The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

413x said:
Reblock and move on

She actively got a new number to contact you? What did it say?

Sounds like poison to me. Just focus on the future. Focus on that career and course :)
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Yeah, she was using a new number. Because of the nature of my job, I always like to determine who is contacting me and so I responded and asked. Her original message said "How are you?". The second being her telling me who it was and then asking for money; she knows I'm doing quite well for myself. Hate the whole situation. Evil bitch doesn't even come close.
 
Dave M said:
Smooth, you should ask her how that chat-up line's working for her.

Actually you shouldn't, you know what you should do
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Bombard her with nudes? Seriously though, number blocked. Wouldn't suprise me if she gets in contact again though, through some other means. Carrier pigeon or something.
 
Tek81 said:
I got a message from an unknown number the other day. Turned out to be my ex, whose number and Facebook I blocked almost two years back. I'm not in a great place with my mental health at the moment; I'm a med student. I've spent the last two and a half years trying my utmost to forget about her. The message she sent me, combined with learning from a mutual friend that the person she left me for has dumped her and she is begging him to return, is doing my ******* head in. Ugh, just wish I could get away from it all. /rant.
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Block, forget, move on.
 
secretspy said:
I could be wrong but @Diagro put in bold:

Your counter should have been "If you really want a dog, then YOU can pay for it and YOU can look after it...NOT ME AND DON'T EXPECT ME TO EITHER!" Then see how she reacts.

From your original post @malachi so I think that's probably the bit referred to as bad advice.

Like I said, could be wrong but it is bad advice because what would then stop her going out and getting a dog. Plus, as someone else mentioned, you're not working as a partnership.

Anyway, from @RobDogDog's latest post it's all sorted now :)

/case closed :p
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Yes. Was specifically that line.
 
Hlebio said:
That's bizarre. Why would she ask let alone expect you to give her money?

Is there a child involved?
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Nope, no children. Because she wants me to give her money for the household bills she paid while I was studying medicine. This is despite me paying for literally everything prior to then. Meh, she's nuts.
 
Hlebio said:
That's bizarre. Why would she ask let alone expect you to give her money?

Is there a child involved?
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Hah I had this sort of thing from an Ex once as well. When I asked why she couldn't ask her new bloke for the money, she said "he's too tight". :D

Mental.
 
Tek81 said:
Nope, no children. Because she wants me to give her money for the household bills she paid while I was studying medicine. This is despite me paying for literally everything prior to then. Meh, she's nuts.
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Just keep blocking. Don't reply. Seriously just don;t get dragged into it if you had a hard time getting over it last time. Don't even entertain the thought of engaging her.
 
Tek81 said:
Nope, no children. Because she wants me to give her money for the household bills she paid while I was studying medicine. This is despite me paying for literally everything prior to then. Meh, she's nuts.
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Ah. Well then mate, as others have said, block and delete. I was gonna say tell her to do one first but it's not necessary. If she caused you a lot of grief and it has taken a long time to forget then just avoid completely. Whatever you do don't engage her in any sort of chat. It's a slippy slope. Been through similar and it's best to just ignore.
 
Hlebio said:
Ah. Well then mate, as others have said, block and delete. I was gonna say tell her to do one first but it's not necessary. If she caused you a lot of grief and it has taken a long time to forget then just avoid completely. Whatever you do don't engage her in any sort of chat. It's a slippy slope. Been through similar and it's best to just ignore.
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Cheers. Blocked her number. Can't be done with her craziness.
 
chris_h said:
Hello Forum

I feel the need to write my current life situation down to try and get your opinions on this, as I am slowly dying inside as I genuinely feel my life is about to hit rock bottom.

I have been in a relationship with my partner now for 10 years. We have the perfect lifestyle - House, Dog, car each, good jobs, good friends. But my misses has dropped the bomb shell that she wants to have a break and be alone, and she wants us to be just friends. When I think what we have been through to get to this position, I am distraught, dejected, humiliated and very angry at myself for being so blind and naive that she was so unhappy.
Last month she told me I can be critical, Mean and controlling. I fully understand where she is coming from, and I have made an effort to be a better person and I like myself for it and would never go back that way. However it is to late for her.

