Pretty ****** Off!!

[VIRII]

Am I not allowed to talk then? I have only drawn from my own experience with my gf and her dad.

LOL. I am merely repeating what I said earlier "I think your perspective changes when you become a father, particularly of daughters".
Having 2 little girls myself means I can draw that conclusion from my own experience. Also having been a teenager and had crushes, one night stands, short relationships, long relationships, intense feelings that faded after a while, being married and with my wife now for nearly 16 years (heh we met when the girl in the OP was being born) I think I have *some* experience from which to draw a conclusion...

 

[joeyjojo]

I sympathise Neoni, and disagree with the knee jerk reaction of some of the older dads posting here. Sounds like you are both happy, and you seem like a sensible chap of good character, with a job and education etc.

I guess on paper, the immediate reaction to seeing "I'm 19 she's 16" is to assume the worst. Shows how her dad (stepdad? sorry) is to be expected to be slightly protective as even these forum-goers immediatly have a strong opposition to you.

Sorry can't remember the original problem now

 

[VIRII]

she doesnt need her mum or stepdad shes talking about going to live with her actual dad. where her little brother lives.

And relying on a different parent somehow makes her independent?

 

[Stiff_Cookie]

she doesnt need her mum or stepdad shes talking about going to live with her actual dad. where her little brother lives.

But she is still not independant. She still relies on someone to provide her with food, shelter, money etc.

 

[Neoni]

And relying on a different parent somehow makes her independent?

in all fairness she could leave her education now, and move into a flat if push came to shove? it'd be difficult yes, but possible.

 

[theleg]

Why is it stupid? Because YOU said so?

You are comparing the original poster to a child kidnapper and possible child molester...

Its completely unrelated...How you can compare them is beyond me. You are only doing so because youre posting in the other thread at the moment.

If you think leaving a 3 year old on her own in a foreign country is the same situation as parents allowing their 16 year old daughter to date a guy a couple of years older than her....then theres really nothing I can say to you...and ive been overestimating you for the last few years.

 

[theleg]

LOL. I am merely repeating what I said earlier "I think your perspective changes when you become a father, particularly of daughters".
Having 2 little girls myself means I can draw that conclusion from my own experience. Also having been a teenager and had crushes, one night stands, short relationships, long relationships, intense feelings that faded after a while, being married and with my wife now for nearly 16 years (heh we met when the girl in the OP was being born) I think I have *some* experience from which to draw a conclusion...

Indeed..You lose your ability to think objectively about the issue.

 

[Neoni]

I sympathise Neoni, and disagree with the knee jerk reaction of some of the older dads posting here. Sounds like you are both happy, and you seem like a sensible chap of good character, with a job and education etc.

I guess on paper, the immediate reaction to seeing "I'm 19 she's 16" is to assume the worst. Shows how her dad (stepdad? sorry) is to be expected to be slightly protective as even these forum-goers immediatly have a strong opposition to you.

Sorry can't remember the original problem now

on the point of being sensible, we did have a bit of trouble on the whole bedroom thing, we told her mum we had to get the MAP after a split, her mum was pleased that i took her within 12 hours and paid because i didnt want to drag her about or get a medical record of it.

 

[VIRII]

Both the mother and real father are fine with the relationship...I dont think its fair to claim any father would feel as the step dad does.

Perhaps neither divorced mum or divorced dad want to seem to be the bad guy pushing their daughter into the arms of the other parent. Daughter it appears is planning to move to the divorced dads home now..... We don't know the full family dynamic in action here.

 

[Mr Jones]

I think they'll be allowed relationships in their 30's or when I die, whichever is sooner
Nearly 5 years and nearly 1 year. As for independently .... you are independent when you don't rely on your parents for a roof over your head.

Fair enough - I can see where you're coming from. I mean if I'm a dad, I would be that protective too to my daughter.

What Neoni is making here however, is that both the birth parents of this girl are "okay" to their relationship but the step-father is coming between them in occasions...

There is responsibilities and there is instict - can't help but feel the step-father is abit unfair, however, she is not independent yet.

Neoni will just have to bite the bullet and see if time will make her step-father relax more on their relationship.

 

[Burly]

I think they'll be allowed relationships in their 30's or when I die, whichever is sooner
Nearly 5 years and nearly 1 year. As for independently .... you are independent when you don't rely on your parents for a roof over your head.

To me it seems like your depriving them of a important part of "growing up".
I'm a bit confused when you say "allowed" - how do you intend of stopping them entering a relationship say when they are 25?
This will no doubt have a profound impact on their development as a person.

