Post your past or recent Chav Stories...
- Thread starter Richdog
- Start date
I did walk past a woman the other day talking to a couple (quite a mistmatch as the woman could only look like she did from drugs or a very hard paper round) saying..
"Here man, she was mortal... off it on the laughing gas after.."
Unfortunately she was on the bridge above the tracks and not on them.
"Here man, she was mortal... off it on the laughing gas after.."
Unfortunately she was on the bridge above the tracks and not on them.
Living in a place called Lancing, I have a couple of stories... 
Once I walked past somebodies house on the pavement, and someone in the garden shouted "ARE YOU LOOKING IN MY GARDEN?" I said "No, I was just walking by" and he then said "Gooooooood..." in an incredibly creepy way... About 10 seconds later I hear something behind me so turn around, and he is chasing me with two rotties on leads. So I legged it!
Another time I was sitting at the bottom of the footbridge near my school at the time, having a conversation with my friend. Someone cycled past, caught a bit of our conversation which wasn't aimed at him at all (obviously), and he shouted the cliche "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MUM?" dropped his bike, and pulled a knife out. A big kitchen knife. Me and my friend legged it over the other side of the bridge, and he proceeded to pace about on the other side of the road, hurling abuse through the fence... We walked off.
Another time someone tried to mug me, armed only with a sharp flint... They wanted my phone... I being a silly 15 year old at the time, threw the phone past them, booted them in the nads, and then ran past them, picked up the phone, and legged it... If it were now, I would probably have just taken the sim out and handed it over. Not worth the risk!
There have been a couple of times when I have been "laired up" by drunk chavs, but it is all empty talk and it is quite easy to talk down a drunk chav and persuade him or her that you are a mate.
Someone once followed me almost back to my house late at night, I kept crossing the road to make sure he was following me, and he kept crossing the road too... He started to get a bit closer so I think I ran to some random house or something, I can't quite remember!
My friend once got threatened with rape near the local train station by some old guy and another younger guy. He strolled off and they didn't persue him.
I have heard tell of someone being attacked with a block of wood with nails sticking out of it before, apparently the guy was in an induced coma. That was years ago though, not sure of his fate...
My friend who lives on one of the dodgiest roads once witnessed people throwing bricks at a car as it drove past, breaking the windows, and then dragging out its occupants. Allegedly it was a rival "gang" or something.
There was a blood stain from a bad hit and run near the station for months because nobody could clean it out of the road properly...
A friend and I were walking down the road near where I used to live, he was a bit hyper, and shouted "HELLO!" at a Ford Ka as it drove past. The driver slammed on the brakes, performed an aggressive three point turn which almost saw him into a stone wall, and then accelerated at my friend who had to run up the road and hide behind a van.
Thankfully the most recent of these was about 3 years ago, and I have a car now so don't have the need to walk through the dodgier bits of town to get to the train station!
Once I walked past somebodies house on the pavement, and someone in the garden shouted "ARE YOU LOOKING IN MY GARDEN?" I said "No, I was just walking by" and he then said "Gooooooood..." in an incredibly creepy way... About 10 seconds later I hear something behind me so turn around, and he is chasing me with two rotties on leads. So I legged it!
Another time I was sitting at the bottom of the footbridge near my school at the time, having a conversation with my friend. Someone cycled past, caught a bit of our conversation which wasn't aimed at him at all (obviously), and he shouted the cliche "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MUM?" dropped his bike, and pulled a knife out. A big kitchen knife. Me and my friend legged it over the other side of the bridge, and he proceeded to pace about on the other side of the road, hurling abuse through the fence... We walked off.
Another time someone tried to mug me, armed only with a sharp flint... They wanted my phone... I being a silly 15 year old at the time, threw the phone past them, booted them in the nads, and then ran past them, picked up the phone, and legged it... If it were now, I would probably have just taken the sim out and handed it over. Not worth the risk!
There have been a couple of times when I have been "laired up" by drunk chavs, but it is all empty talk and it is quite easy to talk down a drunk chav and persuade him or her that you are a mate.
