The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Simple truths @joelk2 you have oneitis a very dangerous condition for your mental and heart health. Plus is unattractive to females.

You mean absolutely nothing to a female unless you been inside her.

Your unicorn is craving the father of her alpha spawn, trying to attract his attention. He means something to her.

Raising his kid is playing his saved game.

Solution: she is a plate, keep her spinning in the background while you look for another plate to spin. Then broken plates don't = broken hearts.
 
Simple truths @joelk2 you have oneitis a very dangerous condition for your mental and heart health. Plus is unattractive to females.

You mean absolutely nothing to a female unless you been inside her.

Your unicorn is craving the father of her alpha spawn, trying to attract his attention. He means something to her.

Raising his kid is playing his saved game.

Solution: she is a plate, keep her spinning in the background while you look for another plate to spin. Then broken plates don't = broken hearts.
Put down the Galliano.
 
How do you divorced folk get on with accepting a new partners kids?

This seems to be my biggest challenge since divorcing. The relationship is great, but the kids are a challenge for me mentally. I suspect its because my son went back with my ex wife to her home country meaning harder for access.

nothing wrong with the kids, I just want more of my own i guess.
 
How do you divorced folk get on with accepting a new partners kids?

This seems to be my biggest challenge since divorcing. The relationship is great, but the kids are a challenge for me mentally. I suspect its because my son went back with my ex wife to her home country meaning harder for access.

nothing wrong with the kids, I just want more of my own i guess.

The simple solution would be to date someone who doesn't have kids, less of an impact on you mentally. Doesn't help when you cant see your own kid.
 
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Simple truths @joelk2 you have oneitis a very dangerous condition for your mental and heart health. Plus is unattractive to females.

You mean absolutely nothing to a female unless you been inside her.

Your unicorn is craving the father of her alpha spawn, trying to attract his attention. He means something to her.

Raising his kid is playing his saved game.

Solution: she is a plate, keep her spinning in the background while you look for another plate to spin. Then broken plates don't = broken hearts.
I understand your analogy but I’m not sure it applies. apprieciate the input though. Maybe I’m blind by it all, but only time will tell.
I’m hoping to meet up with her today. So I can ask questions and easily read the answers.
 
Let us know how it goes Joelk2.
My ex got keys to her house the other day so has started moving in (12 months "separated" under the same roof, throughout lockdown:eek:). AS we have 3 kids it will take a wee while before she can move out fully as we both agreed she can have time to get the furniture assembled, rooms painted etc as we didn't want them spending time there in an empty house. Relations very strained as she is very emotional this week at the physical act about moving out now for real. Kids are OK, I picked them up yesterday after work from her house and they were happy as larry talking about the new house which was very reassuring and a big weight off my shoulders as worried how they would actually take it (despite knowing it was coming and seeing the house getting built at the end of our street). Hardest part was the past 2 nights my daughter (3 yo) has been looking out her window at bedtime crying asking where mummy was. Gut wrenching.
 
Let us know how it goes Joelk2.
My ex got keys to her house the other day so has started moving in (12 months "separated" under the same roof, throughout lockdown:eek:). AS we have 3 kids it will take a wee while before she can move out fully as we both agreed she can have time to get the furniture assembled, rooms painted etc as we didn't want them spending time there in an empty house. Relations very strained as she is very emotional this week at the physical act about moving out now for real. Kids are OK, I picked them up yesterday after work from her house and they were happy as larry talking about the new house which was very reassuring and a big weight off my shoulders as worried how they would actually take it (despite knowing it was coming and seeing the house getting built at the end of our street). Hardest part was the past 2 nights my daughter (3 yo) has been looking out her window at bedtime crying asking where mummy was. Gut wrenching.
One thing I learnt was that kids are way more resilient than they get credit for.
Things will get easier that’s for sure!
just keep reassuring her that things will be ok!


12 months in the same house must’ve been hard. I had 6 months before I moved out but I was landscaping the garden during that time so could direct my energy elsewhere. Apart from that there was no change between us. We had slept in different rooms for years.


Well I met up with her today and totally chickened out of asking her anything. I just wanted to enjoy the time with her and not put a dampener on the situation. She seemed fine and the meeting was a success in my eyes.
 
Oh FFS. bought the girl some flowers. She posted them to Instagram with no mentions of me apart from me putting a smiley face in the comments and my ex has liked the photo and then messaged me saying it would be courteous if we’d told each other if we were seeing someone. Meeting in a car park twice doesn’t constitute seeing someone.

