Sorry about that mate. Obviously when it came time to make a commitment, she couldn't do it for whatever reasons. It's better to find out now than after you've turned your life upside down for her.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Sorry about that mate. Obviously when it came time to make a commitment, she couldn't do it for whatever reasons. It's better to find out now than after you've turned your life upside down for her.
That sucks - really sorry to hear that. But at least she did it now instead of down the road when you have saddled yourselves with a mortgage etc.
Sorry bud.
Thanks all, much appreciated. Much clearer minded knowing.
Just need to decide what to do about the house now, was buying it on my own so can afford it, it's just out in the sticks and not sure whether it's where I want to be with being single again.
Just need to decide what to do about the house now, was buying it on my own so can afford it, it's just out in the sticks and not sure whether it's where I want to be with being single again.
Then don't buy it, find somewhere else or stay where you are and think about it. They say don't make any big decisions when you've gone through a stressful life experience. Your circumstances have changed. Buying/selling/moving is expensive, if you don't want the place, don't saddle yourself with it and have to pay to move again unless it really is a bargain and you want to live there.
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Associate
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Speaking from experience if you're not use to living in the middle of nowhere and finding yourself newly single I would think carefully on the house purchase in the sticks as you put it.
I know I'm oddly missing having any neighbours for miles or it could be lockdown emphasising it.
Soldato
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In your position I would buy a house next to a female dominated uni and get some lodgers!
Egham would suit - Royal Holloway uni next door, decent pubs, and pretty good trains into Clapham and Waterloo
Egham would suit - Royal Holloway uni next door, decent pubs, and pretty good trains into Clapham and Waterloo
Here's a slight dump.
I've been with the current girlfriend for like 4/5 years. I think we're done, she wants to stay in London and tbh I have no interest or need. We've barely messaged in recent days. She bought a place in London on her own back, but honestly I don't care about living there.
Meanwhile an ex of mine that was the full package has recently messaged me, she's going through a divorce right now that she fully admits is because she got married too young to a guy that was too old. Despite out breakup at around 18 we've never severed contact.
The current gf gives me nothing but headaches. For example, during this lockdown I've been her emotional slap bag, I helped her get a new job that is paying £30k more than her current job and she's giving me **** for not replying to a message where she misremembered some current family trauma I'm dealing with. But at the same time I don't want to be that ******* who breaks up via a text. But then I'm also wrestling with the fact that dricing 200 miles down to London isn't really going to soften that blow, so why bother? Frankly, I want her to get on with her life without thinking that she has to wait for me to 'give her permission' to do so. She's a gorgeous young woman and it's not like she'd struggle but there is part of me that feels cowardly about the whole thing.
Personally, I just want to bugger off into the sunset with my ex. We've grown a lot in the last decade and a bit since we were together and our personal circumstances have aligned, is my feeling right now.
So please can you guys just rip me a new one with your opinions? I won't take it personally, be as harsh as you feel you need to be. xx
I've been with the current girlfriend for like 4/5 years. I think we're done, she wants to stay in London and tbh I have no interest or need. We've barely messaged in recent days. She bought a place in London on her own back, but honestly I don't care about living there.
Meanwhile an ex of mine that was the full package has recently messaged me, she's going through a divorce right now that she fully admits is because she got married too young to a guy that was too old. Despite out breakup at around 18 we've never severed contact.
The current gf gives me nothing but headaches. For example, during this lockdown I've been her emotional slap bag, I helped her get a new job that is paying £30k more than her current job and she's giving me **** for not replying to a message where she misremembered some current family trauma I'm dealing with. But at the same time I don't want to be that ******* who breaks up via a text. But then I'm also wrestling with the fact that dricing 200 miles down to London isn't really going to soften that blow, so why bother? Frankly, I want her to get on with her life without thinking that she has to wait for me to 'give her permission' to do so. She's a gorgeous young woman and it's not like she'd struggle but there is part of me that feels cowardly about the whole thing.
Personally, I just want to bugger off into the sunset with my ex. We've grown a lot in the last decade and a bit since we were together and our personal circumstances have aligned, is my feeling right now.
So please can you guys just rip me a new one with your opinions? I won't take it personally, be as harsh as you feel you need to be. xx
You've already made your mind up, man up and get on with doing what needs to be done
You're right, but how do you do it?
Be honest I guess, tell her that you feel you've drifted apart and that you don't really see a future in the relationship and you'd rather not waste her time
If you don't want to travel and do it face to face, at least call and have a conversation. Don't do it via text. It'll probably be easier than you think, and if you both agree it's done, you can both have a bit of closure and move on.
Yeah that's kind of what I'm leaning towards at the moment, a phone call and just fronting it up.
Bad as it sounds there's no point wasting a 2 hour drive on it. That sounds worse when I type it out as the culmination of a 5 year relationship.
Soldato
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Smaller scale, but when I was younger and reliant on public transport I made the 2 hour bus trip to Ealing to break up with a girlfriend. She was avoiding me for weeks so i just headed over there. Ended up picking up the phone when I was 15 minutes away and she still said don't come over, so I just did it over the phone
Ultimately, if you're going to be honest with her and she's going to engage you in the discussion, phone is as good as face to face.
Facetime seems to be acceptable these days.
But for the love of god, don't mention the ex!
I'd imagine it awkward to land on her door step and break up - it's not like that's the best moment to have a chat, so what do you do, leave and drive straight back home? I imagine after 5 years you must have stuff there - maybe do it over the phone and meet face to face to finish things properly when emotions are less raw?
This I agree with.
Also....don't go back to your ex! She's an ex for a reason.
Yes, it's easy to go for the low hanging fruit when times are tough. But try and find someone else new when things are better.
That's what I'm leaning towards.
She's an ex because our paths were on wildly different directions and it we thought it was unrealistic to try and force it. We met in college and went to different universities an enormous distance from one another.
After university we reconnected immediately, but our careers took us on wildly different paths. Going to the US was hers, mine was London and again, it just couldn't work and we talked about it and accepted it.
I often think we met each other too early and too young but also that we never dropped contact with each other because nothing bad actually happened. It was just that we both were always focused on making the most of ourselves and neither wanted the other to give that up for the sake of 'us.'
So for the sake of us
what happens if one of you gets a job that needs to relocate will ”us” come into it?
or will the other person be binned off
I’m not being a dick just wondering if some of it is convenient ie you know each other both single etec... will history repeat itself again