The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

West said:
The next problem i've now found out is that whilst i'm out as a volunteer, i'm going to carry on seeing her as she's going to be working on her next Uni Placement at a local station that often responds to my area.

I suppose I will have to get used to seeing her. I think it's just gonna hurt the first couple of times. It's a couple of weeks away yet. I will just have to deal with it when it happens.

My manager after speaking to her has told me that if I need time off I can take it. I think though if I just sit at home it will make it worse. At least whilst i'm sat at work in being kept busy.
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I'm not so sure about that. Many people do tend to think that way, but really getting some "you" time can be more beneficial. That way, you aren't deflecting by throwing yourself into work. If they're understanding enough to let you take some personal time away, then I'd say take it. Much easier to get your head around the situation rather than just shovelling it away under the veneer of "keeping busy".
 
Thought I'd put my sob story on here for hugz. Yeah thats right I'm a hugz ho.

I was in a on/off relationship for the best part of 2005, a job came up in early 2006 meaning I'd go away to Iraq. There was talk of me and the then on/off mrs moving in together when I got back. She'd be looking forward to seeing me on my R&R breaks ect, even made plans for when I was back.

2 weeks into my tour she dumped me via e-mail. Classy.

Not only am I a hugz ho, I'm a numpty when it comes to women. Not had a GF since.
 
The Big T said:
Thought I'd put my sob story on here for hugz. Yeah thats right I'm a hugz ho.

I was in a on/off relationship for the best part of 2005, a job came up in early 2006 meaning I'd go away to Iraq. There was talk of me and the then on/off mrs moving in together when I got back. She'd be looking forward to seeing me on my R&R breaks ect, even made plans for when I was back.

2 weeks into my tour she dumped me via e-mail. Classy.

Not only am I a hugz ho, I'm a numpty when it comes to women. Not had a GF since.
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If it's any consolation I was single for about 9 years up untill this year when I met my Ex before this ex.

I feel for you dude.
 
West said:
My manager after speaking to her has told me that if I need time off I can take it. I think though if I just sit at home it will make it worse. At least whilst i'm sat at work in being kept busy.
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If you do take time off, don't just sit at home, if you fill you're time it can be a good thing. I broke up with an ex and I had booked time off to go away with her for a few days, I still took the time off even though I wasn't with her, jesus it was hellish.

It'll get better though mate, it's always **** for a while though, that's the price you pay for getting to be single again ;)
 
I broke up with my ex (of 3 and a half years + first serious relationship) back in April and have just tried to keep as busy as possible, going to little festivals, running, biking, having awesome nights out with mates.

Which has led me to meet my new gf :) - but it wasn't easy to get to this point, there were seriously low, depressing times. But you fill that with as much as you can to enjoy life without that person. I found my enjoyment in my relationship beforehand, but now I have it in other places and this new gf is just a bonus on top.
 
MHarrison94 said:
Just broke up with my girlfriend, first real love, yesterday after 2 years 7 months. We were on a break last week and I felt crappy then but to be honest I'm not feeling that bad today, little down but that's about it. Reckon it's just not hit me yet?

Not much point to posting this just nice to get if off my chest, joining the gym again next week and just going to try get on with things. Don't really want to lose her as a friend though, from anyone's past experiences does staying friends work? Because before we got together we were best friends and extremely close for about 6 months, so lost my girlfriend and best friend in a way and I'd like us to stay in contact.
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Up to you at the end of the day, you obviously became more than friends because you both wanted to, so if you both feel like you can go back to not wanting more then I suppose it could work. But of course there's history, and due to that I'm sure they'll always be a niggling at the back of your mind 'what if'. Plus, if you stay in contact and feel you're doing fine, you might find out she's going out with someone else then Bam! back to square one, even worse she might come to you for advice if you're still best friends.

If it's only been a week then it probably hasn't hit you as you suspect. It's kinda of like a yo-yo, you'll have good days and bad days, with the bad days eventually becoming rarer and easier to deal with.

But yes, hit the gym like a boss and I'm not saying go out there and look for someone new straight away, but enjoy the possibility and potential that you could if you wanted, if anything it's a great distraction.
 
Meh.

Single again.

What is it about this time of year that **** like this happens?

She says she doesn't love me so it's not fair on either of us and that she's sorry but feels she has to 'do the right thing'.
Didn't stop her letting me buy her dinner on wednesday night then say all of that on saturday, even though she's been 'thinking about this for a while'.

In my experience it takes more than 6 months to figure our if you're in love with someone or not (how long we've been going out socially - couple of times a week or sleeping over at weekends - so not living in each-others pockets).

Top all that off, she lives opposite me :( so it's not like I'll not bump into her.

Feel like crap now. I'm tired of people saying how great you are, but that they don't want to be with you. I'm an affectionate, easygoing sort of guy, but I'm fed up of time wasters... I'm 36 and haven't found one good woman in a whole bunch of them over the years. :mad:

/rant.
 
Meh, is not the end of existence, but she's the first girl I've actually been interested in (other than having a bit of fun) since a long term relationship bit the dust about 3 years ago.

Ces't la vie.
 
It really does get easier guys. I was in a similar position up until a few months ago.

We were together 3.5 years, lived together for 2.5 years, she was (i thought) the love of my life. I was completely besotted with her. She was someone who you would be proud to bring home to your parents. Anyway, she went through a moment (age 25) where she "didnt know what she wanted" (this was around March time this year).

I moved back to my parents, spent a long long time wondering what if. We got back together, she actually then moved in with me and my parents. It didnt work, she didnt want me anymore and left. I felt like absolute ****, i lost a lot of weight, my confidence hit an all time low and I was a shadow of my former self.

Skip forward 6 months. Im happy, im single and im having some of the best laughs with my mates than ever before.

Not a day goes by when i dont think about her. I now channel my thoughts towards what she put me through ( there is a lot more to it but it would take a year to read). I do still think about where we used to live and the good times we had. The key is though is this - She is not the same person who i fell in love with. Almost a completely different beast altogether.

I go out most weekends, I spend lots of times with my friends, I always try to arrange things to do and when invited to do things I always try and do it.

I haven't met anyone yet, although I did have a good old snog with someone this weekend just gone. I havent done that in years and years (im only 30 though).

Get out there people, have fun and enjoy yourself. You only get one shot at life. Make the most of it, it does get better.



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If i can add something else. Cut all ties with your ex, delete their number, email, block them on facebook. Have absolutely nothing to do with them. It helps a lot.
 
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Cobra-UK said:
If i can add something else. Cut all ties with your ex, delete their number, email, block them on facebook. Have absolutely nothing to do with them. It helps a lot.
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Aye, I'd also add, try to be pragmatic about it and see if you can learn something about yourself from a break-up. Often it's not all one-sided. I've been a bit of a douche on occasion in the past and I like to think I'm a better person now I realise it. :)
 
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