![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
Caporegime
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This, exactly this. You have to spell it out in an honest and open fashion. She won't want to hear it so it has to be plain, concise and direct so that she gets it.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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This, exactly this. You have to spell it out in an honest and open fashion. She won't want to hear it so it has to be plain, concise and direct so that she gets it.
[FnG]magnolia;22238526 said:
i guess this is the best i can do :] ill try to speak with her and meet up after her holiday as see how it goes if it doesn't work this way ill just walk away and leave it :/ thanks.
Soldato
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I would cut down contact whilst she is away, not stop completely, but like, leave it a few hours or a day before replying so she might kinda be semi prepared before she returns.
Soldato
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not sure if you remember my 'happy' post, where I finally thought I had found myself in that good place. well its gone 
im now back in that place I don't want to be, limbo.
my ex has suddenly become rather chatty again, and asked me if I ever thought about getting back together.
now I know this is bad, I know that even if the situation did arise I would be crazy to consider it, but its knocked me sideways.
I just want to move on. I want to hate her I really do, but I cant.
im now back in that place I don't want to be, limbo.my ex has suddenly become rather chatty again, and asked me if I ever thought about getting back together.
now I know this is bad, I know that even if the situation did arise I would be crazy to consider it, but its knocked me sideways.
I just want to move on. I want to hate her I really do, but I cant.
Caporegime
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You don't need to hate her but you do need to move on. Concentrate on what you've just said : "now I know this is bad, I know that even if the situation did arise I would be crazy to consider it,"
Soldato
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[FnG]magnolia;22238613 said:
yeh I know, but its just hard. I was showing a mate my photos and vids of the weekend, and all I could think was 'now ***** would have enjoyed that'. the thing is, I cant move on if there is a possibility that something could happen, I don't know why, but she is just everything I have ever wanted (excluding the naivety).
R
Well she agreed to meet up after her hildays and we'll have a chat.. sadly she still thinks we can find a compromise and sort it out.. but honestly im standing by my guns and not changing my mind i think ive had enough im young and i still got a lot to experiance.
Well she agreed to meet up after her hildays and we'll have a chat.. sadly she still thinks we can find a compromise and sort it out.. but honestly im standing by my guns and not changing my mind i think ive had enough im young and i still got a lot to experiance.
not sure if you remember my 'happy' post, where I finally thought I had found myself in that good place. well its gone
my ex has suddenly become rather chatty again, and asked me if I ever thought about getting back together.
now I know this is bad, I know that even if the situation did arise I would be crazy to consider it, but its knocked me sideways.
I just want to move on. I want to hate her I really do, but I cant.
Always look forward mate, never ever back.
Soldato
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yeh, but lets say for instance, she just needed to get it out her system, and now she has, there could be a future. I mean, she is perfect in every way (other than the obvious), so im scared if I move on, find someone else, and there had been that chance, I will regret it.
E: im just trying to convince myself now aren't I?
Yes you are trying to convince your self.. id say move on but i cant speak for you you clearly love her and i understand but there were things that made you two split up in the first place and if they are still there i just dont see how it can work?
If it worked in the first place you wouldn't have split up. I think generally when people say they are getting back together they will work things out and try make things better they do, unfortunately the old problems that you shared before will come back and you will be back to square one.
Just my two penneth.
Caporegime
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If she was perfect you wouldn't be in the position you're in. You're doing a classic case of 'settling' : you're scared to move on and are willing to accept all the terrible parts of the relationship because a **** relationship is better than no relationship, right?
Wrong.
Read the the first post in this thread and then read some of the other posts. You'll very quickly see that what you're going through is so common it's not even funny.
Wrong.
Read the the first post in this thread and then read some of the other posts. You'll very quickly see that what you're going through is so common it's not even funny.
Soldato
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ok, a little backstory, as I don't think when I first posted I was in a good place to explain without it being evil and twisted, but now im a tad better.
when we got together, she was younger than me and had no real life experience, I had had plenty. it was a longish distance relationship (we saw each other 2-3 times a week tops), soon after being together we got pregnant (semi planned). after the birth she moved to be with me, leaving all her family and friends (albeit only a short distance) behind. I was at work 5 days a week, she was stuck at home, knowing no one, with our new born baby. shortly after, yup you guessed it, we got pregnant again
this time, we moved back to her family before the birth. I was then unemployed for a long time (about 2 years) and times were hard. we then got lucky and I got a job. things were going well, and kids now go to nursery/school, so she decides she wants to work. great, to incomes, better life. we get married and all is good. she then sees an advert for startup businesses, and decides to open her own shop. so we did. now she is working for herself and getting her independence. no issues at all. and then........................there is this guy that works in the same building (its like a little shopping centre) that she starts getting friendly with. she then also starts talking to an old friend from school and starts to go out in the evenings.
then she changes, she becomes someone very different, and well, suspicions arise. when mentioned all hell kicks off and I don't trust her blah blah....
things got progressively worse over about a year until eventually it was decided neither of us was happy.
and now, we are here today. the last 6 months have been good, but they have been great in the last few weeks between us. and this weekend for the first time I was genuinely happy. but now, well, I miss her, and all the little things again.
I apologise for that wall of text.
It sounds as if she got bored of and thought one of the two was the way to go so her fellings towards you changed she started thinking more of the other guy she tested the water on the evenings out and thought it will be all good from there then you and her split up she became single and realised how stupid she was and thought she'll give her self some time to go out see the world try it with the others etc.. now that she done it she wants you back the problem will be that she will get bored of you again and start it all over.. i dont want to sound rude but it did look like you two moved way to fast yhrough everything.. and her being in experianced in life she obviously wanted to explore more.. ?! My 2p
Soldato
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yeh I know, but maybe she just needed to get the going out part out of her system, I mean, I was no angel at her age (although I never 2 timed or cheated).
I know that if she has strayed once she can stray again, but that would also apply to a new partner surely? all women have the possibility of straying.
thing is, I was open with her when she asked the other day, and she was sticking to 'so am I the only one that thinks what we did was for the best?' so I still get the impression she is seeing this other guy, but there is always that little thing in my head thinking 'is she subtly hinting she wants to get back together, but checking its for the right reasons and not just that im now poor and lonely'.
what would be good would be if she just came out and said what it is she actually wanted and stopped giving out mixed messages.
Its an unfortunately common side-effect for people who have kids before the properly experience single adult life, made worse by their peers partying all the time. 
You would have thought that 2 kids would put things in to perspective for her, but again it sadly doesn't as often as it should.
You would have thought that 2 kids would put things in to perspective for her, but again it sadly doesn't as often as it should.
Soldato
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Its an unfortunately common side-effect for people who have kids before the properly experience single adult life, made worse by their peers partying all the time.
You would have thought that 2 kids would put things in to perspective for her, but again it sadly doesn't as often as it should.
don't get me wrong, she is an excellent mum, couldn't imagine anyone better to have my kids when im not there. but yeh, a family and a party lifestyle don't really go hand in hand.
obviously in hindsight we should have been together longs, experienced more as a couple and singularly, then started a family. that said though, I still wouldn't change it as our kids are amazing.
its just this 'closure' thing. did she cheat? if not did she want to? does she still have feelings for me and/or him? and probs a lot more unanswered questions.
Be the bigger man and just don't post pointless **** updates
I hate "x days til x" updates, NO ONES CARES!!!!
I'm pretty reactive like that!
As for the rest of it, mention it to her at all??