**The Mental Health Thread**

I guess my destination is - get my health improved even more, get fit again and start living life a lot more. I'm also trying to get my flat sorted and organised (i.e. sorting through stuff I need to get rid of) as I'm thinking of looking into adoption if I can. I'm not rushing into it though as I know I need to focus on myself first.

I've been told lately that I'm not being selfish enough and putting other people's needs before my own (i.e. family) so I'm trying to learn to work on that and not take on my mum's stresses as well as my own.

I'm not exactly happy at work right now either but I've no idea what to get into next :/
 
Sorry to burden you guys with this,

But I need to get it of my chest.

I've done all I can in life, family money, its all fine.

But now literally no one gives a **** about me, my parents are elderly and very frail, I literally have no one to turn to, no friends, my sibling is a self centred snob.

So I've come to the conclusion that it must be me, I am unpalatable to other people.

I wondering why I bother to live anymore, I have thought like this for some time. I think if I had a gun I would just blow my brains out.

I literally see no escape from the trap I am in, although in reality I'm in a good place, I don't have the self esteem to be able to live with a lack of support and respect from others.
Work is good, for the first time I would rather be at work than at home.
But I see that as awful.

Edited to add, I really have no idea how to get myself out of this, I realise no one on here can help but it's good to write down what I am feeling.
 
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Sorry to hear of your troubles, genuinely i am. I may be a parrot in terms of advice but reach out to somoene ASAP. Speak to your doctor and get referred for therapy if possible. If you can afford prvate therapy then i recommend you go down that route ASAP. If you are really really struggling right this moment call a helpline such as MIND/Samaritans etc. Things can and do get better with professional help.
 
singularity said:
Sorry to burden you guys with this,

But I need to get it of my chest.

I've done all I can in life, family money, its all fine.

But now literally no one gives a **** about me, my parents are elderly and very frail, I literally have no one to turn to, no friends, my sibling is a self centred snob.

So I've come to the conclusion that it must be me, I am unpalatable to other people.

I wondering why I bother to live anymore, I have thought like this for some time. I think if I had a gun I would just blow my brains out.

I literally see no escape from the trap I am in, although in reality I'm in a good place, I don't have the self esteem to be able to live with a lack of support and respect from others.
Work is good, for the first time I would rather be at work than at home.
But I see that as awful.

Edited to add, I really have no idea how to get myself out of this, I realise no one on here can help but it's good to write down what I am feeling.
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You say you see no escape from the trap you’re in but things can change pretty quickly in life. I think if you continue to have the mindset you have you’ll struggle to get out of the trap. I think an open mind and and a willingness to get out of your current mindset and maybe out of your comfort zone will help.

You’ll be fine. Chin up.
 
youdsy said:
You say you see no escape from the trap you’re in but things can change pretty quickly in life. I think if you continue to have the mindset you have you’ll struggle to get out of the trap. I think an open mind and and a willingness to get out of your current mindset and maybe out of your comfort zone will help.

You’ll be fine. Chin up.
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Honestly thanks for the comment, but I am actually getting on a bit now and I really can't see an upside.

I can't even tell my family, I can't tell my parents.

I really have no where to turn, I feel I've tried really hard to keep going, but so many things are closing in on me.
 
singularity said:
Honestly thanks for the comment, but I am actually getting on a bit now and I really can't see an upside.

I can't even tell my family, I can't tell my parents.

I really have no where to turn, I feel I've tried really hard to keep going, but so many things are closing in on me.
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Get in touch with the docs buddy, if nothing else it will be someone with an impartial ear, and in most cases they’re in that job as they live to help people.

Take things one step at a time, if you can get an appointment made then that’s a massive step in the right direction. Then head on down and see what the next step is and try work out the best way to take that step.

It might seem like an insurmountable task to get back on the road to feeling different to how you do now, but one step in the right direction is still a successful day!

Do you have any hobbies or projects you do to fill your spare time? Maybe worth trying something new you’ve always wanted to try?

Drop me a trust message if you want someone to shoot the **** with mate :)
 
Thanks mate,
I've been to the docs about it, I'm taking my meds,
I've been to councelling.

Fundementally I get no respect in any way from anyone except work and I'm thinking of retirement.

Writing all this at least helps me focus, everything is far too complicated to burden anyone else, what's more I have done my absolute best and been more than reasonable, I am the one who ends up paying for everything, I put a roof over everyone's head. I pay for cars, petrol, food, electricity, gas, council tax, broadband, insurance, the list goes on.
Yet no one gives a...

I just want to escape.

Hopefully at least the last couple of posts have helped me put things in context.

Thanks to the forum owners for allowing people like me to post this drivel.
 
It's not drivel at all mate. Those are very legitimate feelings that you've given context to.

This is one reason this thread is important: I think for a lot of us we don't get insight into how other people feel. I reckon it would be quite common for men to feel the way you do as we're often responsible for supporting our families single-handed (financially at least). Combine that with the fact we often don't have a chance/place to express these feelings and it ends in frustration.

