The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

nlel1975 said:
Yeah but you’re 6 foot 8, women love tall men and you’d find it easy finding another woman. Spare a thought for me 5 foot 9.5 a short arse not even the minimum 6 foot required standard these days.
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5 ft 9 is short ? ahahaha im about 6 inches shorter and I wouldn't say its that rare to see other men around my height out and about with partners. I think you are lacking confidence sir.
 
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Bassmansam said:
5 ft 9 is short ? ahahaha im about 6 inches shorter and I wouldn't say its that rare to see other men around my height out and about with partners. I think you are lacking confidence sir.
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I think its just your pool of people is much less. So when is hard anyway, it's even harder due to how many women exclude on height by default.


But just have to get on with it.
 
malachi said:
I was going to say the same.

Women lie about their weight and age.
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MadMossy said:
Do what most women do, lie.

I mean how many times have you seen a picture on a dating app and they have been nothing like advertised in person. Lost count is how many.
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No point in lieing about that one I'd say. It'll get you dates, but waste your time.


When I was dating a long time back the ones that "mislead" around the physical stuff just ended up wasting both our time.
 
413x said:
I think its just your pool of people is much less. So when is hard anyway, it's even harder due to how many women exclude on height by default.


But just have to get on with it.
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Thinking about it, woman around my height were never interested really. Only woman that are taller than me seemed to be, what that means i do not know but its worked out fine.
 
Bassmansam said:
Thinking about it, woman around my height were never interested really. Only woman that are taller than me seemed to be, what that means i do not know but its worked out fine.
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Must have amazing chat skillz or something? :D

I've always gone for tall women. I'm 5ft11 so although not tall, I'm not short. And clear the bar for most.
Gf is 5ft10 so nearly same height. I will ask if she would have dated me if I was 2 inches shorter!
 
I ended up married to a girl I met on Tinder who is a couple of inches taller than me. Being a short arse didn't seem to slow me down on dating apps.
 
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tom_e said:
I ended up married to a girl I met on Tinder who is a couple of inches taller than me. Being a short arse didn't seem to slow me down on dating apps.
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I only know one couple where the guy is shorter than the girl. Only one!
Even my 6ft1 female friend found someone 6ft5! One of my. Good male friends is quite short but his gf is shorter too.
 
Bassmansam said:
Thinking about it, woman around my height were never interested really. Only woman that are taller than me seemed to be, what that means i do not know but its worked out fine.
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i’m a shortun too. Missus is about the same height but absolutely doesn’t care about height. The fact i’m getting a dad bod on the other hand isn’t getting much approval…. i mean it’s not my fault she’s a feeder.
 
malachi said:
Height becomes less of an thing as women get older. But it's still important to many women, no different to men who prefer to date women younger than them.
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Women being short is a good ice breaker for conversation:

Her: Yeah I hate being short.
You: Do you think you'd like some more inches in you?
 
So, I never thought I'd be posting about my relationship possibly ending but here I am. Last night, out of the blue my fiancée had a breakdown and left to go get some space at her mother's for the week. Not because of me or anything I've done but because of the stress and strains around my eldest daughter from my previous relationship.

My daughter suffers greatly with her mental health after physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her mother. While we are getting help for her, her behaviour is extremely challenging a lot of the time. My fiancées mental health is also not the best due to historic sexual abuse which she's put off getting therapy for, for years. She's been on a waiting list for months at this point with no start date in sight.

While they used to be very close the two of them now have a very strained relationship. My daughter, because of her issues around her Mum and a weird sense of guilt about having a relationship with my fiancee. And, my fiancee for several reasons including feeling constantly feeling rejected by my daughter and also because due to the situation and our circumstances she can’t have another child that she desperately wants. There's other reasons such as my disability and health too, though.

So, last night she left, taking my youngest daughter with her saying she'd be back on Saturday and that she just needed space from my daughter. This then caused my eldest daughter to self harm for the first time in months as she feels responsible for it all, she's 12.

The problem is this doesn't really feel like "just space" to me. All the reasons she cited last night, while totally understandable are still going to be there "when" she comes back. Things aren't going to get any easier, in fact with both of them waiting to start therapy, plus my daughter finally starting back at school in September I suspect things are actually going to get worse. At least at first.

We've spoken several times today, but it's been difficult. While she promises she'll be back and apologies for hurting me etc she keeps mentioning unsustainable solutions for things to improve like expecting less from my daughter, expecting herself to work harder and do more house work etc all things she does more than her fair share of because I'm disabled. She also says she feels she is losing her self etc.

This is the first time she's ever left for space, the only time we've not been able to discuss things and make a plan to move forward with and the only time I've ever felt that my relationship was in severe danger of ending. I'm scared that she's going to come to the same conclusions that I have about things not getting any better. I love her more than anything but now it feels like it might not be enough and I'm distraught.
 
Sorry to hear all you're going through. Sounds like a lot for yourself, your daughter and the relationship.

Sometimes these things are almost "justifications" for leaving. Rather than just saying "I'm off because.. "

Especially if she's giving you vague ultimatums. That's what they sound like. Conditions you can't possibly achieve.
Its almost like a trap.

So the person (leaver) can say to themselves "I gave them a chance, but they failed". It's a way of making themselves feel less bad.

I hope this isn't the case.


Edit
I also know the strain of supporting a partner who is (through no fault of thier own) unable to help as much as planned. It's certainly added distance. And hers isn't that bad.

We had a chat about it just recently where she said "can't we do jobs together". But I said we can't as there's so many she can't do if I helped I'd be doing too much.

If it is this she should be honest.about it. But it is hard.


I guess the real issue in your post is you can't talk about it as she's gone for a break.


I guess you need to try and talk about it and see where it goes. Really sorry, this stuff is tough.
 
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