The rise of OnlyFans

[sidimmu]

It's funny that some people are more disgusted by a newspaper than porn.

Respect the art, mannnnnn.... (in my best 80's dudeeeeee voice)

 

[LuckyBenski]

The only way you can judge if something might be true or not is using commonsense.

Though in todays world it's in short supply.

It's funny that some people are more disgusted by a newspaper than porn.

TBF the intent behind a lot of porn is a lot more honest and clean than the intent behind some of the rags.

 

[ttaskmaster]

The man (hopefully) isn't trying to have relations with you

But why should he behave any differently toward the woman? He should be his true self, and if that self isn't decent enough she should depart.
It'd save those men an awful lot of wasted time, help them understand that they may need to work on themselves, and save the women a lot of stress and distress.
The best relationships I've known are when people are comfortable within themselves to behave no different to when they're around the friends of their own gender.

I don't know what your male friendship circle at it's height was but most guys are prats. We accept general prat behaviour because we're generally prat'ish too.

Most of them are either ex-prats and now, or always were, decent guys. Only one would ever have been considered an absolute adulterous *******. But while we all may have been a bit laddish at some point, there's a big difference between that and being the sort of nasty **** women should avoid, and would if they weren't so good at pretending to be decent. Certainly none of my friends, that anyone knows, has ever beaten a woman, forced themselves on her, belittled her simply for who she is, or done anything that typical scum do. The biggest worry women would have is that the relationship doesn't work out. They don't have to fear for their sanity, their financial, physical or emotional safety, like they do with a disgusting number of 'men'.
I tend to find such men also let their friends down, as well as their partners, albeit in different ways. But enough that my circle has usually remained small and close - Quality over quantity.

Same gender friendships aren't as judgemental. They shouldn't be emotionally volatile. It's should be relaxing.

They can be as judgemental. Men tend to bury a lot of it, but they also tend toward acceptance rather than trying to change a person.
Similarly romantic relationships shouldn't be emotionally volatile, either. A good relationship, where people are well-matched and behave decently toward each other, should basically be as much of a friendship as each individual has with their friends. In some lucky cases even more so.
If you expect a relationship to be emotionally volatile, I would suggest that is not healthy and perhaps indicative of other issues. I've spent a lot of time hearing from psychologists' lectures how emotionaly charged is not the same as volatile.

So if a guy can't relate to another guy he's going to be focusing his entire self on to the woman he's with. That isn't a male trait, and puts the guy in to potential emotional deep water if she wants to split up. The guy has no fall back plan. He's literally just left alone, and that tends to be a path to a dark place.

OK, so if all the blokes around you are proper Lad types, into football, reading lads mags and getting lashed down the boozer, while you prefer playing computer games and fixing stuff, that makes you the feminised pussy-whipped nut job, yes?
What if the guy, who can't relate to other guys, still has friends in the form of females?

And what is so bad about being alone, anyway?

You're right about aiding fidelity, though maybe they didn't think he'd progress further.

It's still a bit of a scummy, dishonest thing to do, and no reason for it unless they were being *****.

It's difficult to know if they knew who she was as some women do wear disguises to protect their own identity. I've seen women wear a burka, or gimp masks.
They might have just noticed she was local to them.

Most such models are quite general about their location, usually restricting it to country, as they value their privacy.
Also, this is the world-wide pornternet, where people pay to fap off over a girl from the comfort of their arm/swivel chair - Why would locality matter anyway, unless the intent was always for them to meet up? That then raises the questions of whether the dad was actively looking for a local OF girl to meet, intending to be unfaithful, and whether said friends were knowingly facilitating the infidelity (regardless of whether they knew the model's identity or not). If they did know, that just makes it even worse, but either way it's all pretty seedy.

I used to have lots of male friends and would go out twice a week, either clubbing, pubs, playing pool or darts, watching football on the big screen.