Someone once followed me almost back to my house late at night, I kept crossing the road to make sure he was following me, and he kept crossing the road too... He started to get a bit closer so I think I ran to some random house or something, I can't quite remember!
My friend once got threatened with rape near the local train station by some old guy and another younger guy. He strolled off and they didn't persue him.
I have heard tell of someone being attacked with a block of wood with nails sticking out of it before, apparently the guy was in an induced coma. That was years ago though, not sure of his fate...
My friend who lives on one of the dodgiest roads once witnessed people throwing bricks at a car as it drove past, breaking the windows, and then dragging out its occupants. Allegedly it was a rival "gang" or something.
There was a blood stain from a bad hit and run near the station for months because nobody could clean it out of the road properly...
A friend and I were walking down the road near where I used to live, he was a bit hyper, and shouted "HELLO!" at a Ford Ka as it drove past. The driver slammed on the brakes, performed an aggressive three point turn which almost saw him into a stone wall, and then accelerated at my friend who had to run up the road and hide behind a van.
Thankfully the most recent of these was about 3 years ago, and I have a car now so don't have the need to walk through the dodgier bits of town to get to the train station!
Soldato
- Joined
- 17 Aug 2012
- Posts
- 6,593
- Location
- Tamworth, UK
Meh, I've lived in Birmingham my entire life you get used to it, my area isn't poor nor is half of Birmingham yet it's rife with chavs and the likes. I was once a chav. 
I won't mention our little shenanigans here.
I assume most of this thread is the usual suspects talking about housing estates and poor people?
I won't mention our little shenanigans here.I assume most of this thread is the usual suspects talking about housing estates and poor people?
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Living in a place called Lancing, I have a couple of stories...
Once I walked past somebodies house on the pavement, and someone in the garden shouted "ARE YOU LOOKING IN MY GARDEN?" I said "No, I was just walking by" and he then said "Gooooooood..." in an incredibly creepy way... About 10 seconds later I hear something behind me so turn around, and he is chasing me with two rotties on leads. So I legged it!
Another time I was sitting at the bottom of the footbridge near my school at the time, having a conversation with my friend. Someone cycled past, caught a bit of our conversation which wasn't aimed at him at all (obviously), and he shouted the cliche "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MUM?" dropped his bike, and pulled a knife out. A big kitchen knife. Me and my friend legged it over the other side of the bridge, and he proceeded to pace about on the other side of the road, hurling abuse through the fence... We walked off.
Another time someone tried to mug me, armed only with a sharp flint... They wanted my phone... I being a silly 15 year old at the time, threw the phone past them, booted them in the nads, and then ran past them, picked up the phone, and legged it... If it were now, I would probably have just taken the sim out and handed it over. Not worth the risk!
There have been a couple of times when I have been "laired up" by drunk chavs, but it is all empty talk and it is quite easy to talk down a drunk chav and persuade him or her that you are a mate.
Someone once followed me almost back to my house late at night, I kept crossing the road to make sure he was following me, and he kept crossing the road too... He started to get a bit closer so I think I ran to some random house or something, I can't quite remember!
My friend once got threatened with rape near the local train station by some old guy and another younger guy. He strolled off and they didn't persue him.
I have heard tell of someone being attacked with a block of wood with nails sticking out of it before, apparently the guy was in an induced coma. That was years ago though, not sure of his fate...
My friend who lives on one of the dodgiest roads once witnessed people throwing bricks at a car as it drove past, breaking the windows, and then dragging out its occupants. Allegedly it was a rival "gang" or something.
There was a blood stain from a bad hit and run near the station for months because nobody could clean it out of the road properly...
A friend and I were walking down the road near where I used to live, he was a bit hyper, and shouted "HELLO!" at a Ford Ka as it drove past. The driver slammed on the brakes, performed an aggressive three point turn which almost saw him into a stone wall, and then accelerated at my friend who had to run up the road and hide behind a van.
Thankfully the most recent of these was about 3 years ago, and I have a car now so don't have the need to walk through the dodgier bits of town to get to the train station!
