The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[Tek81]

tek81,

I assume you are at university studying this medical course? i believe all university's have departments for Student Hardship and it might be worth contacting them to see if you are eligible for assistance.

Although i find it hard to believe she gave you 'no reason' for leaving i suspect there were further issues that led to her leaving other than monetary

Cheers I'll look into that in the morn. Going to have to sort something quite quickly. No, genuinely she hasn't given me any reason at all, either verbally or implied despite me asking several dozen times. Prior to this we'd never even had an argument. She told me I was her soul mate a few weeks ago on our anniversary and she even made me a framed picture of us both together. I've been on both sides of a breakup before and I've always seen the signs. This time around there was nothing. Her family, who I've known longer than her, are also stumped. She totally stone walls me when I ask.

 

[Roar87]

My situation seems to be going from bad to worse. My ex fiancé and I discussed 15 months ago my decision to return to uni as a mature student. She was very supportive of the decision and agreed that she'd help me pay one of my monthly bills during the term (about £280 pm), or at least until my studies allowed me to find a part time job (I'm a medical student, so spare time is short in supply). If she hadn't, I probably wouldn't have enrolled. Jump forward to now, two months into my degree and she decides to up and leave without giving me a reason. So, I find myself on a course that has cost me the best part of 30k and only very limited funds remaining to pay my bills (which are quickly running out). I've no idea what to do. I don't want to kill my credit rating, but I can't see any alternatives. I'm not willing to end my course either because it means so much to me. Any recommendations outside of selling body parts are welcomed.

My advice is do whatever you have to so that you get your medical degree, then shove it in her face when you're earning bank. Use that as motivation for however much work you need to do to get there.

 

[Cold Fusion]

Cheers I'll look into that in the morn. Going to have to sort something quite quickly. No, genuinely she hasn't given me any reason at all, either verbally or implied despite me asking several dozen times. Prior to this we'd never even had an argument. She told me I was her soul mate a few weeks ago on our anniversary and she even made me a framed picture of us both together. I've been on both sides of a breakup before and I've always seen the signs. This time around there was nothing. Her family, who I've known longer than her, are also stumped. She totally stone walls me when I ask.

Thanks for the elaboration, I still suspect there is more to this than purely a dispute over money, as I take it there was no discussion about money, or ultimatum about it when she left?

You also seem to have taken it all into your stride

Edit: oooh your that Mature student..... from three pages ago when you were debating going to a wedding with her, well thats escalated a bit since then, but as others said to you at the time there is likely more to this than you / she is letting on

 

[Tek81]

Thanks for the elaboration, I still suspect there is more to this than purely a dispute over money, as I take it there was no discussion about money, or ultimatum about it when she left?

You also seem to have taken it all into your stride

Edit: oooh your that Mature student..... from three pages ago when you were debating going to a wedding with her, well thats escalated a bit since then, but as others said to you at the time there is likely more to this than you / she is letting on

Ha, yeah that'll be me. No ultimatum about money and no discussion other than when I was deciding to go. In the absence of a catalyst (or at least knowing about it), I have to assume the worst. Which in this case is that she's probably found someone else while she was still with me, and has decided to choose them over me. Honestly, it would have been far easier if she'd left 2/3 months ago, at least then I wouldn't have this running through my mind at such an important time. Gonna have to focus on the goal though and the fact that there's a lot of single nurses out there

 

[Neil79]

Not sure how to take this really, but it made me feel like *****


After coming back from shopping today with my girlfriend, she points at the bag with an item and says " Do you want to buy me that for Christmas "...... I replied " But I've already got you presents for Christmas "

She replies " What if I don't like your present ? " I might not like the present, are you sure I'll like it ? " "

Was it wrong of me to feel like crap?

 

[Vidar]

Not sure how to take this really, but it made me feel like *****


After coming back from shopping today with my girlfriend, she points at the bag with an item and says " Do you want to buy me that for Christmas "...... I replied " But I've already got you presents for Christmas "

She replies " What if I don't like your present ? " I might not like the present, are you sure I'll like it ? " "

Was it wrong of me to feel like crap?

That to me mate would be a massive red flag! She could have just been playing but it seems overly materialistic to me.

 

[Neil79]

That to me mate would be a massive red flag! She could have just been playing but it seems overly materialistic to me.

This isn't the first time....

This was a little while ago now - I was in a shop she picked up a dress, asked if it looked nice I said yes she looked lovely. Not long after that she went depressed and snappy, when I asked her why, she said " I'm not happy because you didn't buy me that dress, you know I liked it "

 

[Orcish-Horde]

Not sure how to take this really, but it made me feel like *****


After coming back from shopping today with my girlfriend, she points at the bag with an item and says " Do you want to buy me that for Christmas "...... I replied " But I've already got you presents for Christmas "

She replies " What if I don't like your present ? " I might not like the present, are you sure I'll like it ? " "

Was it wrong of me to feel like crap?

Buy the bag and keep it till her birthday and don't let on, what you got for Christmas is what you got for Christmas and don't explain yourself.

 

[Orcish-Horde]

This isn't the first time....

This was a little while ago now - I was in a shop she picked up a dress, asked if it looked nice I said yes she looked lovely. Not long after that she went depressed and snappy, when I asked her why, she said " I'm not happy because you didn't buy me that dress, you know I liked it "

Ooo forget what I said, been togetter for long? If not dump and run!

