Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

[Broken Hope]

It's amazing what a new photo or two or a little bit different info in your profile can do.

I actually have a decent response rate and even a few women message me first, which from what I understand is fairly rare.

 

[Gamefreak501]

I've always had to send the first message to girls, none have ever sent me the first messages!

You're very lucky to have gotten the first messages Broken_Hope!

 

[MisChief]

I've sent first messages to a few guys but only one replied. I guess I'm not the only one with high standards

 

[Reppyboyo]

Only ever had 2 women in 6 months message me first. o_0

I think people on POF (and other dating sites) have somewhat unrealistic standards.

 

[Broken Hope]

Yeah, I feel this is pretty appropriate. When it comes to some women's expectations.

 

[pingwing]

I've had a few message me first so far, some of them have been truly awful though including the "hi x" message and just being down right unattractive in every possible sense (casual racism in the profile and a disturbing lack of personality seem to be quite common).

Some nice girls though have messaged first, just not then messaging much back which is a tad disappointing, but not worrying too much about response rates really.

Amazed at some of the unrealistic expectations of the women online though, always interested to read the what they do and don't want from a man...

 

[Deific]

So I signed up to POF just under a week ago. Have messaged about 12 girls and only had one reply, and she was crap at holding a conversation so I didn't bother after a couple messages.

I'm sending messages relevant to their profiles, picking out details and asking a question about them etc. and I'm competent at writing and tailoring my message to individual personality - but other than that 1 girl, I've got nothing back from the other 11 (although I'm sure at least 3 of them are dead profiles). Unfortunately I've had a few 'want to meet yous' and messages from girls that I wouldn't particularly rate well out of 10 which I haven't responded to.

Still, I would have expected a couple more back than 1. They're all attractive girls (I'm a good looking guy - not bigging myself up), and I'm wondering if the attractive girls on these sites, especially free ones like POF, are just so overwhelmed with messages from men that your chances of getting one back are extremely slim unless you start messaging the girls who are less attractive/get less messages?

(I did read a little into it and apparently stats show only 1-3% of messages on these sites get replied to?)

 

[grudas]

i have one chick stalking me.. she invited/messaged me on one of the sites.. now she added me to friends on facebook.. - different names on both :| scary.

 

[MisChief]

i have one chick stalking me.. she invited/messaged me on one of the sites.. now she added me to friends on facebook.. - different names on both :| scary.

I actually feel kinda bad now ignoring some of the guys who message me. They seem like nice people and profiles/messages are interesting etc... but I just don't find them attractive :/

 

[Kimi]

The girl i met on okc said she would sometimes get 100s emails a day, i must be doing something right to get this far

 

[Flipt]

The girl i met on okc said she would sometimes get 100s emails a day, i must be doing something right to get this far

Just pull your finger out and kiss her already!! hahaha

Next time you see her... when you are in the middle of something... interuppt and say "Let me distract you for a second" then kiss her!

Edit- It works!! I have done it a few times!

 

[pingwing]

I actually feel kinda bad now ignoring some of the guys who message me. They seem like nice people and profiles/messages are interesting etc... but I just don't find them attractive :/

So far I think its better to respond based on if you find them attractive or not, nothing worse than having a bit of a chat to get shot down or for her to go really cold suddenly.

One of those don't feel bad, pretty sure everyone does it.

 

[Flipt]

So far I think its better to respond based on if you find them attractive or not, nothing worse than having a bit of a chat to get shot down or for her to go really cold suddenly.

One of those don't feel bad, pretty sure everyone does it.

I totally agree with your statement, but if you make it clear from the outset you are looking for friendships first and then see where it goes, they shouldn't be too disheartened if it goes cold.

 

[Broken Hope]

I'm sending messages relevant to their profiles, picking out details and asking a question about them etc. and I'm competent at writing and tailoring my message to individual personality - but other than that 1 girl, I've got nothing back from the other 11 (although I'm sure at least 3 of them are dead profiles).

Eventually you'll stop doing that and just send a short, sometimes even just a "hey, how are you?" works, or just pick out 1-2 things from their profile.

Online dating is quite superficial in that if the person finds you attractive it honestly doesn't matter massively what you send, they will message back and then you can talk more in depth.

I found spending ages per message, tailoring it perfectly for each person got pretty demoralising when you then got your profile viewed and no reply.

If I send out shorter messages, but to more girls I get a better response rate.

 

[Flipt]

Eventually you'll stop doing that and just send a short, sometimes even just a "hey, how are you?" works, or just pick out 1-2 things from their profile.

Online dating is quite superficial in that if the person finds you attractive it honestly doesn't matter massively what you send, they will message back and then you can talk more in depth.

I found spending ages per message, tailoring it perfectly for each person got pretty demoralising when you then got your profile viewed and no reply.

If I send out shorter messages, but to more girls I get a better response rate.

I gave up writing long tailored messages after getting no response. I got frustrated and sent a short cut & paste taking one thing out of there profile, and got a good hit rate back! Women get lots of messages each day and cba to spend an hours reading an essay. Keep it short and punchy and stand out!

BTW "Hi, how are you?" is not putting effort in and does not stand out. Even I don't reply to woman who writes a simple "Hi" or "How are you?", if they are good looking then I will say "I see you just looked at the pictures, as there is plenty to write about in my profile "

 

[Deific]

^
okay I'll try it, but only 3 of the girls I messaged viewed my profile/pictures, which has left me wondering whether the others are dead accounts/unread messages.

The messages I've sent are generally along the lines of: saying I read their profile and thought they looked interesting, picking out 2 things in their profile - make a funny statement about one and ask about the other, and then end the message with a signing off.

Nothing overly written or examined.

A lot of the profiles I've read state that if you're simply going to message with them with something along the lines of "hi, how are you?" then not to bother, as they wont respond.

 

[Broken Hope]

I'm not really having issues, I usually put at least a bit of effort in, got 2 numbers today, one of the women who messaged me first has already arranged a date for next week and given me her number without me asking for it. Though it's taken me a while to get into the swing of things.

 

[pingwing]

The messages I've sent are generally along the lines of: saying I read their profile and thought they looked interesting, picking out 2 things in their profile - make a funny statement about one and ask about the other, and then end the message with a signing off.

I'm pretty sure rule one of internet dating is to not actually talk about internet dating as your opener. It sounds a bit contradictory but no one responds to a hey was reading your profile sort of message as it seems to highlight the more awkward side of the online dating front...

Opening like a normal (ish) conversation gets around the elephant in the room moment that you are both online dating as it doesn't really need to be drawn on directly that you are reading their profile (take it as assumed knowledge both ways not something you actively need to mention).

I totally agree with your statement, but if you make it clear from the outset you are looking for friendships first and then see where it goes, they shouldn't be too disheartened if it goes cold.

Ah yeah it's all getting into the code of it all as its not always clear with some women.

 

[grudas]

I actually feel kinda bad now ignoring some of the guys who message me. They seem like nice people and profiles/messages are interesting etc... but I just don't find them attractive :/

i dont reply if i dont find them attractive either.. so hey.. i did feel bad at first but now i dont really care, then again i dont reply at all lately

 

[aln]

I tried it. I must be fugly because I didn't get any bites despite trying several different methods and wholesale messaging. I guess my winning personality doesn't come across on the Internet. On the bright side, if I ever need a pet whale... Harsh I know, but I guess I've got a while before I'm ready to accept thats the league I should be playing in.