The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Some scars don't heal from child birth so how could you not know she had a child :confused: Unless you never saw her naked.

I wouldn't stick around, too much unnecessary baggage.
 
XeNoN89 said:
nope I'm not ok with that. I said there is no way of us moving forward until she sorts everything out on her side. The kid doesn't bother me tbh, it's the rest of it that's an issue.
Click to expand...
You are actually going to stay with her? Crazy.
 
XeNoN89 said:
She told me. Basically she had told plenty of other people about me including her mum and sister and they pressured her to tell me the truth.

Her mum is also pressuring her to get a divorce because they can't live like this but she's afraid to mess with the kids family life etc
Click to expand...
It's easy to demonise her and tell you to bail and it would still be my preferred plan of action. I can see it from her point of view. Maybe she just wanted some fun and telling the bloke about her situation might put pay to that.

If it's a short term thing then everybody had a bit of fun and no ones the wiser. The problem starts inevitably when feelings and emotions start to kick in. To be fair, she has told you and it wasn't that you found out.

You really have to think about yourself and for me, unless she is ticking 10's in quite a few boxes then don't get too invested and have your 'end date' set in the future. Especially as she does not sound too keen on leaving her husband. If she was then I might say see how it goes but that unwillingness should be a major red flag. I've been in pretty much exactly the same situation as you. ;)
 
GeordieStew said:
People are cowards and/or don't find it easy hurting folk. It's much easier to do remotely. Probably :)
Click to expand...

My FWB came over to mine on my birthday after not seeing her in a month and told me we she can no longer do the "WB" part, which sucks but did understand her reasons (will save the story for a different post if people are interested, kinda tragic in places).
 
S01E1

Found out in January my wife of 10 years was cheating on me - gotta love connected tech. I offered to forgive and forget, but she needed space for a bit i.e. she wants to continue doing what she's been doing and is now in a new relationship .

We have a child and sharing parenting with a veiw to keeping things ammicable.

S01E2

Now she mentions money... seems she wants to recover money spent during the marriage. Ho hum and here we go.

I work full time and earn more, and she works part time in a skilled professional role (lifestyle choice after 1 yr maternity leave) so life is now financially more difficult for her... and her financial position is now my fault as she has to pay rent and buy new stuff.

TBC
 
She has to start working full time to support herself and her half of the parenting. Just like you do.

Money spent in the past is gone. Presumably your earned more, she spent it, yet you're not asking for all the money back that you spent on her while she got to spend her money on herself and what she wanted too?
 
A good friend is in a similar situation (he's not married). He works full time. She has never worked since university but volunteers locally. She wanted to split up so he moved out to a small flat and is still paying for the house which she is living in, along with the kids. He has given her the car and although the kids nominally live with her in the family home, they actually split looking after the three kids between them. He worked out recently that they are actually round his flat (only a two bed flat) more than they live at the family home with her.

Yet she keeps pestering him for money, sending him her council tax bills, etc, because she isn't working. She also wants half his pension and half his investment property that he owned before they met. His solicitor said she's not entitled to it but she's still trying for it. To make sure the kids are OK he keeps paying her bills. Every time he mentions it to me I keep saying he should stick to the minimum he is legally obliged to pay, otherwise she will simply not go out and get a job. She's essentially just getting him to fund her lifestyle so she doesn't have to meet her responsibility of working to support their children.

Get a ******* job!
 
Last edited:
XeNoN89 said:
So this weekend I found out my girlfriend of several months is married and has a child

Never thought I would say that sentence!
Click to expand...

ouch!. back off.. at this point you have done nothing wrong, it is all on here, you did not know... but do you really want it on your conscience when there is a kid. its easy on the outside looking in, but i would like to think if it were me i would be saying no way, come back to me when the relationship is over and it is all sorted out if that is what you want.

but even then.................... would you ever fully trust anyone who had done that to their not just husband and kid? I actually did... my ex wife had a very very checkered past... but she was up front about it and said new leaf, new life etc and i chose to trust her.

I ended up a close friend down as well as notice when i said "ex wife". Mind you once the dust settled i realised it wasnt much of a friend and am now in a far better relationship with a child of my own so it all came good in the end. :)

sorry either way tho, seems like you have a touch decision eitherway.

XeNoN89 said:
Yep married and still live together but dont even talk and don't share a bed and are only together for the kid.
Click to expand...

in which case she will be happy to tell the husband then and get it all in the open?..... if the marriage is now just one of convenience and is just for the child then, assuming she is being honest that may work.
 
KillBoY_UK said:
My FWB came over to mine on my birthday after not seeing her in a month and told me we she can no longer do the "WB" part, which sucks but did understand her reasons (will save the story for a different post if people are interested, kinda tragic in places).
Click to expand...
What was the reason? /curious
 
Just keep seeing her if it isn't that serious, just don't get too attached. You don't need to see every girl as a potential future wife, some of them are just good female company.
 
Steampunk said:
She has to start working full time to support herself and her half of the parenting. Just like you do.

Money spent in the past is gone. Presumably your earned more, she spent it, yet you're not asking for all the money back that you spent on her while she got to spend her money on herself and what she wanted too?
Click to expand...

That's my view of things. Next step mediation following legal advice.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom