Family dispute incoming

Kenai said:
Of what?

All i've seen him post is that he's expecting a 50/50 split of inheritance. That doesn't appear to have changed at all.

If his mum has chosen to gift/sell some of her property now, that's the OPs (or your) own assumptions coming into play, assuming that meant 50% of the holiday home was coming his way.
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Oh dear, you're really going down that route :)
Perhaps it was 50% of her TV.
 
ivrytwr3 said:
No one is saying he wants to dictate what his mum does with his money, you have made your own wrong assumption on that fact. He wants to know why his Mum MAY have gifted a £300k asset to his sister.
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What he wants to know and what he is entitled to know are two separate things.

He wants to know why and his mum can say "Because I wanted to". Case closed.

ivrytwr3 said:
As a parent i would have no issues discussing inheritance and i would want an even split. If one was doing much better than the other, then a grown up discussion would have to be had. As a parent you want to to do right by your kids, you do not want to be the cause of any mis-information, resentment or anything causing a wedge between them. The time for discussion is now, it's too late when i/his mum have shuffled off.
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And equally as she is a parent she fully has the right to act without having to answer to her own children. It's a two way street.
 
potatolord said:
That house is gone. I get that.

I also know she can do what she wants with her own stuff.

However, it would have been nice to have been told- some honesty. It's honestly like a kick in the guts to know she's lied to me, for years.

I hope your inheritance stuff goes better than mine- I really do.
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**** 'em. It's easy for the keyboard warriors to sit in their ivory towers. I think you have every right to ask your what has happened here - otherwise you will only have your Auntie and Sisters version of events.

Whether it's good news or bad news, these type of things are best sorted now before it's too late.
 
potatolord said:
That house is gone. I get that.

I also know she can do what she wants with her own stuff.

However, it would have been nice to have been told- some honesty. It's like a kick in the guts to know she's lied to me, for years.

I hope your inheritance stuff goes better than mine- I really do.
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It may have been nice but she doesn't need to tell you anything and as she is your mother you ought to respect that.
 
SexyGreyFox said:
Oh dear, you're really going down that route :)
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Yes, because you're making it sound like he was specifically promised half of that house and now it's been whipped away from under him but he hasn't said that at all. He's been told 50/50 inheritance - that could be 15 years away yet, her estate could be completely different by then.

ivrytwr3 said:
So 50% of what's left? I think a house may have made a dent in the overall package. That would be a hard pill to swallow if that is the reason given.
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Yes, "what's left" is usually how inheritance works. It's only a hard pill to swallow if you've started making assumptions about what you should be getting and developing a feeling of entitlement towards it.

Whilst she's alive, it's his mum's asset to gift, sell, whatever - there's no obligation for her to discuss it with anyone, to justify it to anyone, to present her reasoning to anyone, even inform anyone.
 
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Junglist said:
What he wants to know and what he is entitled to know are two separate things.

He wants to know why and his mum can say "Because I wanted to". Case closed.



And equally as she is a parent she fully has the right to act without having to answer to her own children. It's a two way street.
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100& agree - but he won't know if he doesn't ask.
 
Kenai said:
Whilst she's alive, it's his mum's asset to gift, sell, whatever - there's no obligation for her to discuss it with anyone, to justify it to anyone, to present her reasoning to anyone, even inform anyone.
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The fact this is lost on so many people makes me wonder if they view their parents as parents or just a vessel for an estate.
 
Kenai said:
Yes, "what's left" is usually how inheritance works. It's only a hard pill to swallow if you've started making assumptions about what you should be getting and developing a feeling of entitlement towards it.

Whilst she's alive, it's his mum's asset to gift, sell, whatever - there's no obligation for her to discuss it with anyone, to justify it to anyone, to present her reasoning to anyone, even inform anyone.
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Again, you're assuming. I haven't read anywhere where he says he is entitled to the house, after been told 50/50, he would like to know what has happened with the house. I do not see any issue with this at all. All that is required is a conversation to clear things up and know where everyone stands. No-one is demanding anything.

There have been many posts here where families have been split due to the will reading, it's too late then and what parent would want to knowingly create a divide between their children?
 
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Junglist said:
The fact this is lost on so many people makes me wonder if they view their parents as parents or just a vessel for an estate.
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Personally, my mum's side of the family has torn itself apart over my grandmother's sizeable estate and she's still not dead. I've told my parents outright that I don't give a **** what they plan to do with theirs.
 
ivrytwr3 said:
Again, you're assuming. I haven't read anywhere where he says he is entitled to the house, after been told 50/50, he would like to know what has happened with the house. I do not see any issue with this at all. All that is required is a conversation to clear things up and know where everyone stands. No-one is demanding anything.

There have been many posts here where families have been split due to the will reading, it's too late then and what parent would want to knowingly create a divide between their children?
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He already knows where he stands - that house belongs to his sister now.

He might be interested to know whether she was gifted it or bought it, he might be interested to know why he wasn't consulted about it or informed of it but his material position doesn't actually change.

I've also watched families tear themselves apart because some of them seemed to value the inheritance above all else and maybe that's what has influenced my perspective to not worry about what's "fair" and whether people get what they feel they deserve - there are infinitely more important things in life than making sure you get your fair share of your dead parents leftover money that I really struggle to identify with how fixated some people get on the "fairness" of it all.
 
OP did she have a housewarming party :eek:
6-housewarming-party-tips.jpg
 
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Kenai said:
Yes, because you're making it sound like he was specifically promised half of that house and now it's been whipped away from under him but he hasn't said that at all. He's been told 50/50 inheritance - that could be 15 years away yet, her estate could be completely different by then.



Yes, "what's left" is usually how inheritance works. It's only a hard pill to swallow if you've started making assumptions about what you should be getting and developing a feeling of entitlement towards it.

Whilst she's alive, it's his mum's asset to gift, sell, whatever - there's no obligation for her to discuss it with anyone, to justify it to anyone, to present her reasoning to anyone, even inform anyone.
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We have a winner!

I totally get that the OP wants to ask his mother to explain what has happened. And that's fine, as long as does this in a non confrontational way and actually listens to what she has to say.

But presumably his mother wasn't on her deathbed when she "gave away" the second house back in 2021 (or whenever). Inheritance is about what happens when someone dies and she may well have a valid will in place that says that her will be split 50/50 following her death. That doesn't stop her from giving gifts as she sees fit during her lifetime.
 
Kenai said:
He already knows where he stands - that house belongs to his sister now.

He might be interested to know whether she was gifted it or bought it, he might be interested to know why he wasn't consulted about it or informed of it but his material position doesn't actually change.

I've also watched families tear themselves apart because some of them seemed to value the inheritance above all else and maybe that's what has influenced my perspective to not worry about what's "fair" and whether people get what they feel they deserve - there are infinitely more important things in life than making sure you get your fair share of your dead parents leftover money that I really struggle to identify with how fixated some people get on the "fairness" of it all.
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You're not wrong, but that's a very clinical view - families are far more complex.
 
All I know is that not informing the people in your will what they might receive can make problems not for the dead, but for the living. My grandfather shafted my uncle in his will and didn't tell him. It had been the same for their entire lifetime, up until a couple of years before my grandfather's death. My father, as the executor, had to explain to my uncle why his 33% had been cut to much less. That wasn't fair at all. In this case, it's not really fair on the sister that she may have explain it to potatolord.

It was very uncomfortable.

Edit: I think it's the change that was an issue, not specifically the contents. Now, should he assume he should get anything? Maybe not. But he was told a certain thing his whole life, so why shouldn't he expect it?
 
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ivrytwr3 said:
**** 'em. It's easy for the keyboard warriors to sit in their ivory towers. I think you have every right to ask your what has happened here - otherwise you will only have your Auntie and Sisters version of events.
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:cry: Ivory tower?

Surely you can understand the different backgrounds people come from?

To some people, including myself, the concept of walking up to my mother (to her face!), and saying the word inheritance.... I would rather commit seppuku! Let the ground open up and take me! What shame I would bring onto the family!

This thread is like a hollywood film, make believe. People don't actually do that in real life, right? ;)
 
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