We still live in the same house, but she has left my bed and is sleeping in the spare room. This is the worst part. Waking up in the morning and thinking we are still together, or having a dream where we are OK, then realising this is not the case anymore. Heart wrenching.
Living together makes sense as we tied in a joint mortgage, and it works out much cheaper.

She claims I am just being desperate and don't want to be alone, and I will say and do anything to stop this from turning into a full split. This really inst true, she wont listen to just how strongly I feel for her and how sorry I am.

I need to show her that life with me is going to be everything she dreams off, but at the same time she wants her space so I simply can't do this. I am stuck and I am worried she will grow to accept us being apart.

What the hell do I do? I cant ever stop fighting for her, I feel we are more than boyfriend and girlfriend, I was going to ask her to marry me next month!

I am lost.
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SO I have decided to come back to this old post I made many moons ago from my above post!

Many many things have happened, good and bad, more good in fact and I would like to share with those people here thinking its the end of the world...

She did leave me. For my friend (such an old cliche!) I was suspicious of this wet wipe for a while but he was generally harmless. He came out of no where and instantly fell in love with my misses.

When i did find out, it was 'loose your head' time. Went to his apartment, called him out, went ape **** as SHE was in there which was actually how I found out about their secret love! I have been in trouble with the police many times since then over this as we are only humans, our 'apes' inside who control our emotions want to lash out. But there is greener grass.

since This revelation 12 months ago, I am a new man. I have found a whole new group of friends, retained my old friends which is a miracle as we had mutual friends, the ex is out of the circle for her lying twisted games. I have never had so much fun in my life. Been on countless dates, had a several girlfriends and 'found' myself as they say.

My life is where I want it to be now, without the break up i wouldn't of had the life I have had over the last 12 to 18 months.

I am single again as I will not settle for someone who doesn't click with me. I still sort of love my ex but in a a different way.

If it all goes wrong do not hide but look after yourself and eventually you will thank yourself for it.
 
secretspy said:
I could be wrong but @Diagro put in bold:

Your counter should have been "If you really want a dog, then YOU can pay for it and YOU can look after it...NOT ME AND DON'T EXPECT ME TO EITHER!" Then see how she reacts.
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When we moved into our house 3 years ago this started. I said the exact line above, and she did and does. Now have 2 cats and 2 dogs running around.

I love them though so can't help taking care of them. However I do spend a lot of time at home due to my shift pattern and nights, so it all works out, for now...
 
Well, in these unprecedented :rolleyes: times I've finally got some certainty back into my life. It's only taken about 3 1/2 years

Minute of agreement signed off, house transferred to soon to be ex wife, chunk of cash and pension transferred as well.

Time to buy myself a wee divorce present and move onwards and upwards :)
 
It's been 2 years since we moved in together which equals roughly 2 years of unhappiness...

We met 3 years ago, things got serious pretty quickly, we tried for a baby within 6 months, she fell pregnant within 3 weeks. We weren't living together so I moved into hers, rented my 2 bed house out, we found a perfect 4 bed house in my home town (rented), moved her 2 kids into new schools. I thought that would be the time we would settle into our new lives together, loved her and my son immensely. How wrong was I.

She changed, became this stressful, irrational person I didn't recognise. Things I thought we would enjoy together turned into arguments. Things like buying our sons nursery furniture and making his nursery nice. Decorating the Christmas tree as a family. She turned all of them into an argument. Within 6 months of living in the new house I started to resent her and the relationship. My relationship with her 2 kids went down hill too. The only person who made me feel happy was my son.

12 months later with little change, I suggested she needs to go to the doctors to get some help. She admits she's been feeling depressed, lonely since we moved. She struggled on maternity leave. I guess looking back it was clear she was struggling but she never spoke to me. Maybe I should have been more alert and helpful, I don't know.

The relationship is now in tatters, we are damaged and I don't even know where to begin in fixing it. I've now been to the doctors myself, I'm suffering from anxiety, small things send me into a spiral of low mood and feeling on edge. When she wants me to kiss her, or cuddle on the sofa, it makes me feel anxious like I can't stand being that close to her. It's something I have never experienced in a relationship in my life.

