News on Wife (reason for being away for a day)
- Thread starter Calranthe
- Start date
I will look into that one, I loved the first and second Gothic games they actually felt alive.
Soldato
What about Pillars of Eternity? 2 games out now - old school isometric RPG?
Life is Strange season 1 is great too!
Life is Strange season 1 is great too!
Associate
Fallout 4? Path of exile? Divinity original sin 2?
Soldato
What about going back to replay Shenmue 1 and 2 in anticipated for 3 since it's been remastered?
Man of Honour
how about eve - i've never had the time to get into it but the amount of intrigue, deceit and scheming seems to be epic https://www.pcgamer.com/uk/eve-online-stories/
There is going to be a story on the https://imperium.news/ about Paola within the next week once it gets vetted, we both played eve online for many years, I was part of Goons yes those goons, if you get past some all of the psyops and in game stuff, having met them in real life they are the most genuine people I have ever met, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELPZIV5N74w that was Paola's birthday free for all at the sun 100 ships. (all the little triangles are wrecks, most people zoom out in eve online to see the whole battlefield)
This is my old kill board
https://zkillboard.com/character/166624758/
If I ever felt well enough to go back to an online game I would go back to EVE.
I was part of all of the biggest battles in eve, I have stories about every fight https://www.eveonline.com/article/the-bloodbath-of-b-r5rb
Nice to know I was part of those.
I ran fleets, did solo pvp, fought and died with people who were amazing.
Few everything from an interceptor to capital ships.
Sean Smith got me into goons Vile Rat anyone who was a gamer probably heard of him nearly every player owned station in EVE was renamed and 100's of thousands of player lit cyno's (that is what you use for people to jump to you with the capital ships, it shows up on the map when it happens, just imagine that community).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWMNlEdRCw8
Last edited:
Current project, I have cleared out the spare bedroom and will be setting up an offline (because i'm not quite certain of the validity of some of the emulators) pc using old parts hooked up to my dying but still working 47" TV, transferring some of the emulator software versions of my Raspberry pi and build it up to run every single old gaming system emulator from 2600 to Atari Jaguar, hooked up next to my ps4.
Todays plan is to build the PC, (going to install all of my old HD I have laying around) and make space for it and then do a hoovering all the time doing no heavy lifting and nothing strenuous, I may even install GoG and steam (offline) and install all the old games I have.
This should be a good distraction and that is what I still need a lot of, now that the Bowel cancer stuff is sort of dealt with (I go see the oncologist on 20th to decide if I have chemo) I need something, a lot of things to organise and take up my time.
By offline I mean install the pc, set it all up, download all updates and drivers, setup steam and Gog, download games and emulators and then pull the wireless card once everything is working.
Yes I wrote this at 5AM, woke up at 4am and couldn't get back sleep.
Todays plan is to build the PC, (going to install all of my old HD I have laying around) and make space for it and then do a hoovering all the time doing no heavy lifting and nothing strenuous, I may even install GoG and steam (offline) and install all the old games I have.
This should be a good distraction and that is what I still need a lot of, now that the Bowel cancer stuff is sort of dealt with (I go see the oncologist on 20th to decide if I have chemo) I need something, a lot of things to organise and take up my time.
By offline I mean install the pc, set it all up, download all updates and drivers, setup steam and Gog, download games and emulators and then pull the wireless card once everything is working.
Yes I wrote this at 5AM, woke up at 4am and couldn't get back sleep.
Last edited:
Okay computer is in better shape than I remember 970 still works, Ryzen 1300x, Asrock MB, 8GB, but where the hell did all my SATA cables go to, I mean I used to have hundreds, or maybe not hundreds but nearly every draw I used to look in had a damn cable and now no where to be found, found a small keyboard (wireless) batteries still work, wireless xbox 1 controller and a G600 mouse.
Only 2 hours and 42 minutes since I started the project and the PC boots up and Windows is updating, had a small eep moment when I connected it to my TV via HDMI and everything was blue, turns out the HDMI cable was dodgy and now it looks fine, I am going to move it down to the big screen because even though the idea of having a 47" in my bedroom with a full console system is nice it will probably never get used, while if I set it up in the living room it has a chance.
Only parts I have had to order is a HDMI switcher, the only flaw with the 4k 55" finlux model was only 2 HDMI slots, I mean that is bad, if I want to keep this pc offline (which I do because some of the emulator software doesn't even play nice with windows defender let alone any other virus killer, I don't mind having a pc without protection but that pc will not have a connection to my network or the internet.
So on the 4k I will have Xbox one X, Media PC (formerly Paola's PC, plex/internet/netflix all that kind of thing) Ps4 and Emulator PC offline.
Will have to label the windows Xbox one Controller so I don't get confused lol.
This project may actually keep me distracted for a week if I do it right, G600 mouse no good because, living room so I have an old wireless model, off to the spare parts draw.
