I spent a good 90 minutes doing the retention dance with Virgin yesterday. Currently pay £79 and it's going up to £144 in December. In that we have the M250 broadband package, TNT sports and sky sports.
I said I wanted to keep the package the same and their first reply was 'I can offer you similar, upgrade to M350 for £65/month and give you an O2 sim for £5/month, sound good?' No. I don't need a SIM thanks, but I'll take the £65/month deal if the channels all stay the same. 'This doesn't include TNT or Sky Sports'. Right, so it isn't similar to my package at all.
'But with O2 you get access to early concert tickets and exclusive offers!' No. I don't want a SIM.
'I can offer you your current package for £101/month, BUT if you take an O2 SIM you'll get M350 and it'll be £91.25/month, so let's agree?'
What part of I don't want a ******* SIM do you not understand??
'I can reduce your current package to £86.25/month, that's the best I can offer'. No thanks, I'll cancel then.
'But our service is fantastic and good value for money!' Nope. Cancel it. I'm not paying more than I am now thanks.
'How about if I upgrade your broadband to M350 and keep your current package but for just £92.25/month?' Err.. that's gone up, so no.
'The original price of your package is £130/month, how about as a special day for today only I offer it to you for £86.25, let's go ahead and sign the deal?' £130? Why were you trying to charge me £144 then? You've also already offered that and I said no. I said my final offer is £79/month for the same package but I want M350 as well.
'I understand. I can offer your current package for £76.25/month or upgrade you to M350 for £79.25/month, which would prefer?' FINALLY. We got there in the end. Thanks for wasting an hour and a half of my life trying to squeeze more money out of me you utter shambles. I felt like I needed a nap after that.