The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

I'll just offer a slither of hope. Sometimes I'll go days without responding to people. I'm usually a super fast responder myself, but sometimes my notifications play up on my phone etc and I'll miss messages especially if it's on an app I don't use as frequently. I don't know how you're contacting them :)

But even someone I'm on good terms with now I haven't spoken to her in 5 days, if I message her I know she'll be down for whatever. So while I'm busy, no point wasting it on repetitive small talk.
 
Depends what sort of employer she has. While she might have time to unlock to view, a response might be over the line to some employers...
Depends on history though, if she's been pretty forthcoming initially at similar times of day but now drifted off to not responding, then sad to say she not into you.
That may be because you are acting desperate and texting all the time which can become annoying during work hours.
Calm your **** and let it go where it goes, don't force it and certainly don't "challenge her" about it.
Rome wasn't built in a day!
 
Also stop waiting around, get on with your day and forget about the interaction you were hoping for and respond when you actually get one. If you don't get one, she's not "wasted your time" you just continued with your life..
 
Personality+ said:
I'll just offer a slither of hope. Sometimes I'll go days without responding to people. I'm usually a super fast responder myself, but sometimes my notifications play up on my phone etc and I'll miss messages especially if it's on an app I don't use as frequently. I don't know how you're contacting them :)

But even someone I'm on good terms with now I haven't spoken to her in 5 days, if I message her I know she'll be down for whatever. So while I'm busy, no point wasting it on repetitive small talk.
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Been on whatsapp since the first date.

But I get you the small talk can be abit annoying im just not used to it in experience not at this stage anyway maybe inital conversation falling apart.

Fuzz said:
Depends what sort of employer she has. While she might have time to unlock to view, a response might be over the line to some employers...
Depends on history though, if she's been pretty forthcoming initially at similar times of day but now drifted off to not responding, then sad to say she not into you.
That may be because you are acting desperate and texting all the time which can become annoying during work hours.
Calm your **** and let it go where it goes, don't force it and certainly don't "challenge her" about it.
Rome wasn't built in a day!
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Ye I havnt been sending loads of messages for the reason you say, I mean she isnt working this weekend for example she didnt message me until 3 hours after the date yesterday (date 3 as stated) hasnt replied to me today since last night (9:30pm) before she was out with a friend so she said.

Sometimes I get a lot of messages then it drifts into nothing for 24 hours.
 
bingham67 said:
Been on whatsapp since the first date.

But I get you the small talk can be abit annoying im just not used to it in experience not at this stage anyway maybe inital conversation falling apart.



Ye I havnt been sending loads of messages for the reason you say, I mean she isnt working this weekend for example she didnt message me until 3 hours after the date yesterday (date 3 as stated) hasnt replied to me today since last night (9:30pm) before she was out with a friend so she said.

Sometimes I get a lot of messages then it drifts into nothing for 24 hours.
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That doesn't sound overly avoidant, that just sounds like she has a life... unlike most of us posting tripe on the internet in the evenings :D
 
Seriously, I'm not into all that red pill alpha make bull **** but, Seriously the games people play with dating is just ridiculous. You've been on 3 dates with the girl and it sounds like it's gone okay. Ask for a fourth and see what she says rather than stressing about time between replies.

That said, unless you both really click I'd be keeping my options as open as possible. Until you have the talk You've not got any commitment.
 
Some people are just **** at replying to messages, I'm bad for that and always have been. As much as I'm sure my wife (and others) would prefer me to reply straight away sometimes I just read it and forget about it, or I'm too self-absorbed :D
 
Yea, I’ve been into women and not replied for a couple of days just because I was busy, or not in the mood to talk. People should have the freedom to reply when they want or when it’s convenient. The content of the messages matters more.
 
I dont feel a vibe personally if don't get reply at least same day. I'm used to women messaging all time so it's been abit different.

VincentHanna said:
Some people are just **** at replying to messages, I'm bad for that and always have been. As much as I'm sure my wife (and others) would prefer me to reply straight away sometimes I just read it and forget about it, or I'm too self-absorbed :D
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Unfortunately she replied this morning 1am a whole day and evening without a message.

This is what she said

Hi sorry late response, I’ve been a bit unsure how to reply to you as I’ve enjoyed spending time with you - But I don’t see this going any further. That being said, you seem like a very nice guy and I wish you all the best!
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I was nice with the reply but wish women would be more honest sometimes. I just said you should make feelings known after first date instead of stringing someone along it not nice. I believe she knew what she wanted as already stated here by a few who knows.

Loved old days where can meet for casual sick of trying to find relationship these days. All women seem to want or say now is they want a connection or relationship. The grind just seems to be a lot worse having to go through so many women dealing with straight up ghosting at times.
 
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bingham67 said:
I dont feel a vibe personally if don't get reply at least same day. I'm used to women messaging all time so it's been abit different.


Unfortunately she replied this morning 1am a whole day and evening without a message.

