Family dispute incoming

dowie said:
I didn't mean so much get into details more just a suggestion that if the original idea was that you're both treated equally and now this has thrown a spanner in the works that she just sits down with a financial advisor, tells him that's her wish and has him draw it up, taking into account the gift, so it's "equal".

For example, part of why she maybe lied about/didn't want to address it is because it's then complicating things and that's stressed her so she's put it off/avoided telling you... perhaps because she doesn't know what to do. That's a super common reason for people to avoid stuff.

If you're coming from say an understanding pov re: your sister needing a house etc.. then that maybe makes things less stressful for your mum and this possible dilemma. Then you have either acceptance on your part of the 300k asset going to your sister or the possibility of suggesting an impartial third party (IFA) be tasked with sorting it out with the general instruction that she wants a 50/50 split and any problem/dilemma she was worried about gets taken care of.
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I have no idea what her motivation is. This is, I guess, my problem- I haven't been informed, so I don't know. I've been lied to along the way, which is not good.

I don't want to get into financials, as it's going to make it look like I'm chasing cash. I'm not- I just want some honesty about why she made this decision with my sister, and didn't tell me.

I can't see this going well at all in the short or long-term.
 
I hope your conversation goes well when you have it @potatolord

Every family and situation is different so I hope I haven't been too blunt, none of us know the nuance of your situation. I've come from (at times) poverty, free school meals etc, so my opinions towards my parents who struggled financially but gave me a good upbringing is coloured by that. I genuinely think it's none of my business what they give to my bothers and sisters. If I get less because they see me as being financially secure etc, then good, because I'm one less to worry about!
 
Mr Badger said:
Slight tangent: Without knowing the actual family circumstances and history it's impossible to guess at whether actions are reasonable or not. Perhaps his mother is just playing favourites, or maybe the OP has a history of telling his mother what to do (but he doesn't see it that way) or has received help in the past that he has forgotten. For example I have a family member that has essentially rewritten history and refuses to acknowledge the significant help they received from someone that helped them get on the property ladder, or indeed that they subsequently treated that person (who has since died and so can't tell their side) rather poorly.
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Just picking this up.

It's possible I'm making everything up here to make me sound decent. It's possible that I'm not seeing my past behaviour reasonably. I accept those are valid propositions, but they don't feel true to me.

I help my mum out a lot- because it's the right thing to do. My sister does (and maybe I don't see it) nothing- and rarely visits her.

It feels like I am a long way second best here.
 
It will eat away at you until you confront this. Don't feel awkward. The awkwardness is not on you, it's on your Mum and sister. Yes your sister too. I wouldn't accept a 300K house free in these circumstances without asking about what you would get and ensuring you knew the reasoning etc. This is not ok. It's absolutely NOT being entitled. And yes it is about the money, as well as the deceit...and what?
Painting OP as a bad person is completely wrong for wanting answers. He should absolutely pursue it. I would just come straight out with it one day politely, privately with Mum first. Then I'd ask your sister. Sister may have been told to keep quiet at Mums wishes...which is another debate I guess.
 
potatolord said:
Just picking this up.

It's possible I'm making everything up here to make me sound decent. It's possible that I'm not seeing my past behaviour reasonably. I accept those are valid propositions, but they don't feel true to me.

I help my mum out a lot- because it's the right thing to do. My sister does (and maybe I don't see it) nothing- and rarely visits her.

It feels like I am a long way second best here.
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You’re going to continue to help your mum regardless, and there is already resentment/awkwardness there, so is there anything she could conceivably tell you that would make this situation better?

I’m assuming you don’t want to blow things up and the only way to do that is to start from the position that you accept her decision - which I don’t think you do.
 
Oh Ed not again. said:
She's probably planning on giving you the house she's living in now.

Besides, it's her house, she can do what she wants with it.

I expect she didn't say anything because she knew how the conversation would go, I expect she's dreading the conversation as much as you are chief.
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I wondered this. Might she be planning to give you her current house?
 
As someone in line to inherit everything from my folks with 3 other siblings getting nothing, I've no problem with unequal splits in inheritance :cry:

Though, as nice as the above will be, I'm not counting on anything and my folks can change their minds if they wish before the final event, it's their money, they can do with it what they like.
 
BUDFORCE said:
Yup man up, get you'd own job, income, buy your own house, become alpha.

I couldn't care less if the same thing happened to me.

Oh, and sorry you were the unwanted child.
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BUDFORCE said:
Just go to your mum, say you found out what she did, that you understand her decision, that your sorry that she felt she had to lie.

Job done.
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Did you smoke a spliff in the 5 minutes between these posts ?
 
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Freakbro said:
As someone in line to inherit everything from my folks with 3 other siblings getting nothing, I've no problem with unequal splits in inheritance :cry:

Though, as nice as the above will be, I'm not counting on anything and my folks can change their minds if they wish before the final event, it's their money, they can do with it what they like.
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Why are you the only beneficiary? Do your siblings know?
 
No one really knows the whole situation. Only your side of the story so it's hard to say.
Your sis might not have much... But then that's her to sort out.
Your mum probably don't want to tell you coz you'll flip. .... Sounds like your going to.
Why has the auntie stirred things up?

All I know with my mum is she can do what she wants with her money I'd rather her enjoy it. I'll never expect anything from her.
 
HungryHippos said:
Why are you the only beneficiary? Do your siblings know?
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Long story about why, but it ties in with the other family thread where I said my siblings are ****s (imo) and I have nothing to do with them.

I think my folks only have contact with 1 of the others nowadays and they're just a waste of space.

Basically, I'm the only one who has helped and supported them in their elder years (as it was the right thing to do) and they don't trust the others to not just **** anything they get up the wall, so it's just easier and they feel more comfortable to leave everything to me.

I believe the siblings know yes. Not that it would be of any surprise to the eldest, not sure they have spoken together for 20-30 yrs.
 
Freakbro said:
As someone in line to inherit everything from my folks with 3 other siblings getting nothing, I've no problem with unequal splits in inheritance :cry:

Though, as nice as the above will be, I'm not counting on anything and my folks can change their minds if they wish before the final event, it's their money, they can do with it what they like.
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Same here! And i can see it causing serious issues in the years to come :(

The inlaws are cantankerous old gits, any slight against them and you're off their nice list - don't send a birthday/xmas card or FB message - you're the devil. They have brought a lot of pain upon themselves over trvivial things, so much so that out of their 4 kids, only my wife and i still speak to them :(
 
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