The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[secretspy]

Men always want their sexual needs met in a relationship and its the main reason why they go exercising their options with other women if those needs are not met in that relationship. Then the woman is sitting their clueless wondering why their man got into bed with another woman

well the bloke could just end the relationship and then go and have his "sexual needs" met by someone else why stay in an unhappy relationship with someone.

It works both ways. Some men seem to think it's always the woman's fault as to why they're not having sex. Maybe they should take a look in the mirror.

 

[Steampunk]

well the bloke could just end the relationship and then go and have his "sexual needs" met by someone else

And lose his kids, his house, his income, his pension, all to the degree that would make it impossible to start over again. When a woman decides to end the relationship, she gets to keep everything without the annoying husband.

It works both ways. Some men seem to think it's always the woman's fault as to why they're not having sex. Maybe they should take a look in the mirror.

How many people are in sexless marriages, yet are expected to still be monogamous to the person who doesn't want to have intimacy with them any more? It's one important aspect of a relationship that could be fixed, instead of throwing away a whole life that they might be satisfied with.

 

[secretspy]

And lose his kids, his house, his income, his pension, all to the degree that would make it impossible to start over again. When a woman decides to end the relationship, she gets to keep everything without the annoying husband.

Not necessarily. My brother kept his kids. Ex-wife didn't want them. The only reason she has one of the boys now is because she wants maintenance payments for him. Also, you're only referring to a scenario where the man is married etc. What about men who don't live with their partners, have no kids etc but cheat on their girlfriends regularly, claiming its because they're not getting any from her?

How many people are in sexless marriages, yet are expected to still be monogamous to the person who doesn't want to have intimacy with them any more? It's one important aspect of a relationship that could be fixed, instead of throwing away a whole life that they might be satisfied with.

I never said it was something that couldn't be fixed. I was quoting a post I didn't agree with, hence the to indicate my sarcasm

I've said it many times and I'll say it again...

Relationships only work if you communicate with each other.

 

[malachi]

well the bloke could just end the relationship and then go and have his "sexual needs" met by someone else why stay in an unhappy relationship with someone.

Ok, replace the word "relationship" with "marriage" then come tell me why they stay when divorce benefits the woman 99.9% of the time when they get to keep everything and the man walk away with nothing or the bare minimum.

But still men want sex, simple as that. We get it from whoever we can, we are dogs like that Bang anything, we dont need an emotional connection to be happy or not as long as we are getting sex.

It works both ways. Some men seem to think it's always the woman's fault as to why they're not having sex. Maybe they should take a look in the mirror.

I agree, it works both ways. But its men going elsewhere if the not getting sex in the relationship. When you ask the women why...what's their usually response "because I wasn't happy" OK.....give me a reason why you are not happy......? It tends not to be a solid answer, nothing like "oh, you got fat so I didn't want to have sex with you anymore" That's a fair game as the man should keep his health in check and not get fat and lazy within the relationship.

 

[LuckyBenski]

If you don't like the setup, get a pre-nup. Nothing is an excuse for cheating, what makes you think, or want to suggest to others, that it's ok?

If you don't like your job, do you sell your company's IP to a competitor? Or do you resign and find a job you like?

Also why use sex as the single reason to behave this way, when in reality having any of your major needs go unmet is reason to be unhappy in a relationship. Unless you think men are only in it for the sex?

 

[malachi]

Yeah....try and get someone to sign a pre-nup and see if the other person doesn't start asking questions such as "Dont you trust me????"

But on a serious note, none of the men I know talk to women in the clubs, bars, dating apps just for fun or attention. We do it because we can sex with women....or try at least !

If a women openly said "I want a relationship etc but I will never have sex with you" How many men would want to be with her?!!?

 

[RxR]

Alternatively, state that 2 more children are required. An old rogue I once knew had a standard: 'if you wouldn't breed it, dont feed it". He was a farmer.