Then you are/were wonderfully Alpha and a bastion of maleness... but many of us neither had, nor did, any of that. Most of that doesn't appeal, so I guess we're SOL and doomed to wave our red flags at other people?
Also, how come you don't have those friends and do those things any more?

TBH, I only started finding decent male friends after I moved away from places where football was the most masculine interest in town and you were seen as some hoity-toity queer if you wanted to read something more intellectual than The Sun.
When I joined the Army, it was like being right back there again, except with accents that made no sense.

Being with male friends means you can relax and exchange notes on lifes problems. If there are some older well respected men in the group then if you're young you learn how to carry yourself to be respected too.
I think having male friends is an insurance policy so if other areas of life because depressing or volatile there is something to fall back on.

Having decent male friends is, just as having decent male role models is.
In some cases, the only option is either young idiots who will get the Scum treatment when they finally end up in prison, or the older lot from whom you learn what to carry to be respected... especially if/when you yourself end up in prison too.

My daughter is 16 and I could pick her out of a crowd without seeing her face. In fact I did it a few months back in Wembley.

How she moves and behaves in a social crowd and how she behaves when being all sexy for the simps on OF are likely two very different things.

It's funny that some people are more disgusted by a newspaper than porn.

Porn displays filth that you actively go looking for.
Newspapers display (and in some cases are) the filth of humanity, whether you want to know about it or not.

 

[GGizmo]

But why should he behave any differently toward the woman? He should be his true self, and if that self isn't decent enough she should depart.
It'd save those men an awful lot of wasted time, help them understand that they may need to work on themselves, and save the women a lot of stress and distress.
The best relationships I've known are when people are comfortable within themselves to behave no different to when they're around the friends of their own gender.

Sadly because a lot of boys/men don't have a circle of male friends.

In my situation were it was all males it wasn't by choice.

If there is no women at your school. If you don't have a sister, or brother with a lot of female friends, then the female world is segregated away from males.

A lot of males in that situation don't know how to act around women, especially if they have never had a conversation with one.

In that situation if you have a male friend who has then you can talk to them.

Most of them are either ex-prats and now, or always were, decent guys. Only one would ever have been considered an absolute adulterous *******. But while we all may have been a bit laddish at some point, there's a big difference between that and being the sort of nasty **** women should avoid, and would if they weren't so good at pretending to be decent. Certainly none of my friends, that anyone knows, has ever beaten a woman, forced themselves on her, belittled her simply for who she is, or done anything that typical scum do. The biggest worry women would have is that the relationship doesn't work out. They don't have to fear for their sanity, their financial, physical or emotional safety, like they do with a disgusting number of 'men'.
I tend to find such men also let their friends down, as well as their partners, albeit in different ways. But enough that my circle has usually remained small and close - Quality over quantity.

I think some guys can be just dumb around women, mainly I suspect they are afraid to hope they will get a date so act stupid on purpose through nerves.

I've never had male friends who have been violent to women (two of them the women were violent to them). They told the male friends group because they thought women slapping and hitting was normal.

If I did hear a male friend was being violent to women then me and him would have a problem. I think a lot of boys are insecure and start watching people like Andrew Tate etc.

OK, so if all the blokes around you are proper Lad types, into football, reading lads mags and getting lashed down the boozer, while you prefer playing computer games and fixing stuff, that makes you the feminised pussy-whipped nut job, yes?
What if the guy, who can't relate to other guys, still has friends in the form of females?

I was mainly into computers growing up. But if I wanted a social life outside then I put myself out to keep in with the group.

I'm not saying having female friends is bad. But the guy shouldn't be actively shying away from having male friends, even online male friends. Some guys become obsessed with women.

And what is so bad about being alone, anyway?

If you're asexual or aren't looking for a relationship then it's great.

But most males are looking for a relationship. I'd say for a lot of men it's about an emotional connection. But because they don't have the ability to express themselves properly they either become an incel, give up on life, or women get the same simp-like message thousands of times from thousands of different men.

