No
Well if you are ......
Can I just stop you there, I said no so there is no reason to give me a list of reasons why you don't want it doing, the conversation ended when I said no.

Are you going out in the car?
No
Well if you are ......................
Duck the conversation ended when I said no

Other than that she's a great woman.

 

[Defy Belief]

Think on Christmas eve of all days, last night was the end of the road for me and my wife.

Together 8 years, married almost 2, we've had our disagreements as you do but we've somehow allowed things to fizzle out and I don't see any interest in her trying to get that back despite my multiple attempts.

Just got to amicably get through Xmas with the kids and go from there I suppose.. I am dreading today.

 

[RxR]

Think on Christmas eve of all days, last night was the end of the road for me and my wife.

Together 8 years, married almost 2, we've had our disagreements as you do but we've somehow allowed things to fizzle out and I don't see any interest in her trying to get that back despite my multiple attempts.

Just got to amicably get through Xmas with the kids and go from there I suppose.. I am dreading today.

What a nightmare. Hang in there.

 

[ShadowMan]

As above hang in there. It’s an awful time of year for it but the sun rises and it will be ok.

Sounds like you have tried your best. Hold your head high and know you did.

For everyone else not where they wanted to be today good luck and make the best of it you can. I woke up this morning alone for the first time at Christmas in 17 years. My children are with my ex-wife and there is no one here but me. I will see extended family later on but for now it’s time for cereal and to talk to the dog.

Bring in 2025 as it has to be better than 2024 for so many people.

 

[labbby]

Think on Christmas eve of all days, last night was the end of the road for me and my wife.

Together 8 years, married almost 2, we've had our disagreements as you do but we've somehow allowed things to fizzle out and I don't see any interest in her trying to get that back despite my multiple attempts.

Just got to amicably get through Xmas with the kids and go from there I suppose.. I am dreading today.

Sorry to hear that man, especially at this time of year.

 

[Defy Belief]

Thanks all, not great so far, kids are happy, which is all i'm asking for.

 

[Defy Belief]

As above hang in there. It’s an awful time of year for it but the sun rises and it will be ok.

Sounds like you have tried your best. Hold your head high and know you did.

For everyone else not where they wanted to be today good luck and make the best of it you can. I woke up this morning alone for the first time at Christmas in 17 years. My children are with my ex-wife and there is no one here but me. I will see extended family later on but for now it’s time for cereal and to talk to the dog.

Bring in 2025 as it has to be better than 2024 for so many people.

This is exactly what I wanted to read, thank you.

 

[Freakbro]

Sorry to hear that man, especially at this time of year.

Its not that unusual for it to be this time of year though, because of the expectations of 'being happy' at Christmas which puts more pressure on a strained relationship and highlights the issues.

Similar to how Christmas can not be a great time for people with depression issues, due to the expectation of being happy at this time of year, whereas it can actually exacerbate the feelings of loneliness.

 

[GR63]

Its not that unusual for it to be this time of year though, because of the expectations of 'being happy' at Christmas which puts more pressure on a strained relationship and highlights the issues.

Similar to how Christmas can not be a great time for people with depression issues, due to the expectation of being happy at this time of year, whereas it can actually exacerbate the feelings of loneliness.

This is me. I started being depressed after my Dad died 6 years ago and my mental health has just got worse and worse since. I absolutely (can't use the F word but want to) hate Xmas and all that goes with it. It's so fake, so stressful and I can't wait for it to be over. Typing this from my son's house. Love him to bits but please kill me now

Best thing to happen in weeks for me was @kristmace helping me out getting an old computer I've been after for ages. Somebody being nice is just so .. well ... nice

Docs rang yesterday to check how I was getting on with latest meds they are trying and had to admit I CBA to collect them from chemist. Just can't see the point in anything

Actually helps to type it

 

[Uther]

First Christmas without my wife. She died suddenly in August. We were together for over 30 years. Only reason I'm still here really is I can't leave my son alone. So I will spend the day disappearing into a bottle instead.

 

[Koalaboy]

Christmas is maybe one of the most (forced) difficult times. Hang in there there. It may be that 'change' is needed but better to make such a decision and once all the pressure of the season has died down.

I'm having my worst, full of dark times, but now is not a time to make drastic choices.

