How many DINKs here?

Mrwong said:
Life is being stretch, as a consequence this will widen the time line and in part the illusion of women having children later on in life.
The common age of women having children will peak around 34 to 40, my best guess, we are also aging slower.
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There's a longer and longer list for not having kids. Some is good. Some is quite sad.

Bad
-environmental concerns
-cost of living pressure/child support cost
-worries for kids future

Good
-woman's empowerment
-hobbies/leisure time
-break away from "tradition"


Some of those can probably be combined.
 
413x said:
There's a longer and longer list for not having kids. Some is good. Some is quite sad.

Bad
-environmental concerns
-cost of living pressure/child support cost
-worries for kids future

Good
-woman's empowerment
-hobbies/leisure time
-break away from "tradition"


Some of those can probably be combined.
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These are all material things which are quite irrelevant in the grand scheme. We are at a time in society where everything is cheap relatively and being at a certain point financially gives diminishing returns. Bringing your own child into the world and bringing it up as a family is where the memories last for ever for generations. You could give me ten Ferrari's, Euromillions winning ticket and a castle but tell me no kids I would say hell no. Teaching my child to swim or ride a bike, helping them with their exams, walking your daughter down the isle. These items are priceless imo.

Our mortgage will be finished when we are 40 and 1 of my children will have flown the nest and the second one at a decent age where it doesn't really matter financially. That gives me 30 years of doing what I want with the added bonus of not being lonely and having a family circle. You get to that point in your early 50's where you have seen everything and done everything where you feel lost but by then it is too late.
 
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adam cool dude said:
These are all material things which are quite irrelevant in the grand scheme. We are at a time in society where everything is cheap relatively and being at a certain point financially gives diminishing returns. Bringing your own child into the world and bringing it up as a family is where the memories last for ever for generations. You could give me ten Ferrari's, Euromillions winning ticket and a castle but tell me no kids I would say hell no. Teaching my child to swim or ride a bike, helping them with their exams, walking your daughter down the isle. These items are priceless imo.

Our mortgage will be finished when we are 40 and 1 of my children will have flown the nest and the second one at a decent age where it doesn't really matter financially. That gives me 30 years of doing what I want with the added bonus of not being lonely and having a family circle. You get to that point in your early 50's where you have seen everything and done everything where you feel lost but by then it is too late.
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Everyone has different values. And there are always compromises to be made.

For myself it isn't money, as we could, if we wanted, get by. We would Definitely have money concerns however and nice holidays would have to go.

The week in Norway is a life memory and wouldn't be something I could do with kids. (money, time, lack of support) so although it's paid for with material stuff (money) the experience itself isnt.

I can hop on my bike or kayak for a whole day. Or days without having to plan too much.

If I was more organised, or had a support network I could still do these things with a kid. Less often. But I don't.

Also, I expect my fragile mental health would take a dive with kids due to that lack of time. And that wouldn't be good for me or said child.


I'm not the sort of person who would make a good parent either. I'm very time selfish and just my general personality doesn't lend to being a parent. I'm very Independent and highly value that ad hoc ability to just jump on a hobby any time.



Unfortunately You can't really try before you commit to a kid. And it's not a gamble that I ever could commit to.
 
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So having kids is for your own entertainment and so you have someone to look after you later.

It's certainly one side of it
 
413x said:
Need to get this done at some point. At 37 I shouldn't get much "are you sure". Just I've of those things never seen to get round to
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Funnily enough I went to the GP for exactly this yesterday, I'm only 34 and it was literally just "it's irreversible, are you sure, can I fondle you quickly (not sure if required or he just liked the look of me), referral done" Out in 5 minutes.

Looks like the hospital waiting lists around here for it are 12ish months though.
 
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413x said:
Everyone has different values. And there are always compromises to be made.

For myself it isn't money, as we could, if we wanted, get by. We would Definitely have money concerns however and nice holidays would have to go.

The week in Norway is a life memory and wouldn't be something I could do with kids. (money, time, lack of support) so although it's paid for with material stuff (money) the experience itself isnt.

I can hop on my bike or kayak for a whole day. Or days without having to plan too much.

If I was more organised, or had a support network I could still do these things with a kid. Less often. But I don't.

Also, I expect my fragile mental health would take a dive with kids due to that lack of time. And that wouldn't be good for me or said child.


I'm not the sort of person who would make a good parent either. I'm very time selfish and just my general personality doesn't lend to being a parent. I'm very Independent and highly value that ad hoc ability to just jump on a hobby any time.



Unfortunately You can't really try before you commit to a kid. And it's not a gamble that I ever could commit to.
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I was the same. Being a single child on my mothers side I was very selfish as my father was very selfless. You wouldn't catch me giving my last rolo away ;). When I had my first child I absolutely bricked myself but looking back at 22 year old me to 36 year old me now I have changed a lot for the better at least that is what I feel. I still have extremely selfish acts sometimes but I am lucky that my missus is understanding of that after 15 years.

Like you said it isn't one of those things you can try before you buy so can completely understand peoples decisions on the matter. It is actually the most important decision of your life really.
 
adam cool dude said:
I was the same. Being a single child on my mothers side I was very selfish as my father was very selfless. You wouldn't catch me giving my last rolo away ;). When I had my first child I absolutely bricked myself but looking back at 22 year old me to 36 year old me now I have changed a lot for the better at least that is what I feel. I still have extremely selfish acts sometimes but I am lucky that my missus is understanding of that after 15 years.