Happy Easter everyone.:cry:
 
Oh FFS. bought the girl some flowers. She posted them to Instagram with no mentions of me apart from me putting a smiley face in the comments and my ex has liked the photo and then messaged me saying it would be courteous if we’d told each other if we were seeing someone. Meeting in a car park twice doesn’t constitute seeing someone.

Happy Easter everyone.:cry:

Sounds like she's just jealous that you've seemingly moved on first. Also, why is she stalking your Instagram, she's the one who wanted out of the relationship :confused:

Happy Easter!
 
Sounds like she's just jealous that you've seemingly moved on first. Also, why is she stalking your Instagram, she's the one who wanted out of the relationship :confused:

Happy Easter!
I have no idea. She would have had to stalk this girls Instagram to see it. It wouldn’t just show up on mine.
It’s now jeopardised the new relationship as she’s saying she doesn’t want hassle. Gutted to say the least :(
 
I have no idea. She would have had to stalk this girls Instagram to see it. It wouldn’t just show up on mine.
It’s now jeopardised the new relationship as she’s saying she doesn’t want hassle. Gutted to say the least :(
An ex liking a photo of hers is now deemed "hassle"?
 
I have no idea. She would have had to stalk this girls Instagram to see it. It wouldn’t just show up on mine.
It’s now jeopardised the new relationship as she’s saying she doesn’t want hassle. Gutted to say the least :(
If it's really over and if there is no further hope then I'd be replying with a goodbye along the lines of "That's a shame as I thought we were really going places together. She's not in the picture anymore. I've moved on to better things. But she seems to have heard about my smallish lottery win and I think she was hoping to get back with me. Anyway I hope you find what you're looking for. Good luck for the future" :D
 
An ex liking a photo of hers is now deemed "hassle"?
The hassle was she’s been through a similar situation previously. An ex made her life hell.

I’ve told the ex now anyways. That we need boundaries and need to respect each other privacy. She admitted she was being nosy and liked it by accident.
 
I have no idea. She would have had to stalk this girls Instagram to see it. It wouldn’t just show up on mine.
It’s now jeopardised the new relationship as she’s saying she doesn’t want hassle. Gutted to say the least :(

Hang on. I thought you said this was going great and everything was terrific? Now your ex makes a social media post and suddenly the new woman wants to dump you despite the fact she's still posting social media to her own ex? Because of "hassle"?

I think she's projecting her own emotions onto you (feelings for her own ex), and you're the one wearing the rosy spectacles.
 
Hang on. I thought you said this was going great and everything was terrific? Now your ex makes a social media post and suddenly the new woman wants to dump you despite the fact she's still posting social media to her own ex? Because of "hassle"?

I think she's projecting her own emotions onto you (feelings for her own ex), and you're the one wearing the rosy spectacles.
You’re probably right.
I’m just playing it cool from now on. I’ve told the new girl that it was wrong of my ex to like the photo. I obviously want to continue but ultimately it’s up to her how she wants to play it. I’ve left it as that.

My ex will be staying out of it now we’ve had a chat. It was very polite between us but we’ve removed each other from all social media platforms to stop the need to snoop (profiles are locked down as far as privacy goes)
 
An ex liking a photo of hers is now deemed "hassle"?

It's not hassle but I do get it. She's new on the scene and she's against someone who previously had a lot of history including children with the person she's just casually chatting to


If you @joelk2 have no plans on getting with your ex then imo drop her from your social media.
 
I have no idea. She would have had to stalk this girls Instagram to see it. It wouldn’t just show up on mine.
It’s now jeopardised the new relationship as she’s saying she doesn’t want hassle. Gutted to say the least :(

Sounds more like she's using that as an excuse. If you like someone surely you wouldn't let something so trivial get in the way. It's not like you two are official etc, you're still getting to know each other.

I wouldn't personally treat it as "hassle" until other stuff happened. Trust me I had an ex do way worse yet no one ever said to me it was hassle. They showed support.
 
It's not hassle but I do get it. She's new on the scene and she's against someone who previously had a lot of history including children with the person she's just casually chatting to


If you @joelk2 have no plans on getting with your ex then imo drop her from your social media.
Already done. She was only kept on them as I thought she would respect my privacy and stay out of my business which was clearly the incorrect assumption.
 
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