The worlds WORST jokes in here please.

Sone said:
2 nuns in a bath, one says "wheres the soap?" the other says "yes it does"

;)
Click to expand...

I'm struggling to get that one. Does it depend on pronounciation?
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(I realise this is impossible... nobody is allowed guns, but let that go!)
Two guys are out hunting animals with rifles. There's an accident and one of them gets shot in the head. The other panics and calls 999.

The operator says "Hello, can I help you?"

"My friends dead. I shot him by accident. He's dead. Help! Help! I don't know what to do! It was an accident, it wasn't my fault, I don't know what to do!"
"

The operator says "OK. Please calm down. I'm here to help you and we'll take one step at a time. First of all, can you make sure he actually is dead?"

The operator hears a bang and the guy comes on the phone "Ok. What now?"
 
Damn, you guys just had to get me started! I'm famous to my friends as one of the worst jokers ever, and now I'm here to share a whole boatload of facepalm with you!! :D
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A neutron goes into a bar, orders a drink. He's about to pay when the bartender stops him, "For you, my friend, there's no charge"

Two hydrogen atoms walking down the street. One goes, "Oh, crap, I think I've lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?" to which he replies, "Yes, I'm positive!"

I wrote ten different puns, and sent them in to a pun-making competition to see if any of them won. Unfortunately, no pun intended.

Heard the one about the wall? You can't get over it.

Heard the one about the butter? Best not tell you, you might spread it.

Heard the one about the airliner made out of rubber? It's just plane stupid.

Have you heard about the criminal electrical engineer? He robbed a bank volt, and escaped without any resistance. Police later arrested him at his ohm.

What did the man smoking weed say to the rock? Nothing, they were both stoned.

Someone once gave me an egg, saying it was a magic egg that would grant me three wishes like Aladdin's lamp. I kept rubbing it for ages, but nothing happened. Then one day, I accidently dropped it on the floor. Ah well, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

The above is just a small subset of my vast array of pathetic humour :D
 
Worst jokes, now these will take some beating:

What's black and white and read all over? A newspaper

What's the fastest underwater vehicle? Motor pike and side carp

How can you tell if an elephant's been in your fridge? Footprints in the butter

A man walked into a bar, OUCH, it was an iron bar

That'll do for now.
 
hawkinsmomma.jpg
 
Knock Knock

Who's there?

It's the police, your wife's been in an
accident and she's in the hospital.


See, germany isn't just about tracks and wheels :p
 
r3loaded said:
Two hydrogen atoms walking down the street. One goes, "Oh, crap, I think I've lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?" to which he replies, "Yes, I'm positive!"
Click to expand...

Fallout 3 :D:D

Whats the fastest food in the world?


Scone
 
there was an american fighter pilot flying over iraqi airspace, when suddenly, he gets surrounded by some flying carpets and sitting ontop are iraqi's armed with ak47's, he shoots them down on instinct, after that, he radios through to base, and tells the general about how he shot them down, and the general says.. GOD DAMMIT SOLDIER, THEY WERE ALLIED CARPETS!!
 
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