 

[mattyprice4004]

Edited

 

[Neil79]

Ooo forget what I said, been togetter for long? If not dump and run!

We've had two break ups previously, we've been together just over a year. It goes from highs to making you feel like the worst person in the world. It's like being with someone you cant be with and you cant be without, if that makes sense?

 

[Hades]

Not sure how to take this really, but it made me feel like *****


After coming back from shopping today with my girlfriend, she points at the bag with an item and says " Do you want to buy me that for Christmas "...... I replied " But I've already got you presents for Christmas "

She replies " What if I don't like your present ? " I might not like the present, are you sure I'll like it ? " "

Was it wrong of me to feel like crap?

That last sentence shows she is massively entitled. She's now set you up to feel crap over Christmas and you know she will bring it up if she doesn't like your present. Christmas isn't just about her. It's about everyone including you. I'd have had to call her out on it and told her how she's made me feel. It's not acceptable.

It's understandable you feel crap. But you're not in the wrong so don't.

This isn't the first time....

This was a little while ago now - I was in a shop she picked up a dress, asked if it looked nice I said yes she looked lovely. Not long after that she went depressed and snappy, when I asked her why, she said " I'm not happy because you didn't buy me that dress, you know I liked it "

She and I would NOT get on well together

We've had two break ups previously, we've been together just over a year. It goes from highs to making you feel like the worst person in the world. It's like being with someone you cant be with and you cant be without, if that makes sense?

I've lived with a girl who used to tell me that a tempestuous relationship meant it was healthy. Don't believe it. Relationships shouldn't be hard work like that. Bin it.

 

[Hades]

Oh boy, back here again...
Not sure how things are going to pan out with current partner. Basically we've been together a year and a half save for a short break, and we just don't seem to click.
We want different things in terms of holidays, where to live, kids... and she's 200 miles away North too, with a good career up there. I can't move because I have a kid, and she lives around the corner from me.
There have been many signs that I'm just prolonging the inevitable, I don't see us getting married and we argue over absolutely stupid things. I'm not even really looking forward to seeing her again tomorrow, to be honest.

Is it doomed, do I need to stop being a little bitch and cut ties?

What are you getting out of the relationship? What would you miss if you ended it with her?

 

[mattyprice4004]

Edited

 

[Neil79]

That last sentence shows she is massively entitled. She's now set you up to feel crap over Christmas and you know she will bring it up if she doesn't like your present. Christmas isn't just about her. It's about everyone including you. I'd have had to call her out on it and told her how she's made me feel. It's not acceptable.

It's understandable you feel crap. But you're not in the wrong so don't.

I did, all I got was " I was joking " and that other people wouldn't feel the same, I should've just laughed it off.

 

[sigma]

I did, all I got was " I was joking " and that other people wouldn't feel the same, I should've just laughed it off.

I've had the 'just joking' comment before. It's clearly not a joke.

I ended it very shortly after that comment it was the final nail in the coffin. She used it as an excuse to justify what she said rather than say 'I'm sorry if I upset you, it wasn't intended that way' (as I would have done in her shoes) - but she didn't say this because she wasn't sorry and she had no interest in anyone but herself.

 

[Hades]

I did, all I got was " I was joking " and that other people wouldn't feel the same, I should've just laughed it off.

Shaming tactics to make you feel bad when you call it out. "you're a lesser man than others if you get upset by my behaviour".

 

[Hades]

To be blunt, I'm crap at being on my own. The break should have been the end really, I think.
I'm not sure what I get out of it, but I'd miss her a bit - we've been friends for 13 years or so. But likewise, I really wouldn't miss the needless drama that sometimes unfolds.
She's also happy to sit and lob about drinking wine and vaping most evenings, whereas I'd rather hang out with friends as a group or go out and do something.

Even stupid things like the types of holidays we enjoy are different - she's happy to lie by a pool all day, I'd rather get out exploring or go camping (I'd love to own a caravan or motorhome, but she's made her thoughts on that pretty clear!)

I'll be honest, no offence intended. I'm not reading a lot into that that shouts to me you really want to be with her. I asked for the positives and you gave me more things that you don't like about the relationship. It seems you do like her, but you just don't want to be alone and she's a bit of a habit?

Is that what you want for the rest of your life, especially in your peak, most useful and most enjoyable years? Or would you prefer to build an awesome life with someone who wants what you want and you really want to be with?

 

[mattyprice4004]

I'll be honest, no offence intended. I'm not reading a lot into that that shouts to me you really want to be with her. I asked for the positives and you gave me more things that you don't like about the relationship. It seems you do like her, but you just don't want to be alone and she's a bit of a habit?

Is that what you want for the rest of your life, especially in your peak, most useful and most enjoyable years? Or would you prefer to build an awesome life with someone who wants what you want and you really want to be with?

I appreciate your honesty - no offence will be taken to any input.
I guess that's all true, cheers. It's just difficult to cut the cord with someone I've been so close with for such a long time.

 

[Neil79]

To be blunt, I'm crap at being on my own. The break should have been the end really, I think.
I'm not sure what I get out of it, but I'd miss her a bit - we've been friends for 13 years or so. But likewise, I really wouldn't miss the needless drama that sometimes unfolds.
She's also happy to sit and lob about drinking wine and vaping most evenings, whereas I'd rather hang out with friends as a group or go out and do something.

Bloody hell, you sound like me!

I should've stayed just as friends after the break up, I was crossing between very lonely at home to feeling free when I wasn't at home :/