Awesome, yet scary.
Soldato
- Joined
- 7 Jul 2011
- Posts
- 4,418
- Location
- Cambridgeshire
I was at a bar in my home town of Huntingdon a few years back, walked in and got served pretty much straight away (slow night). Turned out there was another guy waiting to be served before me and he took exception. He said something to me at the bar, but it was quite loud so I assumed he was just making conversation. He spent the night staring at me menacingly.
The really weird thing is that periodically he'd come up to me and threaten me, but he'd do it in the form of improvised rap. Very surreal.
The really weird thing is that periodically he'd come up to me and threaten me, but he'd do it in the form of improvised rap. Very surreal.
I saw a youth in tracksuit trousers standing still on the footpath the other day, he appeared to be waiting for a friend. Do doubt about to head off and get up to no good, like sitting down on the bench at the village park next to the bowls club talking and doing youth like things.
The Lincolnshire countryside, it's hardcore.
The Lincolnshire countryside, it's hardcore.
Associate
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- 4 Jan 2004
- Posts
- 1,358
- Location
- Finally, Swindon
I dress smartly for work and was walking back in the dark to a rather nasty temporary car park I had to use. Unfortunately, given it's a temporary car park, the lighting is poor, and the area is frequented by folks I'd rather not have to deal with
So suited and trenchcoated, with v shiny shoes, I walked past a gang of them in my usual sauntering way (I blame myself)
"Gonna get in yer ******* Bentley?" as I got near them and they all clustered around me trying to look threatening. It was like the entrance to Hell as I walked through them. They were jeering and spitting on the floor by this time - I was waiting for some in the face...and that was it - Cool story Bro, etc.
The irony is I then drove past them in my 11 year old Nissan Primera
Ha, ha - laugh of the day for me
So suited and trenchcoated, with v shiny shoes, I walked past a gang of them in my usual sauntering way (I blame myself)
"Gonna get in yer ******* Bentley?" as I got near them and they all clustered around me trying to look threatening. It was like the entrance to Hell as I walked through them. They were jeering and spitting on the floor by this time - I was waiting for some in the face...and that was it - Cool story Bro, etc.
The irony is I then drove past them in my 11 year old Nissan Primera
Ha, ha - laugh of the day for me
Back in Essex when a chav reaches a certain age he could get a Moped or other low HP motorcycle. "passage of manhood"
There was a garage at the end of my street and they used to like hanging out there, i think one of them worked for, or knew someone that did! .
Anyway one day i was walking home and they were "giving it the large" one started to rev his bike menacingly (oooh those 50cc engines are vicious) but for god knows what reason he lost control of it and sped forward and over the bonnet of a nearby car.... Ill be honest, he hurt himself, no helmet. I laughed quite a lot, even clapped a bit " bravo, bravo!" He was on the deck for at least 15 minutes.. idiots.
There was a garage at the end of my street and they used to like hanging out there, i think one of them worked for, or knew someone that did! .
Anyway one day i was walking home and they were "giving it the large" one started to rev his bike menacingly (oooh those 50cc engines are vicious) but for god knows what reason he lost control of it and sped forward and over the bonnet of a nearby car.... Ill be honest, he hurt himself, no helmet. I laughed quite a lot, even clapped a bit " bravo, bravo!" He was on the deck for at least 15 minutes.. idiots.
Computer geeks unite in tales of woe!
I've had the odd incident over the years but nothing that has significantly impacted my life.
If you are walking down a street with your Warhammer t-shirt on, and you are approaching a gang of "chavs", Fasten your jacket up, casually cross over the road and avoid conflict.
Don't get beat up then blame the chavs. The people to blame here are the mega nerds who have been getting beaten on for decades.
They just target people weaker or naïve enough to think they can be *Macho Man!* and walk through the centre of their little gangs.
I've had the odd incident over the years but nothing that has significantly impacted my life.
If you are walking down a street with your Warhammer t-shirt on, and you are approaching a gang of "chavs", Fasten your jacket up, casually cross over the road and avoid conflict.