Frankly, I want out. I've wanted out for at least 18 months but there is my son to consider. He is my world and I'll miss him. He's the only reason I am still in the relationship. It's not the right reason but he doesn't deserve this.
 
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Shikkaka said:
It's been 2 years since we moved in together which equals roughly 2 years of unhappiness...

We met 3 years ago, things got serious pretty quickly, we tried for a baby within 6 months, she fell pregnant within 3 weeks. We weren't living together so I moved into hers, rented my 2 bed house out, we found a perfect 4 bed house in my home town (rented), moved her 2 kids into new schools. I thought that would be the time we would settle into our new lives together, loved her and my son immensely. How wrong was I.

She changed, became this stressful, irrational person I didn't recognise. Things I thought we would enjoy together turned into arguments. Things like buying our sons nursery furniture and making his nursery nice. Decorating the Christmas tree as a family. She turned all of them into an argument. Within 6 months of living in the new house I started to resent her and the relationship. My relationship with her 2 kids went down hill too. The only person who made me feel happy was my son.

12 months later with little change, I suggested she needs to go to the doctors to get some help. She admits she's been feeling depressed, lonely since we moved. She struggled on maternity leave. I guess looking back it was clear she was struggling but she never spoke to me. Maybe I should have been more alert and helpful, I don't know.

The relationship is now in tatters, we are damaged and I don't even know where to begin in fixing it. I'm now the one that's been to the doctors, I'm suffering from anxiety, small things send me into a spiral of low mood and feeling on edge. When she wants me to kiss her, or cuddle on the sofa, it makes me feel anxious like I can't stand being that close to her. It's something I have never experienced in a relationship in my life.

Frankly, I want out. I've wanted out for at least 18 months but there is my son to consider. He is my world and I'll miss him. He's the only reason I am still in the relationship. It's not the right reason but he doesn't deserve this.
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Sounds incredibly similar to what my current partner went through before we got together. Couldn't get on with him for similar reasons as you and very much didn't want to break it up for the kids sake (hers are 6 and 10).

I won't deign to give you any solid advise because something like this is just so subjective and you have to go with what you think is right at the end of the day. But I will say this, my partner and her ex both seem a great deal happier now as a result of there breakup. Sure it was a little messy at first. Everyone was upset and they where both really worried about the kids, but they seem to have adjusted real fast to everything. I think people forget just how emotionally resilient kids are when they're that young. Not saying there haven't been kinks here and there but as a whole, stuff flows really well. That's largely down to them agreeing to co parenting without the law getting involved however. If you can settle that amicably, it obviously makes all the difference in the world.

Best of luck with it though dude. Really hope you can work it out one way or another.
 
DrToffnar said:
Sounds incredibly similar to what my current partner went through before we got together. Couldn't get on with him for similar reasons as you and very much didn't want to break it up for the kids sake (hers are 6 and 10).

I won't deign to give you any solid advise because something like this is just so subjective and you have to go with what you think is right at the end of the day. But I will say this, my partner and her ex both seem a great deal happier now as a result of there breakup. Sure it was a little messy at first. Everyone was upset and they where both really worried about the kids, but they seem to have adjusted real fast to everything. I think people forget just how emotionally resilient kids are when they're that young. Not saying there haven't been kinks here and there but as a whole, stuff flows really well. That's largely down to them agreeing to co parenting without the law getting involved however. If you can settle that amicably, it obviously makes all the difference in the world.

Best of luck with it though dude. Really hope you can work it out one way or another.
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Thanks, I'm giving us until the end of the year. I need to fix my head before I make any decision. I can't even comprehend ending the relationship with this pandemic going on.

The thing I am struggling with is she's actually much better, she no longer gets stressed or is irrational, if anything it's me that's those things now. Hence the trip to the doctors. But I still have these negative feelings about her.

All I know is I've wanted out of the relationship for 18 months. My mental state has declined in the last 6 months. I honestly don't know how I will feel about anything with a straight head.
 
Trying for a baby with someone after only being with them for 6 months, don't live together and she already has two children? Perhaps wasn't the most sensible of ideas, while sometimes it does work out. I don't understand how people can make big life decisions (marriage, baby etc.) after knowing someone for less than a year. You don't really get to know someone till after you have lived together for a few months at least.
 
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