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News on Wife (reason for being away for a day)

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Calranthe, Nov 13, 2018.

  1. JOSH

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Oct 23, 2013

    Posts: 9,513

    Location: Surrey

    Kingdom Come Deliverance - hard, big learning curve and great story, plus hunting, looting, exploring and crafting.
     
  2. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 510

    I will look into that one, I loved the first and second Gothic games they actually felt alive.
     
  3. Psymonkee

    Capodecina

    Joined: Feb 24, 2004

    Posts: 13,555

    Location: St.Andrews

    What about Pillars of Eternity? 2 games out now - old school isometric RPG?

    Life is Strange season 1 is great too!
     
  4. mohawk

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Oct 2, 2007

    Posts: 1,307

    Location: Winchester

    Fallout 4? Path of exile? Divinity original sin 2?
     
  5. Marvt74

    Capodecina

    Joined: Feb 20, 2004

    Posts: 11,341

    Location: Chorley

    What about going back to replay Shenmue 1 and 2 in anticipated for 3 since it's been remastered?
     
  6. Siliconslave

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Dec 11, 2002

    Posts: 9,660

    Location: The Flatlands

  7. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 510

    There is going to be a story on the https://imperium.news/ about Paola within the next week once it gets vetted, we both played eve online for many years, I was part of Goons yes those goons, if you get past some all of the psyops and in game stuff, having met them in real life they are the most genuine people I have ever met, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELPZIV5N74w that was Paola's birthday free for all at the sun 100 ships. (all the little triangles are wrecks, most people zoom out in eve online to see the whole battlefield)

    This is my old kill board
    https://zkillboard.com/character/166624758/

    If I ever felt well enough to go back to an online game I would go back to EVE.

    I was part of all of the biggest battles in eve, I have stories about every fight https://www.eveonline.com/article/the-bloodbath-of-b-r5rb

    Nice to know I was part of those.

    I ran fleets, did solo pvp, fought and died with people who were amazing.

    Few everything from an interceptor to capital ships.

    Sean Smith got me into goons Vile Rat anyone who was a gamer probably heard of him nearly every player owned station in EVE was renamed and 100's of thousands of player lit cyno's (that is what you use for people to jump to you with the capital ships, it shows up on the map when it happens, just imagine that community).
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWMNlEdRCw8
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2019
  8. Vidar

    Mobster

    Joined: Dec 18, 2008

    Posts: 3,562

    Location: Liverpool

    I'd love to give eve another go at some point I just got sucked into mining last time and it felt like a job.
     
  9. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 510

    Current project, I have cleared out the spare bedroom and will be setting up an offline (because i'm not quite certain of the validity of some of the emulators) pc using old parts hooked up to my dying but still working 47" TV, transferring some of the emulator software versions of my Raspberry pi and build it up to run every single old gaming system emulator from 2600 to Atari Jaguar, hooked up next to my ps4.

    Todays plan is to build the PC, (going to install all of my old HD I have laying around) and make space for it and then do a hoovering all the time doing no heavy lifting and nothing strenuous, I may even install GoG and steam (offline) and install all the old games I have.

    This should be a good distraction and that is what I still need a lot of, now that the Bowel cancer stuff is sort of dealt with (I go see the oncologist on 20th to decide if I have chemo) I need something, a lot of things to organise and take up my time.

    By offline I mean install the pc, set it all up, download all updates and drivers, setup steam and Gog, download games and emulators and then pull the wireless card once everything is working.

    Yes I wrote this at 5AM, woke up at 4am and couldn't get back sleep.
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2019
  10. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 510

    Okay computer is in better shape than I remember 970 still works, Ryzen 1300x, Asrock MB, 8GB, but where the hell did all my SATA cables go to, I mean I used to have hundreds, or maybe not hundreds but nearly every draw I used to look in had a damn cable and now no where to be found, found a small keyboard (wireless) batteries still work, wireless xbox 1 controller and a G600 mouse.

    Only 2 hours and 42 minutes since I started the project and the PC boots up and Windows is updating, had a small eep moment when I connected it to my TV via HDMI and everything was blue, turns out the HDMI cable was dodgy and now it looks fine, I am going to move it down to the big screen because even though the idea of having a 47" in my bedroom with a full console system is nice it will probably never get used, while if I set it up in the living room it has a chance.

    Only parts I have had to order is a HDMI switcher, the only flaw with the 4k 55" finlux model was only 2 HDMI slots, I mean that is bad, if I want to keep this pc offline (which I do because some of the emulator software doesn't even play nice with windows defender let alone any other virus killer, I don't mind having a pc without protection but that pc will not have a connection to my network or the internet.

    So on the 4k I will have Xbox one X, Media PC (formerly Paola's PC, plex/internet/netflix all that kind of thing) Ps4 and Emulator PC offline.

    Will have to label the windows Xbox one Controller so I don't get confused lol.

    This project may actually keep me distracted for a week if I do it right, G600 mouse no good because, living room so I have an old wireless model, off to the spare parts draw.
     
  11. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 510

    Depression is getting worse (yes I have people and scheduled help), its okay when I have myself distracted but whenever I am not engrossed in something, I slip into a very dark place, anyone who suffers from depression will know what I mean when I say its like a giant maw in your body draining the colour and energy from everything, amplifying the bad and degrading the good, you can't just "walk it off" I set myself schedules and lists, I even have a schedule for eating so I don't forget.

    Reactive depression can be very powerful because it is based on active events and situation, Wife diagnosed with Cancer, Wife dying, bowel cancer, loneliness, it isn't something you can "shrug" off.