Don't get beat up then blame the chavs. The people to blame here are the mega nerds who have been getting beaten on for decades.
They just target people weaker or naïve enough to think they can be *Macho Man!* and walk through the centre of their little gangs.
The chavs that we have here are quite hilarious actually.
"m8 wut phone is that, can I see it?"
"no"
"YOU WOT M8, YOU STARTIN'?"
Then they make noises vaguely resembling seagulls and walk off. 5/7
Or my favourite:
"I've got 8 mates coming in a saxo with knives to murk you blud" and "I'll put my foot through your face at 150 MPH"
I don't think he appreciated my sarcasm at wanting to see 8 people carrying knives come out of a saxo..
"m8 wut phone is that, can I see it?"
"no"
"YOU WOT M8, YOU STARTIN'?"
Then they make noises vaguely resembling seagulls and walk off. 5/7
Or my favourite:
"I've got 8 mates coming in a saxo with knives to murk you blud" and "I'll put my foot through your face at 150 MPH"
I don't think he appreciated my sarcasm at wanting to see 8 people carrying knives come out of a saxo..
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I'm not sure he was intending that part to be a "joke".
He even said "its not worth the risk".
Its comedy gold.
Getting mugged at knife point is risky, but its still worth getting that sim card out.
It actually has me in tears.
So I grew up in the East End of London, went to one of the worst schools in Newham, and generally spent most of my formative years around people that will never amount to anything.
At the age of 23 I was attacked by my neighbour, he was a *****, not a chav and I ended up getting stabbed. It wasn't particularly serious, deep into the thigh and out the other side but didn't hit anything vital and I was never in any danger of dying. So it sounds a bit more dramatic than it actually was. Anyway, onto the story.
Accross the street at the time were a gang of 15 or so chavs, all aged between 14 and 15 - and they start hurling abuse at me for being stabbed. "Ah, you get shanked burv, murked" etc etc. They then start getting in my face, I end up smacking one of them, the next thing I know I'm taking a 15 on one kicking which only stops when the ring leaders mum pulls up in the car and starts shouting at him, they all run off.
I end up with a nice trip to the hospital to patch up my leg, few bumps and bruises and what I thought at the time was dislocated jaw. Wasn't the greatest day of my life, and lead to my decision to get the hell out of Newham for good. It turns out that despite everything that happened, I had a lucky escape, because the same group ended up doing this to somebody down my road just 2 years later.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ilys-agony-hounded-father-shot-dead-home.html
At the age of 23 I was attacked by my neighbour, he was a *****, not a chav and I ended up getting stabbed. It wasn't particularly serious, deep into the thigh and out the other side but didn't hit anything vital and I was never in any danger of dying. So it sounds a bit more dramatic than it actually was. Anyway, onto the story.
Accross the street at the time were a gang of 15 or so chavs, all aged between 14 and 15 - and they start hurling abuse at me for being stabbed. "Ah, you get shanked burv, murked" etc etc. They then start getting in my face, I end up smacking one of them, the next thing I know I'm taking a 15 on one kicking which only stops when the ring leaders mum pulls up in the car and starts shouting at him, they all run off.
I end up with a nice trip to the hospital to patch up my leg, few bumps and bruises and what I thought at the time was dislocated jaw. Wasn't the greatest day of my life, and lead to my decision to get the hell out of Newham for good. It turns out that despite everything that happened, I had a lucky escape, because the same group ended up doing this to somebody down my road just 2 years later.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ilys-agony-hounded-father-shot-dead-home.html
Soldato
- Joined
- 14 Aug 2008
- Posts
- 4,255
- Location
- North Sea
A chap I went to school with did time for attempted murder. He chased an intruder out of his mum's house, grabbing a hammer as he went. He ran down the chap, and proceeded to go to town on him with the hammer, using the claw side of the head. Apparently the injuries he inflicted left the guy's brain exposed, obviously alongside massive neurological damage, and as a result he's now entirely paralysed on one side of his body.
Holy crud, that's heavy. Just goes to show what mindless animals are around.