Like you said it isn't one of those things you can try before you buy so can completely understand peoples decisions on the matter. It is actually the most important decision of your life really.
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It really is most important thing.
If it wasnt a human right it would be licenced!

You're responsible for another life. And you need no training or qualifications?

Its a shame more people don't think a bit more about it really. I feel for kids brought into bad homes.
 
The overwhelming majority of you will regret not having children, i dont believe your reasoning is sound, things like cost or time, or wanting to enjoy various things like holidays and so forth are just excuses.

Several threads over the years there is either a claim to want to not have children, or that people are introverted, yet at the same time exists long term relationships, friends and family.

I think these things are just contrary and i believe you guys are fooling yourselves.
 
platinum87 said:
The overwhelming majority of you will regret not having children, i dont believe your reasoning is sound, things like cost or time, or wanting to enjoy various things like holidays and so forth are just excuses.

Several threads over the years there is either a claim to want to not have children, or that people are introverted, yet at the same time exists long term relationships, friends and family.

I think these things are just contrary and i believe you guys are fooling yourselves.
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Just because you disagree or can't understand doesn't mean people are contrary and fooling themselves.

I personally believe there are plenty of parents out there who shouldn't be parents at all.
 
platinum87 said:
The overwhelming majority of you will regret not having children, i dont believe your reasoning is sound, things like cost or time, or wanting to enjoy various things like holidays and so forth are just excuses.

Several threads over the years there is either a claim to want to not have children, or that people are introverted, yet at the same time exists long term relationships, friends and family.

I think these things are just contrary and i believe you guys are fooling yourselves.
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Only time will tell.
Both are a core life choice. To have or not have kids.

Its life defining.

I wish people would stop saying "you'll regret it when you're older".
Some will, some won't.


Its great we have the choice. More so than ever, the pressure is subsiding on women to "have kids, have a family.. Because... You should".
 
platinum87 said:
The overwhelming majority of you will regret not having children, i dont believe your reasoning is sound, things like cost or time, or wanting to enjoy various things like holidays and so forth are just excuses.

Several threads over the years there is either a claim to want to not have children, or that people are introverted, yet at the same time exists long term relationships, friends and family.

I think these things are just contrary and i believe you guys are fooling yourselves.
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See this is my dilemma. I do genuinely worry if I'm going to regret it later in life, but then I also look at the state of humanity and the planet and wonder if I do actually want to bring kids in to this world. The answer is a resounding no, but my primal instincts are telling me to keep porking as the clock is ticking.

Dunno, it's a tough call and one that I could live to regret, but I justify it with copious amounts of touring, holidays, fancy toys and partying instead.
 
Diddums said:
See this is my dilemma. I do genuinely worry if I'm going to regret it later in life, but then I also look at the state of humanity and the planet and wonder if I do actually want to bring kids in to this world. The answer is a resounding no, but my primal instincts are telling me to keep porking as the clock is ticking.

Dunno, it's a tough call and one that I could live to regret, but I justify it with copious amounts of touring, holidays, fancy toys and partying instead.
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I don't envy people on the fence.
Must be especially hard for women with the biological clock ticking.

If you definitely want or don't want, that's not so bad. But to be second guessing a decision like this can't be fun!
 
platinum87 said:
The overwhelming majority of you will regret not having children, i dont believe your reasoning is sound, things like cost or time, or wanting to enjoy various things like holidays and so forth are just excuses.

Several threads over the years there is either a claim to want to not have children, or that people are introverted, yet at the same time exists long term relationships, friends and family.

I think these things are just contrary and i believe you guys are fooling yourselves.
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I went full circle... or rather half circle and did a 180?

Never wanted kids. The idea seemed bonkers to me and it just wasn't in me. Now I've had one? I've gone the other way. It's not that I pity people who don't have kids because ultimately it's a pretty big lifestyle change and if someone doesn't want them, you have to respect that

But since having them life and your view on life changes in a way I can't really explain. I feel a bit sad for others that they wont get to experience the feeling. There's loving your partner and then there is loving your child (and the way you love your partner after having a child) but I can't even begin to express how good that feeling is. Getting home and seeing your little terror after work, unbeatable feeling.

Diddums said:
See this is my dilemma. I do genuinely worry if I'm going to regret it later in life
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We had one and we're now facing the dilemma of do we want a 2nd. It's been dominating our chat the last 2-3 weeks :o
 
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Diddums said:
See this is my dilemma. I do genuinely worry if I'm going to regret it later in life, but then I also look at the state of humanity and the planet and wonder if I do actually want to bring kids in to this world. The answer is a resounding no, but my primal instincts are telling me to keep porking as the clock is ticking.
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Yeh. I genuinely think it is all down hill from here when in comes to humanity. I just genuinely don't think children born now are going to have nice time of it : /

The internet and AI is going to destroy (already is to a certain extent) society in my opinion. That's before even thinking about the climate.
 
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Jono8 said:
Yeh. I genuinely think it is all down hill from here when in comes to humanity. I just genuinely don't think children born now are going to have nice time of it : /
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It'll either be amazing.. AI, robotics etc meaning universal income. Utopia. Yay!

Or.. More likely. The mega corps will basically control everything, AI will do a Terminator (it's amazing this was complete Sci fi even a few years ago) and wipe us out. Or environmental damage will ramp up as projected throwing everything into chaos.
Even if we carry on as is, cost of living and pension issue is looming large.

I don't think it's doom mongering to be very concerned about potential kids future.
 
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