Why are some people so against others doing well

[Housey]

We all judge success by a variety of measures. I know I have had differing interpretations over life what what I consider to be 'doing well'. We also have differing opinions of what we construe as things that will impinge on that capability in others. There within lies the problem. We all have a different value structure and whilst someone may see themselves as 'doing well' others according to their own value structure may see them as the archetypal creator of the problems of others.

I think this is fair in the main and to add, peoples success metrics will usually change significantly during their life, I know mine have. Today my focus is on balance in life, work/family/fun, due mainly to deaths in the family close to me and my friends that have caused me to revaluate what is important. I still seek wealth as it is a vital component for me to secure my future. However, how I use wealth has changed from 'toys and things' to the removal of any and all borrowing, not least my mortgages which are a burden and give me a reliance in others which frankly at 47 I don't wish to have much longer.

I don't tend to focus on what others may view me as too much, so your last line is the one I don't totally agree with. I think trying to be all things to all people is simply an untenable position and trying to match value systems is therefore pointless. People who may see you are the creator of problems for others may in fact be totally wrong, might miss the good you do or of course might be right, but spending time focussing to much no this is a downwards spiral.

 

[porushinobu]

I have been in the same situation as you from 18-21 I did go to uni but I didn't work as hard as I really could have, but realise too it's never to late to change things and do what you want. You can still go to uni if you so wish. It really is in your power to choose. You don't have to keep working that job.

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now." You are only 23. The biggest changes in my life started then and now I'm in a VASTLY difference place 3 years down the line.

I am another one who has been there and I still feel low from time to time. Working an endless 8 - 4 severely underpaid job that isnt paying me my full wage yet. I kep applying and rarely get an interview and it hurts wouldn't contemplate scuicide like that poor guy in the papers a while back though)

I am currently studying an evening course online so that has pulled me from being perma depressed. well only I can say im depressed, doctors always seem to think I am just really really sad and nowhere near depressed lol.

I have always dreamed hard, I spend 80%+ of every day within my imagination, making up stories in my head, living other lives, its such a shame that my true life dream will never come true, as I would need the world to be able to travel into space to explore. Oh well.

here's to hoping I get away from minmum wage one day.

as for the OPs question, I dont think people are necessarily against others doing well. as others have said some are bitter they haven't achieved their dreams and some feel they will be stuck in a low paid and dead end job until they are 6 feet under, so they lose hope and lash out towards others to make them selves feel better.

To all of you with hopes and dreams out there and indeed within this thread, good luck with achieving them and I hope if yuo are working towards them it isn't too difficult to get through what you want to do.

wow, heven't typed anything this serious and feely in a while

 

[Freefaller]

I personally have no issues with someone who works hard and earns a decent wage. Good on them I say. What I dislike and find a little tasteless are those that flaunt it or "show off" as I find it a little unnecessary.

Similarly I feel for those that work every hour that God sends and they are struggling to make ends meet, whilst I get fed up with those who do as little as possible and expect the world to be delivered to them on a silver platter.

Also your perceptions on success or wealth change as you get older. However I'm not money driven - I don't say no to it, as it allows for hobbies, but I'm not driven enough to actually want to sacrifice my life or principles for money.

 

[porushinobu]

I personally have no issues with someone who works hard and earns a decent wage. Good on them I say. What I dislike and find a little tasteless are those that flaunt it or "show off" as I find it a little unnecessary.

Similarly I feel for those that work every hour that God sends and they are struggling to make ends meet, whilst I get fed up with those who do as little as possible and expect the world to be delivered to them on a silver platter.

pretty much the truth of the world there. There's also those that are given everything from day 1 and thats the kind we all resent, no point in denying it.

They earn nothing and have everything because they have rich parents. Lottery winners are an exception , when I see a lottery winner I get this feeling that I want to describe as
"I am in prisoin and this is a fellow inmate who has escaped the walls"

 

[Ayahuasca]

Don't think I've ever been jealous of someone who's worked hard for what they have, people who have it all given to them on a plate make me envious though, must be nice having it so easy.

It also depends on whether you base the success of a person on how much they earn.

 

[Freefaller]

pretty much the truth of the world there. There's also those that are given everything from day 1 and thats the kind we all resent, no point in denying it.