Only 2 hours and 42 minutes since I started the project and the PC boots up and Windows is updating, had a small eep moment when I connected it to my TV via HDMI and everything was blue, turns out the HDMI cable was dodgy and now it looks fine, I am going to move it down to the big screen because even though the idea of having a 47" in my bedroom with a full console system is nice it will probably never get used, while if I set it up in the living room it has a chance.
Only parts I have had to order is a HDMI switcher, the only flaw with the 4k 55" finlux model was only 2 HDMI slots, I mean that is bad, if I want to keep this pc offline (which I do because some of the emulator software doesn't even play nice with windows defender let alone any other virus killer, I don't mind having a pc without protection but that pc will not have a connection to my network or the internet.
So on the 4k I will have Xbox one X, Media PC (formerly Paola's PC, plex/internet/netflix all that kind of thing) Ps4 and Emulator PC offline.
Will have to label the windows Xbox one Controller so I don't get confused lol.
This project may actually keep me distracted for a week if I do it right, G600 mouse no good because, living room so I have an old wireless model, off to the spare parts draw.
Depression is getting worse (yes I have people and scheduled help), its okay when I have myself distracted but whenever I am not engrossed in something, I slip into a very dark place, anyone who suffers from depression will know what I mean when I say its like a giant maw in your body draining the colour and energy from everything, amplifying the bad and degrading the good, you can't just "walk it off" I set myself schedules and lists, I even have a schedule for eating so I don't forget.
Reactive depression can be very powerful because it is based on active events and situation, Wife diagnosed with Cancer, Wife dying, bowel cancer, loneliness, it isn't something you can "shrug" off.
So while waiting for someone to talk to and for distractions, listening to audio books and working on projects lime the emulation software.
Then I will set aside time each day to play old games.
I have to set aside time and schedule things because otherwise I will just sit on the sofa and 6 hours will have passed.
I still do not know if I will survive long term in a world without Paola.
Depression is a fight every day some days are better, some worse but it never stops, some days you can win but other days your just so tired you just want it all to end.
Sorry for the downer post but I thought you all deserved to know the truth of the situation.
I am still focusing on trying to get to a point I can get involved with online gaming again, interact with people.
Reactive depression can be very powerful because it is based on active events and situation, Wife diagnosed with Cancer, Wife dying, bowel cancer, loneliness, it isn't something you can "shrug" off.
So while waiting for someone to talk to and for distractions, listening to audio books and working on projects lime the emulation software.
Then I will set aside time each day to play old games.
I have to set aside time and schedule things because otherwise I will just sit on the sofa and 6 hours will have passed.
I still do not know if I will survive long term in a world without Paola.
Depression is a fight every day some days are better, some worse but it never stops, some days you can win but other days your just so tired you just want it all to end.
Sorry for the downer post but I thought you all deserved to know the truth of the situation.
I am still focusing on trying to get to a point I can get involved with online gaming again, interact with people.
Soldato
Not easy with your recovery but exercise is the biggest thing that got me over the depression wall. Walked the dogs up all manner of UK mountains in all conditions and went out cycling. Getting out into the sticks and exploring is really great. It's also very popular so if you're not confident with a big hiking challenge like me there's lots of informal and inclusive groups out there to go with who will support and guide you. Can't recommend it enough, especially if it's relatively new to you.
Honestly if it wasn't for my newborn and relative distance is take you out into the Peak District myself with the dogs.
Honestly if it wasn't for my newborn and relative distance is take you out into the Peak District myself with the dogs.
Man of Honour
don't apologies for the downer post and please don't stop talking to us - its not the most realtime of communication but there are a load of people here for you.
Given all the stuff you've been through over the last couple of years its no wonder your suffering. As much as exercise, getting outside and the like can help it is ultimately something that should be treated by your local GP with drugs and even with therapy through your local NHS mental health services. Theres some good information here: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/ but talk (or continue to talk) to your GP, us and even mind (https://www.mind.org.uk/) or the like. There are a lot of services that can help so please do reach out!
Given all the stuff you've been through over the last couple of years its no wonder your suffering. As much as exercise, getting outside and the like can help it is ultimately something that should be treated by your local GP with drugs and even with therapy through your local NHS mental health services. Theres some good information here: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/ but talk (or continue to talk) to your GP, us and even mind (https://www.mind.org.uk/) or the like. There are a lot of services that can help so please do reach out!
^^^ this
I presume you have been updating your GP about this OP. Hope you can get some decent help/support. Its good that you've got the dogs, just taking them for a walk can help. Obviously not many people have been through your exact situation but depression itself is sadly quite common these days, especially after losing someone (see the mental health thread on here - worth popping into and posting in there too perhaps if you feel like it as some of the posters might not have read this thread).