Bring on the new year.

Best wishes to all.

 

[kristmace]

This is me. I started being depressed after my Dad died 6 years ago and my mental health has just got worse and worse since. I absolutely (can't use the F word but want to) hate Xmas and all that goes with it. It's so fake, so stressful and I can't wait for it to be over. Typing this from my son's house. Love him to bits but please kill me now

Best thing to happen in weeks for me was @kristmace helping me out getting an old computer I've been after for ages. Somebody being nice is just so .. well ... nice

Docs rang yesterday to check how I was getting on with latest meds they are trying and had to admit I CBA to collect them from chemist. Just can't see the point in anything

Actually helps to type it

Hang in there bud. I'm glad I was able to bring you something to even slightly bring a smile to your face.

 

[413x]

Its not that unusual for it to be this time of year though, because of the expectations of 'being happy' at Christmas which puts more pressure on a strained relationship and highlights the issues.

Similar to how Christmas can not be a great time for people with depression issues, due to the expectation of being happy at this time of year, whereas it can actually exacerbate the feelings of loneliness.

Its very difficult this time of year. As get older Christmas seems more and more likely to be a time you don't want.
Especially if you're predisposed to negative emotions.

 

[arknor]

Mines started talking when she doesn't need to after 50 years.
eg
Are you building that shelf unit tomorrow?
No
Well if you are ......
Can I just stop you there, I said no so there is no reason to give me a list of reasons why you don't want it doing, the conversation ended when I said no.

Are you going out in the car?
No
Well if you are ......................
Duck the conversation ended when I said no

Other than that she's a great woman.

First Christmas without my wife. She died suddenly in August. We were together for over 30 years. Only reason I'm still here really is I can't leave my son alone. So I will spend the day disappearing into a bottle instead.

No amount of alcohol is going to fill that hole, find an expensive hobby. one that gets you outside

 

[Defy Belief]

What's everyone's thoughts on this, so further to my previous post.. My wife has always had a lot of guy friends which is fine with me, but of late one in particular she has been messaging pretty much all day every day, and with how poor our relationship has been it's really started to make me feel uncomfortable. He also starts work very early and the past 1-2 months she's suddenly been setting a 6am alarm to get there early when I take the kids to school too.

I glanced over yesterday and saw he'd messaged her a love heart, thought whatever it's Christmas but then they still persisted with messaging, smirking and smiling..

Brought it up once all the family had gone and got it all turned on me of why are you watching me on my phone blah blah, said I don't care and I want an explanation and for her to be honest.

It's nothing he's just a friend, there is nothing to explain. No real thought into how I may be feeling, how she can solidify that nothing is going on etc.

Am I going insane here or not?

 

[ivrytwr3]

What's everyone's thoughts on this, so further to my previous post.. My wife has always had a lot of guy friends which is fine with me, but of late one in particular she has been messaging pretty much all day every day, and with how poor our relationship has been it's really started to make me feel uncomfortable. He also starts work very early and the past 1-2 months she's suddenly been setting a 6am alarm to get there early when I take the kids to school too.

I glanced over yesterday and saw he'd messaged her a love heart, thought whatever it's Christmas but then they still persisted with messaging, smirking and smiling..

Got to a point when I got so frustrated I peered over to see some of the conversation whilst they were messaging.

She had wrote that our daughter, had began to write my Christmas card but started it with 'To Dan' - funnily enough he's called that.

To which he replied, amazing, it's almost as if she knows!

To which she put I know!

Brought it up once all the family had gone and got it all turned on me of why are you watching me on my phone blah blah, said I don't care and I want an explanation and for her to be honest.

It's nothing he's just a friend, there is nothing to explain. No real thought into how I may be feeling, how she can solidify that nothing is going on etc.

Am I going insane here or not?

He's sending her love hearts and they were messaging each other on Xmas Day? That's without all the other stuff you have mentioned.

From an outsiders perspective - it's not looking good.

 

[sx_turbo]

What's everyone's thoughts on this, so further to my previous post.. My wife has always had a lot of guy friends which is fine with me, but of late one in particular she has been messaging pretty much all day every day, and with how poor our relationship has been it's really started to make me feel uncomfortable. He also starts work very early and the past 1-2 months she's suddenly been setting a 6am alarm to get there early when I take the kids to school too.