They earn nothing and have everything because they have rich parents. Lottery winners are an exception , when I see a lottery winner I get this feeling that I want to describe as
"I am in prisoin and this is a fellow inmate who has escaped the walls"

Hence my dislike for the royal family But that's another subject...

I agree those that are spoonfed everything every day of their lives and behave like spoilt brats are very hard to stomach.

Though some do something with their wealth, and actually go out and explore the world, work in a philanthropic way or in charitable organisations, study and become scholars/writers/etc... or invest what they have into creating a business etc... Sure it's not the same since they've had the capital given to them to create that life - but I find myself less resentful of those types. Actually resentful is the wrong word - I feel sorry for people who have never had the chance to experience life in its simplest form without having to be surrounded by money to be happy.

I used to work for many of the world's richest people - working on luxury yachts built to order for many of the monoliths of wealth in the world. The amount of money that was spent was sickening, and the way it was treated as such a disposable bit of equipment was eye watering. Heck, one of my engineers had to drill a hole in a 6 figure mahogany desk (you can see why I got my engineer to do it for me - abdication of responsibility! ) However... it was a desk... on a yacht... worth more than some people's homes! :/ Still it made me realise that money wasn't all that important, as whilst I may not see all the sights or experience all the unique events these people do, I know that the circle of friends around me are ones that actually care about me.

Though I wouldn't say no to winning the lottery!

Judging people based on their money/income is a little bit sad though isn't it?

 

[porushinobu]

Hence my dislike for the royal family But that's another subject...

I agree those that are spoonfed everything every day of their lives and behave like spoilt brats are very hard to stomach.

Though some do something with their wealth, and actually go out and explore the world, work in a philanthropic way or in charitable organisations, study and become scholars/writers/etc... or invest what they have into creating a business etc... Sure it's not the same since they've had the capital given to them to create that life - but I find myself less resentful of those types. Actually resentful is the wrong word - I feel sorry for people who have never had the chance to experience life in its simplest form without having to be surrounded by money to be happy.

I used to work for many of the world's richest people - working on luxury yachts built to order for many of the monoliths of wealth in the world. The amount of money that was spent was sickening, and the way it was treated as such a disposable bit of equipment was eye watering. Heck, one of my engineers had to drill a hole in a 6 figure mahogany desk... a desk... on a yacht... worth more than some people's homes! :/ Still it made me realise that money wasn't all that important, as whilst I may not see all the sights or experience all the unique events these people do, I know that the circle of friends around me are ones that actually care about me.

Though I wouldn't say no to winning the lottery!

agreed on the royal family
and agreed again for those that work hard.
none of us would be opposed to winning th lottery, what I wouldn't do for being able to afford a simple holiday abroad though, instead I am stuck in this dispicably paid job being used and exploited, being made to work below my grade, but enough on that, I job search daily to get out and this BT openreach interview I recently had has give me some temporary hope.

however in terms of earning money I would like just a ilttle more than I get now, some peice of mind instead of worrying if I can pay my rent month after month or if I can afford to eat healthily after all the bills are done.

also - poor desk.

 

[Haggisman]

but I find myself less resentful of those types. Actually resentful is the wrong word - I feel sorry for people who have never had the chance to experience life in its simplest form without having to be surrounded by money to be happy.

I was about to post the same thing in response to porushinobu and Ayahuasca's posts.

Whilst I'm sure they are perfectly "happy" with all that money - I do feel kind of sorry for some of them in that they'll never really be able to have that sense of achievement of struggling through hard times, making necessary sacrifices, and "earning" something for themselves. They'll never truly appreciate what they've got, because they've never experienced life without.

 

[Housey]

Judging people based on their money/income is a little bit sad though isn't it?

Yup, 100%, as is judging them on title or position. Judge them based on what you see, hear and how they act is my advice, but come to each person with an open mind and no predisposed ideas of who or what they are or how they might act, often easier said than done of course.

 

[porushinobu]

I was about to post the same thing in response to porushinobu and Ayahuasca's posts.

Whilst I'm sure they are perfectly "happy" with all that money - I do feel kind of sorry for some of them in that they'll never really be able to have that sense of achievement of struggling through hard times, making necessary sacrifices, and "earning" something for themselves. They'll never truly appreciate what they've got, because they've never experienced life without.

I would save feeling sory for them until the day they lose what they have ( it could happen) then they really will be in dire straights and will need the help of others to get by.