I presume you have been updating your GP about this OP. Hope you can get some decent help/support. Its good that you've got the dogs, just taking them for a walk can help. Obviously not many people have been through your exact situation but depression itself is sadly quite common these days, especially after losing someone (see the mental health thread on here - worth popping into and posting in there too perhaps if you feel like it as some of the posters might not have read this thread).
Caporegime
Don't be afraid to try different medication if the one prescribed isn't doing anything or making you worse. It can also take different lengths of time for different ones to take full effect.
Flattening out the highs of when you're distracted and the lows of when you're in a dark place will probably do a lot for keeping you in a schedule.
Flattening out the highs of when you're distracted and the lows of when you're in a dark place will probably do a lot for keeping you in a schedule.
Soldato
This is also about the worst time of your for seasonal affective disorder, the longer brighter days ahead should help a bit, especially if you can make it outdoors for some time here and there.
Online gaming sounds like a good step back into some more social activities, so definitely give that a go, and work things up from there if you can find any walking groups or local clubs or anything like that once you're feeling more up to it.
Keep at it.
Online gaming sounds like a good step back into some more social activities, so definitely give that a go, and work things up from there if you can find any walking groups or local clubs or anything like that once you're feeling more up to it.
Keep at it.
I had the police come around today, nothing bad I actually phoned them, Paola and me collected martial arts equipment and blades, I didn't think it was a good idea to still have them in the house.
I am in touch with the different services, I have had a psychological review and while medication and even putting me on the "danger" list was an option they first want to try if I can re-establish my own set of boundaries and limits.
I think one of the big issues is I am finding that if any kind of problem comes up I just give up, I am putting together a hyperspin emulator, in theory to play over 320 different consoles and old computers from Apple II to Amiga but last night I took it down to setup on the PC and something is wrong with the menu system, when I run it the screen goes black, instead of trouble shooting and working it out I just instantly gave up.
I still can't watch any of the series I want too except scrubs lol, managed to get through half an episode of Supernatural.
I am in touch with the different services, I have had a psychological review and while medication and even putting me on the "danger" list was an option they first want to try if I can re-establish my own set of boundaries and limits.
I think one of the big issues is I am finding that if any kind of problem comes up I just give up, I am putting together a hyperspin emulator, in theory to play over 320 different consoles and old computers from Apple II to Amiga but last night I took it down to setup on the PC and something is wrong with the menu system, when I run it the screen goes black, instead of trouble shooting and working it out I just instantly gave up.
I still can't watch any of the series I want too except scrubs lol, managed to get through half an episode of Supernatural.
Yay for truly unlimited internet, I am downloading 8TB of emulation software but my ISP has no problem with it. (only noticed when I was hitting the 2TB mark, so I decided to phone them and make sure).
Also for anyone wanting to know my stomach wound (29cm) has almost completely healed, I am really lucky so many people had infections and issues, but then again I looked after it myself.
After looking after Paola's exit site for the catheter and all the other stuff that required surgical levels of hygiene and wound care looking after my own was child's play.
There is a local walk group that do a 30-60 minute walk around shelton every Monday, I am going to go to the next walk.
Also for anyone wanting to know my stomach wound (29cm) has almost completely healed, I am really lucky so many people had infections and issues, but then again I looked after it myself.
After looking after Paola's exit site for the catheter and all the other stuff that required surgical levels of hygiene and wound care looking after my own was child's play.
There is a local walk group that do a 30-60 minute walk around shelton every Monday, I am going to go to the next walk.
I think this is a great idea for you, allows you to get a bit of exercise and also meet people who may be in a similar position to you and find it hard to meet and associate with new people, all the best mate and hope you can sort out this crushing depression you seem (completely understandable by the way) to be experiencing.
Well I achieved something today, actually three somethings plus PC maintenance.
1)Contacted Dove they are a bereavement counselling service, I am going to group meetings each Wednesday (everyone there has lost someone) just a place to talk to others, also signed up for 1 on 1 counselling but there is a 4 month waiting list.
2)Reinstalled Fallout VR and actually sorted out a mod list that works, now I can actually play it.
3)Got my version of American Truck Simulator to work with my Vive Pro, completed my first transport job, still need to tweak it, even with resetting the view I am half way through the chair.
I have removed some games from my PC with me having trouble deciding what to play the more I have installed the harder the decision is, fewer games = less time I have to spend just looking at a list.
1)Contacted Dove they are a bereavement counselling service, I am going to group meetings each Wednesday (everyone there has lost someone) just a place to talk to others, also signed up for 1 on 1 counselling but there is a 4 month waiting list.
2)Reinstalled Fallout VR and actually sorted out a mod list that works, now I can actually play it.
3)Got my version of American Truck Simulator to work with my Vive Pro, completed my first transport job, still need to tweak it, even with resetting the view I am half way through the chair.
I have removed some games from my PC with me having trouble deciding what to play the more I have installed the harder the decision is, fewer games = less time I have to spend just looking at a list.