The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Mark1989 said:
Well he isn't new to the scene as such this fella was a friend of us both (ovs not really a fan of him now!) My son knew of him anyway and they do get on and theo gets along really well with his daughter.

In that sense I'm not too worried my only concern is its allot for my son to adjust to in space of weeks
Click to expand...

I dont want to sound harsh here but this surely isnt a new thing. Have you asked if this was going on behind your back?
 
omnomnom said:
I dont want to sound harsh here but this surely isnt a new thing. Have you asked if this was going on behind your back?
Click to expand...
At this point does it matter? They've split. I know it's easier said than done but for now I'd just make sure I show absolutely no emotion to the woman and just keep the bare minimum relationship possible for the benefit of your own son.

There's nothing to gain going down that road other than bitterness and a whole lot of hurt. They're not going to admit what they've done is shady (if indeed they were seeing each other behind his back), they have to lie to themselves to believe they're good people.
 
omnomnom said:
I dont want to sound harsh here but this surely isnt a new thing. Have you asked if this was going on behind your back?
Click to expand...
Of course I asked they both deny and only say something happened after she left me and he left his partner.

I can't prove anything anyway so I ain't gonna waste time trying too or look into it. I'll just deal with what I can going forward and sort stuff with my son

I confronted him and said to him directly I think you planned all of this and no matter what he says I won't belive it. Its when I also said any of his toxic side lands anywhere near my son I will deal with it as I don't want my son around any of his potential backlash from his ex.


I'm being civil because it benefits my son, of course I wanna kick off but it won't help me or any one really.

I'm just gonna crack on with my life and be there for my son always, that's all that matters
 
Mason- said:
At this point does it matter? They've split. I know it's easier said than done but for now I'd just make sure I show absolutely no emotion to the woman and just keep the bare minimum relationship possible for the benefit of your own son.

There's nothing to gain going down that road other than bitterness and a whole lot of hurt. They're not going to admit what they've done is shady (if indeed they were seeing each other behind his back), they have to lie to themselves to believe they're good people.
Click to expand...

This

It's done. Wasting time thinking about is not going to help.

Moiving on is the focus.
 
Mason- said:
At this point does it matter? They've split. I know it's easier said than done but for now I'd just make sure I show absolutely no emotion to the woman and just keep the bare minimum relationship possible for the benefit of your own son.

There's nothing to gain going down that road other than bitterness and a whole lot of hurt. They're not going to admit what they've done is shady (if indeed they were seeing each other behind his back), they have to lie to themselves to believe they're good people.
Click to expand...

413x said:
This

It's done. Wasting time thinking about is not going to help.

Moiving on is the focus.
Click to expand...

You dont think finding out if someone has committed adultery when you are looking to divorce them is a big deal?
 
omnomnom said:
You dont think finding out if someone has committed adultery when you are looking to divorce them is a big deal?
Click to expand...
Wait you think it'll make an iota of difference when there's children involved? You're incredibly naive if you think having proper grounds for divorce matters these days.
 
I can't remember who it was, but some American celebrity was basically like 'everyone cheats' when she was caught doing it.

And I actually agree with that notion. No point at all at bothering to purse a monogamous relationship anymore with how most people are nowadays.

You have a lot of stuff in the feminist circles also touting 'theres always a better man out there, Meghan Markle got a prince! You can too!!!'.

This mentality seems to drive everyone today. Most people are only interested in marriage for the social cred and the amount of money spent on the big party / event.
 
My dear BallistixOnZ490.

I believe the reason people look elsewhere is that fact the partnership stop trying.

It has been said that when you're first in love you sleep face to face as they might be gone in the morning. Then, you sleep back to back as you know they won't.

This sentiment runs deep as we take our partners for granted. Resentment grows and we look elsewhere.

I've been married for 10 years and that's a good thing.

Was it Shakespeare that said: "I would still plough some of my mate's missus given the chance, but equally, this would mean letting my mates plough my wife; this cancels the notion out".
 
Sorry to hear about that developing situation Mark. I have not experienced that part of it yet.

Ex is off on holiday with kids for a week next week so I need to navigate that set of new feelings next week too. I have booked that week off work too to get some huge bike rides in and get lots of diy done so should stay busy. But it will be tougher than normal.
 
Gengar said:
Sorry to hear about that developing situation Mark. I have not experienced that part of it yet.

Ex is off on holiday with kids for a week next week so I need to navigate that set of new feelings next week too. I have booked that week off work too to get some huge bike rides in and get lots of diy done so should stay busy. But it will be tougher than normal.
Click to expand...
It will be tough but the fact your planning stuff is good as it will help.

If your not on the bike on other days even just speaking to a friend, video call, a coffee etc helps. It's what's been helping me.

Luckily sorting seeing son has been easy so far, intact he is with me most of me this week
 
!bluetonic! said:
My dear BallistixOnZ490.

