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Getting caught short

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by TimTom, Feb 22, 2019.

  1. Adnams Drinker

    Wise Guy

    Joined: May 29, 2003

    Posts: 2,008

    Location: Cambridge

    Oh Lord, like the OP, I share a childish love of toilet humour and this is comedy gold.

    I can't honestly say I've ever been caught short whilst out and about. My bowels are - thankfully - quite predictable and regular, and provided I take a dump fairly shortly after getting out of bed in the morning, don't give me any trouble. However, that regularity has led to some near-misses at home. Many's the time I'd go downstairs, put the kettle on, make a brew for myself and the missus and be bloody-nigh 'touching cloth' by the time I got back upstairs, resulting in a very awkward waddle across the landing to the bathroom. Wasn't a regular occurrence by any means, but it was almost as if the act of switching the kettle on loosened my bowels. Funnily enough, it hasn't happened at all since the missus and I separated and I've been living in my own gaff.

    A couple of people I work with have had 'accidents' though. One of the girls where I'm currently working regaled us one morning of being stuck in non-moving traffic on the M11, getting the urge for a pee and having no option but to relieve herself into an empty biscuit tin she happened to have in the car.

    My ex-boss, a man with some of the most repulsive personal habits a human being could possess, was once on holiday in Egypt and crapped himself whilst out and about, most likely as a result of typical holiday gluttony. Apparently to this day, there's a pair of his ****** pants buried somewhere in the desert ... ready for some poor archaeologist to find in hundreds of years' time.
    I've had many surfing holidays in Cornwall and owned my wetsuit, rather than hiring. I can confirm that I have pee'd in mine on many an occasion!
     
  2. Xire

    Mobster

    Joined: Apr 8, 2011

    Posts: 2,872

    Location: London

    Bravo good sir, bravo.
     
  3. dirtychinchilla

    Sgarrista

    Joined: May 2, 2011

    Posts: 8,758

    Location: Woking, Surrey

    You don't sound like a Stephanie...
     
  4. Admiral Huddy

    Don

    Joined: Feb 17, 2003

    Posts: 29,132

    Location: Chelmsford & Broadgate


    Football coach apparently not.. and the loo was out of order.
     
  5. Unicorn

    Mobster

    Joined: Dec 24, 2011

    Posts: 4,674

    I was caught short when i was out drinking once and as i was between two pubs a bush had to be used. Its still regularly brought up by my friends now as that bush has since gone so i wonder if i killed it
     
  6. TimTom

    Associate

    Joined: Mar 18, 2016

    Posts: 91

    I’m a big football follower but I’ve never been into travelling on supporters coaches. I’ve heard horror stories of black bin liners being used as makeshift toilets along with empty cans and bottles and even rolled-up newspapers. Apparently the clean-up operation afterwards isn’t for the faint-hearted.

    Then again, if the driver won’t stop...
     
  7. Acme

    Caporegime

    Joined: Jul 29, 2011

    Posts: 29,916

    Location: Acme's chair

    On the motorway, big crash, road closed, air ambulance, everyone standing by their cars chit chatting. Absolutely busting for a poo, started to panic a bit. Grabbed every bit of paper, receipts, scraps of cloth, etc thay I could find in the car and went down in the bushes at the side of the road, lost my footing and landed in a thorny Bush... After I had plucked myself out, in quite a bit of pain, I laid some OcUK patented soggy weatabix and a scrabbled back up the embankment again... Only time I've ever had to deficste outside of a toilet. :p
     
  8. Admiral Huddy

    Don

    Joined: Feb 17, 2003

    Posts: 29,132

    Location: Chelmsford & Broadgate

    I think it was because it was only stadium approach - no stopping.. Possibly.