 

[Freefaller]

Yup, 100%, as is judging them on title or position. Judge them based on what you see, hear and how they act is my advice, but come to each person with an open mind and no predisposed ideas of who or what they are or how they might act, often easier said than done of course.

Indeed - I've met some amazing people - some were well off and others came from estates that you'd see on a Panorama documentary, couldn't tell - I had no idea, or care as we were just having fun.

 

[MikeTheNative]

Do people really judge judge others solely on their money? Certain idiots might but I imagine most people don't.

 

[porushinobu]

Indeed - I've met some amazing people - some were well off and others came from estates that you'd see on a Panorama documentary, couldn't tell - I had no idea, or care as we were just having fun.

indeed I met a few rich people in my time, the ones you meet tend to be social kind ones who are great down to earth folk who you could easily call friend.

but its the ones you dont meet, the money hungry profit grabbers, you read about them day in day out, and especially the bankers who threw our economy into disarray simply to line their own pockets.

it is true that what you ask is easier said than done, but with time and effort it can be done. I just hope that one day there will be less rich people out there that make even serial killers look good so that we can actually have a chance at life, its this damaged economy that makes job searching a fools errand. you get the choice of unemployment or macdonalds.

Also on another side note. Benefit scroungers are the only ones to truly enrage me. they get a money for nothing, they sit there and get their lives paid for them. Sure there are those that are single parents who need to support children and need income but there are those that just need to get off their **** and get a damn job

 

[NVP]

but its the ones you dont meet, the money hungry profit grabbers, you read about them day in day out, and especially the bankers who threw our economy into disarray simply to line their own pockets.

And therein lies half the problem.

 

[spoffle]

Do people really judge judge others solely on their money? Certain idiots might but I imagine most people don't.

Unfortunately, it seems that "idiots" are what make up the masses.

 

[porushinobu]

Unfortunately, it seems that "idiots" are what make up the masses.

And therein lies half the problem.

yup ! because of those that would exploit others for their own gain, the less educated and less understanding of our lazy civilisation will assume all rich people are exploitative and manipulative

 

[BuffetSlayer]

I wonder how many of us would have such perfect integrity if we were in a position to make a shed load of easy money with the click of a mouse or a phone call?

Do we hate bankers simply because they are rich and we are not? Or do we hate bankers because they are in a position to make themselves rich, and we are not? Or is it because we feel they have taken something from us? Why dont we hate the government for giving the green light to risky investment? Why dont we blame the government for propping banks up with tax money? Why dont we blame all the people that lied on their mortgage applications who then defaulted on their financial obligations?

It is easy to point fingers, but when you look at the wider issues simply blaming bankers is increadibly short sighted (in my opinion). Irresponsibility is a two way street.

Personally, I accept that there need to be people with lower moral standards in the world, otherwise we would not get anywhere as a country. Banking would not be for me because I would be uncomfortable doing that kind of work. But I cannot really hate the bankers because they will do that kind of work. Indeed, that kind of work is necessary, and whilst the banks dropped the ball in a big way - the world didn't end. We now have tighter regulation, more responsible lending and overall a better banking system. To be fair to banks they are damned if they do and damned if they dont.

If they do lend to anyone who asks they are irresponsible. If they dont lend based on tighter acceptance criteria they are selfish and holding back progress.

 

[spoffle]

I wonder how many of us would have such perfect integrity if we were in a position to make a shed load of easy money with the click of a mouse or a phone call?

I believe the vast majority of people would be fighting with each other to be the first in line to do as much, regardless of whether it might exploit others or not.

As I've said in other threads, the people who moan hard about corporations not paying "enough" tax would probably jump at the chance to pay their tradesperson in cash if it meant a discount for them (knocking the VAT off).

 

[NVP]

yup ! because of those that would exploit others for their own gain, the less educated and less understanding of our lazy civilisation will assume all rich people are exploitative and manipulative

I was referencing the media bias instilled hatred for these so called selfish 'elite'.

 

[Tunney]

As I've said in other threads, the people who moan hard about corporations not paying "enough" tax would probably jump at the chance to pay their tradesperson in cash if it meant a discount for them (knocking the VAT off).

That's a pretty wild assumption. I'm sure that some people fall into that category but I doubt there's any clear evidence to support your claim.