What's your take on bidets/bum sprays?

I hadn't realised the lengths people go to when having a simple poo.

"Everything OK in the bathroom, you seem to be taking a while, dinner's served?"

"Oh yes thanks, had a poo so I am now having a shower and changing my underwear, be out in about another quarter of an hour".

If there's conscription here in the UK some folk are going to have a bit of a shock...

"Where's the, err, little boy's room Sergeant Major?"

"Behind them nettles you `orrible little man, take a shovel and youv'e got two minutes".
 
Stu999 said:
How is the bird involved in your cleanliness routine?
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Go read some François Rabelais - https://toilet-guru.com/blog/46.html

But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains. And think not that the felicity of the heroes and demigods in the Elysian fields consisteth either in their asphodel, ambrosia, or nectar, as our old women here used to say; but in this, according to my judgment, that they wipe their tails with the neck of a goose, holding her head betwixt their legs
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SexyGreyFox said:
I grab toilet paper and put liquid soap on it, if there isn't any I put water on it.
There's no way I'm walking out of any bog not cleaning my botty with just dry paper.
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SexyGreyFox said:
I changed to toilet paper with liquid soap/water on it because Freefaller had a right go at me years ago for saying I used flushable wet wipes.
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How do you do that in work or other public toilet though? There isn’t a water tap for you to wet the paper or a liquid soap dispenser in the cubicle. Do you walk in, go in a cubicle, roll off handfuls of paper, take it to the sink and wet and soap it up, then bring it into the bog with you sitting on your lap while you poo!?

I consider myself a very clean person but reading stuff like this is truly wtf kind of material.
 
Lima said:
How do you do that in work or other public toilet though? There isn’t a water tap for you to wet the paper or a liquid soap dispenser in the cubicle. Do you walk in, go in a cubicle, roll off handfuls of paper, take it to the sink and wet and soap it up, then bring it into the bog with you sitting on your lap while you poo!?

I consider myself a very clean person but reading stuff like this is truly wtf kind of material.
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It's on par with a friend of mine. Totally normal gent until he got married. I was invited for dinner one evening to be greeted by him and his wife washing the potatoes and carrots in anti-bacterial soap.
 
Lima said:
How do you do that in work or other public toilet though? There isn’t a water tap for you to wet the paper or a liquid soap dispenser in the cubicle. Do you walk in, go in a cubicle, roll off handfuls of paper, take it to the sink and wet and soap it up, then bring it into the bog with you sitting on your lap while you poo!?
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Chris Wilson said:
I love how the majority of posters in here are coy even about where they live, yet are very eager to go into the minutiae of their toilet habits...

I favour the cleanliness of a bidet, there was already one in the bathroom when I bought this place, so I gave it a go and found it to my liking, even one of my peafowl approved.


peacock-in-bathroom.jpg
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OMG, a blue towel? Seriously.
 
Lima said:
Do you walk in, go in a cubicle, roll off handfuls of paper, take it to the sink and wet and soap it up, then bring it into the bog with you sitting on your lap while you poo!?
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Yes, some toilet paper with a bit of liquid soap or water isn't going to hurt me.
However, it is very rare I'm in that position, my poo's are in the morning before I go out and I very rarely have one out of that timezone.
At work I have a sink and psoap in the toilet cubicle I use.

You say WTF but would you wipe poo off your hands with just a piece of paper?
 
SexyGreyFox said:
Yes, some toilet paper with a bit of liquid soap or water isn't going to hurt me.
However, it is very rare I'm in that position, my poo's are in the morning before I go out and I very rarely have one out of that timezone.
At work I have a sink and psoap in the toilet cubicle I use.

You say WTF but would you wipe poo off your hands with just a piece of paper?
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It depends, am I going to eat with my anus?
 
SexyGreyFox said:
Yes, some toilet paper with a bit of liquid soap or water isn't going to hurt me.
However, it is very rare I'm in that position, my poo's are in the morning before I go out and I very rarely have one out of that timezone.
At work I have a sink and psoap in the toilet cubicle I use.

You say WTF but would you wipe poo off your hands with just a piece of paper?
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Your anus doesn’t need to be kept to quite the same standard as your hands all day long. As long as you wipe properly your inner bum crease just sits under 2 layers of clothes away from other people and surfaces.

Like someone else already said, you don’t eat with your arse; Or rub your eyes, scratch an itch or shake someone else’s hand…. With your arse.

Edit - congratulations on your clockwork poos. I seriously wish I could be like that!
 
Well, that's very true, I have learned that if you were to go out for a few pints with some of them and they suggested it was time to go, and they were just popping to the loo, I'd buy myself a couple of more pints as they may be some considerable time attaining their level of anal oerfection :)
 
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