Then you are/were wonderfully Alpha and a bastion of maleness... but many of us neither had, nor did, any of that. Most of that doesn't appeal, so I guess we're SOL and doomed to wave our red flags at other people?

I am more Sigma than Alpha. But that is because I'm aware were I am in the pecking order.

On dating sites women are picking the same 20% of men all the time. I know I'm in the 80%. I've accepted it.

I'm not saying you have to have had male friends. Just that you are open to having male friends.

Also, how come you don't have those friends and do those things any more?

My health conditions started deteriorating in 2008. So I've rarely been outside since, only to hospital appointments.

I am a geek of circumstance and was online before the internet became popular, so I spent a lot of time in online chat rooms on IRC. I helped run a number of sex based chat rooms and there were surprisingly a lot of women on there, so that was my first contact communicating with women.

I was the guy kick/banning other guys who hassled the women.

TBH, I only started finding decent male friends after I moved away from places where football was the most masculine interest in town and you were seen as some hoity-toity queer if you wanted to read something more intellectual than The Sun.
When I joined the Army, it was like being right back there again, except with accents that made no sense.

I try to balance a mixture of getting involved in the group while retaining some of my own qualities.

I've always been aware of my position in a group, and how I can improve it.

I had to do that when I moved from the disabled school to mainstream college. I felt I had to give them something they can relate to while also being myself, so I was playing pool with them in the canteen at break times.

Porn displays filth that you actively go looking for.
Newspapers display (and in some cases are) the filth of humanity, whether you want to know about it or not.

I think back in the day people needed to actively look for porn. I know I did But these days it's all over the place. If you write a tweet the chances are some "woman" will Like it, so I go to their profile and it's a load of porn pictures.

 

[Chuk_Chuk]

More often, I think, they start off with a few decent people as role models, but those decents leave or die. The latter a higher-than-average possibility if they do live in a nasty part of town, perhaps.
In other cases, the individual is teh one that moves, maybe for a job or college/uni, or some other reason, and they end up living in a scummy place... kinda how I ended up in Reading, but that's another story.
But either way, whether you grow up or end up in such a situation, finding people who are decent can be surprisingly hard.

Fair enough. I'm not getting into the whole topic of meeting people as that is outside the scope of what we were discussing.

Kids who get bullied all the way through school manage it... I managed to survive shared housing in London for about a decade... other people even make it all the way through marriage!!
But jesting aside, if you have no other choice of location/situation, but can choose to be alone and keep separate from what you don't like, it's perfectly possible. More so today, with the internet and places like OnlyFans to hang out.

Not really, usually they end up with some sort of mental damage/issue.

In general male terms, a guy who treats women in ways that most of them would like, doesn't behave in ways that most of them would despise or fear him, and does not allow his mates to perpetuate such toxic male behaviour either. Ideally one who actively steps in against it when he finds any of his peers behaving like that.
But in that regard and probably others, I'd argue the traits important in a relationship are similarly important in a friendship, and mostly for the same reasons - We're all people at the end of the day and (almost) no-one likes being treated like ****, especially those close to you.

Well first and foremost there is no guarantee how a person treats person A is a reflection of how they will treat or act around person B. You hear of people who get convicted of a crime and they interview the neighbours or friends and they say I never could have imagined they would do such a thing.
You might think you know someone but they behave differently behind closed doors.

However, living with someone and building a life with them has different requirement than simply being someones friend. As an example if the guy does none of the household chores around the house lets say it's because he thinks it's a womans job. That not great for building a relationship but are you as his friend really going to break up with him because he doesn't do chores in his house? Are you really going to inject yourself into someone elses relationship? There are other examples I could come up with but that should give you a general idea of what I meant when I said

There are traits that are not desirable in a relationship but are irrelevant in a friendship

 

[GGizmo]

The ending of my last post was sounding like the beginning of a 4 Yorkshire men porn version.