I'm 31 and even just with my partner, I often feel I take the entire burden of responsibility for practical things in our life. It's mentally tiring and can feel underappreciated. It's good to know I'm not the only one and to talk about it.

So, thank you for posting.
 
singularity said:
Thanks mate,
I've been to the docs about it, I'm taking my meds,
I've been to councelling.

Fundementally I get no respect in any way from anyone except work and I'm thinking of retirement.

Writing all this at least helps me focus, everything is far too complicated to burden anyone else, what's more I have done my absolute best and been more than reasonable, I am the one who ends up paying for everything, I put a roof over everyone's head. I pay for cars, petrol, food, electricity, gas, council tax, broadband, insurance, the list goes on.
Yet no one gives a...

I just want to escape.

Hopefully at least the last couple of posts have helped me put things in context.

Thanks to the forum owners for allowing people like me to post this drivel.
Click to expand...

Certainly not drivel mate, getting these things off your chest is important and this is the perfect place to do it.

Is there anyone outside of work with who you could raise how you feel?

It sounds like a tough situation to be in though, I’m lucky enough to not have anyone depending on me, however I do have probably another 40 years of work left before retirement :p
 
Taking on everyone else’s problems and paying for everything certainly won’t help.

My uncle is exactly like that and his mental health is atrocious, you will never be respected if you can be walked all over and are seen as the source of handouts whenever needed.

That probably sounds a little blunt but you definitely need to be a little more selfish if you want to get out of your current mindset.
 
singularity said:
Sorry to burden you guys with this,

But I need to get it of my chest.

I've done all I can in life, family money, its all fine.

But now literally no one gives a **** about me, my parents are elderly and very frail, I literally have no one to turn to, no friends, my sibling is a self centred snob.

So I've come to the conclusion that it must be me, I am unpalatable to other people.

I wondering why I bother to live anymore, I have thought like this for some time. I think if I had a gun I would just blow my brains out.

I literally see no escape from the trap I am in, although in reality I'm in a good place, I don't have the self esteem to be able to live with a lack of support and respect from others.
Work is good, for the first time I would rather be at work than at home.
But I see that as awful.

Edited to add, I really have no idea how to get myself out of this, I realise no one on here can help but it's good to write down what I am feeling.
Click to expand...

Good morning mate, are you on Facebook because if you are a guy I used to work with has set this up:-

https://www.facebook.com/Men-Talk-2...DTFymvOd5vDo6QdfIDHHnEHq6Xn3pmzwYVcE&fref=tag

I've not been yet as every meeting has so far been scheduled for whilst I'm away with work but there has been some real positive press for it in my local area and they were nominated for a community award recently. They will talk over the net as well
 
It's not often I post about feelings etc. So this isn't easy for me. It's half relationship, half mental health. I think I'd rather post it here.

I'm late 30s.

Almost 3 years ago I met someone special (she's late 40s). We were great friends. She had feelings for me, I did have feelings for her but didn't want anything at that time. 8 months on, we ended up getting together. She has two kids (mid-late teens). I have none (just didn't want any). In the beginning, they were 50-50 with their Dad. We had a great relationship when it was just us, and sometimes when kids were around. Her ex is a bit crazy and kids started spending more time with my ex. This caused no end of issues as they're hard work and I'm pretty inflexible. I know my failings (and beat myself up about them). I ended things last November (2018).

She dated someone (multiple), I dated someone (for 3 weeks). I still want her! We've discussed things, had sex recently...I want things (she knows this), I really don't think she does (not confirmed but she's coming over to my house tonight). She doesn't want to lose my friendship. We text every morning, multiple times during day and bedtime. This has always been the case.

It's eating me alive from the inside. I'm a wreck. It's consuming my waking moments. I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to free my brain from thinking about it.

I have friends but they have their own lives. My family are cool, but not the type to offer much in the way of practical support.
 
Megahurtz400 said:
Certainly not drivel mate, getting these things off your chest is important and this is the perfect place to do it.

Is there anyone outside of work with who you could raise how you feel?

It sounds like a tough situation to be in though, I’m lucky enough to not have anyone depending on me, however I do have probably another 40 years of work left before retirement :p
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thank you for your comments I will think about this.
 
Ayahuasca said:
Taking on everyone else’s problems and paying for everything certainly won’t help.

My uncle is exactly like that and his mental health is atrocious, you will never be respected if you can be walked all over and are seen as the source of handouts whenever needed.

That probably sounds a little blunt but you definitely need to be a little more selfish if you want to get out of your current mindset.
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this is very true and I think I have reached this point, the trouble is you want your kids (young adults) to be happy and settled.

Maybe we have to try harder to cut the apron strings.
 
