I'm another anxiety sufferer, mostly to do with health and very specifically my heart.
I'm not sure when it started but my guess was sometime mid 2016 - during training I became obsessed with my HR and rhythm - almost constantly checking my pulse after training and throughout the day.
Fast forward to September and after a few stressful months at work I end up with a resting HR of 170 after work one Friday, my first big panic attack. I spent 6 hours in A&E waiting for a doctor to check me over and assure me everything was ok. I then took a month off work as I was flaked out completely and I was frankly a mess. I then used the next 4 months trying to feel normal again, but my HR would keep spiking to the 140 / 150 mark - which again for the first couple of times I did (to my shame) go to A&E.
In Feb 2017, the doctor prescribed propanolol, which I took 4 a day to help keep my HR stable and my mood more relaxed. I ended up stopping all exercise and being scared of my HR going over 100 at any time, it was a crippling 13-16 from then. I gained weight, got out of shape and felt miserable. This needed to stop.
Last year I took a change at work and went to a more relaxed environment to help reduce negativity around me. The pay was a little lower, but the workload is now reasonable and the office environment is much better for me.
In the months that passed, I've only had two what I would call bad episodes - where instead of a racing pulse I get ectopic heartbeats for about a week. These came about under 2 instances of high stress. One was at the end of my probationary period and the second was when my partner lost her passport 8 days before we were due to fly. These were scarier than a racing pulse due to their unpredictable nature and I could feel each 'skipped bat' right through my chest. I did go to A&E the first time and also the doctors for various blood tests and apart from high blood pressure when I first went, everything checked out ok.
This year, so far I've had nothing particular bad in terms of panic attacks or physical responses to stress. I've ditched my Samsung phone in favor of a pixel 3, so I don;t have anything to measure my HR with. I've reduced my propanolol to the point where I can get away with not taking it for days. I do get days where I feel tense and anxious and I've been able to note these feelings and push through them. I've importantly opted against taking propanolol on these days so I've moving away from relying on a pill to feel safe (there have been times when my prescription ran out and I was almost in tears) .
I do still occasionally get ectopic heart beats when I make large changes (such as when I bought a new tv and more recently a new bbq) which I'm associating to buyers regret and the guilt I feel when I spend a lot of cash on myself. Again, I've been able to refrain from seeking medical assistance and I've taken them in my stride. People get these things and its natural to get one every now and again.
To help myself trust my own body again, I've began walking the 3.5 miles to work each day and beginning last week, walk home on alternating days (400 ft elevation is a PITA). Apart from reducing my use of pills, this has brought on such a massive positive change to me. I'm beginning to actively want to workout again and I hope in the next few weeks to gain the courage to stop walking to work and start running / jogging.
Baby steps though.
My one regret on my journey so far is that I haven't had the courage to seek proper therapy. I've tried to go alone on this and I don't know why. Well i think I do, which is that talking therapies has done nothing for my partner, who suffers from depression.
I'm not sure when it started but my guess was sometime mid 2016 - during training I became obsessed with my HR and rhythm - almost constantly checking my pulse after training and throughout the day.
Fast forward to September and after a few stressful months at work I end up with a resting HR of 170 after work one Friday, my first big panic attack. I spent 6 hours in A&E waiting for a doctor to check me over and assure me everything was ok. I then took a month off work as I was flaked out completely and I was frankly a mess. I then used the next 4 months trying to feel normal again, but my HR would keep spiking to the 140 / 150 mark - which again for the first couple of times I did (to my shame) go to A&E.
In Feb 2017, the doctor prescribed propanolol, which I took 4 a day to help keep my HR stable and my mood more relaxed. I ended up stopping all exercise and being scared of my HR going over 100 at any time, it was a crippling 13-16 from then. I gained weight, got out of shape and felt miserable. This needed to stop.
Last year I took a change at work and went to a more relaxed environment to help reduce negativity around me. The pay was a little lower, but the workload is now reasonable and the office environment is much better for me.
In the months that passed, I've only had two what I would call bad episodes - where instead of a racing pulse I get ectopic heartbeats for about a week. These came about under 2 instances of high stress. One was at the end of my probationary period and the second was when my partner lost her passport 8 days before we were due to fly. These were scarier than a racing pulse due to their unpredictable nature and I could feel each 'skipped bat' right through my chest. I did go to A&E the first time and also the doctors for various blood tests and apart from high blood pressure when I first went, everything checked out ok.
This year, so far I've had nothing particular bad in terms of panic attacks or physical responses to stress. I've ditched my Samsung phone in favor of a pixel 3, so I don;t have anything to measure my HR with. I've reduced my propanolol to the point where I can get away with not taking it for days. I do get days where I feel tense and anxious and I've been able to note these feelings and push through them. I've importantly opted against taking propanolol on these days so I've moving away from relying on a pill to feel safe (there have been times when my prescription ran out and I was almost in tears) .
I do still occasionally get ectopic heart beats when I make large changes (such as when I bought a new tv and more recently a new bbq) which I'm associating to buyers regret and the guilt I feel when I spend a lot of cash on myself. Again, I've been able to refrain from seeking medical assistance and I've taken them in my stride. People get these things and its natural to get one every now and again.
To help myself trust my own body again, I've began walking the 3.5 miles to work each day and beginning last week, walk home on alternating days (400 ft elevation is a PITA). Apart from reducing my use of pills, this has brought on such a massive positive change to me. I'm beginning to actively want to workout again and I hope in the next few weeks to gain the courage to stop walking to work and start running / jogging.
Baby steps though.
My one regret on my journey so far is that I haven't had the courage to seek proper therapy. I've tried to go alone on this and I don't know why. Well i think I do, which is that talking therapies has done nothing for my partner, who suffers from depression.
What i did want to add is that with regards to therapy it is extremely important or at least it was to me that you 'click' with your therapist. I've seen 3 now and one just felt like chatting to someone once a week without any real direction(Referral), one was really good(Referral from a work scheme) and the one i went to see private rather than via NHS was the best. (I'm not saying the NHS ones/referred ones aren't good but i guess if they are good enough to go the private route then they must know their stuff as people wouldn't pay for it otherwise?!)