This is what she said



I was nice with the reply but wish women would be more honest sometimes. I just said you should make feelings known after first date instead of stringing someone along it not nice. I believe she knew what she wanted as already stated here by a few who knows.
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Honestly, I think you knew this was the case anyway
 
Sounds stupid but maybe she was unsure how you would take it don’t forget some men see it as a challenge when women say no

Live and learn next time just move on quicker
 
bingham67 said:
Your probably right I should have ended it really, just I really liked her and she took it to third date which is more then had for quite abit lately.
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So, now you know where you stand. Personally I wouldn't have told her off but that's just me.

I think your problem is that you're actively searching for a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I get it. But, from experience I've found this is the worst way to go, it's like the fact a guy wants commitment scares them off. Instead I found adopting a casual see how it goes attitude worked best and make it very clear from the beginning that's your intention.

That way you're not locked in. Date multiple women at the same time if you want and keep your options open. Stay relaxed and stick to what's really important for you in a partner, do you even know what traits and values are important to you? Trust me mate, do this and with luck you'll meet that someone who everything is just effortless with. Good luck mate.
 
bingham67 said:
I dont feel a vibe personally if don't get reply at least same day. I'm used to women messaging all time so it's been abit different.


Unfortunately she replied this morning 1am a whole day and evening without a message.

This is what she said



I was nice with the reply but wish women would be more honest sometimes. I just said you should make feelings known after first date instead of stringing someone along it not nice. I believe she knew what she wanted as already stated here by a few who knows.

Loved old days where can meet for casual sick of trying to find relationship these days. All women seem to want or say now is they want a connection or relationship. The grind just seems to be a lot worse having to go through so many women dealing with straight up ghosting at times.
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Maybe she wasn't sure after the first date and wanted to give it another try? (or maybe she just wanted free stuff from you? :D). But either way she has been honest with you by saying she doesn't feel that connection and what do you do, but berate her for this! She didn't ghost you etc, but had the balls to lay it out and let you move on without wondering if she likes you or not.

You sound a bit clingy tbh. Having flings is not the same as a relationship - maybe some self-reflection on how you treat/chat to women?
 
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fredwi said:
Sounds stupid but maybe she was unsure how you would take it don’t forget some men see it as a challenge when women say no

Live and learn next time just move on quicker
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Personally, I learned quite quickly if a girl says she's not interested or wants to end things the only thing to do is just accept it, wish them all the best and move on.
 
Sounded a bit desperate to take things further when there were no clear signs she wanted that.

Worrying about getting messages back within a certain timeframe is a signal you don't have many, if any, other options and that's an immediate turnoff for women if they get a whiff of it.

It sucks, but the dating market is full of people playing games instead of spelling it out for you, so if you want something serious out of it, you'll need to learn the plays.
 
fredwi said:
Sounds stupid but maybe she was unsure how you would take it don’t forget some men see it as a challenge when women say no

Live and learn next time just move on quicker
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Ye I get that women told me had men react angrily to no so hence ghosting. However I'm not that guy and she definitely seen that in the three dates.
Vidar said:
So, now you know where you stand. Personally I wouldn't have told her off but that's just me.

I think your problem is that you're actively searching for a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I get it. But, from experience I've found this is the worst way to go, it's like the fact a guy wants commitment scares them off. Instead I found adopting a casual see how it goes attitude worked best and make it very clear from the beginning that's your intention.

That way you're not locked in. Date multiple women at the same time if you want and keep your options open. Stay relaxed and stick to what's really important for you in a partner, do you even know what traits and values are important to you? Trust me mate, do this and with luck you'll meet that someone who everything is just effortless with. Good luck mate.
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Cheers for this sounds about what I need to do really.

ivrytwr3 said:
Maybe she wasn't sure after the first date and wanted to give it another try? (or maybe she just wanted free stuff from you? :D). But either way she has been honest with you by saying she doesn't feel that connection and what do you do, but berate her for this! She didn't ghost you etc, but had the balls to lay it out and let you move on without wondering if she likes you or not.

You sound a bit clingy tbh. Having flings is not the same as a relationship - maybe some self-reflection on how you treat/chat to women?
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She has been honest however not before me prizing it out of her she had not replied for over 24 hours so I left a hint and then it finally come out. She wasn't using me for free stuff as split bill for everything.

My experience by going to third date you must know if you like the person at that stage it starting to heat up.

I know flings are not the same as relationship I'm just saying in my experience it's not like old times. I could easily meet for fling types but they are not available anymore in my experience women want a relationship or deep connection not shag around now.

This has also been echoed by a lot of women I've chatted / spoken to. I know women have power on net dating I've been around game a long time there more men on apps then women so women have a lot of choice.
 
I personally think she was honest with you. Sounds like she wasn't sure but wanted to see, which is understandable and when she felt she wasn't getting that vibe let you know. I appreciate that level of honesty and lack of game playing.

Your need for messages and contact will come across as needy if you aren't careful and as has been said, it's like you NEED to find someone, when you shouldn't. If you do feel like that, a bit of inner work with yourself in finding yourself will work wonders.

I'm at a point where I really don't know if I have time for a full on partner. I just don't know how it would fit into my life, but if it did, it wouldn't be work, it would just feel right and compliment my current life, not change it completely. That is hard to find as I would want the same for them, too.

At the same time, I'm super comfortable with being in my own company. I love my life and don't feel the need to have someone in it, especially if it's not 100% right.
 
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