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The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by mattyprice4004, Apr 23, 2012.

  1. LuckyBenski


    Joined: Dec 28, 2017

    Posts: 4,532

    Location: London

    Smaller scale, but when I was younger and reliant on public transport I made the 2 hour bus trip to Ealing to break up with a girlfriend. She was avoiding me for weeks so i just headed over there. Ended up picking up the phone when I was 15 minutes away and she still said don't come over, so I just did it over the phone :(

    Ultimately, if you're going to be honest with her and she's going to engage you in the discussion, phone is as good as face to face.
  2. ivrytwr3


    Joined: Aug 25, 2006

    Posts: 3,888

    Facetime seems to be acceptable these days.

    But for the love of god, don't mention the ex!
  3. swillsy


    Joined: Oct 30, 2011

    Posts: 834

    if its not worth a 2 hour drive then its definitely done lol - face time her but warn her its a serious chat in advance maybe?
  4. Dave M


    Joined: Oct 17, 2002

    Posts: 5,481

    I'd imagine it awkward to land on her door step and break up - it's not like that's the best moment to have a chat, so what do you do, leave and drive straight back home? I imagine after 5 years you must have stuff there - maybe do it over the phone and meet face to face to finish things properly when emotions are less raw?
  5. Jonnybmac

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Dec 17, 2009

    Posts: 1,805

    Location: Brotton

    4-5 years is a long time for anyone to invest into someone.
    Rightly or wrongly, be a man about it and drive 2 hours.It's 4 hours out of your day to close 4-5 years you spent of your life it's the least amount of respect you can give
  6. malachi


    Joined: Jun 27, 2006

    Posts: 10,077

    Location: Earth

    This I agree with.

    Also....don't go back to your ex! She's an ex for a reason.

    Yes, it's easy to go for the low hanging fruit when times are tough. But try and find someone else new when things are better.
  7. Mushy Peas


    Joined: Sep 1, 2010

    Posts: 10,630

    Location: Under the thumb.

    That's what I'm leaning towards.

    She's an ex because our paths were on wildly different directions and it we thought it was unrealistic to try and force it. We met in college and went to different universities an enormous distance from one another.

    After university we reconnected immediately, but our careers took us on wildly different paths. Going to the US was hers, mine was London and again, it just couldn't work and we talked about it and accepted it.

    I often think we met each other too early and too young but also that we never dropped contact with each other because nothing bad actually happened. It was just that we both were always focused on making the most of ourselves and neither wanted the other to give that up for the sake of 'us.'
  8. fredwi


    Joined: Jul 24, 2016

    Posts: 152

    So for the sake of us

    what happens if one of you gets a job that needs to relocate will ”us” come into it?

    or will the other person be binned off

    I’m not being a dick just wondering if some of it is convenient ie you know each other both single etec... will history repeat itself again
  9. Mushy Peas


    Joined: Sep 1, 2010

    Posts: 10,630

    Location: Under the thumb.

    It's a good question! And something we spoke about at length yesterday. Realistically I'm now in a position where I can work from pretty much anywhere in the UK and being self employed helps a lot in that regard. For her, she's now settled back in the UK and I honestly have no real preference about where I live, so it a relocation within the UK came up, I could roll with it easily.

    As to moves outside of the UK, that would be a deal breaker for sure. But there's not a huge likelihood of that happening again given our respective professions.
  10. Mushy Peas


    Joined: Sep 1, 2010

    Posts: 10,630

    Location: Under the thumb.

    Brief update: Best decision I've made.

    Slightly longer update: can't get hold of the soon to be ex.

    Swings and roundabouts I suppose.