    So while waiting for someone to talk to and for distractions, listening to audio books and working on projects lime the emulation software.

    Then I will set aside time each day to play old games.

    I have to set aside time and schedule things because otherwise I will just sit on the sofa and 6 hours will have passed.

    I still do not know if I will survive long term in a world without Paola.

    Depression is a fight every day some days are better, some worse but it never stops, some days you can win but other days your just so tired you just want it all to end.

    Sorry for the downer post but I thought you all deserved to know the truth of the situation.

    I am still focusing on trying to get to a point I can get involved with online gaming again, interact with people.
     
  12. Dup

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Mar 10, 2006

    Posts: 9,759

    Location: East Lancs

    Not easy with your recovery but exercise is the biggest thing that got me over the depression wall. Walked the dogs up all manner of UK mountains in all conditions and went out cycling. Getting out into the sticks and exploring is really great. It's also very popular so if you're not confident with a big hiking challenge like me there's lots of informal and inclusive groups out there to go with who will support and guide you. Can't recommend it enough, especially if it's relatively new to you.

    Honestly if it wasn't for my newborn and relative distance is take you out into the Peak District myself with the dogs.
     
  13. Siliconslave

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Dec 11, 2002

    Posts: 9,660

    Location: The Flatlands

    don't apologies for the downer post and please don't stop talking to us - its not the most realtime of communication but there are a load of people here for you.

    Given all the stuff you've been through over the last couple of years its no wonder your suffering. As much as exercise, getting outside and the like can help it is ultimately something that should be treated by your local GP with drugs and even with therapy through your local NHS mental health services. Theres some good information here: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/ but talk (or continue to talk) to your GP, us and even mind (https://www.mind.org.uk/) or the like. There are a lot of services that can help so please do reach out!
     
  14. dowie

    Caporegime

    Joined: Jan 29, 2008

    Posts: 37,232

    ^^^ this

    I presume you have been updating your GP about this OP. Hope you can get some decent help/support. Its good that you've got the dogs, just taking them for a walk can help. Obviously not many people have been through your exact situation but depression itself is sadly quite common these days, especially after losing someone (see the mental health thread on here - worth popping into and posting in there too perhaps if you feel like it as some of the posters might not have read this thread).
     
  15. Ayahuasca

    Capodecina

    Joined: Apr 23, 2014

    Posts: 18,288

    Location: County Durham

    Don't be afraid to try different medication if the one prescribed isn't doing anything or making you worse. It can also take different lengths of time for different ones to take full effect.

    Flattening out the highs of when you're distracted and the lows of when you're in a dark place will probably do a lot for keeping you in a schedule.
     
  16. dl8860

    Mobster

    Joined: Jul 25, 2010

    Posts: 2,514

    Location: Surrey

    This is also about the worst time of your for seasonal affective disorder, the longer brighter days ahead should help a bit, especially if you can make it outdoors for some time here and there.

    Online gaming sounds like a good step back into some more social activities, so definitely give that a go, and work things up from there if you can find any walking groups or local clubs or anything like that once you're feeling more up to it.

    Keep at it.
     
  17. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 510

    I had the police come around today, nothing bad I actually phoned them, Paola and me collected martial arts equipment and blades, I didn't think it was a good idea to still have them in the house.

    I am in touch with the different services, I have had a psychological review and while medication and even putting me on the "danger" list was an option they first want to try if I can re-establish my own set of boundaries and limits.

    I think one of the big issues is I am finding that if any kind of problem comes up I just give up, I am putting together a hyperspin emulator, in theory to play over 320 different consoles and old computers from Apple II to Amiga but last night I took it down to setup on the PC and something is wrong with the menu system, when I run it the screen goes black, instead of trouble shooting and working it out I just instantly gave up.

    I still can't watch any of the series I want too except scrubs lol, managed to get through half an episode of Supernatural.
     
  18. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 510

    Yay for truly unlimited internet, I am downloading 8TB of emulation software but my ISP has no problem with it. (only noticed when I was hitting the 2TB mark, so I decided to phone them and make sure).

    Also for anyone wanting to know my stomach wound (29cm) has almost completely healed, I am really lucky so many people had infections and issues, but then again I looked after it myself.

    After looking after Paola's exit site for the catheter and all the other stuff that required surgical levels of hygiene and wound care looking after my own was child's play.

    There is a local walk group that do a 30-60 minute walk around shelton every Monday, I am going to go to the next walk.
     
  19. Maundie

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Oct 20, 2010

    Posts: 2,082

    I think this is a great idea for you, allows you to get a bit of exercise and also meet people who may be in a similar position to you and find it hard to meet and associate with new people, all the best mate and hope you can sort out this crushing depression you seem (completely understandable by the way) to be experiencing.
     
  20. Calranthe

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 5, 2007

    Posts: 510

    Well I achieved something today, actually three somethings plus PC maintenance.
    1)Contacted Dove they are a bereavement counselling service, I am going to group meetings each Wednesday (everyone there has lost someone) just a place to talk to others, also signed up for 1 on 1 counselling but there is a 4 month waiting list.

    2)Reinstalled Fallout VR and actually sorted out a mod list that works, now I can actually play it.

    3)Got my version of American Truck Simulator to work with my Vive Pro, completed my first transport job, still need to tweak it, even with resetting the view I am half way through the chair.

    I have removed some games from my PC with me having trouble deciding what to play the more I have installed the harder the decision is, fewer games = less time I have to spend just looking at a list.