The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

A2Z said:
Well further to this post, I made the decision but it was too late - she didnt believe it could be possible for us to be together, and has decided to see how things go with someone else - who can be there for her when she needs someone, as I couldn't.

Now I know all the usual 'man up' posts are right, but Im finding it very hard to get over it. I thought sleeping with another girl would help, but well it doesnt seem to have, I can't stop thinking about her, and all the things we were planning to do together but never did, and now she will do it with someone else :(

Is it really possible to meet another girl and feel even more, but off course different, love for and forget about this one...? Right now it doesn't feel like it's gonna be possible..
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When you break up with someone you love, in the middle of it, you think you will never ever get over it - people will tell you that time is what you need and thats true, I was a mess when I split with my wife (after being together 18 years), and I never thought id get over her, days felt like weeks, weeks like months and months like years, it was the slowest time of my life.

Guess what, I got over her and you will get over your partner, it probably took me a good year, I will always love her, she's the mother of my kids but I dont care what she does or who she does it with and if anyone had told me at some point id feel like that I would have considered them insane.

Whats more, when time passes instead of seeing only good things you will start to appreciate the things that were not right, things dont work out for a reason, Im happier now than I have been at any point with my wife, you just move on.
 
Milkybk said:
Other way round for me. I still have all my mates but she seemed to cut everyone off. Means she has become totally reliant on me, I hate it when a birds reply when you tell her you're going out is "but what will I do?".
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lol that would suite me as im not really a going out person.

dunno, just too many bad experiences where women tend to stray.
 
Another Blah date last night. How unbelievably hard it is finding someone to connect with. Someone who you can talk to about ideas, life, where we both lay it on the line and talk about who we really are in a fun, intelligent and grown up way. Where sex isn't the order of the night.

/mini rant over
 
Just an update for those who may be interested,

Am still moving out am just waiting for a flat that I can afford and am still sofa surfing, Things have been very tough for me though and I have been finding it very difficult to cope, I had a mental health assessment today and they are proscribing me stronger meds and some intensive psychological help as this state of depression has been going on for coming on 10 years, this break up has been a real struggle on top of everything else I have been going through..... I hope that this will be start of a new life for me
 
Vidar said:
Just an update for those who may be interested,

Am still moving out am just waiting for a flat that I can afford and am still sofa surfing, Things have been very tough for me though and I have been finding it very difficult to cope, I had a mental health assessment today and they are proscribing me stronger meds and some intensive psychological help as this state of depression has been going on for coming on 10 years, this break up has been a real struggle on top of everything else I have been going through..... I hope that this will be start of a new life for me
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Good luck fella, keep your head up :)
 
To the dumped and dumpers alike, welcome to the Breakup Megathread. If you’re starting to suspect an end to your romantic world as you know it, it just ended, or you’re five months down the road and it’s all coming back to haunt you, hopefully this thread and the people in it can give you some useful advice to avoid those pesky restraining orders. But before we get too far along:

Lushka16’s Breakup Megathread Theorem: Every one of you will invariably cherry-pick, feel a compulsion to ignore or otherwise neglect most or all of the fantastic advice detailed below, assuming it doesn’t apply to you.

Minimaul’s Megathread Corollary: You are not a special *********. You are not the exception to the rule. You are not the anecdote that proves the rule wrong. You are not in a Jennifer Aniston movie. You are not a movie with an acceptable ending for the whole audience. This is life.

All right. What's next? Everyone loves phases. For any breakup, there are three main phases: Premonition, Breakup, and Post Breakup. This guide holds your hand through each phase and provides a plethora of prescriptions to help you past the Post Breakup phase and beyond.
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If you've just been dumped or about to dump someone then please read this really useful thread

And by read it I mean properly read it not skim it. It is a goldmine of advice.
 
What I really fail to understand is how hard faced my ex is when I have spoken to her about our relationship, comments such as "You have drained me, I don't know what you want from me" "I have nothing left to give anyone let alone you!"

She talks to people and portrays me as some soul sucking leech, She believes that I am lazy and good for nothing or so she says yet she is totally reliant on me, and I continue to deliver the support she needs despite nothing but hostility

but then a totally different side to her comes out, yes she says there may be a future for us, but she needs space, she offers to buy me things like shoes, a kindle etc none of which I am accepting and when I refuse she becomes short tempered, she still wants to discuss how to decorate the living room etc etc and I keep pointing out that its not my place any more and again she becomes hostile...

How I feel is that she wants to keep me sweet, it's like she thinks if she does not then I wont support her through university by looking after the children etc etc but what she fails to understand in my opinion is that I would do anything to spend time with my kids and naturally want to spend as much time with them as I can,

Now I know many of you might be thinking stuff her university degree etc, but I want my kids to have nice things and while she is able to provide it for them by being a student nurse then that is for the best, I can wait to go to university for another year or two....

