The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Matutu · 22 Jan 2014 at 13:30

sports_brah said:
Matutu, don't underestimate the fact that you do not have many friends. This will definitely create an over reliance on her.

This is not a problem from me I am quite independent etc, it is from her is the issue.

When you ask what do you do from her you get "Work" "Matt" ..........

Thats it, I have hobbies like gym sports and swimming etc etc.

grudas · 22 Jan 2014 at 13:36

Matutu said:
Thanks ever so much Trixi, I might take you up on that chat!

The idea of a break is just such a downer as I have worked my ass off to give her EVERYTHING she has ever said to me she wanted, all this has left is her having this and now demanding more.

There is nothing left lol.

I hate failing at anything and the thought of putting everything on hold for 3months is awful :S.

Really dunno how to move, on its just a constant "I will fix this" "I can do this" a few lovely texts from her promising not to. Then 3 days later a repeat and this has gone this way now for months!

I think her expectations of "Closeness" are just insanity or OTT, this never used to be a problem as always at the start of the relationship you are abit like that "Honeymoon etc", but she wants that constant everyday!

Everyday in her mind should be showering with kisses, never apart, compliments constantly, loving holding each other etc etc. Well I said earlier to her the thought of waking up kissing someone good morning, then going through the day doing stuff and kissing goodnight in the evening is INSANITY! and no relationship is like that!

this was your first mistake..

you spoiled her.. now she expects to get everything from you and has unrealistic views.. dump and run tbh!

it will take some adjusting but give it 6 months and you'll be fine.

86JR · 22 Jan 2014 at 13:39

If you split up doesn't she get half of the house anyway as you have been living together for so long?

Matutu · 22 Jan 2014 at 13:48

No the house is coming to the end of a huge refurb..... so not living there yet.

TrixiBuG · 22 Jan 2014 at 13:53

86JR said:
If you split up doesn't she get half of the house anyway as you have been living together for so long?

A bit of a myth here

You have to be co-inhabiting for 7 years and be able to prove it before you can be classed as in a common law marriage. Even then in England you have few or no rights should the relationship breaks down.

I believe this is different in Scotland however.

Edit: Actually you could be living together for 2 days or 20 years and it wont matter in England and Wales, you have no legal rights unless you are married. It is different in Scotland

Link

Matutu · 22 Jan 2014 at 14:22

Well to be hones the house is just depressing

.

I have worked my ass off for it and spent EVERYTHING I have ever earnt on it. All she seems to have ever done about it is not be pleased enough

.

Now we just cant get her on the mortgage, not only does it cause a upset because my partner cant be put on and thats all I want, also now my parents must be getting slightly upset, as they expected 20k back

. Although they know my happiness is more important 20k is still a lot.

So its just abit sucky the house, kinda losing interest in it due to that.

Obviously as well, even if we do get through the next few weeks, the thought that we will be just me and her in that house, with her just sucking the life and happiness away is a major concern

. She would literally have nothing but me and work :S

Captain · 22 Jan 2014 at 14:24

Matutu said:
Well to be hones the house is just depressing .

I have worked my ass off for it and spent EVERYTHING I have ever earnt on it. All she seems to have ever done about it is not be pleased enough .

Now we just cant get her on the mortgage, not only does it cause a upset because my partner cant be put on and thats all I want, also now my parents must be getting slightly upset, as they expected 20k back . Although they know my happiness is more important 20k is still a lot.

So its just abit sucky the house, kinda losing interest in it due to that.

Obviously as well, even if we do get through the next few weeks, the thought that we will be just me and her in that house, with her just sucking the life and happiness away is a major concern . She would literally have nothing but me and work :S

Then do the right thing and end it.

Yas786 · 22 Jan 2014 at 14:31

Exactly stop being a pansy and finish it, you say you are unhappy with her so why continue the unhappiness??. I know you probably have been with her for a long time but is it worth it to carry on being unhappy??

Grow a pair and kick her to the curb, easier said than done but it needs to be done otherwise get used to her sucking the life out of you day by day.

TrixiBuG · 22 Jan 2014 at 14:35

Matutu said:
Well to be hones the house is just depressing .

I have worked my ass off for it and spent EVERYTHING I have ever earnt on it. All she seems to have ever done about it is not be pleased enough .

Now we just cant get her on the mortgage, not only does it cause a upset because my partner cant be put on and thats all I want, also now my parents must be getting slightly upset, as they expected 20k back . Although they know my happiness is more important 20k is still a lot.

So its just abit sucky the house, kinda losing interest in it due to that.

Obviously as well, even if we do get through the next few weeks, the thought that we will be just me and her in that house, with her just sucking the life and happiness away is a major concern . She would literally have nothing but me and work :S

I am sorry to hear this but also glad.