I believe the reason people look elsewhere is that fact the partnership stop trying.

It has been said that when you're first in love you sleep face to face as they might be gone in the morning. Then, you sleep back to back as you know they won't.

This sentiment runs deep as we take our partners for granted. Resentment grows and we look elsewhere.

I've been married for 10 years and that's a good thing.

Was it Shakespeare that said: "I would still plough some of my mate's missus given the chance, but equally, this would mean letting my mates plough my wife; this cancels the notion out".
Click to expand...

LOL so when you sleep in different rooms???
 
What's done is done.

Your face + new norks = :)

When my last girlfriend left me I was all like :(

But it became an internet sex adventure.

I got fit. Found a wife. Had two kids. Live in a lovely house. Got a little fat again. And have an impressive retro PC collection.

I even came to the conclusion that different partners may suit the different stages of your life. The partying years, the parent years, the travel years, the retirement years.

If you find one for all, you've done well.
 
!bluetonic! said:
What's done is done.

Your face + new norks = :)

When my last girlfriend left me I was all like :(

But it became an internet sex adventure.

I got fit. Found a wife. Had two kids. Live in a lovely house. Got a little fat again. And have an impressive retro PC collection.

I even came to the conclusion that different partners may suit the different stages of your life. The partying years, the parent years, the travel years, the retirement years.

If you find one for all, you've done well.
Click to expand...

Are your retro PC collection things in a thread here pictured (if i can type words in some order!!) ??? Linkages?
 
wasn't sure whether to write anything or not but figured what the hell. It'll probably come out as nonsense anyway.

Wife left me a few weeks ago now, finally moved the majority of her stuff out of the house yesterday. Early July we had a bit of a falling out, I was (and still am) convinced she met/was seeing someone else so I asked her. She took offence to this and it all got worse from there. She claims she's been unhappy for months but hasn't been able to tell me, only try and give me subtle hints. This is despite her actions being the opposite of someone who was unhappy (until last month), we did loads together and I thought had a great time, had a healthy sex life etc. We talked, agreed to give it a proper go but within a few days she admitted she didn't want it to work so hasn't been making an effort. Couple of her close friends have been round since for a chat and they were as surprised as I am, although they did say that she had been really distant recently which she isn't usually.

We don't have any kids together (I have 2 from a previous relationship, she has one), and thankfully the house is a rental so I'm staying here.

Think I'm finding it hard as feel like I wasn't given the chance to work on it even though she feels that she has been working on it for months. I know that her mind has been made up for a while so I need to accept and move on. I also need to accept that I won't be getting any closure from her in terms of any actual reasons for her leaving!

So, I'm a few weeks into this, back at the gym regularly, seeing my kids a bit more often than before (which was already a 50/50 split, but their mum has been great in allowing a bit more time here). They are both upset, but mainly because of the uncertainty surrounding whether they'll get to see their step-brother any time soon. Sleep is evading me a bit too much for my liking though.
 
HumanShield said:
wasn't sure whether to write anything or not but figured what the hell. It'll probably come out as nonsense anyway.

Wife left me a few weeks ago now, finally moved the majority of her stuff out of the house yesterday. Early July we had a bit of a falling out, I was (and still am) convinced she met/was seeing someone else so I asked her. She took offence to this and it all got worse from there. She claims she's been unhappy for months but hasn't been able to tell me, only try and give me subtle hints. This is despite her actions being the opposite of someone who was unhappy (until last month), we did loads together and I thought had a great time, had a healthy sex life etc. We talked, agreed to give it a proper go but within a few days she admitted she didn't want it to work so hasn't been making an effort. Couple of her close friends have been round since for a chat and they were as surprised as I am, although they did say that she had been really distant recently which she isn't usually.

We don't have any kids together (I have 2 from a previous relationship, she has one), and thankfully the house is a rental so I'm staying here.

Think I'm finding it hard as feel like I wasn't given the chance to work on it even though she feels that she has been working on it for months. I know that her mind has been made up for a while so I need to accept and move on. I also need to accept that I won't be getting any closure from her in terms of any actual reasons for her leaving!

So, I'm a few weeks into this, back at the gym regularly, seeing my kids a bit more often than before (which was already a 50/50 split, but their mum has been great in allowing a bit more time here). They are both upset, but mainly because of the uncertainty surrounding whether they'll get to see their step-brother any time soon. Sleep is evading me a bit too much for my liking though.
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear mate!

I don't normally jump to 'she's found someone else' as much as others seem to. However, from what you've said it sounds as though she has found someone else. She's been distant from friends which would suggest she has another distraction in her life. If it was simply a breakdown in a relationship then surely she would turn to her friends?
Also, it sounds like she used when you challenged her as an excuse to have an argument and took the opportunity to start the process.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things though, gym and seeing your kids more! Stay strong.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom