Soldato
Prepare to be invaded, being happy alone and having your **** together is a sure-fire way to have someone amazing turn up and wreck your plans
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Soldato
Beautiful things happen when you're not looking for them!Prepare to be invaded, being happy alone and having your **** together is a sure-fire way to have someone amazing turn up and wreck your plans
They'd have to be some next level **** to disturb this level of peace though
Soldato
How would people get around question on dates, how has dating been for you on here would you answer honestly or just say I havnt met right person yet? As I find this question abit tough to navigate. Been abit rough for me only in last year but don't really want to say that.
Associate
100% this! I was actively looking for a few years but not having much luck. Then when i was more involved in other pursuits and not that interested to be honest low and behold someone comes along. I was also the same age as @bingham67 when i met her. Im 42 this year and we met on Tinder of all places.
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Soldato
Beautiful things happen when you're not looking for them!
They'd have to be some next level **** to disturb this level of peace though
You appear to have self-censored the word “redhead” for some reason.
Seriously, women don't hold all the cards. They just think they do in a lot of cases. I've talked to a lot of women over the years who've dated online. The one thing that is clear is that as a woman you can look like an unattractive alien from star wars and still get 1000 messages a day from guys. 999 of those messages though are probably "hey, how are you?" Or similar. So there's this illusion of control.
Honestly a well crafted message and decent profile picture will do you wonders here as you stand out a bit from the crowd. Again, I'm no red pill guy but there's something to being comfortable and confident in your own skin. Personally I think this comes across from you having standards that must be met. For me it was things like, I won't date a smoker so if they're not quitting or willing to then it's a no go. I won't date single mums, not because I had a problem with them like some will but because I was a single Dad at the time getting any alone time was practically futile. But my list of standards was pretty extensive. Sometimes I relaxed them a bit and that was always a disaster like the absolutely gorgeous Nigerian girl I dated who practically tried to move me in to her house by the 3rd date and was pressuring me to get her pregnant within the week. Despite being a smoker (she said she was quitting) and having a 5 year old. (Poor lad asked if I was going to be his new Dad after a few days) Suffice to say I had a lucky escape there as when I refused to get her knocked up she turned vile.
The point is you're just as important in a relationship as the other person so don't compromise.
Honestly a well crafted message and decent profile picture will do you wonders here as you stand out a bit from the crowd. Again, I'm no red pill guy but there's something to being comfortable and confident in your own skin. Personally I think this comes across from you having standards that must be met. For me it was things like, I won't date a smoker so if they're not quitting or willing to then it's a no go. I won't date single mums, not because I had a problem with them like some will but because I was a single Dad at the time getting any alone time was practically futile. But my list of standards was pretty extensive. Sometimes I relaxed them a bit and that was always a disaster like the absolutely gorgeous Nigerian girl I dated who practically tried to move me in to her house by the 3rd date and was pressuring me to get her pregnant within the week. Despite being a smoker (she said she was quitting) and having a 5 year old. (Poor lad asked if I was going to be his new Dad after a few days) Suffice to say I had a lucky escape there as when I refused to get her knocked up she turned vile.
The point is you're just as important in a relationship as the other person so don't compromise.
Soldato
Haha actually I didn't message her a lot I thought this time I'd just wait until see replies.
It not something I've been use to tbh obviously have initial chats which die out. But a lot of women in past I've had chatting fair bit in a day, when someone dosnt message just feels like there not interested. I think not replying for a day is abit strange no contact at all in a day.
Also what would people recommend after you had the date not to send a message until hours after or wait for the girl to message? I've been abit guilty of messaging straight after date this hasn't hampered me in the past but maybe it a bad thing now?
Bloody hell dude! Do you have any self confidence?
Associate
Yeah I wouldn’t do that.
Prepare to be invaded, being happy alone and having your **** together is a sure-fire way to have someone amazing turn up and wreck your plans
Don't bet on it.
Soldato
Of course got another date lined up for Thursday.
I've got to be honest though once keep getting knocked back does knock the old confidence. I just notice it come up a lot more so in recent times very hard to answer question because it not gone so smooth for me.
Associate
Just make out you haven’t been on many dates due to time etc.
Congrats on the date!
But, the reason your feeling knocked is because you're actively pursuing a relationship as I mentioned above. Seriously, stop over thinking stuff. Be honest but playful, You've had plenty of dates, met some really interesting women but not really clicked yet. You just like to see how things go.
But, the reason your feeling knocked is because you're actively pursuing a relationship as I mentioned above. Seriously, stop over thinking stuff. Be honest but playful, You've had plenty of dates, met some really interesting women but not really clicked yet. You just like to see how things go.
Generic nonsense is surely the way? "I've met some interesting people and had fun, but none of them fit what I was looking for" or something like that?
Soldato
There are a hundred ways to put positive spin on answering that question! Vidar's got it nailed really. It's honest but also points out 1. You have standards/are looking for the right thing and 2. You're optimistic and not down about it.
Soldato
Having been in an abusive relationship for many years, I really don't want a relationship any more.
It also infers that he's got other options.
Having survived a physically and emotionally abusive relationship myself I can totally relate to that. The good news is you don't have to be in a relationship if you don't want to be. That may change in time, I know it did for me but if you decide to go down the casual route just be honest about it.
Soldato
Yea, this.
Until you feel good enough in yourself though, you'll always be wanted someone to tell you you're good enough and that's not what a balanced relationship is. As has been said, you're wracking up the dates, so you're clearly a catch in some sense, you just don't see it and you should. You don't want to always be the one thinking "I'm so lucky to have this girl" - nah man, she's lucky to have you, too. It's all about balance! She can't also be the same; needing you to constantly reassure her she's great, because that **** gets tiring really quickly. If you're both like that, all sorts of trust issues and self esteem stuff comes up badly.
Build a house on **** foundations, it won't last the storm
Take me for example, if my fiancee and I split up today for some reason. I know, despite being very overweight atm due to my disability and medications that I wouldn't be single forever if I didn't want to be. The simple fact of the matter is while I might have a more difficult time getting that initial match from looks. I know how to talk to women now and know that as a partner I still have a lot to offer the right person. I know I have value.
I also know I'm not in to game playing and have happily skipped over women who've tried it. Some of their reactions have been priceless as they're not used to it.
In fact, when I first started talking to my better half she had just started dating another guy. It wasn't serious yet but didn't want to give me the wrong idea. I told her, that was fine I was happy to continue getting to know her but just to be clear I was looking for more than friendship. She very quickly lost interest in the other guy.
The rest they say is history.
I also know I'm not in to game playing and have happily skipped over women who've tried it. Some of their reactions have been priceless as they're not used to it.
In fact, when I first started talking to my better half she had just started dating another guy. It wasn't serious yet but didn't want to give me the wrong idea. I told her, that was fine I was happy to continue getting to know her but just to be clear I was looking for more than friendship. She very quickly lost interest in the other guy.
The rest they say is history.