Said in a Yorkshire accent "In my day we had to work to see a bit of porn. We had t'climb into bushes.. and only if you were lucky you might find a few pages that weren't stuck together"

 

[Chuk_Chuk]

My daughter is 16 and I could pick her out of a crowd without seeing her face. In fact I did it a few months back in Wembley.

Different circumstances.

I'm assuming you were expecting to find her in that crowd. I'm also assuming you had seen what she was wearing that day, so had some reference to what clothes she had on.

there is also the difference between how people look while wearing clothes vs naked.

 

[ttaskmaster]

A lot of males in that situation don't know how to act around women, especially if they have never had a conversation with one.
In that situation if you have a male friend who has then you can talk to them.

I also went to an all-boys school. There was an all-girls counterpart, but we never even saw them.
As a result, the only females most students ever talked to were teachers. Most didn't know anyone else their own age who talked to women, and even fewer who'd readily part with any advice.

And yet the one thing anyone (male or female) advises when talking to women is, what..... "Just be yourself"?

I think some guys can be just dumb around women, mainly I suspect they are afraid to hope they will get a date so act stupid on purpose through nerves.

Some are just dumb, or simpy. Others overdo the confidence thing and end up catcalling, or heaping on other kinds of unwanted sexual attention. Others go even further.
Overall I think most men are pretty dumb around women, hence the cartoon stereotypes of wolf/dog characters with their eyes popping out and going all doo-lally over a woman.

It's funny how all those behaving badly don't ever seem to realise that they're still single and that Tate-ish behaviour doesn't work.

I was mainly into computers growing up. But if I wanted a social life outside then I put myself out to keep in with the group.

Only works if you like the group, though. Pretending to like something/someone just to be part of the in-crowd, or even just to have company is no different to acting like a dick thinking it will impress women.

I'm not saying having female friends is bad. But the guy shouldn't be actively shying away from having male friends, even online male friends. Some guys become obsessed with women.

Some do. Others just don't find anything in common.
But then, the definition of what it means to be a man has changed, and has been changing quite markedly since the early 1990s. Even in this thread people are ascribing traditional and old-school masculine values and traits to a modern interpretation of male, whereas the two are subtly different.
You can be male without having to be masculine, and vice versa. The problem is that there's no longer a widely accepted definition of what a man is, but there's a widely proclaimed definition of what a man should not be, and it's often the latter that people shy away from.

But most males are looking for a relationship. I'd say for a lot of men it's about an emotional connection. But because they don't have the ability to express themselves properly they either become an incel, give up on life, or women get the same simp-like message thousands of times from thousands of different men.

I disagre.
I think most of them are looking for what is being sold to them, through various cultural channels, including media. They want wild sex with the hot chick, because they see it in porn and films and even in novels. They want to be as desired as James Bond and Christian Grey, just as much as they wannabe as badass as Jack Reacher.
They're programmed to want it, both biologically and socially... and yet so many men who are in relationships and have all that they wanted are still looking outside of this, either for more or different relationships, or because they remember how much more fun they had before they got hooked up...

I am more Sigma than Alpha. But that is because I'm aware were I am in the pecking order.

I'd have to google it up just to know what the rankings are, never mind where I fall in.
The only thing I know is that the whole concept of an Alpha male, and it's subsequent subordinates, is based on a serious misinterpretation of a flawed study on wolves forced into a social situation that is totally unnatural for them in the first place.
Of course, Alpha also means unfinished, full of issues, missing important features and not fit to be released into the public...!

On dating sites women are picking the same 20% of men all the time. I know I'm in the 80%. I've accepted it.

That suggests more to me about the types of women who pick their partners off dating sites, really... and maybe a little about the 80% of men on the same sites.

My health conditions started deteriorating in 2008. So I've rarely been outside since, only to hospital appointments.

