The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

I remember my mum walking out a few times in my childhood after arguing with my dad.

still married now, I think theyre over 65 years married now even.

some arguing is kinda normal, a lot of it is the extra stress of having kids.

my dad was of the mental attitude of men work and do DIY around the house, women do everything else.
 
Mark,
Regards the lawyer stuff and all the talk of assets. The more you can agree by yourselves the better all round. With a child involved I can see no viable reason why the parents should make it anymore difficult than it needs to be. It is no ones interest to screw the other, particularly if there is 50% custody. Our plans are to do what you are hoping to do - everything agreed/sorted up front and then just a simple legal dissolution of marriage with no further discussions required - I mean you effectively have 2 years to get it all done before you need to get a lawyer involved! We don't want to end up hating each other as that can only have a negative impact on our kids.
With both being in your thirties, there is plenty of time to recover financially. I think a lot of divorces become more complicated if you are in say your 50's. Too old to take on a new 25 year old mortgage, one person likely to have a far weaker pension etc etc.
But there is always a caveat. If you are getting shafted i.e. your ex does not let you see your son for example then you will need lawyer up if it cant be resolved.
I (we) may regret this approach but at the end of the day, if you are both good people why does it need to go south?
 
I split with my partner of 4years in march. After 1.5 months of no contact and us both seeing other people she reached out yesterday and wants me back. I never stopped loving her and it seems she has finally realised the same. Watch this space
 
Nodiggidy123 said:
I split with my partner of 4years in march. After 1.5 months of no contact and us both seeing other people she reached out yesterday and wants me back. I never stopped loving her and it seems she has finally realised the same. Watch this space
Click to expand...

You don't start seeing someone else then "realise" you love someone, she's just jealous because you're seeing someone else
 
Nodiggidy123 said:
I split with my partner of 4years in march. After 1.5 months of no contact and us both seeing other people she reached out yesterday and wants me back. I never stopped loving her and it seems she has finally realised the same. Watch this space
Click to expand...

Never, EVER. go back.
 
Nodiggidy123 said:
I split with my partner of 4years in march. After 1.5 months of no contact and us both seeing other people she reached out yesterday and wants me back. I never stopped loving her and it seems she has finally realised the same. Watch this space
Click to expand...

In my experience going back to an ex makes you remember why you split with them in the first place.

I went back to one of my exes twice. The third time it was terrible.
 
I split from my girlfriend at the beginning of this year, we were only together 3 years, but, it was topsy turvy for quite sometime before the end. I think we were just at different places in our lives. Anyway, we ended up still "seeing" each other for a month or so for you know what, but it was just heart ache and played more on my mind and on hers. She just wanted to keep that connection I guess, but I couldn't/can't do the friends thing after being in a relationship, as I wouldn't be interested in her new relationships and what she's been up to. So now I've cut all contact and i'll be honest it's made me feel much better and happier moving forward and not being stuck in what was, trying to keep a connection
 
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Nah, depends who ended it. If her, then she'll have to learn with that mistake. If you, then remind yourself of the reasons why, and then have a long hard think if you can truly ignore those reasons as it would be terrible to break up all over again for the same ****.

Move on would be my choice.

Then again my grandparents broke up and got back together, they were married over 60 years.
 
Only a few scenarios you can probably justify going back.

If it was something like distance where you lived too far apart but now you don't is one.

But if someone left because it was over and then came back? No. That said. Everyone is different
 
In more cases than not if a woman splits with you and then after a few months wants you back - the bloke they dumped you for has dumped them...
 
Mark1989 said:
I don't even know where to start with the divorce bit, of course we have split and isn't any going back but I don't know how costly divorce lawyers are.

When it comes to processing that I was assuming as its amicable and both agree its over and tbh there isn't any bad blood, no arguments currently etc, I'd of thought it be an easy job for a lawyer?

There are no assesets to divide up, no house ownership, etc.

As we're sorting days I have my son and she does privately along with money I'll pay for him each month it would make it easier?
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Try to keep it as amicable as possible. Make sure you are both very clear on what's been agreed to avoid hassle later on.

I divorced after 12 years, had a kid and house together. We agreed everything between us, before going to lawyers, and it saved a lot of time and money.

Be prepared for things to change in future. She might meet someone else, and may move. You might do the same. Think about that now, or it could come as a nasty surprise to your well-planned arrangements.
 
Nodiggidy123 said:
I split with my partner of 4years in march. After 1.5 months of no contact and us both seeing other people she reached out yesterday and wants me back. I never stopped loving her and it seems she has finally realised the same. Watch this space
Click to expand...


You said "seems". If she hasn't said those words I would avoid assuming. It may be she does but some of the more cynical members point out the risks of re-opening it all. Full and frank discussion needed
 
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