 

[Steampunk]

If you don't like the setup, get a pre-nup. Nothing is an excuse for cheating, what makes you think, or want to suggest to others, that it's ok?

Prenups don't really count in UK courts, and there's many ways of nullifying them in other countries too.

While cheating is bad, it's only the woman that can do it, trigger a divorce, and still walk away with all the important things in their life. If a man cheats, he tends to lose everything, if a woman cheats, she tends to get everything. I've seen men have their lives wrecked because the woman decided to cheat and get divorced.

 

[Captain]

Back on the search again.

Met someone a few nights ago and it went good, met them again last night and things didn’t feel right, not sure whether we’ve both lost interest or we’re just not compatible but either way I’ve let her know that it’s not going to work and the best of luck finding what she wants.

 

[joelk2]

Bang anything, we dont need an emotional connection to be happy or not as long as we are getting sex.

Not always the case though, I'd love to just bang anything but unless i have a connection with the person then i wouldnt. i had a FWB in the past (pre wife) and i knew what she was in it for whereas i really liked the girl and would rather it had gone somewhere.

 

[Nodiggidy123]

Split up with my partner of 4 years when she ended it at the end of March the relationship was rocky quite early and become quite toxic. We both had behaviours which weren't right.

But now that she's gone. I feel lost. I want to get myself back into the world of dating but I just can't. I'm not over her by a long chalk.

Going to try and find myself. I'm getting my first tattoo next week and going to learn how to scuba dive. Time to write my bucket list.

 

[Terminal_Boy]

Not always the case though, I'd love to just bang anything but unless i have a connection with the person then i wouldnt. i had a FWB in the past (pre wife) and i knew what she was in it for whereas i really liked the girl and would rather it had gone somewhere.

They might not say so, but in an FWB situation, there’s usually one party that would happily make it a BF/GF arrangement.

That was certainly the case for me. She wanted an on demand BF and I wanted a full time GF.

 

[LuckyBenski]

They might not say so, but in an FWB situation, there’s usually one party that would happily make it a BF/GF arrangement.

That was certainly the case for me. She wanted an on demand BF and I wanted a full time GF.

I feel that if you enter into an FWB situation hoping for more, you're setting yourself for hurt and it's a little bit unfair on the person who thinks they're getting a simple arrangement. I appreciate in reality, sometimes we aren't 100% true to ourselves / don't realise that our decisions are driven by an internal voice of hope.

I once met someone, hit it off, and after a couple of meetings she suggested a full on casual arrangement, just visiting for sex. I said "Well, I like hanging out with you so that would be cool" but she pointed out she didn't need any more friends and it wouldn't be about socialising. To be honest I said no thanks. If I wasn't able to at least spend time with her as a person then that wouldn't have been fun for me.

 

[Lysander]

I once met someone, hit it off, and after a couple of meetings she suggested a full on casual arrangement, just visiting for sex. I said "Well, I like hanging out with you so that would be cool" but she pointed out she didn't need any more friends and it wouldn't be about socialising. To be honest I said no thanks. If I wasn't able to at least spend time with her as a person then that wouldn't have been fun for me.

Interesting, isnt it. One my exes suggested the same with her housemate. "I like sex, you like sex, let's just have sex with each other". I think he initially went for it but it didn't last long at all. I imagine just having sex coldly with someone for the sake of it gets quite boring.

 

[Deleted User 298457]

Interesting, isnt it. One my exes suggested the same with her housemate. "I like sex, you like sex, let's just have sex with each other". I think he initially went for it but it didn't last long at all. I imagine just having sex coldly with someone for the sake of it gets quite boring.

My friend did this. Feelings developed, irrational behaviour begun. The final straw was finding his shirts in the dishwasher.

 

[g67575]

This is something that's been on my mind for quite sometime, on and off. I never seem to meet any women , I live in a mid size town full of mostly older people. People tell me I look like I'm in my mid-early twenties, but I'm actually a bit older *looks shifty*.

I don't have any troubling talking to women, but I don't generally go out my way to interact with women either, unless I feel there is a good reason too (e.g. class mates when I was a student). I know this isn't exactly going to win anyone over, but it feels like a natural way to behave (e.g. 'go with the flow', rather than try to directly make things happen).

I don't have a circle of lady friends that I can rely on, or a sister to ask for advice on such things... I think I'm probably quite average looking, at least a bit of attention has sometimes come my way from (admittedly) drunk women/girls in pubs etc.

A reoccurring thought is, should I move to a large City? What's interesting to me is, I've never received any advice about this subject from my parents, friends or anyone really, which makes me think they don't know how to go about it either . I tell a lie, a friend of a friend once gave me some unsolicited advice 'go for the fatties, they appreciate the attention more' lol, very helpful.

My internal logic thus far has been that I need to get out there and meet lots of women, and be in the right place, right time etc. Isn't there somewhere I can go to meet women easily lol? my parents met at a 25-30 singles club many a year ago. I'm really not keen on the idea of online dating, it seems so shallow, awkward and unfortunately often fruitless. But I may try it at some point.

I'll probably head down to some pubs / bars again when I've had a Covid-19 vaccine...

I'm getting a bit tired of random 17 year olds calling me a faggot repeatedly (walking with my brother)

So yeah, reading that back it looks a bit pathetic , but surely, someone can relate to it?

 

[ivrytwr3]

My internal logic thus far has been that I need to get out there and meet lots of women, and be in the right place, right time etc. Isn't there somewhere I can go to meet women easily lol? my parents met at a 25-30 singles club many a year ago. I'm really not keen on the idea of online dating, it seems so shallow, awkward and unfortunately often fruitless. But I may try it at some point.

I'll probably head down to some pubs / bars again when I've had a Covid-19 vaccine.

You are limiting your options to meet anyone. Just going to the local bars = limited audience.

I've not done online dating, but friends and family have - online dating is the norm and there are more apps than just PoF. Paid subscriptions put you in the environment of similar minded people - i wouldn't totally discount the idea of online dating.

 

[malachi]

I don't have any troubling talking to women, but I don't generally go out my way to interact with women either, unless I feel there is a good reason too (e.g. class mates when I was a student). I know this isn't exactly going to win anyone over, but it feels like a natural way to behave (e.g. 'go with the flow', rather than try to directly make things happen).

That's a problem right there, unless you are going to make an effort with women, then don't expect them to make effort with you.

A reoccurring thought is, should I move to a large City?

Yes, especially if you don't want to do online dating.

My internal logic thus far has been that I need to get out there and meet lots of women, and be in the right place, right time etc. Isn't there somewhere I can go to meet women easily lol?

Its 2021, the pandemic has forced many peoples hands to try online dating (including me!) Even with the vaccine, many dont feel its safe to do bars and pubs right now or for a while yet.

Online dating is the easier option but go for paid for sites if you are looking for something serious. Otherwise you end up with a bunch of time wasters who only want attention.

 

[Narj]

I'm getting a bit tired of random 17 year olds calling me a faggot repeatedly (walking with my brother)

So yeah, reading that back it looks a bit pathetic , but surely, someone can relate to it?

Yeah you have to go out in a group of 3 or more to avoid that sort of ignorance I'm afraid.

I've had the odd joke/insult because I drink with a mate of mine quite often and we often go for a curry after.

 

[g67575]

That's a problem right there, unless you are going to make an effort with women, then don't expect them to make effort with you.

Thanks, this makes intuitive sense. I think I've often pretended not to be attracted to a girl at all (just being friendly), at least until I know if they have a boyfriend or not. I guess I'm a bit picky (unintentionally), cause they always have so far!

Interestingly, I've sometimes found girls /women will randomly volunteer this information, whether you've asked for it or not!