Things might seem bleak right now but I promise things will get better pal, believe me.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
Things might seem bleak right now but I promise things will get better pal, believe me.
Rough... try a new hobby.. find something to immerse yourself in? Go crazy at the gym (it will release those endorphins). Sounds like its out of your control so dont expend mental energy on it. Your kids will also enjoy more time with you!
Soldato
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- 26 Apr 2004
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- Wrexham
Seeing the kids so much more has been great. And I've kept the dog so he's being walked like never before!
Just (last Friday) had a funeral of a close family member to attend, which now we're past means hopefully I can concentrate on myself a bit more
Seeing the kids so much more has been great. And I've kept the dog so he's being walked like never before!
Just (last Friday) had a funeral of a close family member to attend, which now we're past means hopefully I can concentrate on myself a bit more
Good to hear.. you'll get there
So my 7.5 year long relationship came to an end on Tuesday, somewhat out the blue. We've got a 1 year old together and I just bought us a family home so we could properly start living like a family. She's taking my son to live back with her mum 150 miles away. Totally over. I'm lost beyond words. The two people i love most in the world are leaving me. I've treated her like crap for the last 2 years because of stress with a failed house purchase, pandemic, pregnancy and bringing up a baby with no support due to lock down, job redundancy, and the recent stress of buying this house, and she could only put up with me for so long until she's broken. My selfishness and negativity have caused so much pain to the girl I love, the mother of my beautiful child. I'd do anything to take it all back. I'll never forgive myself. How am I supposed to go on.
Why are you letting her take your child so far away? Cant you support your child, are you back in work?
I'm back in full time work, but have no child care support around me, no family or friends who could help out, and I wouldn't be able to afford the cost for 5 days child care. She doesn't work. My son will also be better off with her. She's a fantastic mother.
This. She sounds like she's trying, and succeeding, to maintain a degree of control over you. Cut her off.
Which is all well and fine and there's nothing wrong per se in keeping friends with ex's, as long as it is a positive friendship. But your post is using words like horrific and awful, which is showing this is anything but positive for you.
You sound like you think you're in control of your actions, just because you know what her game/motivation is, but in reality you are still letting her manipulate you and control the situation.
You're no longer responsible for her emotional needs and if she can't be just a neutral friend to you and plays games, then just cut ties with her completely and put your energies and focus on having a good time with someone else.
You sound like you think you're in control of your actions, just because you know what her game/motivation is, but in reality you are still letting her manipulate you and control the situation.
You're no longer responsible for her emotional needs and if she can't be just a neutral friend to you and plays games, then just cut ties with her completely and put your energies and focus on having a good time with someone else.
She maybe a fantastic mother but you probably should make sure you have good involvement in your child's life at such an early age. Otherwise it may come back to bite you in the backside later in life.
You only have yourself to blame.
Regardless of the her situation, shes your ex and an ex for a reason. You had no business replying her messages and keeping in contact. You walked right into her trap, so you cant blame her for anything.
I did have business to reply as she made contact with me, not the other way round.
I'm not blaming her for anything, in fact i'm making it clear i'm not wanting to be involved with any games she may or not be playing out, or to be put on any back burner.
Ignore, block, and move on. By maintaining contact (no matter who initiated it) you're playing her games and giving her the attention she wants. She'd be thrilled to know you've come here to tell the tale. The fact that you don't cut her off shows her that you just can't live without her, and she can continue to mess you about to keep you on the back burner. No matter what you say, your actions speak otherwise to her.
If you meet someone else and get a new girlfriend, you're just storing up trouble for yourself because you've let your ex believe she's still part of your life and has first dibs on your attention.
You could have not responded, if any of my ex's contacted me. They get ignored, end of story.
Unless you have kids with them, you have absolutely no reason to keep in contact with an ex.
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You didn't have to reply, you chose too.
You're really not. You're there at her beck and call - from your POV you are in charge, from hers and us outsiders, you are been played like a fiddle by her.
Listen to us, or don't, try to defend your actions if you want - but your ex is calling the shots here and that is never a good thing!
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Man of Honour
- Joined
- 21 Nov 2004
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Agreed. When my ex broke up with me I cut all contact with her. She had all these plans of being friends, meeting up, going for walks etc etc. Obviously in my head I wanted to get back together with her, but knew it was never going to happen (it helped talking things through here). I remember her last text message months later of ‘hope you had a good Christmas’ and I replied along the lines of ‘thanks, yes, spent it with my gfs family, yours?’. She was an ex for a reason, it would never work out anyway.
ooooof! Well played.
I've been married almost 20 years, got a FB message this year on my birthday, "happy birthday" from an ex - blocked!
This particular ex has popped up every now and again, one when her mum died - i spoke to her which ended in her calling me lots of names and reminding myself of why we broke up, FB friends request and a few other things, but these all either got ignored or shut down.
Man of Honour
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- 21 Nov 2004
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She deserved it too. Having been together for 5 years, having wined and dined her all weekend, only for her to dump me just as she got out of the car to catch her train. It was pretty brutal. Funny enough she didn’t reply to my message
and my then gf I’m still married to. Not without its ups and downs, but on a different level to being with my ex.