Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

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What I always found difficult with dating sites, was keeping a girls attention after the first date. I must have been lucky enough to get quite a few, but since the girls were inundated with message, they always to me seemed like they had a "what if attitude!".
What if the next one is every so slightly better etc. Led me to believe that a lot of the girls I saw on POF were on there dating everyone in some strange hope of the grass being greener on the otherside.
That of course, or I was just completely boring. :D

I hated the transition stage, from date one to date two. Having a constant sense of anxiety of whether you should text today or tomorrow or whether she will think your not interested. Ghhhhh glad I don't do it anymore.
 
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lol i would never go back on plenty of fish,remember trying it for a laugh when i was 18.

Damn cougers scared me away with their obvious inclination for swinging and rude imagery.
 
Well, I think I need to get out of the relationship I got in to through internet dating.
I've been seeing her for about 9 months and it's seems to have got pretty serious with her talking about kids in the future. We don't live together yet by the way.

I just feel that it's not right. I don't feel in love with her and the passion that was there in the beginning has gone. I just don't think we're compatible either personally of sexually.
The issue is that she's 100% head over heels in love with me. God knows how I'm going to do this. She isn't the most stable person in the world and has major trust issues.

How should I go about breaking it off do you think?
 
Be honest with her. Don't string her along any more. Any way you do it, it will break her heart by the sounds of it. However I've see. It when people have been strung along for months and in one case years by another who was just too worried about the other person getting messed up by a break up. Needless to say all of those went really messy when the break ups happened, as in many cases the person doing the breaking up would still outwardly show love and sometimes move in.

I'd say do the right thing and tell her how you feel and don't let the weeks and months pass by before you do it. The way in which you ought to do it is be respectful and tactful about it but ultimately being honest is the best route. It'll sting a lot when you're doing it, but you'll feel better and it also actually allows the other person to understand the "why" questions during relationship post mortem and grieving. Far better than "me not you" or "I've got issues I need to sort alone" or "you just have to understand" "if you love me you'll let me go, just know that I love you too"....
 
Rilot said:
Well, I think I need to get out of the relationship I got in to through internet dating.
I've been seeing her for about 9 months and it's seems to have got pretty serious with her talking about kids in the future. We don't live together yet by the way.

I just feel that it's not right. I don't feel in love with her and the passion that was there in the beginning has gone. I just don't think we're compatible either personally of sexually.
The issue is that she's 100% head over heels in love with me. God knows how I'm going to do this. She isn't the most stable person in the world and has major trust issues.

How should I go about breaking it off do you think?
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No point stopping with her if you are not happy.

From when women start talking about kids in the future when you have been together for less than a year then I be prepared to jump ship anyway.
 
Rilot said:
Well, I think I need to get out of the relationship I got in to through internet dating.
I've been seeing her for about 9 months and it's seems to have got pretty serious with her talking about kids in the future. We don't live together yet by the way.

I just feel that it's not right. I don't feel in love with her and the passion that was there in the beginning has gone. I just don't think we're compatible either personally of sexually.
The issue is that she's 100% head over heels in love with me. God knows how I'm going to do this. She isn't the most stable person in the world and has major trust issues.

How should I go about breaking it off do you think?
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There's going to be no "good" way, just the way that minimizes the **** you will get. You say she isn't the most stable, well can you (if possible) quantify that a little. Is she potentially aggressive or violent? Depressive?
 
malachi said:
From when women start talking about kids in the future when you have been together for less than a year then I be prepared to jump ship anyway.
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Absolutely this. Run for the hills!

"Hey babe, I seem to have accidentally got pregnant, isn't that wonderful!" :D
 
Richdog said:
There's going to be no "good" way, just the way that minimizes the **** you will get. You say she isn't the most stable, well can you (if possible) quantify that a little. Is she potentially aggressive or violent? Depressive?
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Oh, nothing bad like that. She just gets upset very easily and finds it very hard to trust people, especially men.
 
Rilot said:
Oh, nothing bad like that. She just gets upset very easily and finds it very hard to trust people, especially men.
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She trusted you didn't she. I don't mean that in some negative way either, what I mean is that if she trusted you, she'll trust someone else in the future.
 
Rilot said:
Oh, nothing bad like that. She just gets upset very easily and finds it very hard to trust people, especially men.
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Ok then that makes it less painful. The best way is to make sure that it's not a complete shock when you tell her, so that she can mentally prepare herself for bad news.

Call her a few hours before you want to meet (any longer will be mental torture for her), and in a tone that has a bit of seriousness and gravity in it (im not being a drama llama here, she needs to tell from your voice that there's something wrong) and tell her that you would really like to see her tonight (or at the earliest) to talk to her. When she asks what its about, because she will then twig it's not good, don't give in to the temptation to do the dirty on the phone, just say "I'd prefer to discuss it with you in person", tell her you will see her later and that you have to go now, and end the conversation.

Preparation work done, when you meet be as honest as possible with her, tell her exactly how you feel, and don't make the mistake of sugar-coating things in order to make it hurt less, otherwise you can create the false hope (especially in people that are head over heels about you) that things can be fixed. Be genuine, be clear, and make sure you finish the conversation in no doubt that this was a hard, yet final, decision that will be best for both of you in the long run.

It will suck, but if you stick to that formula and be a gentlemen about it and acted without duplicity then I guarantee You will have done it in the best possible manner and not given her any parting ammunition with which to build any future resentment, which is all you can hope or ask for.

Good luck!
 
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Expect lots of tears, because if she's thinking about kids with you already then she's probably gone "all-in" on the emotional front. :(
 
Richdog said:
Ok then that makes it less painful. The best way is to make sure that it's not a complete shock when you tell her, so that she can mentally prepare herself for bad news.

Call her a few hours before you want to meet (any longer will be mental torture for her), and in a tone that has a bit of seriousness and gravity in it (im not being a drama llama here, she needs to tell from your voice that there's something wrong) and tell her that you would really like to see her tonight (or at the earliest) to talk to her. When she asks what its about, because hg is wrong, don't give in to the temptation to do the dirty on the phone, just say "I'd prefer to discuss it with you in person", tell her you will see her later and that you have to go now, and end the conversation.

Preparation work done, when you meet be as honest as possible with her, tell her exactly how you feel, and don't make the mistake of sugar-coating things in order to make it hurt less, otherwise you can create the false hope (especially in people that are head over heels about you) that things can be fixed. Be genuine, be clear, and make sure you finish the conversation in no doubt thif is a hard yet final decision that will be best for both of you in the long run.

It will suck, but if you stick to that formula and be a gentlemen about it and acted without duplicity then I guarantee You will have done it in the best possible manner and not given her any parting ammunition with which to build any future resentment, which is all you can hope or ask for.

Good luck!
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Thanks man. I appreciate it.
I just need to find a good (well, least bad) time.
 
Well, I got a message back and the girl is concerned about our distance and that any potential relationship could be challenging, (30-40 miles). I sent her a message trying to persuade her that it's not too far because we feel we would get on with one another (friends initially though) but nothing back as yet. Fingers crossed I guess!

With regard to emotional scenes, yeah, I had one when I split up with my ex at the start of 2012. It wasn't good. She even blocked the door with her body, so I had to literally pull the door whilst she was dragging her feet as she wouldn't move! She was in tears but I was very calm and collected - but I knew it was going to happen for at least 2 years...didn't have the cojones to split up with her after 2 years though.

I stuck with neutral responses and didn't place the blame on anyone or anything.
 
MisChief said:
Wut! 40 miles is not far at all. Do neither of you drive or both live in villages with no public transport or something??
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To be fair to some people it is far, and it means that its very hard to see someone on weeknights if you have a busy job, and also more difficult to do spontaneous things.

I know it's not exactly 'across an ocean', but if you live next to or in a city then the convenience with which you can see someone does play a part for many people I guess... including me!
 
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MisChief said:
Wut! 40 miles is not far at all. Do neither of you drive or both live in villages with no public transport or something??
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Depends where they both are really. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it could be rather inconvenient for them. Or just another devious feminine excuse for just avoiding saying what they really think/want :(
 
Princey said:
Exactly, 40 miles isn't far, it's usually less than an hour.
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That doesn't change the fact that it's still an hour each way, which is not convenient for spontaneous stuff during weekdays.

No-one said it was a world away, but you have to make a good deal more effort to see someone than if they were in your home town or city.

If you live in the middle of nowhere then its understandable why travelling that distance wouldn't be a problem, but for those of us who live in cities there are enough potential dates around not to have to worry about travelling 40 miles to see someone. It all comes down to options.
 
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