Oh Lord, like the OP, I share a childish love of toilet humour and this is comedy gold. I can't honestly say I've ever been caught short whilst out and about. My bowels are - thankfully - quite predictable and regular, and provided I take a dump fairly shortly after getting out of bed in the morning, don't give me any trouble. However, that regularity has led to some near-misses at home. Many's the time I'd go downstairs, put the kettle on, make a brew for myself and the missus and be bloody-nigh 'touching cloth' by the time I got back upstairs, resulting in a very awkward waddle across the landing to the bathroom. Wasn't a regular occurrence by any means, but it was almost as if the act of switching the kettle on loosened my bowels. Funnily enough, it hasn't happened at all since the missus and I separated and I've been living in my own gaff. A couple of people I work with have had 'accidents' though. One of the girls where I'm currently working regaled us one morning of being stuck in non-moving traffic on the M11, getting the urge for a pee and having no option but to relieve herself into an empty biscuit tin she happened to have in the car. My ex-boss, a man with some of the most repulsive personal habits a human being could possess, was once on holiday in Egypt and crapped himself whilst out and about, most likely as a result of typical holiday gluttony. Apparently to this day, there's a pair of his ****** pants buried somewhere in the desert ... ready for some poor archaeologist to find in hundreds of years' time. I've had many surfing holidays in Cornwall and owned my wetsuit, rather than hiring. I can confirm that I have pee'd in mine on many an occasion!