I glanced over yesterday and saw he'd messaged her a love heart, thought whatever it's Christmas but then they still persisted with messaging, smirking and smiling..

Got to a point when I got so frustrated I peered over to see some of the conversation whilst they were messaging.

She had wrote that our daughter, had began to write my Christmas card but started it with 'To Dan' - funnily enough he's called that.

To which he replied, amazing, it's almost as if she knows!

To which she put I know!

Brought it up once all the family had gone and got it all turned on me of why are you watching me on my phone blah blah, said I don't care and I want an explanation and for her to be honest.

It's nothing he's just a friend, there is nothing to explain. No real thought into how I may be feeling, how she can solidify that nothing is going on etc.

Am I going insane here or not?

Na mate, she trying to have her cake and eat it.

Yeah maybe you shouldn't look at her phone but stuff that man, she clearly doing the dirty, she's gas lighted you there man. After you gave her the chance to be honest she's still lied about it.

Almost sounds like she's in 2 minds, or she's trying to work a way to screw you over so she can move Mr fancy pants in.

Get your house in order on the down low, you need to go into protection mode, protect yourself and your kids for the poop show that's gonna be 2025.

It's pointless getting angry over it, think you had already expressed the relationship was done, now it's just a case of supporting the kids and protecting your assets otherwise they'll strip you bare, I've seen scenarios play out like this too many times for my liking thankfully not to me, but the nice guy always loses everything, you need to be nice but also firm so you don't get trodden over.

Genuine feel for you, if you were local to me I'd take you out for a beer and a manly arm jab, such a bad time for this to be happening.

 

[D-Ranged]

What's everyone's thoughts on this, so further to my previous post.. My wife has always had a lot of guy friends which is fine with me, but of late one in particular she has been messaging pretty much all day every day, and with how poor our relationship has been it's really started to make me feel uncomfortable. He also starts work very early and the past 1-2 months she's suddenly been setting a 6am alarm to get there early when I take the kids to school too.

I glanced over yesterday and saw he'd messaged her a love heart, thought whatever it's Christmas but then they still persisted with messaging, smirking and smiling..

Got to a point when I got so frustrated I peered over to see some of the conversation whilst they were messaging.

She had wrote that our daughter, had began to write my Christmas card but started it with 'To Dan' - funnily enough he's called that.

To which he replied, amazing, it's almost as if she knows!

To which she put I know!

Brought it up once all the family had gone and got it all turned on me of why are you watching me on my phone blah blah, said I don't care and I want an explanation and for her to be honest.

It's nothing he's just a friend, there is nothing to explain. No real thought into how I may be feeling, how she can solidify that nothing is going on etc.

Am I going insane here or not?

Obviously i can only go by this post and the other couple in this thread.

But yes, I would certainly be worried. Similar happened to me a long time ago now, and fortunately not with a family. But she was doing the same things, laughing, huge grins etc while on the phone . Changing schedules, doing things out of the ordinary and completely and utterly didn't care about upsetting me or just me in general. If I asked who's she's talking to it was just a friend and stop being so nosey etc.

Don't let her gas light you. Don't let her make you feel like you're going crazy.

You NEED to have a talk with her and say everything that's on your mind. Whether you choose to delve deeper into this, is up to you. But it sounds like she has checked out already, from your previous post in this thread.

IF she is cheating with this other guy, I will say, not that it will make you feel better, but it very rarely ever lasts should you both part ways.

There is an illusion for the people in that situation that life is so much better with this new person, usually the other person is also in a relationship too. They both moan about their partner's and how life would be better with their fling. The grass is almost always not greener on the other side.

I'm really sorry you're going through this mate. But like I said. You need to speak about it now. You can't be sitting there dwelling on your thoughts, back and forthing whether you're right or wrong for thinking this and that. You'll just end up losing your **** with her, get absolutely nothing across other than your anger, and she'll just use it against you.

 

[D-Ranged]

Get your house in order on the down low, you need to go into protection mode, protect yourself and your kids for the poop show that's gonna be 2025.

Also this. I can't stress it enough. Protection mode is what protected me from losing everything when my marriage fell apart.