Do you still have the friends, though?
Intending no disrespect to your or them, but if you don't still have them then what use were they, really?

I was the guy kick/banning other guys who hassled the women.

I've done that for a couple of friends a few times myself. That's part of what leads me to believe that a good percentage of men, when it really comes down to it, are not decent human beings.

I had to do that when I moved from the disabled school to mainstream college. I felt I had to give them something they can relate to while also being myself, so I was playing pool with them in the canteen at break times.

I've done that sort of thing, but never had anything come of it that lasted. It's only ever been the like-minded that I have stayed friends with.

I think back in the day people needed to actively look for porn. I know I did But these days it's all over the place. If you write a tweet the chances are some "woman" will Like it, so I go to their profile and it's a load of porn pictures.

Maybe I don't get much of that because I'm not on social media.
But then, as with groups of manly Alpha males, there's nothing there that interests me and I have no reason to play along with the crowd just to be part of the crowd.

Not really, usually they end up with some sort of mental damage/issue.

They do, just as even those who survive as part of the in-crowd also pay the price in mental issues.... How they respond to or cope with it, how it shapes their future interactions and whether they can find ways to resolve the issues is a whole different chapter.
But they do live and they do survive through it, which was my point.

Well first and foremost there is no guarantee how a person treats person A is a reflection of how they will treat or act around person B. You hear of people who get convicted of a crime and they interview the neighbours or friends and they say I never could have imagined they would do such a thing.

You do, which is another on the list of reasons why women have to be more careful these days.
But if you do see your otherwise awesome mate treating someone else like absolute ****, especially someone they're generally expected to be rather nice toward, would you just step away, dismiss it and think A does not equal B, or would you call the ****** out on it?
Regardless of whether anyone else knows about it or not, the fact that an individual might treat some people all nicey-nicey while others get stomped on, is enough that I would say that person is not decent.

You might think you know someone but they behave differently behind closed doors.

In which case they're probably not decent.

As an example if the guy does none of the household chores around the house lets say it's because he thinks it's a womans job. That not great for building a relationship but are you as his friend really going to break up with him because he doesn't do chores in his house?

If I'm living in the same house, then it's quite possible. I've seen plenty of long-time friendships blow up over some pretty petty arguments, as well as the sorts of things relationships end over, like money or politics.

Remove the shagging from the equation, and you still have all the same fundamentals in both friendships and relationships. They're basically the same thing, and in the case of people with male friends who are their support network and the places they go when their female relationships crash, the sort of emotional reliance and opening up requires the same levels of trust and closeness that the relationships do.

Are you really going to inject yourself into someone elses relationship?

If that someone is treating the other party in a seriously unacceptable way, then yeah I'd like to think I'd step in and make them understand it's not acceptable, and will not be tolerated by the rest of us.
One of the reasons such bad behaviour perpetuates in people is because their peers aren't stopping it.

 

[ANDREW GREEN]

On dating sites women are picking the same 20% of men all the time. I know I'm in the 80%. I've accepted it.

Or maybe you need to change your approach. I've read women's inbox messages and most of them are socially awkward or inappropriate ones. Or maybe you need to contact more women. There's always things you can improve on. You could probably take better photos with better grooming, ie fresh haircut, a top that suits you. Also are you only going for the top 20% of women yourself?

 

[GGizmo]

The post is getting abit long. But I've enjoyed it and can agree on most of what you're saying. I think we both see the same things and have our own views on it based on our life experiences.

I think the important thing for a lot of guys to remember is there is no blueprint to being a man and being successful with women.

What interests one woman might be a turnoff to another. As an example some women like facial hair while others hate it.

The only constant in a person's life is themselves. Be the best image of who you are. Some women will like it while others not.

I always try and throw insomethings unique to me. It either plays well or goes down like a fart in an elevator.

Do you still have the friends, though? Intending no disrespect to your or them, but if you don't still have them then what use were they, really?

