Soldato
Sounds similar to me! It's all about being a big ****er this year, but also a strong one. I'm feeling particularly puny at the moment, though my strength is good - I think it's a bit of body dismorphia kicking in.
Im feeling very small and crap still, but then i always feel the same. I wont think I am big until im 20st+. Always look in the mirror and think "looking crap". Could be a good thing though as it motivates me to get bigger/better.