But I can't shake the feeling that if or when she graduates she is going to try and bugger off when she has no further need for me and try and take my kids! Even if by some twist of fate we did get back together, I'd now only be constantly guessing that she had an ulterior motive

Yet knowing that and feeling all of the above do I still feel that I love her so very very much.... it's driving me insane
 
I have mostly moved out, though need to spend a few nights on what used to be my couch until I finally get seen by my local council housing team, when I cant burden myself on a friend.

I did break up with her but it was the hardest thing I have ever done and my head is all over the place with it......
 
Have you spoken to anyone about this? A professional I mean. It's a huge deal and from memory it's one of the top 5 stressors that we face in life along with financial concerns and death of loved ones. You should see someone to talk it through.
 
Hey all. I'm single and yes it's because I feel I haven't reached that proper level of maturity yet to take on a full relationship.

Suffered a very bad breakdown nearly 3 years ago (over it now). However, still feel a tad bitter over it.

Bit of good news, might be having a bit of a pasty smashing session in a few weeks when I go down to a mate's of mine. She is apparently quite into me.

Do I get a hug?

No? :)
 
sparky05084 said:
Hey all. I'm single and yes it's because I feel I haven't reached that proper level of maturity yet to take on a full relationship.

Suffered a very bad breakdown nearly 3 years ago (over it now). However, still feel a tad bitter over it.

Bit of good news, might be having a bit of a pasty smashing session in a few weeks when I go down to a mate's of mine. She is apparently quite into me.

Do I get a hug?

No? :)
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Make sure you get it wet :p

Hugg :)
 
Bump.

I have no end game and appear to be destined to become a crazy cat man. This is all. Sometimes really do feel like screaming at people who "play the game" I ****ing hate it.
 
DiCe! said:
Bump.

I have no end game and appear to be destined to become a crazy cat man. This is all. Sometimes really do feel like screaming at people who "play the game" I ****ing hate it.
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*HUGS*
This is what this thread is for, right? :D
Become a crazy dog man instead.
 
[FnG]magnolia;22530234 said:
You're going to have to elaborate.
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Been texting a lady for some time now, was always on the front foot, trying to arrange dates etc and things just kept getting in the way, but was told "we will deffinetly make it happen"

So Finally 3 days ago get the text that yes she is free, a drink/meal sounds brilliant....today its "opps sorry I am in a relationship". Had been quite open that yes she was seeing other people but was told nothing serious and it was all going rubbish. Why not just be honest? pfft.

Also good shout on the crazy dog man, much better.
 
DiCe! said:
Been texting a lady for some time now, was always on the front foot, trying to arrange dates etc and things just kept getting in the way, but was told "we will deffinetly make it happen"

So Finally 3 days ago get the text that yes she is free, a drink/meal sounds brilliant....today its "opps sorry I am in a relationship". Had been quite open that yes she was seeing other people but was told nothing serious and it was all going rubbish. Why not just be honest? pfft.

Also good shout on the crazy dog man, much better.
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Sounds like she was playing you and keeping you on the back burner whilst setting things up with this other guy. Sorry bud, that sucks :(
 
Hi guys, this mug is in need of a few hugs again tonight.... women are so ****** up, well at least my ex woman is ****** up!

As you know I ended the relationship towards the end of June just gone after a some ups and a hell of a lot of downs but muggings here can't seem to shake the feelings off, in a nutshell despite her being a colossal ***** to me I still can't help loving her and hope to hell for some reason that we can get back together and be happy!

I've been sofa surfing the past month or so but am finally getting myself sorted out with a flat etc which hopefully I should be able to move into within the next week or two, because of the kids though we have a lot of contact, she is totally reliant on me to get them too and from nursery because she is a student nurse and things have been confusing, mixed signals etc etc

We have had a few chats about what's happening which just tends to leave me feeling more confused about what she wants, but I had a very interesting chat with her sister the other night, they are not that close and her sister thinks she is an idiot for behaving the way she is etc and she confirmed my suspicions that she is behaving the way she is because she still loves me and is "putting the walls back up" and advised I just give her time etc etc and she will realise etc

Cut to tonight and after a day out with the kids I came to the house and walked in to a row, was like she was looking for any excuse to be angry.... we got into the relationship conversation again where I was promptly told that yes we probably would get back together but we will never be happy! before she ran off to bed

That statement has absolutely flawed me and I really do not understand why she had to say that, if she wanted to get back together and get outside help to work through our problems and see how it goes then great; if she flat out didn't have any hope for us then in time I'd accept it and move on fully but to say that just seemed really cruel and ****** up, why the hell would you say something like that to someone?


Trolls feel free to give me **** I really couldn't care less but if someone else can shed light on why this cow has said this to me please set my mind at ease!
 
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