As you do not live in the house at the moment and its in a state of renovation then the chances are you could sell it and get the 20k back plus some (if not all) of your own investment too (speculating here, but that is a better outlook then thinking of the money you are going to loose)

You cant be with this woman. If you are already thinking of how awful its going to be in the house with just you two then can you honestly say that you will change your mind if/when it happens for real? Can you actually see yourself living there (on your own), and being happy? Living there with her and being happy? If the answer is no to either of the questions then there is your answer

You need to end this. As horrible and as hard as it is going to be, you need to keep the image of you and her in that house being unhappy in your head whilst your doing it.

*Hugs*

Rich1988 · 22 Jan 2014 at 14:36

pretty clear what you need to do Mat. It's going to be hard but you are not good for each other, people grow up and change and want different things in a relationship. Its difficult to accept but the quicker you face up to the facts the quicker you can move on.

Steampunk · 22 Jan 2014 at 14:42

Matutu said:
Well to be hones the house is just depressing .

I have worked my ass off for it and spent EVERYTHING I have ever earnt on it. All she seems to have ever done about it is not be pleased enough .

Now we just cant get her on the mortgage, not only does it cause a upset because my partner cant be put on and thats all I want, also now my parents must be getting slightly upset, as they expected 20k back . Although they know my happiness is more important 20k is still a lot.

So its just abit sucky the house, kinda losing interest in it due to that.

Obviously as well, even if we do get through the next few weeks, the thought that we will be just me and her in that house, with her just sucking the life and happiness away is a major concern . She would literally have nothing but me and work :S

Sell the house, pay back your parents and move on. Or finish the house first, then sell it, pay back your parents and move on.

You sound like a woman that has been in a psychologically abusive relationship, where after a few years they are just worn down to damaged, broken versions of the person that they used to be. For all the usual incorrect reasons, people think that the same thing can't happen when a woman grinds down a man. Makes him feel a guilty failure, tries to change who is his, keeps him unhappy and at fault because it puts her in control of the relationship, because the man is the one who always has to try harder to fix all the problems he's caused for her.

Seriously, if you can't see a future with this woman, and you can't see a way forwards, then I'm afraid you have to finish it all and have a clean break. Stop letting her manipulate you and making you feel bad about yourself.

waveydave79 · 22 Jan 2014 at 18:48

Need some help. Just done something incredibly stupid. - I was at work - and was talking to the missus on Facebook, had a few other things going on, so I said I had to go as I had a call (White lie) five minutes later I discovered my mobile had accidently dialled her and so she figured out Id lied. Whilst this is the smallest of lies Id been busted! I know its stupid of me. but now don't know what to say, small things like this has happened like this 1 or 2 times before, but I d never cheat or tell any black lies. Now at work and trying to calm the situation and feel sick to my stomach.

[FnG]magnolia · 22 Jan 2014 at 18:54

What's the problem here?

Captain · 22 Jan 2014 at 18:57

waveydave79 said:
Need some help. Just done something incredibly stupid. - I was at work - and was talking to the missus on Facebook, had a few other things going on, so I said I had to go as I had a call (White lie) five minutes later I discovered my mobile had accidently dialled her and so she figured out Id lied. Whilst this is the smallest of lies Id been busted! I know its stupid of me. but now don't know what to say, small things like this has happened like this 1 or 2 times before, but I d never cheat or tell any black lies. Now at work and trying to calm the situation and feel sick to my stomach.

Did she pick up or did it ring out?

waveydave79 · 22 Jan 2014 at 18:58

Clov!s said:
Did she pick up or did it ring out?

the phone rang out she answered and it was in my pocket

bsoltan · 22 Jan 2014 at 18:59

What were you actually doing then instead of working of talking to your 'missus' on Facebook?

bloodiedathame · 22 Jan 2014 at 18:59

You were at work, you should have been working... Not talking to her. That's what lunch breaks are for. Just tell her you had to go, you were at work after all, and you value your job right?

sports_brah · 22 Jan 2014 at 19:00

waveydave79 said:
Need some help. Just done something incredibly stupid. - I was at work - and was talking to the missus on Facebook, had a few other things going on, so I said I had to go as I had a call (White lie) five minutes later I discovered my mobile had accidently dialled her and so she figured out Id lied. Whilst this is the smallest of lies Id been busted! I know its stupid of me. but now don't know what to say, small things like this has happened like this 1 or 2 times before, but I d never cheat or tell any black lies. Now at work and trying to calm the situation and feel sick to my stomach.

What's the issue? Nothing wrong here at all. You're at work and have to go, it's part and parcel of dossing.

waveydave79 · 22 Jan 2014 at 19:05

bloodiedathame said:
You were at work, you should have been working... Not talking to her. That's what lunch breaks are for. Just tell her you had to go, you were at work after all, and you value your job right?

I do value my job, bread and butter of my life. and I have things to do even when I m not on call.

[FnG]magnolia · 22 Jan 2014 at 19:08

So again, what's the problem here?

e : is your wife also your manager or boss?

The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

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