Maundie said:
Good morning mate, are you on Facebook because if you are a guy I used to work with has set this up:-

https://www.facebook.com/Men-Talk-2158679080895156/?__tn__=,dkC.g-R&eid=ARDNMVr6eTI4QJIEPA0yPok7gI80rXTF5I1C1MFELIVPht8fXLxQGqosYgSbgFhas5DgLfyO-gCTqBDT&hc_ref=ARTx6NUJgHlxpmoBqXbbR1bBq5gMHNTDTFymvOd5vDo6QdfIDHHnEHq6Xn3pmzwYVcE&fref=tag

I've not been yet as every meeting has so far been scheduled for whilst I'm away with work but there has been some real positive press for it in my local area and they were nominated for a community award recently. They will talk over the net as well
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thanks very much for this I may look into it, at the moment I'm recovering from a few emotional shocks.
 
singularity said:
thank you for your comments I will think about this.
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No worries at all mate, always about to lend an ear if you need to get stuff off your chest!

singularity said:
this is very true and I think I have reached this point, the trouble is you want your kids (young adults) to be happy and settled.

Maybe we have to try harder to cut the apron strings.
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I’m lucky enough to have parents and grandparents that would do/pay for anything and I ask (not that I ever do ask) and really laid back as well haha! While I’m certainly not moaning as I’ve got an absolutely easy life due to always having them to fall back on, but I do wish sometimes they were a touch on the harsher side when I was younger as it would have made me get on my own two feet sooner rather than later :)

Not really sure what I trying to say, but it could be a good thing to cut the apron strings as you say :)
 
singularity said:
Thanks mate,
I've been to the docs about it, I'm taking my meds,
I've been to councelling.

Fundementally I get no respect in any way from anyone except work and I'm thinking of retirement.

Writing all this at least helps me focus, everything is far too complicated to burden anyone else, what's more I have done my absolute best and been more than reasonable, I am the one who ends up paying for everything, I put a roof over everyone's head. I pay for cars, petrol, food, electricity, gas, council tax, broadband, insurance, the list goes on.
Yet no one gives a...

I just want to escape.

Hopefully at least the last couple of posts have helped me put things in context.

Thanks to the forum owners for allowing people like me to post this drivel.
Click to expand...
I don't mean to be condescending and I'm hopeless at taking my own advice. You need to help somebody else or at least one other to get your mind off your own troubles. Often I've sat back and thought how wonderful it would be if there were at least one person out there who could be sympathetic and help me somehow with my issues. It never happens. I'm not even hinting at or suggesting you or anybody should help me. I've an initial counselling session due on the 23rd and I know it's not going anywhere. I tried before and I lied through my teeth on the assessment because I knew that if I told them how I really felt they would lock me up. So here we are again, except that this time I was referred to the counselor by the GP. When I lied the counselor told me I didn't require the service. |The assessment was also conducted in a secure room, which I didn't like one bit. I'm back in the same situation not knowing what to do?
Anyway, give it a go. Go out there and find one person you might be able to do some good with and reignite that spark. Hopefully it might be able to help you.
 
GeordieStew said:
It's not often I post about feelings etc. So this isn't easy for me. It's half relationship, half mental health. I think I'd rather post it here.

I'm late 30s.

Almost 3 years ago I met someone special (she's late 40s). We were great friends. She had feelings for me, I did have feelings for her but didn't want anything at that time. 8 months on, we ended up getting together. She has two kids (mid-late teens). I have none (just didn't want any). In the beginning, they were 50-50 with their Dad. We had a great relationship when it was just us, and sometimes when kids were around. Her ex is a bit crazy and kids started spending more time with my ex. This caused no end of issues as they're hard work and I'm pretty inflexible. I know my failings (and beat myself up about them). I ended things last November (2018).

She dated someone (multiple), I dated someone (for 3 weeks). I still want her! We've discussed things, had sex recently...I want things (she knows this), I really don't think she does (not confirmed but she's coming over to my house tonight). She doesn't want to lose my friendship. We text every morning, multiple times during day and bedtime. This has always been the case.

It's eating me alive from the inside. I'm a wreck. It's consuming my waking moments. I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to free my brain from thinking about it.

I have friends but they have their own lives. My family are cool, but not the type to offer much in the way of practical support.
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I read this last night and it reminded me of when I was much younger.

Relationship break ups or even unrequited love for some one can be very hard especialy if you still have feelings for them and the relationship didnt end because of hatred or boredem on your part.

It is very much like the feeling of grief of a loved one, as technicaly that is what it is. I dont have any real advice for you Im afraid but just know that everyone would have or at least should have had this experience at some stage in their life.

While I know it is causing you some mental issues it might be better to put this in the ocuk relationship, counselling and hugs thread where Im sure many people will be better to console or at least reasure you it is a common issue.

https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/t...ionship-counselling-and-hugs-thread.18395839/
 
Thanks @Tony Edwards, it's not so much the relationship I need help with. But the fact that

a) very little brings me joy (real pleasure and joy)
b) I obsess over everything to death

I think a clean break would have been easier on my mental health.
 
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