I have one close friend at the moment (who's female!). But I've got friends who are loyal to me as I am to them. But we all live seperate lives.

I think most friends are situational. Once the situation changes friends tend to disappear.

I've always lived 2 lives, online and offline. So if one side is drying up I go to the online side. I think the balance came from my disability. If I wasn't disabled I would have lived a very physically active life, like all the men in my family. But having a disability as humbled my feelings on the world. I have to think more about daily life, and plan everything. It's not a life I would have chosen but it's the one I've been given.

Or maybe you need to change your approach. I've read women's inbox messages and most of them are socially awkward or inappropriate ones. Or maybe you need to contact more women. There's always things you can improve on. You could probably take better photos with better grooming, ie fresh haircut, a top that suits you. Also are you only going for the top 20% of women yourself?

Thank you for the advice. Though I always keep away from those dating apps. It might sound strange but I think I have a better chance of getting a date with a woman in person, even with my disability.

I think the best way to meet women is to have a mutually shared interest.

Though the gamers guys have it easier to meet women these days. Women in gaming in the 80s and 90s were like unicorns. These days the sisters of the geeks grew up and became gamers themselves.

 

[GGizmo]

I see the magazine Loaded as been relaunched with a female editor.

At least if you buy it you'll have something in your hand (instead of yourself!).

 

[arknor]

I just saw this story and thought of this thread.

The dangers of OF.

Dad's therapy after 'discovery of subscription to daughter's OnlyFans'

The father came across the profile by recommendation of his friends, and went on to interact with the creator for months before speaking to a therapist (pictured)

www.dailymail.co.uk

everyone realises this is made up right?
Shes another one of those "influencer experts" attention seeking.

there's literally 0 evidence it ever happened, and if it was true the guy would surely sue, because she was told in confidence?

It's literally the internet version of "relation ship advice" in newspapers they were all made up too...

Confidential Patient Information cannot be defined by a specific data item (e.g. name or postcode) alone, as it needs to be considered more broadly to take account the nature of the information and the circumstances of the record, including the reasonable expectations of a patient.

I doubt norway is much different.

It's like a GP going on national TV and talking about all his patients that day/week, but its fine as long as no names are mentioned...


she probably isn't even a real counsellor, like all the other experts..

 

[LuckyBenski]

everyone realises this is made up right?
Shes another one of those "influencer experts" attention seeking.

there's literally 0 evidence it ever happened, and if it was true the guy would surely sue, because she was told in confidence?

It's literally the internet version of "relation ship advice" in newspapers they were all made up too...


I doubt norway is much different.

It's like a GP going on national TV and talking about all his patients that day/week, but its fine as long as no names are mentioned...


she probably isn't even a real counsellor, like all the other experts..

You didn't fancy reading the article where it says he gave consent to tell the story without names?

 

[arknor]

You didn't fancy reading the article where it says he gave consent to tell the story without names?

doesn't mean its a true story.

How big is onlyfans in Norway anyway?

practically everyone who lives their already has a high quality of life.

Could it happen sure. not convinced it ever has. but if your looking at people who look like your daughter then you probably have other issues.

how many older people even use OF? if your kids on there then you'd be around 50

 

[LuckyBenski]

doesn't mean its a true story

It does however mean your whole post is pointless

 

[arknor]

It does however mean your whole post is pointless

you believe every influencer type?

 

[LuckyBenski]

you believe every influencer type?

I just feel like you made a whole hoohah about consent and patient confidentiality but it was ********.

 

[adidan]

you believe every influencer type?

What, you don't?

Next you'll be telling us not to believe every post on OCUK - outrageous!

 

[Diddums]

What, you don't?

Next you'll be telling us not to believe every post on OCUK - outrageous!

Every post on OCUK is 100% true. The staff fact check every single one.

 

[adidan]

Every post on OCUK is 100% true. The staff fact check every single one.

Phew. I can sleep easy again.