I don't mean to offend - if its coming across liek that

 

[theleg]

Perhaps neither divorced mum or divorced dad want to seem to be the bad guy pushing their daughter into the arms of the other parent. Daughter it appears is planning to move to the divorced dads home now..... We don't know the full family dynamic in action here.

No, we dont.

 

[VIRII]

in all fairness she could leave her education now, and move into a flat if push came to shove? it'd be difficult yes, but possible.

Because a sensible adult would chuck everything in for a 12 week relationship?

 

[Stiff_Cookie]

You are comparing the original poster to a child kidnapper and possible child molester...

Its completely unrelated...How you can compare them is beyond me. You are only doing so because youre posting in the other thread at the moment.

If you think leaving a 3 year old on her own in a foreign country is the same situation as parents allowing their 16 year old daughter to date a guy a couple of years older than her....then theres really nothing I can say to you...and ive been overestimating you for the last few years.

No, I am comparing the idea that in both situations, both parents thought it was OK to do something. Just because both parents agree on it, doesnt mean its a good idea.

Oh, I didnt know I couldnt post in two threads at the same time? What that in the list of updated rules? Just for clarification, how many threads can In post in at once and what is the required amount of time between posting in different threads? One thread a week?

And hell, you can estimate me all you want, I am still not going to care. I think its funny how people put their opinions of other posters in their posts as though it is somehow going to make me me think the same as you.

 

[Neoni]

Because a sensible adult would chuck everything in for a 12 week relationship?

what there was no mention of me, i said if she wanted to... or if she didnt have me she could. this is an extreme btw.

 

[VIRII]

There is responsibilities and there is instict - can't help but feel the step-father is abit unfair, however, she is not independent yet.

Neoni will just have to bite the bullet and see if time will make her step-father relax more on their relationship.

I would not want to be responsible for someone elses teenage daughter. Would you? It must be very much a case of a rock and a hard place.

 

[theleg]

No, I am comparing the idea that in both situations, both parents thought it was OK to do something. Just because both parents agree on it, doesnt mean its a good idea.

Oh, I didnt know I couldnt post in two threads at the same time? What that in the list of updated rules? Just for clarification, how many threads can In post in at once and what is the required amount of time between posting in different threads? One thread a week?

And hell, you can estimate me all you want, I am still not going to care. I think its funny how people put their opinions of other posters in their posts as though it is somehow going to make me me think the same as you.

Ok so you could equally have said another set of parents both agreed on potatoes for dinner that night..What a completely pointless thing to say..No more than an attempt to try and bring emotion to your side of the argument..

Im sorry, where did I say you could or could not do anything? I suggested that was the reason you decided on that completely irrelevant analogy instead of another completely irrelevant analogy..Nowhere did I give you any command or chastise you for reading another thread.

Estimate you? What?
Im sorry, but I have thought a lot of your posts over the years..I took a break from this forum and ive come back to see you making posts in a very different fashion. I decided to mention that..Live with it.

 

[VIRII]

To me it seems like your depriving them of a important part of "growing up".
I'm a bit confused when you say "allowed" - how do you intend of stopping them entering a relationship say when they are 25?
This will no doubt have a profound impact on their development as a person.

I don't mean to offend - if its coming across liek that

LOL I'll be retired by the time they are in their 30's and drawing my pension.
There is no way I can stop them entering a relationship until they are 25, the in my post was supposed to convey a nudge and a wink, a bit of humour, that the post was not 100% serious.
I will not however allow my 16 year old daughters to have boys in their rooms or stay over. 18 yes probably.
My parents (mostly my mother) were funny about my wife and I sharing a room in their house before we were married even though we owned our own home together lol. Not sure what her issue was but her house, her rules, just have to accept it.

 

[VIRII]

No, we dont.

But as we are trying to explain the step fathers behaviour rather than simply condemn it out of hand on the basis of a teenagers angst at not being able to sleep with a 16 year old girl this weekend then we can examine possibilities.

 

[Hilly]

Guys lay of the guy, he's done nothing wrong.

Neoni, best of luck with the relationship, if you really want it to work, then it can.

Respect the step dads decisions (don't get on the wrong side of him) and it'll blow over. Ignore the rest of the people on here who are criticising you for nothing.

Keep treating her well and her step dad will see what her mum and dad sees.

if you can, nip home from uni to feed the dogs, or get a neighbour too.

Good luck with everything mate.